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Grief is not unlike being lost out at sea; waves of different emotions continuously crash over you and you feel as if the current will sweep you out even farther from what you once thought was normal. Grief sometimes manifests itself into something a lot darker. Sometimes it turns into something that makes you feel emotions you are unfamiliar and uncomfortable with, and the normal stages of grief can manifest into depression.
I was fourteen when my father died. I knew what loss and grief felt like before then – I lost my aunt only four months before my dad died in November 2005 and each year before that, I lost my Gramps and uncle. This time, however, my grief was a lot different; I was not sad all the time, as people expected me to be. I rarely cried and I stopped sleeping. I was up half the night, tossing and turning. I had to force myself to get out of bed every morning because I was exhausted and numb.
Everyone around me thought I was coping so well because I became an amazing actress. I would plaster on a fake smile, go out with friends and continue to go to school like I was fine. On the inside, however, I was crushed under the weight of my depression and constant numbness. Things that used to give me pleasure were now tasks that took what little energy I had away from me; I stopped writing and had to force myself to go out with friends to “keep up with appearances.” I stopped eating and lost weight – once again, I had to force myself to eat to keep everyone around me from thinking that there was something wrong.
By the year anniversary of my dad’s death, I couldn’t take the depression any longer. I could no longer recognize the girl in the mirror; a once happy, full of life girl was now paled by grief and sadness. I was completely lost under wave after wave of crushing sadness and I had no way of getting out. If you had told me before my dad died that I would feel like this, I would have laughed and thought you were crazy. But there I was, a year after my father died, at fifteen years old, struggling to find happiness in my life once more. At its worst, I could not make myself get out of bed and faked sick to get out of school. I decided this was my own battle face – I did not need to bother my family members, who were also swamped with grief – with my sadness. At least, at first I never told anyone.
About six months after my grief turned into something darker, I decided enough was enough. I wanted help – I wanted the people I cared about to know that something was not right with my grief. My grief had manifested itself into depression I needed help. So, I told a teacher that I was close to about my problem and he immediately whisked me off to the guidance counselor who promptly called my mother. My mom rushed from work to the school and held me so tight that I thought she would never let go. She cried and told me that she wished that she could take the pain away. Since that was impossible, of course, we decided to go with the next best thing – therapy.
I started therapy in May of 2007 and have continued to work with the same therapist since then. Therapy is not a walk in the park; there were days after my session that I would run home and fight the urge crawl back into bed because we talked about things that upset or “triggered” me. But therapy also gave me new coping skills to deal with the thoughts of depression and the hard things I was dealing with. I am now able to feel things again and am no longer numb. I can talk about my feelings and experiences without having to lie and put on a fake smile.
I am still currently in therapy and I can honestly say that it is one of the best things to come out of my grief and depression. I have not been stuck in the tar of depression since April of 2009 and I believe that through therapy, I was able to do so. I can now talk about my dad without tearing up and getting triggered. I’ve learned how to express my emotions, instead of keeping them bottled up. It’s amazing how much difference that has made in my life.
Overcoming depression is a constant battle that I have to fight, but therapy and self-care have made that battle possible. It takes a lot of work, but with that work I was able to become the happy, well-adjusted twenty-one year old that I am today. I am still learning a lot about myself through therapy and through my grieving process. There are days where my depression tries to sneak back into my life but I know that I can now overcome those days with the coping skills I have learned in the past four years.
Special thanks to Hello Grief community member Annie Walters for sharing this story with us.
102 Comments:
Annie, I am so proud of you and love you tons! love always your Mom
I should probably get therapy as well. It has been about a year and a half since my father died of cancer and I know I cannot take much more on my own. I have put on a fake smile this whole time and I just wish I cold meet someone who knows this same pain and loneliness. Thank you for sharing your experience.
This is a wonderfully, uplifting story. I’m so glad you got counseling. It was what I finally did, about 6 years after my Dad died. I was in my 40’s, so it took me a bit longer to admit I needed help, since we get more stubborn as we grow older. I agree with you, that going to counseling was the best thing I ever did. So glad. So Grateful.
I”m reading this story and I’m in tears, I lost my father a month ago from cancer and this I think has been the most hardest time in my life since my mother passed from cancer 10yrs ago, I have always had my father in my life and it hard I cry when I think about him when I walk pass his room it just so hard to keep putting on this fake smile when deep down I jusy want to die, I stay strong for my kids because they are having a hard time to so I haven’t really let the lost sink in I have came to this conclusion if I don’t think about it will just go away I know I need therapy and reading this I know me and my children will benefit from it I just want to say thanks so much this story just made me realize I need some help getting through this.
I’m in tears.. This is exactly what I’m going through seven years later and just now asked for help. You’re a strong girl for doing what you’ve done. It took me this long to live with it before I asked anyone for help. Thank you.
Annie, I am certain that your Dad is smiling down at the beautifully, intelligent young lady who at 14 knew so little about life and so much about loss but most importantly about love. May your journey with all its ups and downs be filled with happier memories to keep you company. Keep up the great work~and kudos to your Mom!
This story is incredible. It is almost identical to that of my son’s journey. Thank you for sharing the light at the end of your tunnel.
YOUR STORY BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES ,MY GRANDSON FEELS LIKE YOU.MATTER OF FACT BOTH MY GRANDSONS. ARE FEELING LIKE YOU WERE AT ONE TIME .ONE GRANDSONS LOST HIS DAD AND THE OTHER LOST HIS BROTHER.I LOST MY SON.IN 2009 MY SON WAS KILLED IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT.WE STILL CAN’T BELIEVE MY SON IS GONE.
It’s been only 7 hours since my dad passed, I at least was able to say goodbye.
He kissed my forehead and hugged me until his heart stopped.
I’m tearing up reading this, I lost my father to his battle with cancer just over two weeks ago, most days I feel numb, but seem almost normal, and other days like today I have an overwhelming sadness I can’t shake off. I’m 20, my older sister is 21 and my younger brother is only 15, and it all feels too young to lose a father, knowing how much he will miss out on, though we’re so thankful for the time we have had. My heart goes out to everyone else going through this, or anything similar. I know counselling/therapy is an option and maybe I should get into it to help me cope, it’s just very hard to find the time. I miss him so much but I know he’d want me to do well and take care of myself. Thank you so much for sharing.
This is exactly how I have been dealing with my dads recent unexpected passing. But oddly, I was depressed before he passed and sought help about three months ago. I need a support group, I need help because right now it’s so fresh that sometimes I feel like I just haven’t seen him or called him in a while, then it hits me. I can’t sleep or eat either, this article hit home for me and has convinced me I need to find a good therapist.
FEW things in life will ever affect you more deeply than the death of a parent. Afterward, you may have to contend with a range of emotions that you have never before experienced….
Death affects each person differently. Indeed, the Bible says that “each one” has “his own plague and his own pain.” (2 Chronicles 6:29
Crying helps ease the pain of grief. But think: Jesus Christ was a perfect man who had strong faith in God. Yet, he “gave way to tears” over the death of his dear friend Lazarus. (John 11:35) So don’t be afraid to let your tears flow. It does not mean that you lack faith!
Perhaps you feel a measure of guilt for things you neglected to do. You might even torture yourself with “if onlys.” ‘If only I had urged Dad to see a doctor.’ ‘If only I had checked on Mom earlier.’ If such thoughts plague you, remember this: It’s normal to feel regret over things you wish you had done differently. The fact is, you would have done things differently had you known what would happen. But you did not know. Therefore, guilt is inappropriate. You are not responsible for your parent’s death!
Proverbs 12:25 states: “Kind words will cheer you up.” (Today’s English Version) Keeping your feelings bottled up inside may make it difficult for you to deal with your grief. On the other hand, discussing your feelings with someone you trust will open the way for you to receive “kind words” of encouragement when you need them most.
Likely, you will feel much better after you “pour out your heart” to Jehovah God in prayer. (Psalm 62:8) This is not simply a ‘feel-good therapy.’ In prayer, you are appealing to “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4) One way that God provides comfort is through his Word, the Bible. (Romans 15:4)
Grieving is not an overnight process. But the Bible can provide comfort, for it assures us that in the new world that God promises to bring about, “death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” (Revelation 21:3, 4) You too may find that meditating on such promises will help you cope with the loss of your parent.
“be strong for your children”
I am a 36 year old mother of two amazing, thriving children.
My father, my rock, my hero passed away a month ago. I an from a wonderful huge Lebanese family my four sisters and our pillar of strength our mother are all coping with this differently in our own ways however of course I have been coping with his loss quite ends embarrassingly and pathetic. I have so much to live for wonderful husband beautiful house loving and supportive family yet I cannot stand the fact that I will be here tomorrow to do this all over again. There is no joy in anything for me no reason to keep going except my children and family will stuffer way too much. I need to stay strong for then right well how??????
it is really sad but so heart touching… well my father left us when we was born child . even we didn’t saw him.. I’m 18th yrs.always think about him .. today if he was alive than we don’t have to struggle … and being fatherhood is like so empty life. and no one stay by us when we are in sorrowed. this is hard for me to explain .but also it’s my feeling which i wanna share with people whom are being a fatherhoood ….
Grieving is not an overnight process.
Proverbs 12:25 states: “Kind words will cheer you up.” (Today’s English Version) Keeping your feelings bottled up inside may make it difficult for you to deal with your grief. On the other hand, discussing your feelings with someone you trust will open the way for you to receive “kind words” of encouragement when you need them most.
The Bible assures us that when the earth is transformed back to a paradise just as it were with adam and eve…Conditions will exsist where “death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” (Revelation 21:3, 4) You too may find that meditating on such promises will help you to cope with the loss of your parent.
“This is the will of him that sent me, that I should lose nothing out of all that he has given me but that I should resurrect it at the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone that beholds the Son and exercises faith in him should have everlasting life, and I will resurrect him at the last day.”—John 6:39, 40.
So Babin you can be confident that you will see your father soon …Based on what god’s word say’s…There will be a resurection of the rightous and the unrightous…..
So you have to reley on God’s word …The bible..Everything you want to know is right in the bible..It has modern application today….It can help us to live our life now,teach us how to happy….
Although times are hard you have to pray to God…
My Dad died three months ago. He was the best man I have ever known. I miss him, but I have very good, good memories that will be with me for ever. I know my Dad is with my Mom now where he really wanted to be. I miss him, but I am at peace.
Aww, I’m sat here in tears at this. I lost my dad several years ago, and I can relate to your story so much. I tried therapy too, and now I think of the good times and not just the sad. I miss my dad dearly, so thank you for your story.
My dad, a man in a million, my rock and friend died on 30 Oct, 10 days ago. Im 50 and have a rough past. However I became a Christian in 1998. My dad was the most wonderful God loving person I knew. My dad had diabetes and his body stooped functioning altogether at the age 75. I know its a good age, I know he is with God, I know God is my strength etc etc etc, but nothing gives me comfort. Ive lost interest in life. I used to love going to gym, no ive lost interest. And I get very angry over nothing and can just lash out randomly. I hate myself. I have a lovely wife and 16month old baby and older kids that need me, but I dnt know how im gonna make it. I never thought I was a ninny or a softy. But why am i not coping? I feel like sitting in a corner starring into nothing and never seeing another person again. I need to live for my family, but God knows it seems impossible to do. I wont kill myself, but if death comes, it will be very nice and I will be relieved. Pls pray for me. Thank you .Martin
Martin,
Thank you for sharing with the HelloGrief community. Losing a loved one is difficult, regardless of age. You mention feeling a lack of interest in things that used to bring you joy, which is not uncommon after experiencing the death of a loved one.
The support that you will get on Hello Grief may help, but shouldn’t take the place of clinical support within your community. There is a support # you can call if you live in the US, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They may also have some local resources that they can give you information on.
Please be advised that the recommendations /advice provided by Comfort Zone are based on the limited information that is provided for a specific question. It is not intended as a substitute for a clinical evaluation. In the event of a psychiatric emergency, please seek immediate assistance by dialing 911 or proceeding to the nearest emergency room.
My father passed away suddenly a week ago today due to cerebral hemorrhage. I was with him when the doctor turned off his life support machine, and for the time it took for him to take his last breath, which was harder than I thought it would be and I did cry a little.
Since then I’ve felt nothing. I don’t feel the need to cry, I don’t particularly feel upset, but like you, I can’t sleep at all.
My father and I weren’t close, it was actually 15 years since I last saw him, bit I felt this nothingness when my grandad died when I was 15 and when my brother died when I was 4, and they were everything to me.
What worries me is that I suffered depression from childhood and have only in the last couple of years sought help and feel much better, not even taking meds anymore. Now this nothing feeling scares me, I don’t know if its because my dad was almost a stranger to me, having not seen him since I was 15, or the start of that depression again, which, for the sake of my own children, I don’t ever want to go back to.
Sorry to waffle on, its past one and I can’t sleep so just wanted to put it out there.
If it does become depression, I only hope I can be as brave as you.
I lost my dad just over a year ago to a short battle with a jaw tumour (Jun-Sept). I was so close to my dad, so I feel totally lost without him. I never anticipated the exhaustion, completely losing my confidence and sense of identity and sometimes the will to live. Counselling helped me no end – like you I can now actually talk about him. I did it for 6 months and I ended it when I felt it had come to a natural end. The counselling doesn’t take your grief away, but it helps you to know what to do with those frightening emotions, and in my case, it helped my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because that was pretty bad following what I saw happen to Dad and I was becoming frightened to go out and I kept thinking something terrible was going to happen on the way to work (Central London) or on the way home, plus I’ve been doing that thing of trying to hold it together in public, and plastering a smile on all the time. Now I’m trying to deal with the depression that comes and goes. I had a great month last month, and suddenly I was tipped back into depression after getting together with family, interestingly enough. It’s a frightening thing to go through – we think our parents will be around a lot longer. A year on, I have to keep arranging fun things to look forward to (theatre, Zumba, meeting good friends, a trip to a favourite cafe, concert) so that life doesn’t seem so bleak. The best thing you can do is speak to someone non-judgemental and cry whenever you need to, no matter how many years it has been!
p.s. I am a Christian, but I have to say I couldn’t see or talk to God for about 6 months. I know he didn’t abandon me, but it was how I felt at the time – after praying for Dad continuously while he was ill and finally praying that the Lord would just take him (which He did literally 2 days later), I just couldn’t pray at all, for ages. Thankfully, I’m back on track and feel I can be involved at church a bit again.
I lost my father November 13th, less than four months from being diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. He was my rock. I was with him when he took his last breath at home, surrounded by my mom, sister and brother. I feel so angry and lost. I don’t feel like being with anyone or doing anything. I’m supposed to go back to work as a 7th grade teacher and have no desire to do so. I don’t feel like eating. How am I ever going to make it through this? We all cared for him through his illness, staying with him, watching the cancer steal this beautiful man away from us. We were blessed that we had no regrets as we had time to tell him what he meant to all of us. It was an honor and a privilege to care for him, but now I feel absolutely empty inside. I know he is with God and free from pain, but I just don’t know how I will ever make it through this agonizing pain.
I lost my father, on November 1st, after a five-week convalescence. He was 85 – JUST RETIRED – and had been having a rough year (balance issues and some falling, which led to the discovery of a severely blocked carotid artery). Dad decided to go ahead with a stenting procedure, and had a stroke on the table, and we now believe additional strokes after the first. The doc had apparently had him on the wrong medication, which contributed to the stroke(s). What ensued was five weeks of heartbreaking ups and downs (mostly downs), and in and out of hospital and nursing/rehab. We were able to bring dad home – after the doc finally said there was nothing more that could be done. He lasted one day – and then left us. We were so grateful to have had him home – he knew he was home, and we even got two smiles from him that last day (each for two different grandchildren). We were solid as a family – we all knew the priority was dad (and of course mom). I remain unsettled for his last weeks of life, and on top of that…my dad was a great dad, great friend, and made everything right in my world. I am a 54 year old woman, but still feel like a huge hole has been ripped in my world. My mom is hanging in there, she is beautifully stoic and positive. I have gotten so used to the constant connection with family, that being back at work (while distractions are welcome), I feel an even greater separation from them – and dad.
My dad didn’t want to die – I’d like to say he was reconciled to it in the end, but I don’t really know. The whole reason he went through with the procedure was because he loved life so much and wanted to continue living. Certainly, he is no longer suffering. He had a strong faith, and I trust that he is with God…and even watching over us. I just still feel so very unsettled…and sad…and heartbroken!
I lost my dad on July 2nd of this year after his 32 day battle with Luekemia. I am 23. I think about my dad everyday, as it is impossible to not relate something I am doing to something he would have done himself, or done differently. There are days were I just want to crawl in bed and cry, but then there are days when I feel fine. The fine feeling days are more frequent than the sad days, but now I start second guessing why I feel okay so frequently. I sleep okay, or at least not any worse than I ever had before. And although I’ve put on weight (emotional eater) it hasn’t been a significant difference. I sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong, I ask myself when will I start grieving, because I truly don’t think I have yet, I don’t think its truly hit me. And although I don’t know how I feel about therapy, I am in the process of looking for a support group, no matter how impossible that task seems to be. Good luck to u all…
My dad died on 10/12/12 and this Thanksgiving 2012 was the first holiday we have had without him. It’s harder than I expected. I miss him greatly and this sadness of his absence has deeply contributed to me falling deeper into depression. He ultimately died from Aspiration Pneumonia and Hospital Acquired Acinetobacter Pneumonia, from the ventilator he had in ICU. He was only 68 years old and this all started from kidney stones this past summer in June that lead to kidney failure and then his kidneys got better, then he acquired MRSA from the hospital and he was admitted back and forth into the hospital over a span of a little over 3 months. No antibotics would work on him. He was losing weight and weighed only 137 lbs on a 6′1 frame, he was always a caring man and he was a strong fighter to the end of his life. He fought tonsillar cancer 17 years prior and eventually lost his ability to chew and swallow like normal due to the radical neck surgery and radation treatments that he underwent to get rid of the cancer. He survived all of that and had a G-tube surgically placed into his stomach as his primary means of eating. That was done approx. 7 years before his death. Then he had prostrate cancer and that was dealth with rapidly, it really did not affect him. He was a diabetic but it was under control towards the end of his life he was harder to manage. On 10/9/12 after he was last admitted in the hospital he was finally placed in hospice care and brought home to live his final days under heavy sedation, however at his request he said in writing ” tell them I want to go home to die” it makes me cry to this day and as I write those words. I can only imagine the pain and misery he must have endure inside his ailing body. I wish I could have taken that pain from him. Watching my dad die was the most painful event in my life and at the same time I would have not wanted it any other way. I watched his last breath and his last heart beat,I was by his side for the longest 3 days of my life. I’m very thankful it was a peaceful death and I prayed for that and I prayed for him to be accepted into heaven many times and even spoke to my dad as he was dying about asking God for forgiveness of his sins and bringing Jesus into his heart. I only pray that all those prayers were answered and I pray to see my dad one day again to be reunited in heaven. I love you Dad…. until heaven… you are always in my heart and thoughts and right now its just to hard to get through these days without you.
I just want to say to Debra that you will make it through, but it is not easy and you have to allow yourself to feel those emotions & grieve as you want to. Don’t bottle it up & please find someone supportive and non-judgemental to talk to. I can relate to your anger – I still feel angry a year on (I even got my first speeding ticket!), and I feel like my Dad was the only one in the family who really listened to me & I loved talking to him & spending time with him. Laid back, funny, silly, thoughtful, kind, a great cook and shoemaker! I thank God for my husband, who I realise is quite like my Dad in temperament & a great listener. Don’t lose heart & don’t let other people drag you down. I’ve made some really good new friends through some dance classes I’ve been to and church and other things because unfortunately I found some of my longer term friends couldn’t handle me not being the one always listening to them or being there to cheer them up all the time x
My Father died on the 13th October 2012 after a short illness. It was unexpected and it feels like an atomic bomb has exploded and devastated me.I feel as though I have been cast adrift in a sea of grief battered by enormous waves of emotion. It seems surreal I pray for the repose of the souls of my beloved grandmother (along with my mother the dearest woman I have ever known)and my brother who died far too young at the age of 30. Now only my Mother aged 80 survives and I cannot believe I am now praying for the repose of my my Fathers soul.
Thank you for sharing this, your words have done more than you probably know. I lost my father to cancer in September of this year, and even with my newborn child bringing a smile to my face every day, I struggle thinking of my dad’s final days. I can’t believe he is gone, and while we were never REALLY close, he was a good man and tried hard to forge a stronger relationship with me the past 5 years or so. He made mistakes, of course, but I would love just 5 more minutes with him to tell him how much I love and miss him.
I lost my father three months ago on September 5, 2012, five days before my 37th birthday. That was very hard for me. We had his wake on my birthday and his home-going celebration the next day. It was like he was saying to me, “well baby-girl, I’m here. I can’t saying anything physically to you, but I am here.” I had him for one more birthday. I spent two hours with him. This hurt me so bad. I get out of bed to get my girls ready and take them to school. Once I do that, all I want to do is get back in the bed and stay all day until it’s time to pick them up. But I couldn’t and still can’t do that because I have to go to work. But I am dealing with waves of emotions that I can’t describe and I can’t control them. I hold them in a lot and don’t talk much about it to people but sometime. I don’t enjoy things anymore. I don’t sleep through the night. It’s taring me apart and I realize I need help. I know that God is the source for healing. Only if I could hug Dad again, kiss on the forehead, the laughter and talks. I miss him so much. I am still waiting on his daily phone calls before I get to he and Mom’s house after work.
As I sit her crying….. reflecting on the loss of my dear dad. I just want to pray for each of you that have posted your inner most feelings regarding the death of your own father’s. May God be with you during this time of grief and emotional pain. May you ultimately feel comfort in the promise of eternal life in heaven. I know this is easier said than done…. I have a long way to go myself …..my father died 10/12/12. I miss him and love him and always will.
I lost my dad about 3 years ago he died at the age of 58.see how that I used to always go and see him in the do things have been hard.she absurd realize after little over 2 years did I need t o go for some totally because I feel that there’s something wrong.I was diagnosed with depression. He was somebody that I could always go to for things I felt like you understood me and when I lost him the family fell apart. I don’t get no support for anybody. Also I have ADHD And was , disown for most of the family. also was stuck with his bills. because I sure his name I’m a junior in the creditors think I’m him! coming after me.
Its been a little over 2 months since my dad passed of a heart attack im only 15 he was in good health and even did an ironman he had a heart condition that we didn’t know about but he was hiking when he died so he was doing what he loved to do….be in the outdoors the weirdest thing is I had a dream about it before it happened and I just brushed it off like it was nothing I had friends over that day and we were getting ready for homecoming I found your story touching and it lets me know it gets easier to cope with thank you so much
I was 20 when i lost my dad on febuary 18, 1996. my grief is still just as painful & devastating now as it was that day when cancer took my hero.
I was a HUGE daddys girl. wherever he was, I was right beside him. he was the strongest, sweetest, funny, kind, loving, and gifted with so many different talents. there was nothing my daddy couldnt fix or accomplish. my dad also never knew a stranger. he loved talkin to folks whether he knew them or not. I always said, to know him was to love him. he was immensely loved & so well liked by everyone.
we tried so hard to take care of daddy at home along with hospice. towards the end though he needed round the clock care, so we had to admit him to the nursing home. all of us kids took turns staying evey night, and all of us all day long right by his side. there was not one minute during his 4 week stay there was he ever alone.
on Valentine’s day I brought mom & dad a dozen roses. when I walked into his room with them and they both smiled. it had been awhile since he had smiled. he also tried so hard to speak. he was so weak by this point that it took all the strength he had to even whisper. overall it had been a better day for dad we was thankful for it. later that night though, my dad slipped into a coma for 4 days.
on February 18th I walked into his room and we was told that it wasnt going to be much longer. we never left his side all day. I couldnt. as much as was tearing me up inside watching him fading away, I knew this is where I needed to be. all of us stood around his bed. his respirations were 1-2 a minute. at 629pm, hey took his final breath of life.
I fell to my knees, still holding his hand. I was inconsolable. I just kept saying “not my daddy!”, “please god! not my daddy”.this cant be real! this has to be just a horrible dream! it just cant be true! it just cant be! I completely fell apart.
sixteen years later, im still grieving this much pain. I just cant get over my hero being gone. he was the best of the best. I tear up in an instant just speaking his name. I know I should not be grieving this hard still folks have told me. but how could I not think of him everyday? how could I go one day without missing the greatest man who I got to call dad? I just cant let go….
I love and miss you so very much daddy!!!
my dad died 3 months ago from cancer. i ended up in this page because i honestly don´t know whats going on with me. i feel fine i think, sometimes i just break down and cry for a long time when i´m on my own. i haven´t talked to anyone about it, my boyfriend doesn´t ask how i am because he knows that i don´t like to talk about it. everyone else in my family has talked to a therapist, i tried to do a family session but i only ended up being really annoyed with the whole thing. i don´t think i´m in denial, i mena i know my dad is dead and i dont expect him to walk through the door at any moment, but i just don´t feel sad most of the time because i don´t think about it, i try to keep my mindo on other things like school, i got straight A´s this semester, i usually get B. it just scares me to think that i´m ok because my dad and i were so close, when i found out that he was sick i dropped everything and i was with him every single day, all day until the day he dies. he went through 15 surgeries and was in the hospital every day for 3 and a half months. i stayed some nights, and others my mom and brother. when i lost him, i thin i was relieved because he suffered so much that i was happy the pain was over for him. and life has not been the same since.
i was only going to write a few lines on this, i dont know why i ended up writing so much
my beloved daddy died on 6th october 2012.He was plucking flowers a work he used to do for the last 25 years.He fell down from roof that was at the third floor at that time.There was a boundary in the roof.Still he felldown and became unconscious.He was taken to the same hospital where he was a doctor.Yes,he was a surgeon allways active without ane diseases.But nobody could save him and he died.I stay in Pune.When I got the news I couldnot able to cry.I can not express what I went through.My husband,my chil and myself madly serached for a flight from Pune to Bhubaneswar.As there were no direct flight we went to Mumbai and we reached next day morning.I could not saw his body.My mother,my brother broke down.Now it has been 2 months.Every moment I am crying,madly searching peace.my grief is still just as painful & devastating now as it was that day when destiny took my hero.I think I will not lead a normal life after my Daddy who was a rock to all of us.He was the head.All things done according to him.We could not believe a powerful,energetic person will go in such a way from this earth.I think if God is there why he can not save my daddy from falling down.God could give my dad a lesson for his daring habbit but he took his life.I just want to find out where my father soul is,He is satisfied or not.May God give us all sufferings all pain my father felt at the time of falling down,but give peace to the great human being we lost.
I
Thank you everyone for your posts…It’s comforting to know I’m not losing my mind with the ups and downs of all the different emotions that are a result of my mother’s recent death. I am trying to stay strong for my daughter and I realized that I have to tell my husband exactly how I feel (he has all these expectations on what I should be doing regarding the upcoming holidays.) I have been crucifying myself for not having my life together because I keep thinking I am too old to not be able to get focused and stay strong after losing my mom. All day I think of the would haves, should haves, and could haves regarding my mom.
I am sorry for everyone that has lost a parent here. I hope you all eventually find some peace. Thank you all again.
Reading all of your comments makes me feel alot better knowing that iam not the only one going through this. I am 16 and i lost my dad 2years ago to cancer. my dad and i were very close, though he was tough, yelled alot, and hardly ever told me i did good i would take anything to get him back. we live on a farm and that was my dad and my thing, andd we were very good at it, i love doing it cause i do excell in it. These days i find my slef having a good day and most where i can just crwl up in a hole and stay there. I have shut out alot of my freinds, i still talk to them i just dont hangout with them as much and i think they understand.I just have no idea how i can get better, this is my junior year the most important one and for the last month I have missed at least one day a week sometimes more. The teachers are not understanding infact alot are very rude, they will call me out in front of the whole class and lecture me on how i am never going to get into vet school cause i dont try hard enough. Well they are right i will never get into vet school because i no longer want to go, i just know i want to work with animals. I wish i could find a way to get out of this and beat the depression but its difficult when u go to school you dony have the support at least they could just leave me alone. Holidays are the worst i want my dad here for it, i am in counseling but it hasnt really helped a whole lot. i am going to continue to try make small steps but they get harder and harder every day!
I am so sorry to all who have lost their rock in their life mine was my dad and it just plain sucks
Hi,
Thank you for a wonderful forum. I will return and say a few words about my own loss, but now i just want to let you know that i have put a link to your site on my Facebook wall, in case others might be helped.
Love & Peace.
Hi everyone,
Back to say a few lines about my Dad as promised above. I’ll use a list to stop myself rambling, which i’m prone to do.
1. My Dad died April 25th, very suddenly (heart-attack), just days after surgery to fit a pacemaker, which had given us all a big hope he’d be ok for years to come. Big shock.
2. He was 85, so people say he had a ‘good innings’, or a ‘long life’. I don’t feel like that at all – for me, 150 yrs old would have been the minimum i’d want for him, and for me.
3. He had a hard, laboring life, of long hours and poor pay – he was an old-style butcher who had started work at 14 and finished at 65 – though he often took on part-time jobs cleaning or gardening right into his 70s.
4. He was my rock, my best friend…he was funny, with a wonderful warm laugh..and i now have no-one to tell my corny jokes to. I fact, he was the only person i ever know who i wanted to tell everything to. Now he’s gone – who am i going to tell my adventures to ?
5. I want to complain a little – i think there is an assumption out there that it is especially hard to lose a parent when one is young, but not so bad when one is older oneself. Well, i was 66 when Dad died, and it is now over 7 months since he passed, and i feel sad and tearful most days. And here is the obvious logical point : I had my Dad always there for me since i was able to know what was going on around me – say 65 years. So i have more memories than a young person, and a deep mature love to miss. In addition, being older makes the issue of mortality press hard upon one’s mind after such a loss.
6. I’m now a 67-year old man, and i don’t mind anyone knowing that my heart aches for him and his hard life, and my world has a huge hole where he used to be for me.
7. I feel for everyone who has lost their Dad, their ‘rock’, their ‘best friend’ – hugs to you all.
My dad got diagnosed with lung cancer 3 years ago. He is now in the latest stages of his illness and I can’t believe that I won’t see him again in few months time. I just can’t believe it.
My dad died when I was 10 years old. That was 5 years ago. I think I cried maybe 2 or 3 times. After that I put on a brave face for the world. Nobody in my family could really take care of them self, my dad would always cook and do the laundry and dishes. So I started doing everything that he used to. I cooked dinner and packed lunches for everyone. I did everyone’s laundry, folded there clothes and took them to there rooms. Everyone thought that because I did all these things that I was the best adjusted, but if I look back I was probably worse off. Everyone else had outlets, they screamed, the cried, they drank, they did something. I just bottled it all up. To everyone else I was the perfect child. Good grades, good soccer player, always looking put together. It wasn’t until a couple months ago when bottling everything up became to much. Things started slipping, A’s became A-’s, I dropped from the best person on the team to the second best. It doesn’t seem all that drastic, but to me it was. I realized that I needed to do something about it. I talked to my mom and a therapist and we all decided I needed a fresh start. When I’m with my family I feel the need to be perfect, to hide my true feelings. So in a couple weeks I’m leavening to go to a boarding school in Whales, (my family lives in Missouri). I hope that while there I can find the closure I need.
It was a year in November since my dad passed. We never knew he was sick or anything, it was really sudden. I was 17 and it was my first semester of my Senior Year. Senior Year was supposed to be great, perfect, but it was the hardest year ever. Especially graduation, not having him there, then starting college without him. So tough. My family was always so close, so losing him has been so hard. Yeah I cried and everything when it happened, but now I just keep everything inside. I know it’s horrible, but I can’t help it. I feel like I’m always the strong one. It’s so hard and I know one day I’m just going to explode. It’s an awful feeling.
thank you for sharing that…this story has given me hope…I lost my father in 2010 and now three years later the pain still sneaks up on me and today is one of those days but its great to know that other people share the experiences and talk about coping techniques . Thank you
I can relate to everyone’s grief and loss. Like so many of you, I am in pain and can’t even imagine where pain ends and acceptance begins? It has been almost 3 months since I lost my dad to Pancreatic cancer and witnessed the devestating effects of this horrific disease…It robbed my sweet dad of his body but his spirit and fight was always there…He was so stoic and brave throughout and I am just heart broken. Some say they have PTS, and even depression and I am wondering if I suffer from those? I had to be my dad’s advocate and fight his cancer and some of his doctors throughout this ordeal, to top it off I am an only child and even had to fight with my step mom and mom as both were very little help and became unglued…sadly he did not have the best of treatment or docotors until it was late in the disease. I am exhausted and mentally & physically, I cannot be there for my mom or step mom now. I feel like I have no more resources left, and feel in a fragile state, so I don’t let anyone or anything upset me. My friends have been my support system, though many live far away. I am on my own literally( no spouse, kids, boyfriend or siblings) and I feel so lost, with no passion or purpose left…I am in orbit with pain, sorrow and grief in my heart. I have lost my dad- my best friend, my hero, my soul mate, my everything! Everyday is as painful as the last. How does one stay in the game and keep going when the will and purpose just aren’t there?
You are an inspiration to me. I am going through just what you when through just at a younger age. I have little energy to do anything since my dad died and I am trying to put on a fake smile. I have signed up for coucelling but the list is long. I can’t hold the pain in any longer and it’s starting to come out. I am off school a lot trying to cope at home a lot but I can’t handle the stress if my school work. No one understands that I need time to understand tht my dad dying has hit me incredibly. I want to be a normal teenager! Just being free and tied inside yourself waiting for something to happen. I have even been thinking that suicide is my only way out. And it seems that way more clearly now. But I know I am not strong now, I am week. I have used up all my strength to cover up the sadness. I am going to try and fight this with all I’ve got. It’s going to be hard but I know I can do it.
ThankYou!!
Nothing prepared me for the passing of my dad. He worked hard all his life. I only knew him face to face from 64-75. He passed thirty-seven years later on November 30, 2012. I am grieving beyond my mind can handle. I am hiding in my home afraid the rest of the world will fall apart. I know I should not hide, but here I am unable to move passed the doormat of my home. Please Lord make me heart healthy again. Thank you dear lord.
I lost my dad to cancer in December 2011. He was my best friend and my ‘person’. I have had the hardest year of my life since he died and I cannot seem to pick myself up and put myself back together. I miss him every day. I miss his wisdom, the sound of his voice…everything. I just can’t seem to get my head around the fact that he is gone and I will never see him again.
I wish there was somewhere to go or someone to talk to who could understand what I’m facing, but I struggle finding a forum or a place to go for adults who are struggling with the loss of a father.
There was no one like my dad and he’s the one I wish was here to talk with…no one else fills the hole that’s left there. Some days are better than others, but every day for the last year has left me empty.
I have to find a way to get past this. I have a seven year old son who depends on me for a full and vibrant life, but until I get out of this place i’m in I feel like he is only getting a shell of me.
Is there anyone else in this place?
My father was recently killed on his motorcycle, by a young teenage girl whom had better things to do than pay attention to the 4,000lb hammer (aka SUV) she was driving. I was very close to my dad.. We actually bought motorcycles together. Nothing makes me more sad than to think about what I’ve lost at such an apparently young age.. ( I am only in my early 20’s..) I’m not sure why I’m typing this comment. But something inside me tells me there is nothing left to do. I’ve lost so many close people over the last few years.. my best friend to a drunk driving accident, a few family members to the same dumb sh**.. Year after year it seems I just play this stupid persona of what is “me.” I had so many dreams for my life, so many desires i wanted to fullfill. Now I’ve become stuck in time ever since he was taken from me. I know he would want better.. He wouldn’t want me to waste my life in dispair over his tragedy. He wouldn’t want me to be so angry at the person that caused all of this, that one stupid teenager that made a horrible decision to end his life so prematurely. But I cant help but try to think of a reason why my father was taken from me.. he was very well liked in our community, everyone knew who he was, everyone loved him. And i truly mean everyone.. He gave and he gave, sometimes putting his own family in the backround just so he could help others, He would do whatever he possibly could do just to make the world a brighter, better place. People try to tell me that “God” had a “better plan” for him, that “God” needed him in heaven. They are wrong. His one and only son needed / needs him here, right now on earth. So yes, indeed, I have an extremely difficult time accepting he is gone. I wake up every day expecting to hear him rummaging around the house getting ready to go to his shitty job he hated so much, just so he could support his family. I am so lost right now it’s like I’m litteraly in a different world. I feel as If my identity has been stripped away from me. I feel completely naked and disconnected from all reality, like a child again discovering the extreme pain / loneliness of death.. I’ve been through it before many times but this time is so much different. Its been almost a year but any thought of my father just brings me to my knees in tears.. with a dagger in my heart i gasp for air in my bubble of isolation, a total ficticious “feeling” of saftey.. Even to this day, I can feel my face grow numb with the tingles of anxiety over the simple thought of living the rest of my life without him.. my world is absolutely shattered.. It’s not fair.. its not ****ing fair at all. I am so lost within myself.. but i continue on, i wake up everyday, I try to make myself a better person. I try to live the way he would want me to live. But man….. this world really is ****ed up. It’s complete insanity. Together We’re all nothing more than a singular organism occupying a completely incomprehensible small chuck of rock floating in a seemingly endless dark divide.. and by ourselves, alone, we are absolutely insignificant. But even in the absolute darkest of places the light still finds its way in. Thank you for letting me share, friend. I wish you the the best in this maddening, out of control rollercoaster we call life. We go on and on and on… It seems like nobody wants to step back from their pointless office job to realize whats really important.. LOVE. Thats all that matters.. love each other and you can find happiness. Everyone dies.. everyone.. so i will try to make the most of what i’ve been given, before I too, pass away. It’s complete maddness. My heart aches so bad.. so bad.. people killing each other.. War ect.. its just insanity. You almost have to be crazy to survive here on Earth.
I stumbled upon this site because I lost my daddy just last night….Like so many of you, my heart is broken and I am in so much more pain than I could have imagined. I am only 25 and it isn’t fair that I have to go through this so young….I am too young for this and it just doesn’t feel right! He died of lung cancer so most everyone was prepared for it….except me. I never faced it or gave up hope. It kills me because he was 7 hours away and as soon as I heard he may not make it through the night, I jumped in my car to go see him and say goodbye…..but I didn’t make it in time and that will haunt me forever. I miss him SO much…in a way that I can’t begin to describe….I think my older brother is taking it better than me because he has been seeing it coming……I don’t know how to go on with life…My heart is broken and I miss him SO SO much!!!! :’(
Thank you all for sharing your stories. I lost my dad Dec 2012. I took him to hospital a month before as he was in pain. The doctors discharged him and said he had sciatica. I called the ambulance a couple of weeks later when he couldn’t move his leg. My dad had lived with me and my daughter after the last hospital visit. My dad was admitted. The doctors said he was too poorly for tests but dd manage to do a needle biopsy, which confirmed he had cancer. The doctor who told me answered his ringing mobile whilst talking to me. I didnt tell my dad so I told him you can have treatment here in hospital or at home. He wanted to come to my house. I had wanted that too. The hospital said he had to have an hospital bed which took 6 days. Judas came home and I was with him when he passed peacefully. I replay that moment over and over. Seeing the light go out of his beautiful eyes kills me. I feel like so many of you. My dad was everything to me. He raised me as a single dad. We travelled and did so many great things together. We spoke a couple of times a day saw each other often. I’m so empty without him. I cry all the time. I try to eat but there’s a lump in my throat. I’ve got chest pains. I miss him so much. Everything I knew has gone. It’s hard to believe in anything now. I feel angry my dead grandparents couldn’t let me know he was ill. I’m angry that my dad didn’t get the chance to fight cancer. I’m angry that the doctors didn’t know sooner. I’m angry at every one still alive. I’m angry that I’m having to live without him. I’d like to die but I don’t want to leave my little girl. Shes equally bewildered crying all the time as my dad was her dad too. Her first word was dada which turned out to be her grandad. We both can’t bear to go anywhere because they are reminders of places we went together as a little family. I’m existing. Everything takes so long now for me to do. I can’t bear to be around people. I’m also struggling with all the practicalities. I’ve tried to cancel electric and phone fr my dads house but some of the companies insist it’s impossible and standing charges still have to be paid. If anyone has any tips please help. I cry to phone and end up begging that they do something it’s awful. My daughter had her 8 th birthday yesterday, we both cried most the day. My dad loved celebrations so dreading the future without him. I love you dad, I
always will. I miss you my world is broken. Thanks for listening.
came on this site bc ive been missing my dad. i have good spelling and grammar but dont care right now so please disregard all that. my dad died in march 2012 suddenly from a heart attack. it wasnt expected. he was my rock, my best friend. i told him everything. he was my mom and my dad. i have a mom but shes not really a motherly figure, and everyone had to be strong for her instead of her being strong for us. im not that close to her and me and my sister feel extremely guilty sometimes when we say we wouldve rather had our dad around.. if you all know where that comments going bc i feel guilty even admitting that, much less to actually type it. im sorry for all your losses. i was reading everyones post and crying for them and myself at the same time.. i completely understand what “stretch” was saying. i agree with just about everything he said, even the part where he says “Together We’re all nothing more than a singular organism occupying a completely incomprehensible small chuck of rock floating in a seemingly endless dark divide.” it kills me not knowing if i really will get to see my dad again. he was a christian and believed in god, jesus, and heaven. i cant say that those are my beliefs though. someone else noted that losing your parent when your older is just as hard and i completely agree. no matter the age its hard. but me and my dad became best friends as i got older. i got to know him for who he really was and not just my father. we were really close and i told him things people probably dont tell their parents. i didnt just lose my dad, i lost my best friend, a real man who was shorted in life. he didnt even get to retire. he was such a family man and didnt get to spend the time with us he had planned to after retirement, although i saw him a lot.. but not before he died.. which haunts me to this day. as i scrolled down reading peoples stories i came across a story that sounded somewhat familiar, when i realized my sister in law posted on here to. she just lost her dad a few days ago as well. it made me think of my dad and feel for her too! i dont know why im leaving a comment. i guess it feels good to vent. my dad was awesome. im proud of the type of real MAN he was. took care of his family and loved us to no end. i resent my mom for not appreciating him or giving him the love he wanted and deserved, yet she’s left with the house and his money and her new boyfriend. shes not family oriented and i just want my dad back! im sorry to everyone who’s lost anyone they love. its hard and i wish you all the best of luck!!!
Kudos for you, Annie, for reaching out for help and for not waiting! So glad there were adults around who listened. I lost my father when I was 17, my senior year in high school. There was no grieving because my mother – who had lost *her* father as a toddler – felt she was the one who had lost someone, not me. None of the adults around questioned this or reached out, and I just went inside myself, attempting suicide the next summer. I still didn’t get help, though it was offered then – I was so angry, I shrugged it off. I finally started grieving 16 years later, when I was in therapy for other problems which I think arose because I did not allow myself to grieve. 47 years after my father’s death, there are still moments when I need to cry – to sob – surrounded by the love of friends and family, as I would have if I’d been allowed, the day he died. Every parent, every adult who is around children and young people needs to know how important it is to support them in this process when they are going through a loss.
I was doing a random search on google on how to deal with depression when a parent dies and came across this article that touched me. My father passed away from cancer last week(January 16, 2013)and I have been on a constant roller coaster of emotions ever since. I know I am going to need counseling, I admit that, but it just feels that no matter how many times I hear “you’ll get through this”…”your dad is free of pain and in a better place”…”my condolences” it just doesn’t divert from the fact that my father won’t be coming back. I break down a lot and cry because my father was my first childhood memory. There wasn’t a day that my father wasn’t in my life, support, friendship, a constant shoulder to lean on, these were the things he was to me and my sister plus so much more. I’m trying to be strong for my mom, sister, and nephew but it is truly hard. When night falls and all those memories come rushing into your head, the disbelief that any of this is real, it just hurts. Even when you read the stories of people who have been where I am, gone through what I’m going through now, it still feels like no one understands because it was MY DAD who died, robbed of his life too soon because of this vicious cancer. Anyway, I was really touch by your article Annie. I don’t know you personally but each of us here can empathize with one another and I have to admit it feels comforting to let out your emotions through typing. Hopefully there are better days for all of us in our own way.
My father died Jan 31, 2012. This year has been very hard and I still have to hide my tears. I can be in the mall and I feel that lump in my throat and have to run out of there. Dates run through my head, as if it were recent. On Dec 5th, 2011, my dad, a pedestrian was hit by a speeding driver. He was rushed to ICU. He had to have a tracheotomy. He was in a coma for a month. When he woke up my sister and I were at his side. I believed at the time, he woke up because while he was sleeping, I talked about his unborn Granddaughter who he had to hold on for, he had to meet her and his 3 yr old and one yr old Grandsons, I gave him so many reasons to stay with us. I told him how my twin sister and I needed him so much. We are closer to him than our Mother who lives in Germany and our dad was close by. My dad just published a children’s book, his first ever and we had planned to write more together, for our kids if for anything else.
He lived for another month later and on January 31st, 2012, I got the call at 8am that he had passed away. I remember, my nose started bleeding when I heard the news, my body shook, my 3 yr old son was downstairs watching cartoons. I had only two weeks to go before the arrival of my daughter. I so badly wanted him to meet her and he was so excited that he was going to have a Granddaughter.
This year has been hard, Christmas and my son still remembers Grandpa and he knows what happened. I feel so angry at the hospital staff for “not doing their job properly”, so it seems. I am mad at the driver who hit him. The court case is still going on. My nephew’s second birthday, we made the most of it but we felt my dad’s absence. Now, my daughters first birthday is approaching and I can’t stop crying, because my dad should really have been here. When we thought he was getting better, my husband and I decided to move to be closer to my dad and help in his long term care. We moved on Jan 28, 2012 and two days later he was gone.
I hate feeling that lump in my throat every time I look at my daughter, yet I am happy with her and her development and love her. But, I am sad that she was born during a very sad time for us. On the day she was born, we were so happy, my twin was with me and we just cried, out of joy and out of loss. It was so confusing. I feel those feelings today as If it happened yesterday. Only, it’s been a year and I just want the lump in my throat to go away. I want to stop wishing that that night of the accident never happened. I want to stop feeling guilty that if only I called him back that night, he would have never gone out, if only my words would have been nicer to him the last time we saw him before the accident happy and healthy at a church christmas party two days before.
I just miss him and really would have liked him to know his grandkids.
Hi, i lost my dad on the 13th July 2012 he died through pure negligence which we are in the last stages of court papers. My dad died from cancer but we now know his life would have been cut short but we could of had another 10 years with him. He died of cancer but his 2 year battle with cancer he had to have a high leg amputation & that was the day he declined further. Since dad got ill everyone put me on a pedal stool told me how amazing and strong I am. I don’t feel strong I feel very sad, my mum is broken and I never know what mood she will be in whether its anger or sadness. My brother who is 27 is broken. We also have a mortgage to take on as well as me now running his contracting company. The pressure is huge. If my boyfriend goes and parties I feel upset that he is not around but that’s wrong of me as he lost his mum 2 years ago and going out taking drugs and dancing is his way of dealing with it. I don’t do drugs hardly drink I’m full of anxiety and wish I had the zest for life that others have. I’ve done my partying days but I wish I could feel peace in my heart. It’s very hard and wish you all comfort and hope I find some too.
X
I’m 52 years old. I live with my dad, I was with him til his end. I still live in our house ,I still cook and clean for us. I haven’t let dad go, I just can’t. I talk to him,every day. I set his medicines up everyday for him. We still watch our favorite shows. My therapist, says dad is not there, he’s only in my heart. I don’t believe that. As long as I’m not hurting anyone, believing he s still with me in the house. I will forever, continue to take care of him. Dad is my life , I will not let him go. .. maybe I can’t see him but I know he s here with me. I find his pennys all the time.
My husband and father of 5 children passed away on January 9, due to cancer. He never did give up, but cancer had spread to many parts of his body. My kids were his caregivers. I’m so proud of them for taking care of him. This is just so difficult for all of us. We were married 33 and had so many wonderful memories and the kids do as well. So painful. I go to cemetary and visit him. Me and my son stay up at night and talk about him. When does the pain lessen? Can’t sleep at night and really don’t want to go anyway. Just feel horrible that kids had to go through this and see all the pain and suffering he endured. Cancer is such a horrible horrible disease. Never did give up hope, always believe and have faith.
This is the right thing. Honestly i telling you that you are right. because i lost my father just before 20 days.(08/01/2013) I suffered lot because i thought that how can we face every thing in the future because i am the eldest son. because in my state eldest is the most responsisble person. Now i am married & have one female baby & doing professional business like auditor because i am in CA final. every one know CA is a turf-est one. How to complete that i don’t know? and still i am not able to accept my dad was died. My mom is very suffering & crying every day. here i want to tell that every one come to remind again by asking the death details. but my mom is suffered lot by the situation. My situation is very crucial because i have not matured that much because now i am 34 years. So My Problem is
Family
Business
Study
my self
How can we manage? please get me relief.
Im glad I found a place with others that I can express the same experience of loosing Father. My father had battled heart conditions before I was born (in his late 20’s) and passed away Jan 16, 2013 at 62 years old. We were very close and almost all of my cousins looked to him as a father figure which I am so proud of him to be for others as he was to me. Growing up as a child I would lay on his chest and listen to his pacemaker tick and tock, he was a fighter and underwent many health obstacles which left me astounded because me and my sister understood that we could have been fatherless at a very young age. Although my father has taught me to be very strong and to never give up, it is difficult to understand that I cannot call him every other day and listen to him for comfort and advice. He was the only one I knew really loved me and really always wanted to be a part of my life. as compared to everyone (this is in no way blaming or negative) who has built relationships that has left me feeling on my own. I was at my sisters home the for two weeks after our loss and was pushed to get out of bed and help with arrangements. As much as I feel like I can laugh with friends and keep somewhat occupied, I have no energy and cannot get myself to do much which is unlike me because I am such a restless person. I have been feeling so lonely and hopeless especially at night but I’m really trying to stay optimistic about my future, love myself, and understand that I will get through this. I wish all of us much love and strength, and that we are not alone.
My dad died October 28,2012. It was sudden my aunt called me at one in the morning and told me that nursing home that dad lived at was sending him to the hospital well she called and told me that he was stable and that we didn’t need to go up to the hospital. We didn’t go up and I regret it because I didn’t get to say good bye. He past away 4:58am. He died of respitory failure. He had dementia too. He lived with tourette syndrome all his life. I’m getting counseling. I miss him and mom so much. Mom past away February 7,2003. Why is it so hard? I feel like life doesn’t have purpose anymore, my friends don’t care, I just can’t go on anymore. Heavenly Father please get me through this pain it’s so unbearable at times. I love you mom and dad and miss you both. Guess what mom and dad your granddaughter is going to have twins in may and they are boys.
Hey is this site only for younger people if so sorry about my last inquiry. I didn’t know, but felt good to write.
Your story brought tears to my eyes!! I lost my mother unexpectedly at the age of 10. I was heartbroken inside but I was so young to really express my sadness. I never spoke to anyone about how I really felt, and I tried not to shed tears and brake down. As I grew older and the years passed I started to feel it more and more. It has been 13 years and it feels as if it was just yesterday that I lost her. I wish I would have listened to my family and went to therapy. I was too stubborn and didn’t listen. I think that is awesome that you realized you did need help and went to therapy. I didn’t go to see a therapist until I was 18!! I still feel a huge sense of grief every year on the day she passed away, her birthday, holidays, graduation, anything that I wish she would be a part of. I feel uncomfortable crying and braking down in front of people because it has been so long since she passed away. I feel like people just do not understand and probably wonder why I cry as if she just passed away. I know I will never wake up and think about how life would be if she was still here, but god only takes the best so young and I know she is with me every step of the way!! I’m very proud of you and I think you are defintetly doing the right thing!
Thank you for your response. It so hard. I have my siblings but I feel so alone. I don’t want to care or worry about anybody because in fear they too will die. The grief process is so unbearing hard. I just don’t know how I’m going to go on. I lost a lot of interest and pleasure in doing things. You take too.
thank u so much everyone sharing their experiences i have had over 9 losses in the past year the pain is overbearing but just reading what u are all going through gives me peace that we are normal just hurting and there are ways to cope once again thank you
I lost my dad in August I miss him so much,wished I could of eased his pain miss hearing his voice and seeing and ringing him it’s so hard I’m an adult but i called him daddy still.then 8days after losing my wonderful dad I lost my younger brother i miss them both so much I feel so alone there’s a hole in my heart and I don’t know how to fix it
Dear Debra, please get counseling. I have only had 4 sessions it helps. I feel so alone too. I miss my dad and mom so much that it gets unbearable. Right now I feel what’s the purpose of living. I really have nothing to look forward to. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME! people say. Take care of yourself and hang in there.
I lost my Mom on January 10th of this year (2013). My dad died when I was 15 years old, back in 1976. Now I lose my Mom, it was sudden even though she was almost 88 years old. I’m thankful I had her that long, but still angry that she is gone and an very selfish right now. I have lost 13 pounds in a month and I feel terrible most of the time. I feel like I have the flu or something. I finally made an appointment with my doctor for in the morning. Maybe he can help. My birthday was not long after Mom died and it was a terrible birthday. I love my Mom dearly and can’t believe she is gone. I used to call her everyday after work, so now when I leave work, I cry all the way home. I miss calling her and hearing her voice. Lord, how do people do this – I’m having a terrible time with this loss. Now, my daughter just got her license and that gives me something new to worry about. It would be the end of me if something happened to one of my kids. I pray that all of you get better and that God will help us all through this. What choice do we have?
I lost my dad just 20 days before becouse of cancer, i satnd like a duffer when he struggle with pain of killer cancer .His lungs effected with cancer so he was not able to breath properly now i am feeling the same and not able to sleep and breath properly . i am feeling i am die in a similar way……
i lost my dad 2 days ago, at this current time there has not been a time where i thought of him. Being the oldest of three, i have had to be the strength for my mother as well as my 2 youngest sisters. My dad passed away at the age of 61 and i am 39. This has been horrible and i hope no one has to deal with it. If there was a saying to others, accept and love the relationship u have and never forget to say i love you
I am 13 years old and I lost my father at 9 and my step father 15 months later when I was 10. I am depressed. nobody knows except my one Bestfriend. I trust her with my life. I want to get help and go to therapy but my mom thinks I am happy and I don’t want to spring this on her. I am always sad, numb, crying, depressed. kids at school call me fat or ugly and my teachers talk about dads constantly not knowing my past. my father was a drunk who cheated on my mom and they got divorced when I was 2. my step dad was basically my dad. I loved him so much. he was legit my everything. the day he died I thought it was a nightmare. I miss him every minute and constantly see him as I would when he was alive. he was the best, most kind man I had ever met in my whole life. he was kind, caring generous, funny, talented, a chef, a math matisian, a skilled wood worker, amazing, funny, loving, always there for me. he was my dad when my biological dad was drunk and not talking to me. I would do anything to have my step dad back and I’m not doing well. I regret not spending enough time with him even though I spent as much time as I could with him. rip 10-27-10
Very much missing my dad tonight as always, lost grandma too last year.
No regrets both knew i loved them very much, i told them constantly,but
tonight I’m in pain and the anxiety and depression that has followed has
been terrible , im sure winter season doesnt help. As i sit here with
tears on my face, i find encouragement that in a world of darkness and chaos there can be so many compassionate people, who simple miss the love of someone important to them.
Reading all your posts brings tears to my eyes. I lost my father (who truly was my idol)in June 2012, the exact date is lost to me ina cloud of pain – he lost a 2.5 year battle with lung cancer, my uncle who i loved a few months before to pancreatic cancer.
I broke up with my partner a few weeks after my father passed, i didnt eat sleep, struggled to concentrate on anything 0- I was very slowly feeling stronger and even having an odd laugh with my mum about Dads quirks, then last night i went to the hotel to get a bottle of something and it was a hotel that my family ate at weekly togther…. I could swear I saw him,waiting for me like he used too….. I feel worse now than I did 6 months ago. It felt so real – I have just felt so empty since.
He wasnt just a father, he was my Dad and my best friend
I used to tell people that I am a daddy’s girl. Now it is I was a daddy’s girl. My father ‘fought a good fight, and finished the race and he never lost his faith.’ (2 Timothy 4:7) However it is still so painful. He left his body on Valentines night and my heart feels like it has been torn in half. I try to keep busy so that the tears and the angry can be checked. I do not want to burden my children and friends with this horrible pain. my Dad was my hero, my rock and my friend. When my mother was upset with me, he would always tell me….’Well you pissed your mother off again, and I would respond with I’m sorry. I know she is making it hard on you.’ He’s just laugh and say its okay, someone else is getting a break because when she’s mad at me she takes it out on you. My father never judge or condemn anyone, he always tried to see the best in people. The best lessons (sayings) that I learned from him were 1- if you don’t have something nice to say about someone, then don’t say anything . 2 -Treat others the way that you want to be treated. My brother and sister would not help in the caring for my dad and my mother was not able. my 2 daughters help me and we were his caretakers. Of course my mother and siblings did not try to ease any of our burden. I am very resentful for their lack of help and support. They are the type of people that allow others to do all the work and pay all the expense, so they can show up and take the credit for a job well done. So I guess I am not only grieving the loss of my beloved father who showed that he loved me, but also angry and some what hostile toward my mother. It has always been hard to watch how she adored my siblings and talk about how great they are. And now the one parent that made me feel as if i belong and was loved as a child is gone. I am numb and having a hard time dealing with all of this.
(I am sorry if there’s a bad English because English not my first language.)
I just cried when I read your story. I am 22. My father passed two weeks ago, on 8 February 2013. On a really young age. Considering that he’s still 46 when he passed.
We lost him because of cerebral hemorrhage.. after two days in comatose, and of course after a sudden tragedy because before he collapsed, the fourth of us still talked together.
I and my father actually really closed, but because he’s so busy, we only have a moment to talk together. And that’s what made me still grieving of losing him. Up until now.
Actually, without really know what I feel, one of my lecturer said that I am a really strong girl, because I never cried. I know that I only act strong in the front of them, because I don’t really want to trouble them (my mother especially).
But, this sad feeling still there. I still grieving on my father’s death… I don’t know what to do in the future without my father,that everyday before going to college I always kiss his hand. And he always watch me when I’m going from home to college. It’s like that I feel so empty without him… Even though some of my relatives said that It’ll be a burden for him if I don’t let go this hard feeling.
Still, I don’t know what to do, even though I keep acting strong in the front of others, I don’t know how to deal with the pain of losing my father…
(Even I still crying when typing this…)
My dad passed away just 24 hours ago. I cannot express the deep dark despair I feel as I type this comment. I was searching for some relief and found this site. Sadly he lost his fight against cancer which was diagnosed 6 months ago. He was only 62. I just spent the past 7days by his bedside with my mum, keeping a constant vigil and trying to will him to get better. We even slept on the floor in his room. On Monday, they said he had no hope of recovery from the complications caused by the cancer ( hypercalcemia, pleural effusion, fast heart rate, spreading cancer from the oesophogus, lung infection(or tumours we don’t actually know) and it was so devastating to watch a once strong and proud man fade away. It took him until 30 mins into Friday before he finally let go. He hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since last sun. It felt like we were starving him. They did make him comfortable but it was a while before they got the pain control sorted. Seeing him in so much pain was so distressing. He rang me last sun at 2am to tell me he loved me. He was experiencing confusion from the hypercalcemia but I think it was a cry for help. I feel so guilty that I couldn’t do anything to save him. I feel so despairing that he hd to suffer at al with this. I held his hand and talked to him practically the whole time. I don’t know where I got the strength from to reassure him last night as he slipped away I think he slipped into a coma sometime on Thursday.he was so brave. I am so angry that he is gone. I want to rip my heart out as it feels so broken. My 3 year old kissed my tears away today, he said he wold fix grandad when he got bigger as he knew he was very poorly. I have to keep going for him I know but the road ahead looks so black. I’m grateful that I got the chnace to be with him in his final days and that I have such a loving and supportive family, I know I can lean on them and they feel exactly the same, but it doesn’t lessen the pain I feel. I haven’t slept much in the past 6 months, since he was diagnosed, and had very little in the past week. my dad was my hero and no one will ever be able to give the same advice and perspective on life that he did. I miss him terribly and it’s been so hard being strong for him and my mum. I have now crumbled and feel so useless. I can only pray that as time goes by I will learn to live with the loss of the most important man in my life. I know as the denial and numbness wear off, the despair pain and tears will come even more than they already are. So sorry to pour this out on here, it seems like a place I can do that, and maybe start the healing process for myself. Thank you if you took the time to read this. You would have really liked my dad.
my dad just died about an hour ago, and I read this and it inspired me.
Before today everything was my dad…suddenly i couldnt see anything except darkness..i slowly realised that i lost my father ..who was my everything…Now i am in middle of the forrest where there is no light….i dont know which way to go ….the light (My dad) left me alone here in the darkness..my heart linked with my mind which is still working in the hope that i could again see the light in future which wiil lead me to my destination……Hope is making me to live in the dark forest ……….i miss you and i love you Daddy
I don’t know,I was never close to my dad,nd suddenly he died .I was the first one to know about the fact,and ran to tell my mom,infact I was more traumatized by my mothers reaction to the same fact.I don’t feel anything now,for my dad,but I’ve become really emotional in the topics related to me.if my mother scolds me its a lot to for me t ro take.I’ve turned emo,and amazingly can lie to the persons face and fake anything.and recently I laugh a lot,at things yhat are not funny, thank you for the story though,
My wife of fifteen years lost her father in dec 2012, she is so heart broken, i cant begin to explain all the changes ive seen, i feel so bad for her, also at the same time scared, these postings are great to read maybe i can share this with Sandy, coping with a death of a loved one is so hard.. Thanks.
I feel the same way because my father just passed away this weekend and it is really hard. I am in my 40’s and have 4 kids that keep me going. He was the best dad anyone could want. I have cried and cried but I know I have to think of all the good things that we did and all the fun we had together and that is what is going to keep me from falling apart. He was sick for a long time but nobody is every ready to let go. He is going to be missed very much as well as my grandmother who passed almost 17 years ago. She was like a second mom to me. I know that life goes on but it will be hard.
I lost my father jan first of this year. 2013. I have never been much of a cryer but let me tell you this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been threw. My dad was truely my best friend. He had althzimers n even though he wasn’t in his right mind he was still a joy to b with everyday. I truely beloieve he left us before his time. Per the doctors had him so sedated because he would get violent. Never. The less I’m experience ing a side of me I’ve never seen. I who on a normal basis might cry twice a year. Cry everyday. If I’m alone in bed or even just driving. I can’t stop thinking about him. How I should of would of or could of. Which I do know I did my best. But I just miss him so much. I’m 47 yrs old n I still have my mother. Who I see often. Which I aways have been very close to both my parents. I can’t evenx imagine loosing my mom anytime soon. That would throw me for sure. I only wish I could know he was ok. Possibly watchin over my brother. N I. For I have a sister but she’s not worthmentioning. We are not religion. People which makes it hard for me to wonder if he’s ok. Well dad if u cheart n miss you more. Ths for readingn hear or see me I love you w all my hea
My husband and I have lost our dads within a month of each other. One on the 7th January and the other on the 6th of February 2013. I can not believe how much it hurts to lose someone you love. We were very lucky to have them so long, as we are in our 50’s. we know friends that have lost a parent when they were much younger. Our dads were also great grandfathers to 5 boys under the age of 5. They both knew of another baby on the way, due in June, and had hoped this time a girl. They will now live on in our hearts, with lots of treasured memories.
We love both dads with all our heart, and the treasured memories will last forever. Xxxxxxx
I have a hard ten years I lost my sister at 40 to cancer. was breast cancer to bone to brain to organs etc. She did remarkable for the time the doctors told her she had.
She was diangnosed at 29. I was about 28 I think it was hard for me because I missed her so much. Fast forward five years my father became ill with congestive heart failure which I helped my mom take care of him. He was sick for a few years got the flu and went to the hospital only to be on the respirator his lungs and kidneys were shutting down so we had no choice to pull the plug. Lost my father that was tough. My mother went into a severe depression with anxiety helped her the best i could for a few years, then went to the doctors and her pulse was low etc they sent her to a hospital did xrays etc and then told us she had lung cancer mass in her lung, back and spline. She was there for a bit set up her radiation went to rehab and sent home on hospice. I was her pca taken care of her she did decent but then was bed ridden more pain as the cancer went through her body and eventualy she past away it was very horrific to see what cancer does. Now i lost most of my family been through a divorce with a drug addict and I have my three boys one is autistic but very sweet. All of a suddent i found myself having extreme anxiety and depressed feeling terrible went to doctors been on zoloft and ativan they are upping the dose because I dont seem to be getting better. This is very scary to me it almost seems I have had a breakdown was all my losses to much to handle. these stories are great but hope I get through this feeling of fear, loss, anxiety and depression.
I cant even think about my mother without crying this sucks
Hi everyone,
My beautiful DAD was killed 3 weeks ago by a truck who veered over the whiteline and struck my poor Dad while he was cycling on his bike. I feel like im not in reality that I cant wait to wake up from this horrible nightmare. My Dad was in his mid 50’s..so healthy so much like in him..he was like my best friend and the best Grandpa in the world. My and my kids are having a really har time processing this tragedy. I wish I could just have one more day with him. This is even harder for me because I lost my Mom to cancer a year and a half ago..so here I am in my mid 30’s and am literally an orphan. I have my husband and my kids who I love depply but I still feel so very alone and lost…I just miss Him so very much..I don;t know how to accept this kind of death. We just made plans with him for our annual camping trip =(
BRIAN,
I feel your pain and please know you are not alone. We must go on because we have been blessed with these beautiful children who we must love and pour ourselves into even when we feel like we have nothing more to give of ourselves. Everytime I’m sad, I look at my kids and thank God for them and thank Him for giving me all the years I did have with my parents even though it was not long enough. This is a reminder that we must live like each day may be our last..because tomorrow is not promised. May God strenghten you as I pray he does us all.
I never dreamed what started out as a simple emergency room visit would end in a funeral but it did. My father was admitted to the hospital on March 5, 2004 with chest pains and was in the hospital for two weeks. Me, my brother, my sister, and my mother were constantly at his bedside. There were times when he was delirious and was not sure where he was or who we were and that scared me to death and the dr’s and nurses told us that this was normal because he was fighting stage four lung cancer and it was getting worse. On March 20, 2004 the dr let my father come home, we had all the family over and made it a big celebration because we did not know if it was going to be the last time Dad was going to be home or not. March 23,2004 my father went back in the hospital for fluid build up in his lungs and kidney failure. This was the last time my father would be admitted to a hospital. On March 26,2004 my father was transfered from our local hospital to the Veterans Hospital and on March 27,2004 four days before my 21st birthday my father, the strongest, most gentle, caring, hardest working man i’ve ever known, passed away.
I was born three days before my fathers birthday and for 20 years we had always celebrated our birthdays together. The day my father passed he took my hand and said, “I’m sorry that I ruined your birthday.” I couldn’t speak all I could do was cry and hug my father. Four days later I was spending my birthday in a funeral home.
It has been nine years since my father passed and I still have a hard time celebrating my birthday. I light a candle for my father and say a prayer but I have realized that I have to go on. It has taken me nine years and March is still a very hard month for me I have tried medication and counseling but I know over time I will manage.
David 45…
My dad passed away suddenly on 24/3/20013.
My family are in total shock we loved him no words can tell.
He was the perfect gentleman always made sure his shirts were clean and ironed
And a tie on. The old school gent that’s what he was..
My heart is broken i don’t ever seeing me being able to get over it.
I keep asking people is my dad in heaven. I wish and hope one day or night he will get through to me.i feel safe being in my bed looking up to the ceiling saying dad I love you and praying for an answer. Or to see that smile everybody talks about.
He smiled through the pain and wouldnt say anything about it.
I just want someone to tell me he’s ok and happy and is in heaven.
I love and miss u so much your loving son David..xxxxxxxx
I lost my Dad suddenly in Jan this year, I thought I was doing really well. I took hold as one of the executors and felt a responsibility to ensure everything was sorted. Over the past few weeks I’ve began to feel worse in my mind, even to the point of not being able to get words out how I want them to be. Fun things are now just something to do to keep my mind occupied and the support from my peers at work has been non existent. Not one of them has asked me how I feel and how I’m coping. I feel like telling them to shove the job but my responsibility as a parent and husband take over. I just want to tell people how I am feeling, yet that is difficult enough because I know it is not their burden and apprecaite they might not know what to say. I wake up some days and think I’m feeling better and then out of the Blue I like I’m back at square one. I know I have money coming from my fathers estate and it means nothing because the simple things in life are a challenge and it’s those I want sorted first. I just don’t know what the next step is I should take of just simpy plod on and wait for it to get better as time goes by
My father died a few weeks ago. I get up. I go to work. I smile a lot. No one knows how devestated I feel. Posting how I feel on this site had given me more relief than you can know. Thank you
I’m only a 13 year old girl, and the last time I’ve seen my dad was when I was four years old. Seven years later I was told by my pastor that my father had passed away. I immediately started grieving. I asked my mother when exactly did my dad die. She told me he died on October 8th, 2010. I was only ten and clueless on the day he died. Here’s the catch everyone , my half sister told me how he died (I was only 12 at this point) she wasn’t suppose to tell me anything about his death cause my mother didn’t want me and my brother to worry about it . Anyway, my dad was in Flordia , he was a wild man. He thought he could take on a gang by himself I’m guessing and he ended up almost dieing from that . So, instead of suffering threw the pain he decided to kill himself. I’m telling you that my dad was not a weak person. If anything the definition of weak was the total opposite of my dad . My Dad had a horrible childhood . He use to get abused by his dad . He was a extremely strong person and I respect him for that. But now that I know every little detail about my father I’ve been going through this deep depression nobody knows about.. Not even my own mother. She hasn’t seen me once cry over my dads death ever since the day I was told he past. I just through on the fakest of fakest smiles and play with it well. Ive been grieving for two whole years in secret now. Only my closest friends know about my “secret life” . I’m honestly tired of life. I don’t know if I should get help. I need it though .
I have nothing else to say now without making myself cry more than ever
~~~RIP Dad~~~
It is Saturday & I read every single comment.
I am crying for all of us.
My daddy had 7 heart attacks in 5 years.
I loved my daddy. He was 34. & I am 9.
My dad just passed away april 12, 2013 he was 52 and i am 30. I feel so messed up mentally and i feel so down and numb and i go to sleep thinking about him and wake up thinking about him!! Im so scared that if i get better with dealing with my dads death that im going to fall into a deep depression and my kids dont need me to do that. Im just so lost and confused
I just lost my dad 3 weeks ago and I am a mess. He was 58 and I am 37.I can’t focus and I’m always crying. I’m from one extreme to the next. I go days without eating and then I justload up on any and every thing the next few days.Most times I don’t kknow whethter I’m coming or going. My dad was my rock. I would and could call on him for everything. I feel so lost without him.I’m a single mother of 2 and my dad was the only dad and father figure that my kids knew. They feel like they have lost 2 people; a dad and a grandpa. We are all just in so much pain from loosing him and it feels like this will ever end.
I was 14 when I lost my ather to cancer too. I’m 22 now and it’s affected me alot lately. I think web it happens you go into shock to cope and you just become so numb to everything. I don’t even remember really what I did after that cause I just shut it out I guess. it’s honestly the worst thing I’ve ever gone through you lose a piece of yourself along with so many other things, security, trust, serenity. it affects your whole being. I remember telling my mom that I loved her at least 20+ times a day just in case. it’s getting easier i guess or maybe just less intense but it will always be difficult. I wish you happiness and hope you can come to terms with it all. (:
My dad also passed away about 2 years ago exactly a month before my 19th birthday. I got a memorial tattoo hoping that would help some of the pain, but it never did. I’m 21 now and it kills me all the time. I believe one of the biggest issues is I hadn’t talked to my dad in over 5 years and when I finally did, he died and I never got to see the body, so I guess I never really got closure. He passed away of severe COPD and never received help. Over the last few years I have gotten extremely depressed over this. I made it into the Marine Corps very shortly after his death and have a successful career, but I just can’t shake his death. I have fallen into depression and half even hit alcoholism. I just don’t know how to handle it. I suppose the lack of closure and having a step mother that got remarried four months later is what really kills me in the end. Any advice is appreciated.
@Kevin–Hey, I’ll give you a response at the end of my post (feel free to skip through it)
I’m 23, going on 24, and my father passed away August 20th, 2012, five days before his birthday. The sad thing was–he had bought me a breadmaker for my birthday (a few weeks later), and I had bought his presents. We had planned a big day together, I was taking a day off to see him for the first time in two years, and we were going to celebrate our birthdays. Steaks, sloppy joes, chocolate milk (his favorite as a kid, and he had it every year since). When the cops woke me up at 10 I thought they were joking, “Your father has passed away” and sadly–the first words out of my mouth were “… but he hasn’t tasted my bread yet…” two minutes of crying–then pulling myself together, I contacted family–all that. Just like you, people said “You’re dealing with your grief so well. You’re a champ. I’d still be crying.” … Why’s it good to not be sad when the only person in your life you used to call and talk to dies? We didn’t have a particularly close–nor “distant” relationship, we were comfortable. Sadly–we had just gotten to know each other, very well, on an adult level, and it was around four years into that relationship–he ended up passing away, without any warning. The worst part is–I didn’t cry at first… and now I cry at a lot of things. Movies, shows, music. Never used to happen, I would cry once in a few years. But now, it’s just shitty.
I still miss him–it hasn’t been that long. It’s hard to tell if, losing a parent at a young age–is better than losing them at an old age or what, but all I have for a statement is “Life sucks.” I wish the best for you all.
Good luck.
Kevin: You would probably want to talk to my brother–since he went through something similar (I currently don’t talk to him, it’s sad). But–let me personally express seeing his body–would not help you. I can explain why because I’ve seen a living body and a dead one–and the dead body is not the same. The living soul that was embodied in my grandfather, wasn’t there when I saw him in my coffin. My father specifically told me “don’t let anyone see me when I’m dead,” and no one (but the coroner, and the cremater, and whoever “needed” to see him) did. So–personally I think it’s fine that you didn’t see the body. You won’t have to have images of what he looked like–and that is the best. As for joining the Marine Corps–was he a Marine, too? (My father was)
My father, also, was an Alcoholic–and that ended his life, eventually. I’d personally say control the drinking–be sure to have a handle on it, and be sure to tell your friends “If I get out of control, help me.” As for a lack of closure–that would be the biggest thing, but the step-mother remarrying doesn’t help. So–personally, what helps me, is having pictures around. If I feel like crying, I cry. Though–it sucks, now random things get to me, people doing nice things–commercials, songs, movies, shows. I never used to cry–then after he died, I did (after, like, four months of “nothing”). If you’re at that point–I would see if maybe you should check out an AA group–they’re great people. If you think you are an alcoholic–or are triggering it because of this–AA can really help you.
I am so sorry for the lost of your father. I lost the most important man of my life my dad. Was always there for me and my kids I am angry why him he wanted to live to see his kids and grandkids grow up my dad died of cancer on 10-11-12 I miss him so much everyday I think about him my heart hurts I feel like to scream out loud why I am so depressed I can not focus or sleep I Need help
My dad was a man that was full of life he love listing to oldies and seeing his grandkids his last. Day at the hospital I told him dad u know I love u a lot I kiss him and hug him I took him home hours later he died at home this is the hardest thing ever I don’t know how I am going to go on the pain is always there i hate when people say do not cry u are not letting him rest in peace
My father lost his battle with cancer this morning. I work abroad and cant be home to bid goodbye. So far its a whirlwind of emotions, nobody at work knows about my situation as im not comfortable sharing my grief to everyone, thankfully i found this page to vent out. I regret not being there to care for him and comfort my mom…
Beautiful story, reminds me so much of what i went through and continue to go through today, my dad passed away 11 years ago, and i miss him so much!!! We did so much together and i have so many wonderful chersihed memories. I now have a son of my own and i endevour everyday to do as much for him and eith him as my dad did with me. There are times i will be doing something ith my son then il get a flashback of me and dad doing the same thing… Lets just say there a few deep breathes needed as i try and hold back the tears. To anyone whos ever lost soemone they truly love and care about my heart goes out to u…
Hi everyone, I lot my father in 2009. I am coping up well, as in i dont cry, but that pain is still there, i still miss him. I stopped telling that to my friends cs its long time back. i do talk with my mother. Is there a way that i wont feel that pain and loneliness. I was really close with my father, and i am the only child. This is the 1st time i posted anything regarding this.