Find Your Rock

Originally published August 2, 2011.

When you are grieving, or going through any life challenge, it’s important to find your rock.  I realize that “find your rock” sounds a lot like “find someone who is emotionally a rock for you.”  My rock is quite literally a rock … in the middle of Central Park.

A year after my dad died I took one of those “don’t know where I’m going but I have to get outside” walks.  I was home because it was the summer and I wanted to see my family.  I was actually home because the thought of spending the week alone in LA sounded miserable and depressing.  I walked and walked until I was super sweaty and looking completely like a tourist, and I found myself sitting on a rock in Central Park.  Because I pretty much always carry something to write in, I started scrawling in my trusty journal.  It’s one of my favorite journal entries – yes, I have favorite journal entries.  My piles of journals are starting to look like an episode of Hoarders.

Almost nine years later I found myself on the same rock.  Same kind of day – visiting NYC, hot, needed to get out … so I walked and walked and then …  there it was.   My rock!  Years later, same rock, same topic of journal scrawling, same sense of belonging.

I like this rock.  It reminds me of that time – how hard it was to just force myself to sit in the middle of a park and write.  How much I wanted to keep walking and not think about anything.  But most importantly, the rock reminded me to sit down, shut up and make myself take the time to remember my dad, and what I had been through.

For me, that’s writing. For me, it took a six hour plane ride and then an expensive cab fare from my apartment to end up sitting on a rock.  It was worth it though … I’m happy on my little rock. I feel safe there.

Not everyone needs to be as literal as I seem to need … if you’re not a writer/sitter/nostalgia nut, find a place that makes you okay with the quiet.   (And if you want directions to my rock, let me know!)

Here are some other ideas for places that could be your rock:

– Gardens

– Book stores or museums

– A backyard fort

– Where your loved one is buried, or a place they loved to visit

– A bubble bath

-The yoga mat

You might need to experiment a little, or a lot, before you find a place that lets you feel what you need to feel.  The important thing is allowing yourself the time and patience to find that place, and to feel those things.  Maybe you have some other ideas for places that could work….I’d love to hear them in the comments section below!

Special thanks to guest author Audrey Wauchope for sharing this post with us.  Audrey blogs here:

Howtogrievelikeapro.typepad.com

Photo Credit.

4 Comments:

  1. Cissy said on November 14, 2011 at 12:56 pm ... #

    Thank you for this story. It has been one year today since I lost my mother. She was my rock and now I know that I need to find a new one. It helps to have a direction. I thought I was being stupid for needing something a year later, that I just needed to get over it.

  2. Janet Macy said on February 24, 2012 at 5:38 pm ... #

    This was very comforting to me. Thank you for that.

    I love rocks – all sizes. This is such a neat idea.

  3. lisa said on February 24, 2012 at 7:14 pm ... #

    I love your story. Very true….very true…I love the woods and runnning and walking in the leaves. I write a lot too. It all helps to inspire yourself in beauty.

  4. Lesley said on July 12, 2013 at 7:53 pm ... #

    What a lovely article. It reminds me a bit of the film Shirley Valentine where she talks to the rock on her Greek island. There is something very grounding about rocks I think. I’m going to share this on our GriefandSympathy Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/griefandsympathy
    Thank you.

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