Finding Meaning in Tragedy

Originally published March 2012.

I was22 when my brother died. I was at a party when I got a phone call from my grandmother. She told me that my brother Peter’s car had crashed, killing him instantly.

All I could do was sit there blankly. The world seemed vacant, strange, and dream-like. People were shocked; some didn’t know what to say while others came to say how sorry they were.

As I left the party that morning to meet my mum who was on her way back from identifying Peter’s body, all I remember was that the sun shone brightly without a cloud in the sky. Delicate pink flower petals bloomed on every tree, carpeting the ground in swirls. It seemed so wrong. Dark clouds and rain would have been far more appropriate.

In retrospect, I was not emotionally equipped to handle this type of trauma, which even for a strong young woman would have been difficult. My vulnerability had its roots deep in my childhood. As a little girl I had loved running with the feel of the wind around my face and my hair flying behind me. I felt free. Yet when a thoughtless kid made a comment judging my appearance, I stopped running. What the kid said ate into my already low self-confidence created by growing up in an abusive household. I felt ashamed to be me.

Other kids started teasing me until I dreaded going to school and all I could do was pretend that every horrible word said wasn’t affecting me. I became very self-conscious and found it very difficult to speak to people. The comments and taunts followed me wherever I went. New schools offered new chances but I’d hear the same comments and experience the same feelings of isolation and exclusion.

High school was difficul. Like everyone else, I just wanted to be liked and to fit in. I found refuge in my room where I would spend hours reading book after book, dreaming of foreign countries and hoping that someday, someone would find me beautiful. I also found solace in nature. Alone, with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair I could run freely, without judgment. I could open myself up and just be.

I had become so used to the taunts that I just accepted them. What was even worse was I believed them. Yet despite all this, there was a part of me that would get up every morning and look in the mirror desperately trying to find something pretty in my face. Some days I’d find it, but others days I’d feel hopeless.

After my brother’s funeral, I spent some time back at the family home where I was drawn to the beauty and splendor of the surrounding nature. I spent hours staring at the sky and the trees, and going for walks in the nearby wood. I began to realize that I´d been wasting my life. I’d been scared to live it properly and was hiding from both my problems and the opportunity to really live. I understood I wanted to help others and to do something worthwhile with my life. This was my wake up-call to life. It was my challenge to live. And only then did my emotions flow.

Not only was I grieving my brother but as I went back into my past to find memories of him, all the pain and suffering I’d blocked out as a child tumbled forth. It was overwhelming. I couldn’t think about anything else. My behavior was becoming more and more erratic, my thoughts were more and more disordered. I know people thought I was crazy.

Heck, I thought I was crazy.

One night, seven months after my brother’s death, I was again back at home and was desperately trying to explain how I felt to my mum. I could feel the anger and frustration rising amidst the confusion. I couldn’t find the words to describe how I felt. Grabbing scissors I started hacking off my long hair in an attempt to show how I was feeling. I didn’t stop until I had cut it all off.

This was my darkest hour but also my turning point. It made me realize that I couldn’t continue like this. Not only was I destroying myself and my family but I was dishonoring my brother. The next day I put myself in a psychiatric hospital. If I really was crazy, then that was the best place for me. I was only there for three days. The doctors didn’t think I was crazy and this helped me believe that I didn’t need hospitalization. It was such a relief and it filled me with a sense of hope.

I went headfirst into my grief and came out the other side stronger than ever. I’d been worried that I was losing my hold on reality but instead I was creating greater awareness of myself and the meaning of life.

By turning and facing everything I was afraid of  – as I embraced it and loved it – it transformed into the source of my strength, power and inspiration. As I continued to release everything I’d been holding onto I began to feel lighter and more inspired. I spent more time in nature and from there I decided to set up a charity for young adults affected by bereavement so that I could help others who had been in a similar situation. I called it Pedro Project after my brother.

Throughout the six years the charity ran it provided a website with online support and one-to-one support in Edinburgh as well as drop-in sessions. At its strongest, the website was receiving 2,500 hits per month. I was a finalist in the Everywoman 2004 Awards that recognized inspiring woman in business and among the top ten finalists in Cosmopolitan magazine’s Fun, Fearless Females Awards 2006.

Every step of success made me happy that I could do something worthwhile and that I could make a difference. Of course I could still hear the negative voice in my head that would tell me that I was a fraud and it would only be a matter of time until other people saw this too. Yet with every piece of positive feedback I could feel the negative voice becoming a little bit weaker. Here I was being me, and people were supporting this. It was such a different experience from childhood.

Yet something was still missing from my life. True peace eluded me and I wasn’t satisfied. I thought back to those times in childhood when I’d dreamed of foreign countries and different languages. A few years ago I had an opportunity to travel to Spain. All I had to do was pay the flight and talk to Spanish people for five days to help improve their English. My brother’s nickname had been Pedro. I took this as a sign that my brother was encouraging me to do this.

Those ten days in Spain changed my life. I loved meeting people and connecting with them in a positive way. We’d go for walks in the country, practicing English, and as their own confidence in English grew so did my confidence in myself. The natural environment of the North of Spain, known as “Green Spain,” was breathtaking. I was surrounded by vibrant green everywhere I looked and the hot sun heated me right down to my bones. I felt alive in a way I’d never felt alive before. I had fallen in love with the country, the language, and the people and I knew I wanted to return and live there.

Initially I enjoyed teaching English to Spanish people. I enjoyed learning Spanish. It was a time of great personal growth and I discovered more and more about me that I never truly knew. Every step of the way I felt my brother with me. Yet after a time I grew restless. I knew I needed to return to what I felt was my true passion and purpose¾helping people affected by loss move beyond their grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose.

Now I’m a Certified Professional Coach specializing in grief and growth.  Using the telephone for sessions with clients, I help people all over the world grieve less and live more.  It’s a real privilege to help others let go of the pain of loss and move beyond grief.

The death of my brother was the most profound experience and loss in my life. It made me realize that life is short,  and it challenged me to transform my own life into something that I was proud of. Despite all the pain and anguish, all the tears and hurt, my brother dying is one of the best things that happened to me. Peter inspired me to learn to live life fully both as tribute to him and to gain meaning from tragedy.

Tabitha Jayne is a leading expert in grief and growth coaching and the author of Thriving Loss: Move beyond grief to a place of peace, passion and purpose.  Find out more at: www.thrivingloss.com

Photo credit.

35 Comments:

  1. Carly said on March 8, 2012 at 12:19 pm ... #

    You are a truly amazing person for sharing this story. You have inspired me.

  2. Tabitha said on March 12, 2012 at 5:48 pm ... #

    Carly,
    Thanks :) I’m really glad that by sharing my story I’ve been able to inspire you.
    Tabitha.

  3. Stacy said on June 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm ... #

    Thank you for this amazing article. I’m glad you were able to make good out of such a horrific tragedy. I am hopeful one day I will be able to do the same with my father’s untimely death.

  4. Jourdanne said on August 15, 2012 at 8:34 pm ... #

    Thank you for posing this. I just lost my brother on july 8, 2012. He went missing on the puyallup river in washington. He has not yet been found. He left behind a beautiful 2yr old daughter. Me and him are completely alike, we look alike and enjoy the same activities. Its hard to look at myself half the time because i think of him. I have been so distraught about this whole ordeal. I am only 18 and start college next month. I can’t focus on anything or want to do anything. I want to make more teenagers and adults aware how dangerous rivers are but i just don’t know how or who to help me. I want to make it nation wide and add more families that feel the same way. I would also like to hear how other sisters have dealt with loosing a brother.

  5. Steve said on September 26, 2012 at 2:27 am ... #

    Empathy coupled with anonymity is an interesting phenomenon. You guys have very inspiring stories. Jourdanne, I lost my younger brother on July 8, 2012 too. He died in a rock climbing accident at age 19. Weird it was the same day. I’m 22 and just finished my undergraduate, but I just moved out to Los Angeles to start graduate school. My brother was my best friend and it sounds like he was yours too. You need to go to college to honor your brother; our brothers would want us to continue to live. This is the hardest thing we will ever have to face so know that most everything else will be a walk in the park. We’ll get through this.

  6. Nikon said on October 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm ... #

    Thank you for share your story .
    I lost my young brother age 22 he have heart attacks at home in Thailand
    In 2006.
    My life I am happy but my heart is dying , not know what to say or to do to
    When I really missing him
    I felt like I look at the two way mirror one side I can see myself looking
    At this mirror and other side is my brother is standing there and looking at me.

    I hope you get through this.

  7. Karen Williamson said on December 5, 2012 at 7:17 pm ... #

    Your story is inspirational. I recently lost my younger brother suddenly. He was 48. I lost my dad when I ws 13 (again suddenly) and never got over that and then lost my oldest brother suddenly in 2000. There is only my sister, mom, and me left. Where do you ever find peace? I am so messed up I don’t think I will ever get there. Kind regards, Karen

  8. kw said on December 18, 2012 at 12:30 am ... #

    Your story really inspires me. I’m a 24 year old woman desperately trying to find my own inspiration and calling in life. When I was eight years old my older brother, who was eleven at the time, was brutally raped and murdered by a fifteen year old boy who also lived in my town. My life feels like a rollercoaster of highs and lows and confusion and guilt. I am at a point in my life where feel good and I’m doing positive things..but it does not feel like it’s enough. I want to do so much-but I don’t know where to begin. What were the steps you took to start your charity? I hope to start a charity for young children like myself; I would like to try to make an impact on a young persons life who suffered a tragedy like mine. I spent a great deal of my life feeling lost, alone, and different. I still have a sense of feeling like I don’t belong, maninly because I don’t know anyone or associate with anyone who has suffered a loss in such a way as mine-but I know they must be out there. My idea that I would LOVE to make a reality, is to create a nation-wide organization that simply brings young children and young adults together to share their experiences, to make one another feel less alone.

  9. Purple P said on December 24, 2012 at 2:48 am ... #

    I lost my younger brother 4 months ago.
    i miss him a lot.
    i dont know if i have the strength to carry on.

  10. Candace allen grossman said on December 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was meant for me to read I just happened upon this sight. I know that God guided me to read it. I am 58 years old, and i lost my brother who was 55 on april 15th—2012. My father who is 85 found him dead. It was a sunday, and i am getting ready to go to the grocery store. My dad walked into my living room looked and me said steven is dead. I told my dad you are wrong, you are mistaken. Where is my brother?. My father replied, they are taking him for an autosopy. What why didn’t you call me ? at this point everything is out of control. And from there it spiraled, there was never a goodbye between my brother and i. That for me is heart wrenching. Why couldn’t we have that goodbye, maybe some day I will have that answer. As for now day to day, and moment to moment, with my God.

  11. Trina said on March 26, 2013 at 2:53 am ... #

    I lost my brother 10 days ago. He was 41. He was at the gym and had a heart attack. I feel like i am in a nightmare. I wake up in the middle of the night with the horror feeling that i will never see him or speak to him again. For all of us here who are mourning, may we find peace and comfort in the memories of our beloved. May we continue on with our lives and hold those dear to us close to our heart and cherish every moment we have left together in this life. Don’t wait for Tomorrow as Tomorrow may never be. May God Bless us All.

  12. Natasha said on April 14, 2013 at 8:30 am ... #

    Thanks for sharing your story. My brother passed away Feb 27, 2013 at 28 years old, a gun shot victim. Pain and sorrow feels my heart daily. I cry, I laugh, happy thoughts, sad and anger. My mom who has Multiple Sclerosis, he was her care taker, while I worked. I thought I could handle and get through this to help be strong for my mom. Its rough, never felt a ache like this before. I have had love ones to passed. But the bond I had with my brother makes his death harder to get through. I know he is in a better place. My mom only nephew passed away one month later from a heart attack after playing basket ball, he was 55. I know God needed more Good Angels to help watch over us. So as much as it hurts, I know I will heal in time.

  13. DAWNMARIE said on April 30, 2013 at 1:39 pm ... #

    I Just Lost My brother on 2/6/2013 he just turned 30 12/15. He was the best person in the world. I am just living day by day and its very hard. I wish that there was something i could have done or said to prevent him from passing away that day. I know that he didnt mean to die or ever wanted to die he had a little girl to live for who now has no daddy. I will never make sense of it and still dont think its real. I wish i could talk to him every day and hope that there is something after this life cause it would make me sad to think that someone as beautiful as my brother just went to sleep and thats all for him. He has way to much to offer and to big of a heart to just die and not live on . I have nothing else to say except I miss you Dwight and think about you every day.

  14. DAWNMARIE said on April 30, 2013 at 1:42 pm ... #

    There is nothing anyone can say or do that can ever take away the pain of losing my little brother. Wish I could hug him one last time. He use to call me Mullet and his daughter now calls me auntie mullet and its so cute.

  15. Van said on May 3, 2013 at 6:30 am ... #

    Thanks for sharing all this! I lost my youngest brother two months ago, on february 28. He was 25. He left my home to his on his bike after we had one of the funniest nights ever! He was my best friend and, partly, like a son, as I’m ten years older. The last thing he said to me was “see you tomorrow, sis”. It was a five minute ride, it’d rather had been, if that drunk driver hadn’t gone his way.
    Right now I feel there’s no tomorrow. If there was one, I should be with him right now, watching movies, sharing books and talking about how lucky we were knowing what brotherhood really means.
    It’s so hard… I want to be the person he admired so much, but I don’t even know who that person is anymore. I only know that, one day, he will give me the strenght I need and I will come back to the places we loved.
    Reading your stories feel like I am not alone. Love hurts. We need to firmly believe that we have already known hell, so we are ready for the thing they call life.

  16. Astrid said on May 8, 2013 at 11:57 am ... #

    I lost my dear Brother 11 years ago. I was 23 years old. He was 21. He suffered from schizophrenia and killed himself. I will never know if it was deliberate. But I do know that he loved life and would not wish to be dead now. The first 6 months were a living hell and I could not imagine life without him. If I had had the strength I would have killed myself too just to be with him. He was the only person in the world that was in the same boat as me since growing up together. We did have a great childhood and we always stood up for one another when we went back and forth between our separated parents. He was my best friend. For the first time I truly felt alone. I felt like I too had died. Life didn’t matter now that he was gone. Life had no meaning if loved ones could be taken away like that. My Brother was the person I loved the most in the whole world. I loved my parents of corse and I could not put them through the grief of losing another child. That’s what stopped me. My dad and I made a packed in the first few days of my Brother’s death that we would not kill ourselves despite the grief we were going through. It sounds odd now that we could say such things but the stigma of suicide on top of everything else pushed us to the limits of comprehension.
    11 years have passed and so much has happened. Life has continued. I have learned to be happy again. Truly and honestly one can move on and live through this. A new normal will emerge. It does happen. It never feels like it could. But one day it does. And sooner than one might think. Statistics say about 12 to 18 months.
    I remember my Brother everyday and honor who is was to me by living well. By loving those people close to me. My little girl knows she has an Uncle and that he looks down on us from heaven and protects us. Our Angel. I tell her all about him. All the wonderful things he stood for.
    It is so so unfortunately true that only the good die young. He didn’t have a bad word to say about anyone and never ever complained. Maybe he should have.
    When he died, we all thought he was getting “better”. Some advice for those who know someone at risk like he was is….. When someone is at the lowest point, they can’t move. They can’t do much at all. It’s when they appear to make marked improvements that they think to themselves, “gosh I really am f’d up. I don’t think I want to go on knowing this.”
    Stay close to your vulnerable loved one. They may need you 24/7 with an eye on them no matter how old they are.
    For my Brother, he was so so lonely and needed me or my parents to hold him tightly. We had no idea just how bad his mental health was. A lot has improved in the mental health departments since his death. I am just so sorry he had to slip through the system. So sorry I didn’t know he was right on the edge.
    I will forever miss and love him. I know that when it is my turn to die (In my hundreds!) he will be there with my parents to greet me. I trust that I am safe with him looking out for me. Our love did not die the day his body did.
    I am at peace now and have been for about 9 years. My relationship with my brother still influences me in all the good ways my life has turned out to this day.

  17. Van said on May 12, 2013 at 8:18 am ... #

    Thank you so much for your words, Astrid! Knowing from you experience that you still love him the way you did before makes me stronger. I’m so glad you learnt to live again and hope I can do it some day. Thank you!

  18. Meg said on June 5, 2013 at 11:31 am ... #

    Hey there,
    I just wanted to write and say thank you. I lost my brother 8 months ago…he was murdered-shot 3 times. My brother was only 21 when his life was taken….one of the last things I said to him was “If anyone ever hurt you, I would **** kill them.”
    Unfortunately that was the last day I saw him…and now I don’t even have the strength to be angry. I had to leave the city where it happened because I found myself going into a deep depression and isolating myself from my family and friends because I could not handle it anymore.
    I have recently started working again, however I feel my mind is a little confused. I am trying my best to move forward and hoping I can keep the strength and keep going in a positive direction.
    I think I have been traumatized, as I can’t sleep at night and when I wake in the am I find myself very sad again as it hits me that he is really gone forever. People tell me to “get over it.” But I will never get over it I will just learn to accept it, however I have been numb for 8 months, to block out the pain and I am just recently releasing. Today has been another hard day….I feel like no one understands and I am searching and searching for the meaning to this life, as now I realize nothing is important anymore except the simple things like family, friends and love.
    Time is all we have, and yet time does not exist at all.
    I want to go away and am saving money to do that but it is hard having to make it and try and be normal again. I cannot talk to anyone about it because no one wants to hear it and no one understands.
    I wish that it never happened…I wish I could get him back…but I have to stay strong and persevere…your article made me realize again, how strong I have to be…and that even though I feel soo alone…I am not.
    My brother had a tattoo that means a lot to me now…
    “To live is to suffer, but to survive…that is to find the meaning in the suffering.”

    God Bless all.

  19. Jane said on June 30, 2013 at 1:56 am ... #

    Thank you for sharing. I lost my brother two years ago to suicide. He had severe mental health problems and struggled his entire life to fit in. He always felt that the world hated him because he was different. All he wanted was to be like everyone else. The sadness still haunts me.

  20. terri said on July 12, 2013 at 7:16 am ... #

    my older son died 8months ago. i found out that my son is having a party. i feel it is too soon,what do you think

  21. Sara said on July 21, 2013 at 4:30 pm ... #

    I lost my big brother Shaun 2 weeks ago. He died suddenly and unexpectedly aged 56. I had not seen or spoken to him for a while and regret that I never got to say goodbye to him, or tell him how much he meant to me. I don’t know how to feel. Sometimes, I feel fine and other times I feel like I can’t cope at all. My parents are in their 80s and are really finding this hard. I can’t believe I will never see him, or hear his voice again. x

  22. dyllon said on July 30, 2013 at 10:59 am ... #

    I lost my older brother to suicide on june 23 2013 because his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend I fill empty and hurt all the time don’t want to do anything I truly lost my life long best friend and don’t know what to do! it just hurts so bad for about a month I have been having nightmares of him doing it and for the last couple days haven’t had any waking up not crying has helped but there is just so much more pain and anger inside I haven’t got a clue how to control it but bad ways I don’t know how to handle it

  23. Felicia said on August 12, 2013 at 11:54 pm ... #

    I lost my 35 y/o brother on July 5th, 2013. He had a sudden, unexpected stroke and died a week later. I am stunned. I sat alone at his bedside in the hospital the last week of his life. I just scattered his ashes over my mothers grave today. I feel lost, alone and have lost my purpose in live. It all seems pointless. My little brother had 2 little kids, mine are grown. Why did God take him and not me? I don’t understand and my pain is overhwhelming. I try to busy myself to stay distracted but the sadness is always there, just a breath away. I know my brother wouldn’t want me to be sad, but I miss him so much. I can’t believe he is gone so suddenly. Its nice to hear your stories, it makes me feel as if I am not alone.

  24. C.C. said on October 1, 2013 at 12:51 am ... #

    I lost my brother to an overdose on August 31, 2011 during my freshman year and have felt empty ever since his death. I have tried pshyciatrists/counselors/psychologist/groups and nothing seems to help, but I continue with my efforts. I am a Junior in college now and have struggled most of my time here, battling stints of drug addiction as well. I hope I can one day see him again and that, in time, the pain eases. God Bless

  25. Tony Brady said on October 1, 2013 at 3:54 am ... #

    Wow, it is good to read these, don’t feel so alienated now. Lost my younger brother last month, 14/08/2013. He was cycling and hit by a car, killed instantly and was doing nothing wrong!!! He was 41 and left 3 young kids, been around death a lot from service in the Royal Marines and thought I could deal with anything!! How wrong I have been, hurts coz my career was ended by being hit by a car while cycling, lots of damage but still here. It haunts me as my brother rode superbikes etc then this way. Saying goodbye and seeing damage was tough by I needed too, I gave him my green beret and said goodbye, we did not always see lots of each other but knew we were safe, the loss and hole left behind has totally taken me by surprise, I know it is still very raw but cannot stop my mind being angry at the driver who obviously did not intend to do this but was driving line a twat. They say time is a good healer but with technology it makes it seem like someone still around! Moments of happiness followed by tears, I try to say to myself be the person the best you can, his kids will need you and you will all keep him close and they will need to know who their dad was, easier said than done. It’s funny that even though you may not fear death when you lies someone close you fear the loss and living becomes more serious in way. I guess I will miss him till I pass and it’s a tough thought for the future “I had a brother” still have but you know what I mean, as kids we had no dad after a while and I worked to help support him, bought his clothes and footie boots etc and I think it’s more than losing a brother!! I know not to dwell and seek pitty etc but just feel so sad at times!!

  26. David gutierrez said on October 10, 2013 at 11:16 pm ... #

    I lost my big brother 7/26/13 in a motorcycle accident he’s been on my mind 24/7 I can’t stop thinking how he died I play it in my mind and can’t help it he fought so hard for his life in ICU the doctorbrang him back to life 2 times and I know he is in a better place but it hurts so bad every night and day idk wat to do.the first week I didn’t wana talk to anyone I don’t like to share my feelings with anyone and I think that’s why I’m taking it so hard I just don’t wana push my family away or push myself to my death I’m so confused

  27. Margaret said on October 12, 2013 at 9:59 am ... #

    hello I just lost my only brother to brain cancer on Sept 22, 2013. he was 55 years of age I am in complete shock. I miss him terribly. he was a great person. I know he is in a place without pain but I am the one feeling sad. I have had days
    When I cry non stop. I was not able to visit him much but he told me to live each day as it was your last. he fought hard his battle. They gave home 12 months he
    Lived twice that. I miss you so much little brother
    Forever loved and missed.
    Margaret

  28. Dorsey Gales said on October 13, 2013 at 3:28 pm ... #

    My brother was murdered in broad daylight three weeks ago on September 20, 2013. I am heartbrokem and sick. I cry and think of him all the time. His neighbor shot him twice in his house and then hunted him dowm as he was screaming for someone to call 911 and for help down the street. His killer followed him and shot my brother 4 more times in his back until my brother died in is neighbors yard. His killer commented to the police that he wanted no witnesses. My brother had to be so scared and it makes me sick how anyone can take a life. His killer was going through financial problems and a divorce. We will never know the real reason why he killed my brother, but my family thinks he was trying to rob him. His killer would never think my brother would be home at 10:20am in the morning. I text him everyday and tell him how much I miss and love him. I wish he was here because I feel alone now.

  29. me , myself and time said on October 25, 2013 at 6:14 pm ... #

    Wow !! All your stories is so sad !!* I never lost a brother and I don’t want to !! I’m 14 and I don’t want to lose my brothers !! (( I hope every single one of you finds happiness and I’ll be so glad if you did !!* love : jcb

  30. arwen said on October 29, 2013 at 9:04 am ... #

    i lost my brother he was only 25 years old trust me the pain will never go away and no matter how much you tried to stand up and move on his memory will always get you back to that dark period of time killing you inside

  31. Aoife Mitchell said on November 4, 2013 at 6:36 pm ... #

    Your story is incredible, I am so sorry for your loss. I was 15 when my brother died at the age of 20 after an 18 month battle with a brain tumour in July, 2008. I dont think I will ever feel heart ache like I did when he died. I was numb, lost, heartbroken and truly and utterly devastated. There were only 2 kids in the family and becoming an only child has been the toughest journey. Five years on, the last few months have been particularly difficult. I am now technically older than my big brother and have already done so much he never did. Our house has never been the same and neither have I. Who knew something happening at 15 could shape and change your entire life and the person you become? I hope I have become a person my beautiful brother can be proud of because everything I do now is to honor him.

  32. Latarsha said on November 18, 2013 at 10:18 am ... #

    My brother was killed Oct.31,2012 by whom he thought was a friend.It’s so hard,seems as though I’m the only one taking it so hard.I c couldn’t attend the funeral haven’t been to his grave.It’s just so hard to accept that he’s really gone.Lord knows I was so angry feeling like I’m the only one this has happened to, but I can see that I’m not alone.I don’t think I’ll get over it and God knows I’ll never forget him just hoping I learn to cope with it better one day,but I know I have to accept my loss firsr.May God be with us all.

  33. Jade said on February 13, 2014 at 8:13 am ... #

    My brother died in a head on with a truck while on my dad’s motorbike. He was 29yrs old and died in 2012. It has been the hardest road ever and standing up and helping others is hard when you still in a deep loss of losing your best friend since birth. I have an older brother whom I haven’t seen since the day after his funeral and It doesn’t bother me. God blessed me once with a once in a life time gift which he took back home with him and I have to move on and make new memories but the new ones just horrible. I miss the old ones and what he promised we would do and be. #soul mates can be siblings

  34. Arika said on June 11, 2014 at 3:18 am ... #

    I lost my younger brother in a tragic car accident on January 11, 2014. By the time I finish writing this post, it will have been 5 months. I wish I could say that I’m getting through it, but all that I’m doing is living through it. Just living has been a challenge enough. I lost my friend, my sibling, my hope, my faith, my past, and my future the day the sheriff walked in my house to tell my mother and I that he was gone. I wish I had the fortitude to want to help others. Instead my grief has given me the selfish desire to crash and burn (although I’m scared to act on it). I’m stuck for now. Maybe by the time a year has passed I’ll be a better person with more sympathy and compassion for mankind.

  35. Liza said on July 19, 2014 at 9:50 pm ... #

    Arika, I am at the 5 month mark of losing my brother too. Suicide. After years of not getting adequate health care from the VA, he gave up on life. I feel like a ghost floating through the days & nights. Counselling not so helpful. It hurts to breathe. I miss my Billiam. Life is not fair. I’m old enough to know better. He was good & kind & considerate & generous. Little matters when I think of how hopeless he felt. I wish I believed he is in a better place. I wish there was some thing, some words, some act to have kept him from choosing to end his pain. I will never be the same. I love you, brother! I will always love you, Billiam!

Leave a Comment

Your email is never shared.

By submitting a comment, you are agreeing to our Terms & Conditions.