How I Miss My Dad Now

Using the past tense to talk about my Dad comes naturally now.

He loved listening to music.

He was an engineer.

And saying “my Dad died when I was 11” rolls off of my tongue in a way that it never has before. It’s been nine years. Time has passed. Things have gotten easier. His death is no longer where my thoughts default when nothing else is distracting me. I don’t think about him every time someone mentions his or her father in conversation. And, I don’t think about him every time someone asks about my own family.

I do think about him though. Every single day. It’s still hard.

I watch a girl dancing on her Dad’s feet and am transported back to days when I used to do the same. My friends don’t understand why I’m suddenly grinning from ear to ear but unable to say a word. It’s because I can hear my four-year-old self saying, “Daaaadd-ddyyyy” through uncontrollable giggles while I struggle to keep balance. It’s because I’m also thinking about how I want my future husband, whomever he might be, to do this with our children. Of course, I’m then reminded that the person I marry will never have had the opportunity to know my Dad.

I think of my Dad when I hear Consuelo Velázquez’s “Bésame Mucho,” Louis Prima’s “Jump Jive An’ Wail,” Dave Matthews Band’s “Ants Marching,” Simon and Garfunkel’s “Cecilia,” or any other seemingly random song. I think of him each time I burn a CD. When the tollbooth takes an extra second to turn green. Every time I pass a Waffle House. And when I turn past a crossword puzzle and see the empty white boxes that he always filled.

Most of the time, the thoughts are fleeting, coming and going throughout the day. Usually, it doesn’t upset me because I’ve grown so used to having the thoughts that bring a smile as well as having those that bring a bit of pain. It has become a part of my daily routine. Still, there are times when I’m hit more intensely.

My Dad’s birthday is on October 17th.  That day, my Facebook profile picture changes to one of us together. I do it for myself because there’s something in me that needs to be able to wave my hands as if to say “Hey world, I still miss him! Thousands of days have passed, but I still grieve and it still hurts.” It’s ironic in a way. After he first died, I hated feeling like I was “the girl whose Dad died.” But now? I just want people to remember him, even if it’s for just one day of the year.

The worst are the times when I’m sharing a memory and realize the person with whom I’m speaking just isn’t getting it. They never knew my Dad, so they’re having a hard time picturing this almost-mythical figure I’m gushing about. For many, he’s simply a collection of fragmented stories and memories of a little girl.  How can I even come close to adequately explaining him? There are days when it absolutely crushes me to remember the truth: I can’t.

A person is so much more than their occupation, their likes and dislikes, or their talents. It’s about the moments you share with them. How they could draw people in. How their presence could fill a room. The unconditional love. The pride. The laughs. The embraces. It’s all of the intangible little things you can’t put your finger on. It’s the life that made that person special. The majority of the people now in my life never knew him. I wish they could have. Maybe then, it would be easier for them to grasp what I’m missing.

It’s been nine years since his death, and most days, I’m happy. I accepted my new normal years ago and learned to love my life and live it for what it is. Yet there are still days when I break down crying, and there are times when I want to scream about how unfair it all is. But these days are normal for me. Being used to something doesn’t mean it’s always easy. And those who love me understand these days will forever be a part of who I am.

Special thanks to guest author and Hello Grief community member Samantha Halle for sharing this story with us.

69 Comments:

  1. Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT, DCC said on February 21, 2012 at 3:36 pm ... #

    Beautifully written, Samantha, and I understand exactly what you’re saying. My father died more than thirty years ago, and I still have those moments and memories similar to those you describe, every single day. My dad was that important to me, too. Thank you for sharing this lovely piece with all of us ♥

  2. M Blesy said on February 21, 2012 at 4:36 pm ... #

    So true, Samantha. You just described my life, and my dad has been gone for 26 years. It does get better with time, but those memories can come at the oddest times, can’t they? Glad you have happy memories to cling on to.

  3. Rusul said on February 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm ... #

    Thank you Samantha. Dad passed away 2 months ago and I don’t know if I can get over it. I’m not young..

  4. Dianna said on February 21, 2012 at 5:35 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing, my son is 11 and lost his dad to a car accident on 12/20/2011 5 days before Christmas. Everyday we miss him together although we were not together we co-parented very well together and I miss him so much. I pray everyday that my son will find the same comfort in the memories they shared that you do. Your story puts my fears at ease just a bit more and I will share your story with him.. Thank you;-}

  5. Christina said on February 21, 2012 at 6:32 pm ... #

    This was really to read, especially since my dad’s birthday is today. He’s been gone for almost a year and a half, and it’s definitely hard to explain anything about him to people who haven’t met him, or for others to truly understand the stories I often tell about him. I do find myself thinking about him in a different context and less frequently than I did in the weeks and months after he passed, but when I do think about him it’s still tough to grasp the fact that he’s really gone. The good thing is that I can sometimes hear his voice reassuring me on almost a daily basis like he used to, so I’m glad I have those memories to hold onto. Thanks for this!

  6. Christina said on February 21, 2012 at 6:32 pm ... #

    * Really great to read, oops. ><

  7. lloyd said on February 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm ... #

    Hi Sam…thank you so much for sharing what your life is like with respect to your Dad nine years later. I did know your Dad and he would be so proud of the thoughtful, caring and compassionate young woman you’ve become. I’m proud of you, too.

  8. Sandra Fitzgerald said on February 22, 2012 at 12:40 am ... #

    Thank you so much. I have been dealing with the death of my father for two and a half years, but I am still struggling with the loss of my husband eight years ago. I find that I seem to gain ground, then lose it again. Some days I am fine. Others are more of a struggle. A few, special days are just impossible. And yet people do not understand why on earth I would still tear up or have any issues. I don’t wish these losses on anyone. But I do wish people had a better sense of what people feel, or don’t feel, or want or don’t want when we are grieving. For that matter, I wish I had a better sense of it…

  9. Sarah said on February 22, 2012 at 11:44 pm ... #

    Sam, your ability to write something so personal yet so easy to relatable is much appreciated. I felt like I was reading about my own life. Thank you for being so honest.

  10. Esther said on February 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm ... #

    My Dad has been gone a year and my Mom just six weeks longer than that….thank you for writing your thoughts on your Dad. It gives me hope that someday it won’t hurt this severely every minute of every day.

  11. Jenijen said on February 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm ... #

    Thank you for a beautiful post. My dad loved crossword puzzles, too, and Simon & Garfunkel, and I hope that one of these days I’ll laugh instead of cry when I remember standing on his feet to dance. xo

  12. Chris said on February 27, 2012 at 5:12 am ... #

    Wow very well written, thank you. My dad has been dead a little over a year and I am just now finding that every day is not filled with sad thoughts anymore. Some days I can wake up and go about my routine without remembering how sad I am inside. I still don’t tell people he is dead when they ask about me and my family but I am starting to open up a bit. Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope I can be as strong as you.

  13. Margaret said on February 27, 2012 at 6:35 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing this…I can relate to so much of what you said. My mother died almost 20 years ago, when I was 13. It was a very sudden death that completely changed my life forever. All of these years later, I still think about her every day. I know what you mean; it is not that we are “obsessing” about them each day, but they are in our thoughts every day, even if just for a short time. That will probably never change. I also understand what you mean about wanting the world remember your dad, even if for just one day a year! That makes perfect sense to me. I am glad you are honoring him with your profile picture…that is a fantastic idea.

  14. Sue said on February 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm ... #

    Hi Sam, your dad sounds like an amazing person. And your memories are incredible. I wish I had met him. Maybe he and my dad are hanging out together. I like that idea. xoxo, Sue O

  15. Christine said on March 9, 2012 at 8:37 am ... #

    My dad died two years ago, when I was 25, and the wounds are still very fresh. Your story is beautifully written and expresses some of the same exact things I am feeling. I hope we can all find peace.

  16. Josette said on March 10, 2012 at 5:37 pm ... #

    Brilliant piece of writing . . . found myself nodding with understanding as you described all the random times you think of your dad throughout the day. I’m reading this because I was widowed when my kids were 5 and 7, and though it’s been almost 8 years, I wonder if people really believe me when I say I think of him every day, many times a day. You obviously get it and express it beautifully; thank you for that.

  17. Gretchen said on March 11, 2012 at 6:57 pm ... #

    I so understand your words….your heart. My dad died when I was 31. I am now almost 63, and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of him or miss him. My mother is almost 94. She has lived 31 years without him, too, and now she has dementia. She doesn’t remember him. I am an orphan now. Just writing this makes my throat hurt with tears. I don’t talk about him that often, but I, too, smile when I think of certain things…sunny days, technology, jokes, pets…Dad loved all those things. Thanks for writing such a poignant tribute…you are not alone.

  18. Traci said on March 13, 2012 at 11:12 am ... #

    Thank you guys so much for sharing… I sit here with tears streaming down my face, not wanting to accept the inevitable but knowing i have no choice. My son will be 15 soon, and shared a bond with his dad that knew no depths. They lived two hours away but talked on the phone daily. I always chuckled when my son and i would argue because i knew who he would immediately call to vent. His dad had elective, outpatient surgery several months ago that turned into a life sentence. Instead of celebrating days without pain, we are instead faced with my son’s father living out his remaining days in a nursing home; no brain activity since the day of the surgery. How do I comfort my son? How do I reassure him that everything must happen for a reason, and that we should look for the good in everything when I can’t see that myself? I’m so sorry to have just dumped on all of you the way I did… we all have loss, and we all learn to deal with it… we’re just in the beginning stages of a very long road. Thanks again…

  19. Brittainy said on March 14, 2012 at 9:05 pm ... #

    I lost my mom three years ago when I was ten, so I can kind of see what you’re talking about. I’m still kind of stuck on it though, I haven’t gotten to where I can smile at something that reminds me of her. Everything reminds me of her and that hurts so bad. I’ll be moving up to highschool soon and I just keep going back to the fact that she won’t be there. Sometimes I feel like it’s somebody else’s life that I’m watching instead of my own. I can’t really talk about it to people, they just don’t understand what it’s like. I was old enough then to really remember, but young enough I had to grow up quickly. I think of it like standing on train tracks. She was sick, so it was like seeing that train coming at me. It was still shocking and painful when it finally got there. I guess I’m going on about this a bit much, but what I’m trying to say that I’m a little jealous of you that you can move past this, I just can’t.

  20. Lori said on March 18, 2012 at 10:10 pm ... #

    Samantha, I am sorry for your lost and I understand your pain. Thank you for sharing you beautiful story. God Bless you.

  21. Morgan said on April 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm ... #

    Thank You for this Samantha. Today is not special day. It’s not my Dad’s birthday, but its just one of those days. My dad died when I was 11 too. I am now 22 and some days are harder than others. I just miss him and wonder what he would think of me now? Did I turn out to be everything he had wanted? If I could write like you it would have sounded a lot like this. Thanks again for sharing this with all of us.

  22. Julia said on April 11, 2012 at 2:57 am ... #

    I honestly feel like it was me who wrote this. You hit so many of the thoughts that have crossed my mind in the last week. A week ago from today my dad died. I just came across this article online and Im glad I did, Im glad there’s someone out there who feels exactly like I do. Its not fair but Im so thankful for the days we did have and for getting the best dad I could have ever asked for. Last time we talked was two weeks from tomorrow and I already miss him more than I could ever explain. Love you dad, I know your with me.

  23. Emma said on April 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm ... #

    What a beautifully written article. I was lucky to have my dad until I was nearly 40, he died four years ago after years of suffering, it slowly gets a little easier but there are still days as bad as the first. Today is one of those days, not his birthday or any special day, just one of those days where my sadness is suddenly overwhelming and raw again. I miss him so much but it helps to know I am not alone, and to remember that the depth of our sadness reflects the greatness of the da’s we were so lucky to have.

  24. Ann-maree said on April 13, 2012 at 1:29 pm ... #

    My Dad went to paint heaven October 18th 2011. P.D the painter, Pete, Peter or just my Dad was my greatest gift God gave me. When the world walked away my Dad stepped in. He adopted me along with Mum when I was nineteen, I changed my surname and started a new family. That would of been a start of a fairytale, but the scars I had from many years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse, had left me damaged. So it took many years before I could relate to them. They became my world. Mum died 1998 cervical cancer and Dad went thirteen years without Mum. He griefed for her everyday. His final wish was to be buried near Mum and I did that for Dad 6th December 2011. I like the way you said how there are crosswords that need to filled, random smells and songs that remind you of your Dad. I feel the same. I will miss always listening to his stories, his cheeky smile, his beef noodles, “Make us a coffee daughter”, his love for animals and all the strays. As was I once. We will see our Dad’s in heaven where they have been waiting for us. Life is but a heartbeat to the enternity of Heaven. May comfort angels hold you close,until that wonderful reunion.

  25. Va said on April 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm ... #

    That was so beautiful. I’m 56 and just lost my 91 year old amazing dad. It doesn’t matter how old or how long. My dad’s birthday was October 14th. What you wrote was so beautiful and it touched me. I’m certain that he is so proud to have such a wonderful daughter.

  26. Jackie said on May 1, 2012 at 12:23 am ... #

    My dad passed on Christmas eve 2005. I was 28. I still break down thinking about how much it sucks that all I have are memories of him for the rest of my life and how that won’t ever be quite enough. I also like to imagine him picking up my kids from school. I play out the scenario in my head detail by detail so I can almost make it real.

    Your story is so painfully accurate. I go through the same things. Driving by Western Beef in Flushing, Queens reminds me of him immediately. Thank you for your story from the bottom of my heart.

  27. Victoria said on May 13, 2012 at 12:55 am ... #

    Thanks, for telling your story, My dad die april 19,2012 he was the most wonderful human being. I miss him alot every day that goes by .My dad die to cancer of the stomach, the good lord let him live 21 years, he was diagnosis with cancer at the age 51 . he died when he was 71 years old. He die a very hurt death I miss him every day more.. its been hard. I still cry like a baby when I need him. You see he was my best friend.

    love you dad…xoxo

  28. carla said on May 24, 2012 at 1:19 am ... #

    thanks samantha. i’m having one of those rough days. i’m glad that googling ‘i miss my dad’ brought me to your article. it’s been 9 years since my dad died and im 33 now. it’s nice to read your article and know that there are people who do understand. it felt impossible to explain to my coworkers why i was crying in the carpool this morning or to my neighbors why i freaked out maybe more than appropriate when i got home from work to find my landlady pulling out all my perennials. losing your dad sucks every day, but having had a good one that left a lot of good memories helps a little. thanks again.

  29. Lisha said on May 24, 2012 at 4:29 am ... #

    Sam your writing is beautiful and I have tears running down my face as I leave a comment. Every bit of what you wrote is exactly how I feel. My dad has been gone 9 years now and I’m 25. I think about him every single day. I don’t think the pain of loosing someone ever gets any easier, I just think we get used to the feeling in our hearts.
    I miss my dad and all the memories we didn’t get to make. I miss as love him as much 9 years ago as I do today. But I know that my dad is still around and I hope he knows I love him.

  30. rita said on May 30, 2012 at 7:07 am ... #

    My Dad died 11 years ago when I was 17. This article expresses my feelings exactly, and whether it is 1 month ago or 20 years ago, it hurts. Not the same, but still painful. I’m glad you wrote this…thank you. I am with all of you; the sad days will always be a part of who I am.

  31. Will said on June 4, 2012 at 1:01 am ... #

    Thank you so much for this. This is every thought I have ever had for the past 10 years.

    I still break down sometimes. Last night I saw a father’s day gifts ad and I just lost it. I still feel the longing and the anger. Sometimes I feel cheated out of a childhood. Sometimes I get so mad at how life could do this to Mom and me.

    But it’s gotten easier. Thanks for this.

  32. Stacy said on June 7, 2012 at 11:24 am ... #

    Thank you for this beautifully composed passage. My father’s death is still fresh on my heart, only having passed away 23 days ago (May 15). I wake in the morning trying to remember why I have a heavy heart, then put a smile on my face for the day for work and my children and by nightfall, I’m reminiscing about my Daddy.

  33. Betsy Flagler said on June 8, 2012 at 11:16 am ... #

    This is so beautiful …. with Father’s Day approaching, I know what you wrote and all these comments will be so helpful to many many people. I would like to share some of this with my readers. I write a parenting column that runs in newspapers, including in Charlotte and Raleigh NC
    Please let me know what you think. You can search for my work on the internet ….

    I would like to write in an indirect way in response to a column by John Rosemond about dealing with the death of a parent by scheduling time to talk about it two saturday mornings a month!!!
    bflagler@att.net … thanks so much, Betsy Flagler

  34. Carla said on June 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm ... #

    Thank you Samantha for sharing your story. You put in to words so much of what my heart feels. We never do stop greiving, do we? Time passes and it is different, but the pain never goes away. I miss my Dad so much. He passed away in 2007. I’m so thankful for the hope that I will be reunited with him again.

  35. Liz said on June 29, 2012 at 3:18 pm ... #

    Thank you for posting this. I was extremely close to my dad and it’s helpful to know that others are going through similar things. I’m 23 and my dad passed away 3 weeks ago after an 11 month battle with two different types of cancer. The wound is very fresh and it’s hard to envision life ever being “normal” again. I guess it changes you in some ways, but from many of your comments it seems that although it’s always difficult, it becomes easier to reflect on all the positive things as time goes on. I am now living 600 miles away from any family and have had a very hard time going back to work. I had to request additional time off, in fact just to deal with my grief and anxiety. Every morning I wake up with a lump in my throat and tears streaming down my face. I hope I will find comfort. I don’t know if there is a timeline for grief and I think it’s different for everyone but I hope that in time it will get better.

  36. Jess said on June 30, 2012 at 6:21 am ... #

    This is beautiful thank you. My wonderful dad died on the 24 th may 2012.
    It is all still very raw although it was expected, and I was honoured to be there when he died. Like your dad my father adored crosswords and making up his own cryptic quizzes. He was the most caring intelligent man I have ever known and I am so proud of the bravery and compassion he showed for others right until the end. I hope that as time passes I will be able to smile like you when I see or hear one of the many things that makes me think of him.

    Someone said to me recently that my dad is everywhere now and free, this is really helping, I like to think of him in the wind back to the beautiful nature that he adored being surrounded by on his infamous fishing trips. Every time the breeze blows directly on to my face I feel like my dad is reminding me that he is still with me and it gives me the strength to try to build a life without him.
    I love you dad- the best dad in the world xxxx

  37. Ben said on July 14, 2012 at 12:26 am ... #

    Thank you for sharing this honest account. You are not alone. We all grieve together but our dads will always be remembered.

  38. Chaos said on July 23, 2012 at 1:47 pm ... #

    I miss my Dad today. somedays are better than others. today is not a good day. seeing his picture & not being able to talk to him or to call him just breaks my heart. i am a different person without him here. i am not and will never be the same. i don’t know who i am without him here.

  39. Murphy said on July 27, 2012 at 10:56 pm ... #

    Very nicely written. My dad died yesterday and I feel as many others here. iwillneverbe the same,I will never agsin feel as safe or loved, and I will think of him everyday. My father’s love for me was certain, true and constant. He was a generous soul and had a heart of gold. He was a soft place to land when I needed one, and I knew all would be right in my world when I could call him or visit him for support or advice. He was a gentle man and a true gentleman. He lived a wonderful life and he made it possible for me to pursue my dreams. I will still talk to him everyday and keep him alive in my heart. This is a great consolation for me and could be for you too. Close your eyes and see him in your mind’s eye and there will be moments that he feels like he is really there. In his way, he is.

  40. Lisa said on July 28, 2012 at 3:10 am ... #

    My Dad died on the 26th of june & i really am missing him…ive never felt such a mix of emotions before & Dad not been here to sort them for me is surreal…my life has changed more than i could of ever prepared for,yet it has taught me so much about how i never comprehended just how much pain other were suffering through the loss of a loved one & i am now on a new journey with so many others by my side, reading other peoples stories has been such a huge comfort…thank you all for sharing your stories…god bless

  41. Lisa said on August 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm ... #

    My Dad passed away suddenly on April 26, 2012 of a heart attack. I still cry almost every day. I think of him everyday. He was always there for me for whatever I needed. He had such a huge, generous heart to all who knew him. He was like a father to my 21 year old son and 14 year old daughter. They are devastated to say the least. My life has changed forever and I miss him so much. I don’t think my life will ever be the same again. He was our ROCK and adored all of us. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to help us. I know he’s shining down on us and watching over us. I pray he is at peace but my life will never be the same. Love you Dad.
    Lisa

  42. Jacklyn Johnson said on August 9, 2012 at 9:48 am ... #

    I am sad to hear about your losses. I experienced losing my favorite grandmother when I was young too. I hope you all find comfort and be able to deal with the grief positively. Remember that life goes on. Thanks for the heads up on the Evertalk page Christina.

  43. Christy N. said on August 20, 2012 at 12:48 pm ... #

    You are a very wise young woman Samantha, and very in touch with your feelings. The way you express yourself has even me, a 40 year old woman who lost her dad at 8 years old, relating to your feelings. Thank you for your words on this day, it would have been my dad’s 80th birthday. Wishing you comfort as you still continue to grieve…<3

  44. Darshini said on September 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm ... #

    Very well versed.Thank you for sharing your story.I am a 21 year old girl and this is the first time that I am sharing the story of my Dad’s death.Well,my dad was a little uneasy since morning,so we asked him to lie down.He was asleep and I was working on my computer, when I heard a gasp of breath from Dad-and that was his last.All this was so sudden, that its really tough to accept it.We were on a holiday, and were scheduled to leave home that evening,so you can imagine what Mom and I are going through.
    One thing that I am really happy about, is that there was absolutely no suffering that my Dad underwent.I am glad that he wasn’t crippled or paralysed, and that God took him away in a jiffy.
    Its hardly been a month since his passing.
    There are certain memories that no matter what happens, nobody can take it away from you.
    I know its really hard on all of us here, who have shared their story of losing their loved one, but the only thing that I can suggest,is to hope that you can connect to your loved ones,by hoping to dream about them.
    My Dad came in my dream twice, and ever since this happened, I feel more connected to him.
    I hope all of us here, dealing with the death of a loved one can find this of some use.I pray for all of us here, who are going through the same problem.
    Love you Daddy.I will do my best to make you proud.

  45. Christine said on October 9, 2012 at 11:28 pm ... #

    Very nicely said Samantha. I lost my daddy 5 weeks ago today……I really do not see my life ever being the same. I’m 39 years old and was very much a daddy’s girl. He was only sick for about two months and was never expected to pass away being told by doctors that he should be able to get well and go home. I cry every single day some days the pain is as raw as the day he passed……the grief just comes and goes in huge waves. I do not see how I can continue on without him in my life, though I know I have to for my 4 beautiful sons of whom my daddy truly lived for. My daddy was only 66 years old when he passed and I feel as though he should have been here another 20 years with me. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone living with this pain. Some people never truly understand the pain if they’ve never experienced the death of a parent. It is truly devastating like your heart bring ripped in two. I love you daddy…….yesterday, today, and tomorrow as long as I live!!!!!!!!

  46. mary said on October 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm ... #

    Samantha,
    Thank you for writing this. You express yourself so well. It helps me to understand my own emotions and it is validating.
    Love to you and bless you, Mary

  47. logan said on October 26, 2012 at 10:00 am ... #

    My dad died two years ago. Although I feel like such a failure, I was never a failure in his eyes. I know that I let him down, but he was always there supporting me, even when I was not very nice to him. How could I be such a screw up and have someone as remarkable as my dad love me. I wish that I could go back in time. So many regrets…

  48. Jen said on November 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing your story,I am sure your dad would be so proud of you. My dad passed away 3 weeks ago yesterday and I am bereft. He had been in hospita since August and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just the day before he died. My mum, sister and I were with hm until the end, it was the most profound experience both horrifc and beautiful. He was an amazing daddy and husband, my hero. I thank God for giving him to us. Reading everyones stories is both sad and comforting, thank you all x

  49. Anonymous said on November 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm ... #

    Thanks all for ur experiences. I lost my dad to cancer a week ago . He was 58 . I’m just grieving . Missing him like hell .. Crazyly missing him .. He was my best friend..

  50. Amy said on November 14, 2012 at 12:06 am ... #

    Thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us. What a beautifully written essay! I, too can relate to you and everyone here. I was fortunate enough to have my wonderful dad for 41 years. He passed away on July 27, 2011, and not a day goes by where I don’t think of him (about 100 times each day). It’s so hard to navigate this new normal, but somehow we have to try. It helps me to know my dad is still around me…rooting for me the way he always did. LOVE YOU, DAD xoxoxo…Love to all the amazing dads.

  51. dave said on November 16, 2012 at 6:18 am ... #

    ThANK YOU SAMANTHA…
    My dad passed in Feb 2012. He was 81 and I was 50 so it wasn’t like I didn’t have him around but D*mn it hurts so much. I became a grand father recently and I didn’t get to share that with him. His birthday was just last week, plus he was a war vet and Veterans day just came…
    GOD bless all of you for sharing.

  52. dave said on November 16, 2012 at 6:22 am ... #

    Hey Logan,
    You aren’t a screw up…

  53. Stephen said on November 19, 2012 at 3:49 pm ... #

    What a wonderful Dad you write of. I too know memories that strong. It has almost been ten years and Thanksgiving being just three days away makes me long for his voice and his tremendous ability to make everything more special. I have four children and two step children. All but the 13 year old grown. At breakfast today I told my 13 year old about his conversations as a 3 year old with my Dad. Before leaving for work today I climbed up on the bed and hugged my sleeping wife with tears rolling down my eyes as I felt waves of grief in missing his voice and his presence in my life. Then I think of the unusual love of history that my 13 year old has. I sense the connection my youngest child has with his grandfather and I am humbled. Today is hard. I was so lucky to have him in my life.

  54. Julie said on November 23, 2012 at 2:20 am ... #

    Hi there,
    I stumbled upon this by searching the simple phrase of “I miss my dad”. It’s Thanksgiving Day and with every single item I cooked and prepared I could hear him cheering me on, encouraging me, reminding me of just how special of a bond the two of us had.
    He died almost two years ago and I still can’t believe how much I miss him. I was 31 when he died and I’m almost 33 now.
    He and I had a psychic connection that others noticed, and no one else could match. I know he’s hear reading this over my shoulder and I want to type this part so he knows it’s true. :) I love you and miss you dad.
    Thank you for sharing, Samantha. May blessings be upon you.
    Julie

  55. Kathy said on December 17, 2012 at 5:59 pm ... #

    Thank you Samantha for writing about what all of us are feeling. My dad had been sick for many years, but no one expected him to die without any warning. Every day seems like twenty days put together because of all of the ups and downs. “I miss my dad. I wish I had done things differently. He would not want me to think that way.” That is way that my life has been for the last seven weeks. My dad was my last older relative to die, and I still miss each one of them every day.

  56. Andrea said on December 31, 2012 at 4:02 pm ... #

    My dad left us in 2004. I miss his humor,
    charity, and sense of justice. But what I miss
    most is how he always defended me no
    matter, even if I knew deep down I was wrong.

  57. still hurts said on January 10, 2013 at 4:28 am ... #

    January 11th is the ONE year anniversary of my dad passing away. GAWD D*mmit it hurts so much. He was my hero. I miss you dad. RIP. We all miss you. Mom is ok, us kids are doing well. I am a grandfather now. You would love my granddaughter,she is beautiful.
    GOD BLESS YOU DADDY….

  58. torontoguy said on February 1, 2013 at 9:43 pm ... #

    Your father sounds like he was a wonderful loving man. My father died 41 years ago when I was 11 and I still have wonderful and warm memories of him and wish he had been in my life longer. The love you had for each other will always be there with you. Knowing he loved you so much is as important as the length of time he had with you. From reading the comments its obvious that the love we have for our parents even in mourning is a lifelong source of stength.

  59. blessed daughter said on March 2, 2013 at 2:25 pm ... #

    Aug. 5, 2010 was the day my Dad left this world. How blessed I was to have him as my father. I still miss him so much. Most days are OK now, but sometimes I look in the mirror and think that I look so sad. Of course, life goes on but it will never be the same. Love you, Dad

  60. still hurts said on March 15, 2013 at 4:57 am ... #

    I understand this is a blog for dad’s I just had to say that on March 13th 2013 my mother left me to be with dad… She missedher man so much
    I am in such pain.. it hurts so much.. I just want to be with them…
    oh mom I miss you tell dad I said hello..

  61. nickpino said on March 26, 2013 at 1:17 am ... #

    Samantha, I lost my dad almost 4 1/2 years ago after a bout with cancer. I TOTALLY relate to what you are saying. I want people to remember him and especially feel the unfairness that the girl I marry may never have met him during his life. The few videos I have found of him are treasured keepsakes and I could kick myself for not having video recorded more of him. I have tried to find phone messages from him and some of his last were deleted before I could save them. That hurts. I keep his handwriting and some of the dearest birthday cards like gold. Like you said, the new normal allows me to go through the day and not always weep – like I said, I can totally relate – but on the 4th anniversary of his passing I completely fell apart in a way I hadn’t in a long time. I have asked the Lord time and again if He would kiss my Daddy for me and I smile as I consider getting to heaven and seeing my Daddy drenched… and when I asked him why he would tell me, “well, you asked God to kiss me several times” :) Thank you Samantha for sharing and for all of you who have lost your dads, young or old – it is so comforting to talk to a community of people who understand…

  62. ashley link said on June 6, 2013 at 12:24 am ... #

    hey sam!!!
    not sure if you remember me, i went to dance class at robert’s! i still think about you and your family often and i love how you change your FB picture to a photo of you and your dad!!! you are such a brave lady and your dad would be so proud of you!!! i remember him! he was always nice to my family! andddd his birthday is one day before my dad’s. i’m thinking of you and praying for you sweet girl!!! if you ever need anything, i’ve got your back!!! <3 ashley

  63. christina said on July 12, 2013 at 1:07 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for sharing your story.I am only ten and my parents are divoced my dad lives in the SC (south carlina).i only get to see him 7 weeks a year and i always miss him whaen i come home back to my mom.He never passed but since hes 30 i am very scared that when im with my mom something might happen to him.My mom lives in ohio so i cant just go seeing him every day.i just got home yesterday and have been crying since i got here and im even crying as i look at his picture now. But i get to seen him in december.but to me that is to long so i try to talk to him every day.

  64. Ncumisa T said on August 16, 2013 at 6:56 am ... #

    Thank you for sharing

    I recently lost my father on 01 August 2013. It is so hard everyday i think about him and hurts, sometimes i wouold cry , am not sure when i would acceopt that he is no more, i still have his contact numbers in my phone,sometimes i would attempt to call wanted to hear voice so bad i hurts. i pray to God everyday to give strenght to accept that the most important part is no longer with and give me ernegy to carry on, sometimes i would pray to God just to dream about him, may be crazee i adont know.i still love him so so much

  65. Sherry Gonzalez said on October 16, 2013 at 9:49 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for sharing today (October 16th) is my dads birthday. It’s the 2nd birthday since his passing. I googled today I miss my dad and this popped up it is exactly what I needed. Some one who gets it.

  66. Jeannie said on December 15, 2013 at 2:02 am ... #

    My Dads funeral was just today. I feel so broken. Like its a bad dream. I am 43 yrs old. Why do I feel l ike a lost child? I miss him so much.

  67. debbie turnbull said on April 5, 2014 at 8:59 am ... #

    I lost my dad 2 and halph years. i miss him more than anything.i read all these lettlers and they sound so beautiful to think about there dads. mine died of cancer and watching him die was the hardest thing ever. i will miss him everyday of my life . i want to say happybirthday dad allen turnbull. U were the greatest farther.those who have a father left feel lucky u have them.we will meet again someday in heaven dad. we all liove you forever.

  68. Katie Keihle said on September 5, 2014 at 7:06 pm ... #

    My dad died when I was 11 too, Im 14 now, so its been about 3 and a half years, does it really get better? i know for me its gotten a little better, but today is his birthday, and he loved holidays, so now, holidays are like a stab in the back, because it just reminds me of him. do things like that get easier? or, doing something that it would be just you and him, like for me, it was watching movies like star wars and things, because he was blind and had a lot of health problems, but, still there were things just him and I did, anyways, I think this is great, but still, its hard, I wonder what life would be like if he hadn’t have died, we just moved this last year, and its like, would we still have moved? he doesnt get to see me get my lisence or boyfriend, which, the boyfriend part might not be so bad :P he would interegate him lol, anyways, yeah, thanks for this though :D

  69. David said on October 18, 2014 at 12:28 pm ... #

    Samantha

    That was so touching

    This year will be 13 years since my father’s death at the same age as you

    All my friends do not get it or never will get what it feels like to lose someone you love so young. Even though people say how hard it has been for myself – losing parents young teaches you to value life so much more.

    If you father was alive today he would be very proud of you for writing something so eloquently

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