Hugging Them In Your Heart

Our missing can hurt so very much…sometimes every minute of every day. We hurt just to feel their touch and feel their hug. Oh what an indescribable feeling of joy it would be to be able to do that wherever and whenever.

We dream about it, we yearn for it. We’d love to turn back the clock for just a tiny moment in time. We’d love to wake up in the morning and find it was all a huge mistake and everything was as it once was. If only we could. If only there was one more hug, one more hello, one more “I love you”.

There can be no changing what has happened. There can be no going back, but there are ways we can keep them close, near us, by us.  We never have to let them go. We keep them in our lives in the ways and moments that are beyond their physical presence alone. In those moments we surround ourselves with their essence, their memory, and their love. And for a moment in time we are hugging them again.

These are the moments that will come to us. These are the moments we will cherish and these are the moments we will clasp tight to our hearts and never let go of. Those moments that will bring a little of them into our lives once more.

Moments of Smell
Smell has the incredible power to transport us back to a happy memory, or to remember with love.

Buy their favorite fragrance, dab it on and feel the essence of them surround you once more. They are there in that moment, with you.

Cook their special recipes, the favorite meals you shared and inhale the smells of memory and connection.


Moments of Closeness
Wear their favorite shirt.

Hug their pillow.

Stitch their clothes into a memory quilt and wrap yourself in them every night.

Frame their forever t-shirt.

Make a photo collage of your special memories – see it, trace it, touch it as often as you want.


Moments of Communicating
Say your hello each and every day to their beautiful face.

Speak out loud and tell them what you always wanted them to hear.

Write your “I love you” to them in a beautiful notepad or special journal.

Caption their photos with the words they would be saying just for you right now.

Play their songs.

If you have a recording of their voice, listen to it, and hear their words.

Begin to notice the wonderful ways they come to you – in your remembering, in your sleep and in the signs that float into your life.

Your loved ones may have gone physically from your life but they remain always with you.  As the days pass, as your emotions change as you begin to have moments where you are not thinking of them immediately know they are with you. As they always will be. You will never have to let them go. They are part of you as you are part of them.

Your loved ones stay cherished and forever loved in the sacred spaces of your heart and in the sanctuary of your mind. It is in those places where you can reach in and hug them always.

Maureen Hunter is an inspirational writer and grief steps mentor giving comfort and hope to many. She is passionate about helping people to step through grief and build a new and different life after loss, one in which their loved one is always a part of. To receive a free copy of her book, Open To Hope, visit her website.

photo credit

18 Comments:

  1. jane m broderick said on August 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm ... #

    My loving Daughter just shared this with me. I cried reading the entire story. My Dad went to Heaven 13 yrs ago, not a day goes by, that I don’t shed a tear in some way. I miss him so much, I have been in therapy with no help, I just pray to GOD everyday to take me home with them.

  2. Jacklyn Johnson said on August 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm ... #

    I checked out the Evertalk page and found it helpful. Thanks for the heads up on the Evertalk page Christina.

  3. Christina Smythe said on August 8, 2012 at 11:24 am ... #

    I am glad I passed through and read this article. It’s very touching. I agree in everything you said. I can somehow relate because I recently lost my dear grandfather whom I loved so much. I miss him so dearly. I cry every time I see memories of him like his clothes and especially pictures.

  4. Vicki said on August 12, 2012 at 3:29 am ... #

    I cried through the whole story as well. I miss my beautiful daughter so much. When my wind chimes outside ring…I think of her every time and feel that she’s saying hello to me. :)

  5. Linda Arnold said on September 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm ... #

    Just had to comment on how much this means to me. We lost my sister to a motorcycle accident August 11, 2012. I have never hurt inside like this before and to top it off, the Highway Patrol is believing the driver’s story of the car that hit her and caused her death instead of the other eye witnesses. So, now you can add anger to it also! Oh GOD it hurts so bad!

  6. lindo cele said on September 24, 2012 at 2:02 pm ... #

    Thank u so much!

  7. Rosemarie Bakk said on September 25, 2012 at 1:22 pm ... #

    The second half of 1983 proved to be remarkably the worst year of my life…my PopPop passed, my mother passed, and then my mother’s parents left for good. I was 16 with a Dad and a 15 year old brother who I clung onto for life. My Dad said then…we either sink or swim.
    My mother has been gone for almost 30 years – missed more of my life and all of its milestones. It still hurts like hell and had I known about this Camp, this type of support, my life would probably be entirely different but still swimming! I see her face in my own son and my brothers two children. It is bitterwseet to participate in my first 5K in her honor and with her everlasting love.

  8. georgia said on October 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm ... #

    i lost my dad and now i stil think he is thar for me

  9. becky said on November 7, 2012 at 1:15 pm ... #

    I have a cousin I took as my daughter that was only 23 she died on my anniversary and she had two small kids I feel.her with me all the time in fact it scares me sometime I hear her talking to me saying my name …I can’t be a peace intil I know Shes ok I have like 6 recordings of her speaking to me its very freaky but I know Shes here just want to know if anyone has gone though this and does it get better

  10. Kathy said on November 10, 2012 at 10:05 pm ... #

    I lost my mom on November 16, 2008 to pancreatic cancer. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my mom in some way. Her illness and death were so unexpected. I never realized the impact my mom had on my life until she was gone. Suddenly there was this huge hole in my life that I couldn’t fill. I wear some of my mom’s clothes and jewelry, and I have the powder that she wore. For almost 4 years I have worn the same purple pancreatic cancer band. I never take it off – it is a symbol of my mom’s fight and I wear the bracelet in her memory. The biggest thing that has helped me to heal is connecting to others who understand through my blog (peace4me521.wordpress.com) and reading other people’s blogs. Knowing I am not alone in what I feel helps it to hurt a little less. I will always love and miss my mom. She was an amazing person. “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die” ~ Thomas Campbell

  11. Heather said on February 9, 2013 at 4:02 pm ... #

    I lost my mother in October of 2012 to suiside. She over dosed for attention and her husband let her lay there and die over night. It has been very hard for me to understand. She left a note to her husband who wanted a divirce and was cheating then left us kids a small note that said “I love you kids to death, dont ever forget that” I cant get over this easily, the family has fallen apart, its been craziness since Mom left us… I hope some of the things i read hear can help me. Thank you.

  12. Kevin Owen said on February 16, 2013 at 3:56 pm ... #

    The aricle below may interest some.

    “One of the basic discoveries of Dianetics was that unconsciousness and all the pain attendant upon it was stored in a part of the mind and that this pain and unconsciousness accumulated until it caused the organism to begin to die.Another discovery of Dianetics was that this pain could be nullified or erased with a return to full consciousness and a rehabilitation toward survival.
    In other words, with Dianetics, it became possible to cancel out the accumulated unconsciousness and pain of the years and restore the health and vitality of an organism.
    Accumulated physical pain and loss brings about a reduction of consciousness, a reduction of physical health and a reduction of the will to live to a point where the organism actively, if often slyly, seeks death.
    Erase or nullify the physical pain, the losses of a lifetime, and vitality returns.The vitality of living, of seeking higher levels of survival, is life itself
    http://www.psychosomatic-healing.co.nz/dianetics.html

  13. FMBR said on February 16, 2013 at 11:25 pm ... #

    My family abandoned me at a very young age..Unlike my remaining siblings, I was blessed with an Uncle who gave me the love and affection of both a father and a mother. He sacrificed his entire life in helping me to become a doctor…And when everything started to get good, I got a very good job, started earning well, began enjoing life, was planning to get married, in short, it was payback time, but, suddenly God just took him away one morning. I cannot forget that morning that ruined my entire life. Now I am completely alone, no one to guide me, no one to pray for me, no reason to be happy anymore, its just no life any more. I am no longer living a life, just existing in it…

    Only if I could have more time with him, only if I could thank him for whatever he had done for me, only if I could fulfil all his wishes be4 he left this world, only if I could just……

  14. Linda said on February 18, 2013 at 10:23 am ... #

    I am a grieving daughter. My Mom left this earth on July 26, 2012…the darkest day of my life. She was my best friend… the one I turned to EVERY DAY and the ONLY one here on earth who could turn my dark clouds into sunshine with just a word. Nobody loves me like she did..nobody ever will. I am still in that valley…waking up wondering when the nightmare will end; smiling when all I want to do is cry and cry and cry. The valley…the dark, lonely valley, where pieces of me are lying scattered, broken and I don’t know how to become “whole” again. I go through the days keeping busy… busy… busy. But at night, when I turn out the lights and sleep won’t come, my tortured thoughts take me places that I do not want to go… The hospitals, the emergency rooms, the bedsides, the ambulance, the waiting rooms. I want to find peace, but I cannot. I want to trust in the goodness of God who has taken her soul to Heaven where she has finally found total joy and complete healing. But she left me… she left her baby girl, even though I am 52 years old. I miss her so.. I need her still and I cannot find my way here without her. I have nobody else who really, really cares, not like her….. My sweet angel..my Momma.

  15. Nancy said on March 16, 2013 at 10:46 pm ... #

    I miss my Mom so much. She passed away in Oct., 2012. It could be 40 years til I see her again–that seems like forever. She was so kind and caring–she could see at a glance if I was sad and would ask me right away, if there was something wrong. She saw the best in me and helped me see it too. When I arrived to visit her, she was so delighted to see me. She loved me so completely, unconditionally. The emptiness I feel now without her is horrible. I feel just like Linda.

  16. Debbie said on June 7, 2013 at 10:05 am ... #

    I loss my husband and best friend on MAY 14 2013 I had a wonderful 25 years of a loving supportive man he was just so good to me I came first never do he not have time for me .The night he Passed I was laying on the sofa the nurse was sitting in a chair in front of his bed .She told my to lay down and she call if anything changed .At 2:30 I awoke crying My husband is dyeing she put the lights on and I walked over to his bed he was sweating and his lip were a light grey color. I took his hand told him I loved him and he passed at 3:05 I was blessed to be able to be with him in the very end .I miss him everyday But I got to have the love of my life for 25 years so I hold onto that. BLESSING

  17. Kristin said on August 5, 2013 at 12:28 pm ... #

    All my life I never loved myself. I thought I was fat, ugly, stupid, incapable… you name it, if it was abusive, that is what I thought about myself. I bet somebody who completely altered that way of thinking. He made me see love, joy, hope, success. I became a better person because he allowed me to see I was better. I love this man so very deeply. Two weeks ago he was tragically killed. My world is gone. Light has disappeared. Every morning I wake and think, “oh yeah, the love of my life is dead.” I am trying not to die too, but it is all I dream about. I just want to be with him. Most of the time I don’t know what to do with myself. I am getting counsoling tonight, but what good is that going to do?

  18. sandra said on August 30, 2013 at 8:54 pm ... #

    I lost my husband on July 27th. This was our second marriage and we were together 36 years. I cannot express how precious he was and how good he was to me. He would always surprise me with gifts, just because. He would allow me to travel because he never liked traveling. He would take me to the airport and pick me up. He was the love of my life and I miss him so much. I still sleep in our bed where he passed just to be close to him. I am at peace because I know where he is and I know how he suffered. He had lung cancer and he wasted away. He hated having to depend on others. He was a Dad to my children, not a stepdad. They loved him dearly.

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