Love Letters

Originally published in January 2013.

What would you say to your spouse if you could tell him or her anything? We all think it, whisper it, and lay awake at night muttering into the darkness lost words meant for them.

It’s been over two years now, and if there is one thing I have learned, it’s that there is real beauty in the written word. When those silent prayers to our loved ones aren’t enough, putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboards) can be a soothing balm for the soul.

I often write to my husband. Sometimes these letters are long, poetic, as perfectly constructed as a term paper for school. Other times they are hastily written notes I jot down in anger or frustration or sheer wonder on the back of a napkin or sticky note. I have nowhere to send them, so I keep them. They are concrete and solid, and in a world turned upside down where so very little makes sense to me, they are reassuringly real. Somewhere in the back of my mind it feels like I am saving up these letters for him. Should he ever descend from the heavens to read them, he’ll be well caught up on everything he has missed.

What do I put in these letters?

Well, whatever I want.

I write them as though we are talking, as though he is in the room. It is like having our home-from-work conversations in the kitchen where I’d prattle on about my day and he’d listen, bemused, nodding at all the right spots and laughing when he thought it was safe to do so.

I encourage all grievers to get out pen and paper and write to their missing loved one. To tell them the things you want to say, pour your heart out, and share those jokes that only the two of you will understand. Burn them, save them, publish them to your blog – whatever feels right.

I’ll leave you with a sample of one of my own to get you started:

Hey dear, it’s just me again.

I don’t know how to reach you. Still. I hope you get my messages anyhow.

I still need to talk to you every day. It’s been so long and still, still I want to tell you about my day. Remember when you’d pick me up from work? We’d have to time it just right so you wouldn’t get a ticket for parking illegally and so I wouldn’t have to wait more than 10 seconds because I was always dressed inappropriately for the weather. I’m always too hot, or too cold. 13 years in this city and I still haven’t figured out the right clothing-to-weather ratio.

Or in the mornings, over coffee. You hated mornings. I didn’t. But you’d sit there, wrapped in blankets like an overstuffed cocoon, just sipping your coffee patiently while I yammered on. I miss our mornings. I drink tea now. I don’t like coffee anymore. It’s too much like us. And I surf the web while I drink. Sometimes I turn the tv on so it feels like someone is there. But sometimes I just like to feel alone.

I miss our talks.

Even though it was mostly me talking and you pretty much just listened. You always were a good listener. Did I ever tell you I loved that about you? I hope so.

I wish we could talk just one more time.

Just one more.

I have so much to ask.

This time, I think I’d be the one mostly listening.


Our thanks to guest author Emily Clark for sharing her story here with us.  You can read more of Emily’s journey through young widowhood on her blog.


Photo Credit.

13 Comments:

  1. Angie said on January 29, 2013 at 4:15 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing, and for letting me know I’m not alone. It’s been almost 3 years since my husband passed, but I keep an evernote account just so I can write letters to him. And sometimes I send him private messages on Facebook. It really helps to just give the thoughts and emotions a place to go.

  2. Samantha Sage said on January 29, 2013 at 6:20 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I too write to my late husband. Someone started a “In Loving” page on Face book. Now I use it to talk to him… I also encourage my children to write him letters from time to time. Not only are they healing for them, but they allow me a window into their precious hearts. May you find strength and healing on your grief journey.

  3. Lori Askew said on January 29, 2013 at 6:38 pm ... #

    It has been 17 weeks and 6 days….yes I write to my dear sweet husband in my journal that I kept before he died. It is soothing sometimes but sometimes I too just write something down to write…generally it is when I am upset over something and it usually helps me calm down. Thank you for sharing your experiences…it has and does help me get thru these really long days. I miss him so much!

  4. Sandy Holman said on January 30, 2013 at 2:12 am ... #

    I lost my precious husband 9 mos ago and the grief is still very real. I write in a day planner daily but I never really thought of writing to him, I will give it a try. I talk to him frequently and would love to dream of him, oh just to look in those blue eyes one more time. God I miss him so.

  5. Krista said on January 30, 2013 at 3:35 pm ... #

    Emily,

    This is such a beautiful article. I also write letters to Zach, who I lost last October. It is really the only thing that has helped me survive even a little bit. Going from telling him everything to deadening silence is just too much to bare. Thank you for sharing this.

  6. Kathy said on February 2, 2013 at 11:50 am ... #

    Thank you so much for posting. I lost my husband one year and five months ago to suicide. Tears still come so quickly. There is such a void. Letters may help. I’ll try. Thanks for the encouragement.
    Kathy

  7. Kaytti said on March 18, 2013 at 3:38 pm ... #

    My aunt died 2 months and 1 day ago. This made me think of my uncle. I write letters sometimes and it helps. Thanks for sharing your story(:
    ~Kaytti

  8. Holly said on March 20, 2013 at 9:56 pm ... #

    Thank you for this article. My husband died Feb. 8th, 2013. I’m on a total emotional roller-coaster. He was only 51 and died suddenly. I tried to save him but I couldn’t. So many things were left unfinished and unsaid. I know he loved me, but I have a lot anger with his passing too. I still talk to him in the house all the time as if he’s there. I’d give anything for one more minute with him.

  9. Bill said on March 23, 2013 at 9:53 am ... #

    My wife died 43 days ago. It seems like years but at the same time like yesterday. She was 36 weeks pregnant and had a pulmonary embolism. The baby had some brain injury and spent 31 days in the NICU and likely will be a special needs child. We also have a 3 year old.

    Funny, she talked all the time, so much that sometimes I’d just call out ‘quiet time!’ But now I miss all that talking, what I wouldn’t give to hear any of the stories of the day now.

    She was such a great mom, our 3yo is so polite, so caring and affectionate. She really was the primary parent. I just played when I got home. Now I just don’t know what to do. Jen would know, she really was the brains of the house, the reason we had nice things and the reason my daughter was the way she was.

    I look back at our nearly 13 years of marriage and seem to focus only on the negative things I did or said and regret them so much. That said, in recent years she couldn’t believe I threw out anniversary and birthday and other holliday cards that she would give me and convinced me to keep them. I’m so glad I did, see we would always write a paragraph or 2 about how much the other meant to them. The cards she gave me and that I kept reassure me now that I wasn’t so bad but I can’t help to regret certain things, like why we shouldn’t have run the AC in the car on a 70 degree day (she was hot, who cares about the fuel use) or other similar ‘who really cares’ stuff.

    I’ve never been a social person, she was my only friend. She on the other hand was very social, the exact opposite of me. So on the 1 hand I now see myself as having zero friends, the relationships she had make it so there is a pretty big mom’s network that is eager to help the girls and I. I’m sure it wont last but for now the help and advise are God sent.

    But I do find myself talking to her all the time as long as I’m alone in the house (with the baby of course, she won’t think I’m nuts.)

    Maybe I will start a journal of letters to Jen. I just don’t know how I’ll find the time to do it. Every waking moment is spent tending to the children or at work or sleeping. I am however working hard on writing down memories of my wife, the girls mother, for the girls so they might know her somewhat. I’m no writer, but Jen was. She kept journals since she was 9, only I just can’t find the ones from the last few years. I know she did journals during this time, it’s just finding them. And I get nauseous going into her closet or through things I know she’d shoo me out of if I was caught in there. I suppose this will pass.

  10. Ruth said on November 3, 2013 at 8:05 pm ... #

    I walked out the door one Tuesday morning six horrible weeks ago, saying so long to my husband who was standing in the kitchen. Did I know I’d never see him again? Did I know he would have a massive heart attack just an hour after I left that morning? Did I know I’d never be able to talk to him again? Did I want him to be alone when he must have been going through so much pain. I know in time I’ll somehow come to grips with what happened that Tuesday morning, but right now I’m still in shock. And more than anything, I think I’m angry – but not angry at God – so who am I angry with? My heart, like all all of you, is broken into a million pieces and what I wouldn’t give for just one more minute.

  11. Jackie said on December 11, 2013 at 7:23 pm ... #

    I lost my husband 14 days ago. I haven’t even been able to bury him yet. That’s happening this coming Monday. I feel so terribly overwhelmed, so very very sad I will never see him again. It was so sudden and unexpected. He went to work and was found dead on his warehouse floor at 8.05am. I can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t know where he is. I want him home with me. I only want to talk to him. I want to just ‘turn off’! My head is just so full of him. I can’t think of nothing else. I feel like in drowning in him. I wants to write a letter to him and put it in his casket but I just don’t know where to begin. Where do I start? There’s so much to say but I just can’t find the words. Can someone help me?

  12. sonia said on April 26, 2014 at 5:54 am ... #

    I lost my dear husband 10 months ago…
    I miss him so much ,his sudden death was a shock to me and my daughters.
    I feel him every where in the house i talk to him …and i can imagine him commenting on stuff i am doing ,but he is wth me 24/7 …we’ve been together for 40yrs…God choose him for a reason i wish we could meet again in heaven..I love him .

  13. sophia said on May 15, 2014 at 1:27 am ... #

    My name is Sophia from usa,i never believe in spell until i contacted this great man of spirit called DR ABIZA.Me and my husband have been married for three years and we had a baby boy,before we got married we dated for two years and we love each other so much.But i never knew that he was having an affair with one of my closest friend and they have been seen each other for about four months.One day he came home and raise up an unnecessary argument with me and we had a quarrel so he threaten to live the house which he did the following day and he left me and the kid to be with my so called friend,so in the course of my distress i was reading some pages on the internet on how to get back a lost husband,then i saw a testimony by Jessica on how DR ABIZA help her to get back her ex boy friend,so i also contacted the DR via the email address provided by Jessica and he told me that my friend cast a spell on my husband that made him to leave me and the kid to be with her.To cut the story short,DR ABIZA also told me what to do which i did and my friend hated my husband so much that she never wanted to see him again and after three days my husband came back to me begging for my forgiveness.Today am happy with my husband again.If you are having any problem like this you can email him through this address:{DRABIZASPELLTEMPLE20@HOTMAIL.COM},and you can count on him for a great help

Leave a Comment

Your email is never shared.

By submitting a comment, you are agreeing to our Terms & Conditions.