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As many grieving people know, keeping a loved one’s memory alive after they die can be a difficult task. There are many images, voices, smells and memories that you want to remember forever, but each day it can become a little bit harder to grasp on to what used to be. I have definitely been struggling with this ever since my mom passed away two years ago this December.
Since my mother’s death was unexpected, I have often worried about feeling disconnected to her or become scared that I’m going to start forgetting the little things about her. Thankfully I have found comfort in small “moments of grace” that reassure me that my mom is still with me throughout each day. These moments have been occurring within my family’s life through the appearance of deer and ladybugs.
Female deer symbolize caring, gentleness, intelligence, watchfulness, and most importantly to me, maternal traits. Some cultures believe that anyone who sees a deer has seen the animal so that they can look deep into their own heart and find their deepest treasure. When I was growing up, our yard always attracted deer. They would come to eat my mom’s Hosta plants even after she would try vigorously to cover them and make them seem less appetizing. So when deer started appearing more frequently after my mom died, my family saw it as a comical sign.
The day after she passed away, my aunt and I were in the foyer of my house. As we opened my front door there were six deer standing there, looking in. We knew right away that it had to be a sign from Mom. We felt that she was trying to tell us that even though she was gone, there would always be six people in our family.
The deer made another appearance when I woke up on the morning of what would have been my mom’s 50th birthday and heard our golden retriever barking loudly. When I looked out our side window, I saw four deer in the front yard. I turned to my dad and said, “You know this is a sign right?” He stood there as his eyes welled up, and he responded, “She must have wanted to make sure we were all up in time for mass.” That morning there were four deer, one for each family member that was in the house at the time. Since her death, my family and I have seen many deer, in some very unique places and times. I love seeing them because they remind me that my mother is always watching over us.
It is not only in one of God’s largest animals that I see my mom, but also in one of His smallest creatures. On Christmas Eve, about a week after my mom’s death, my friend Katy was in our church for midnight mass. After lighting a candle in memory of my mom, she felt something small touch her on the face. She thought it was a fly, but her mom told her it was a ladybug. Katy tells me that she knew it had to be a sign. In her head she said, “If it really is you, Mrs. Wilson, please fly by again.” Two seconds later, it did. Because it was in the middle of winter she thought that it was quite an odd and unusual coincidence. But she sincerely felt that the ladybug held a message for us, and afterwards shared her story with my family.
Since then, we have been seeing ladybugs everywhere. No matter the weather, I can find ladybugs sitting on the porch of my townhouse or gathering in the back room of a restaurant. On what would have been my parent’s 20th wedding anniversary, my family and I went to New Hampshire for a vacation. Upon walking into the hotel I noticed a ladybug cartoon on the bulletin board in the lobby. I was also graced with the presence of a ladybug when I was in Jamaica this past January for a service immersion trip. I was having an emotionally draining day working with burn victim children at a local children’s hospital. I was standing in the playground watching the kids play on the swings when I felt something on my hand. When I looked down I saw a ladybug crawling up my arm. I sat there taking in the moment of grace as I watched its short legs move underneath it. Even in another country, my mom knew just how to brighten my day.
After researching this little bug I learned that the name “lady bug” finds its origins in the Middle Ages. The insect was dedicated to the Virgin Mary and called the “beetle of our lady.” This name links the ladybug to spiritual ideals and religious devotion. It also holds a link to mothers. Because the life cycle of the adult ladybug is short it teaches us how to release worries and enjoy our lives to the fullest. It is often seen as a messenger of promise telling us that we need to release our fears and return to love.
For a grieving family, moments of grace can be the difference between a rainy day or a sunny one. I realize that seeing the deer and ladybugs is difficult because they are constant reminders that my mom is gone, but they also reassure my family that she is with us.
I challenge today’s readers to think about their loved ones and try to recognize ways in which they could be sending you messages: yesterday, today or tomorrow. Finding ways to connect with a loved one even after they passed can be challenging at first, but it can also bring comfort in difficult times. What ways have you found to stay connected?
Special thanks to guest author and HelloGrief community member Colleen Wilson for sharing this piece with us.
12 Comments:
My dearest friend, Barbara who died from breast cancer loved giraffes. You don’t see them very often, except at the zoo. But, whenever I go into a store and all of a sudden there is a toy giraffe or picture of a giraffe staring back at me, I know she is near by. Gives me great comfort.
My godmother passed away about 16 years ago in October. There was a butterfly that kept flying around her house after she passed. I went to college in downtown Boston at the time. She did not like this at all. She thought it was too dangerous and the day before she died yelled at my mother for “letting” me go there
The memory makes me laugh. During Thanksgiving week, a Monarch butterfly was flying across Huntington Avenue in Boston. I feel like she was checking up on me. Sometimes they are around us and we know it and sometimes they are just watching out for us.
Thank you so much for this beautiful article…When I read it I broke down in tears. I have not cried in a really long time and it was a very good release.
It really touched my heart because I don’t think very many people talk about how our loved ones try and send us signs and messages after they have passed.
My Grandma comes to me in Ladybugs too. I felt as though she was giving me a sign as I read your article and she knew I needed to hear the wonderful words you wrote. Thank you again..
Thank you again,
Molly Eiche
Bare Heart Buddy, Founder
meiche@bhbuddy.com
http://www.bareheartbuddy.com
You are my daily inspiration.
Yah Colleen! Congratulations on having your article published. I Just went with your sister to a college fair and like so many times I was thinking how much your mom would want to be doing this. As I was preoccupied with these thoughts I saw two different sightings of deers standing on the side of the road on my way there. Fallon saw her own on the way home, and there was one waiting in the yard when she pulled in. So, as much as your moms death has rocked our worlds, I firmly believe that there are no coincidences, she is here always and these simple reminders make me smile!
I’ve had the same experience with my brother who passed in April through butterflies. At his memorial, we did a butterfly release ceremony. Thereafter, we’ve seen butterflies all around us. I even see them as print on people’s clothing, as jewelry ornaments and etc. Thank you for such an inspirational story! All the best!
Beautiful article an expression! Your words convey what many who lose a loved one struggles and also smiles about. Sending love to you and your family!
Colleen, this article truly touched my heart and brought me to tears. I am so grateful to have had your mom in my life and you have in so many ways showed me that she will always be with us-especially through your strength, which reminds me so much of your mom. Thank you for sharing this article with me it is so beautiful and something I will add to my collection of ladybug things!
Dear Colleen, You write as you speak – from the heart. That’s what draws so many people to you. You truly are a woman of wisdom and grace!Just as your mom was an inspiration for me, so now are you.
What a wonderful way to remember your mother. Two weeks before my daughter passed away, she had just left our house to go to her home and she came running back to tell me there was a double rainbow! She was so excited. We both took pictures and were smiling at the beauty God was sharing with us that evening. Four days after her death, I was crying at the laundromat we would go to every week, and a woman asked me if I had seen the beautiful rainbow outside. I knew that at moment that my daughter was sending me a hug with that single rainbow.
Dear Colleen,
I’m so glad that you shared this. You are a beautiful writer; I have been very inspired and impressed with how strong you have been during the past couple years. My older sister recently got married and on that day of the wedding I was reminded of how fortunate I am that both of my parents are alive and well. My heart goes out to you and others that I know who have lost one or both parents. I hope that you continue to remain positive and strong through everything.
You Are Loved,
Pamela English
My boyfriend just suddenly passed away in his sleep on our couch.. I never had a chance to say “Goodbye”. But the day of his funeral I was home alone at nite, & there was a knock on my door & when I went to open the door, there was no one there..I know it was him checking on me to make sure I was doing ok…
There have also been other signs that I feel his presence & smell his cologne, I believe he is still around…
I always feel peace when I get these feelings <3