Music and Grief

Teens at Comfort Zone Camp never cease to amaze me with the ways music and song saturate their lives;  how they use it to express their feelings, hopes and fears related to the loss of a parent, sibling, grandparent, or close friend. CDs and i-pods are almost always in their backpacks.

They have taught me the power of music and song in navigating the grief journey. I confess, old fogy that I am, some of the music I cannot relate to. But it speaks to them, and I honor that. 

If you are the parent of a grieving teen, be courageous and listen to what they are listening to. Do it without judgment. When you have a song or music that relates to your own grief journey, share it with them and tell them why. If a conversation develops, that’s great and if it doesn’t, that’s OK too. They will know you paused to enter their world.

Here are just a few songs that teens chose to play in my Healing Circle at camp a few years back when our theme was Music. I wrote the titles down so I could recall them and listen to them later. They have a playlist all their own on my i-pod along with a couple of my favorites; three of which are on this list. Note: this list was made a few years ago.

  • “Grave Digger” –Dave Matthews
  • “Time of Your Life” –Green Day
  • “Six Feet from the Edge” –Creed
  • “Broken” –Seether and Amy Lee
  • “Holes in the Floor of Heaven” –Steve Wariner
  • “I Can Only Imagine” –Mercy Me
  • “Hear You Me: What Would You Think of Me Now?” –Jimmy Eat World
  • “Butterfly Kisses” –Collin Raye
  • “Dance with My Father Again” –Luther Vandross
  • “Only Time” –Enya
  • “Why” –Rascal Flats
  • “You Raise Me Up” –Josh Groban
  • “Something More” –Switchfoot
  • “Welcome to My Life” –Simple Plan
  • “Amazing Grace” –Judy Collins
  • “Give Yourself to Love” –Kate Wolf
  • “Suggestions for the Tailor” –Scott Pryor
  • “You Listened to Me” –Steve Beta

Take time to listen. Some will make you cry, some will make you think, some will lift you up.

I also invite you to add to the list. What songs have you used to help in your grief journey? Maybe they remind you of your loved one, or have lyrics that give you hope. Please share in the comments below.

36 Comments:

  1. Kristi Silvia said on April 29, 2010 at 2:55 pm ... #

    the song that my daughter sang at my husband’s service was In Loving Memory, by Alter Bridge.. a really good song

  2. Carol Gordon said on April 29, 2010 at 3:37 pm ... #

    “The Riddle”–Five for Fighting…beautiful song/lyrics about the meaning of life.

  3. Lynda said on April 29, 2010 at 5:48 pm ... #

    Address In The Stars…. By Caitlin and Will …This is a wonderful song.

  4. Robert Morie said on April 29, 2010 at 7:19 pm ... #

    “Til I can gain control again”, by Willie Nelson, and many others.
    “Anthem” by Leonard Cohen

    I really enjoyed this article. As a 39 year old student of classical piano and voice, as well as somebody who lost their father at a young age, I can relate to this in a very personal way.
    More than songs I can sing along to, I myself have found some solace in great works by composers like Schumann & Mendelssohn. My instructor gives me pieces that are “felt” because she knows I can feel them.
    I would love to be able to pass that onto others. It’s a focused discipline, something that also has helped me.
    Thanks again for the wonderful article.

  5. Biil said on April 30, 2010 at 12:37 pm ... #

    Please post the composition and pass them on. It will be nice to have some classical items in the list. Check out comfortzonecamp.org -You may want to volunteer given your loss and experience.

  6. Laura O'Connor said on May 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm ... #

    If Tomorrow Never Comes…By: Garth Brooks

  7. katie said on May 2, 2010 at 2:25 pm ... #

    On The Radio- Regina Spektor
    “You laugh until you cry
    You cry until you laugh”

  8. william said on May 3, 2010 at 11:34 am ... #

    um yeah creed really touches me

  9. Alisha said on May 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm ... #

    Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie. (A really great band with an odd name.) This song talks about all of the awful and ugly things we went through while essentially waiting for Mom to die…and the amazing love it takes to do that, to be there for that process.

  10. Elizabeth said on May 4, 2010 at 1:38 am ... #

    My sister and I sang Billy Joel’s Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) at our father’s funeral.

  11. Brianna said on May 4, 2010 at 10:43 pm ... #

    One Sweet Day – Mariah Carey
    There You’ll be – Faith Hill
    The Prayer – Celine Dion & Josh Groban
    To where you are – Josh Groban
    I’ll be Missing you- P.Diddy
    Arms of the angel – Sarah McLauchlin
    I’ll Remember You- Sarah Mclauchlin
    Angel of Mine- Monica

    These all really helped me when my friend died=[
    RIP.<3

  12. Jon said on May 5, 2010 at 6:46 pm ... #

    “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins came out shortly after my mom died while I was in college (a looong time ago, I wonder how many folks reading this even know the song!). It’s not an uplifting song by any stretch, but certainly captured some of the anguish her sudden passing caused. When I hear it now, all these years later, I’m reminded of the fact that God did give me the grace and strength I needed to get though it, and that I had many wonderful friends that were there for me at the time.

  13. lee said on May 11, 2010 at 5:36 pm ... #

    i know alot of people dont like miley cyrus that much (me included) but the song “i miss you” by her actually made me cry

  14. Bruce said on May 21, 2010 at 3:13 am ... #

    My sister and I sang Billy Joel’s Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel) at our father’s funeral.

  15. Gina said on June 16, 2010 at 12:17 pm ... #

    Cindy Bullens has some wonderful music that she recorded for a Documentary “Space Between Breaths” produced by Luther & Rosemary Smith (A film by Children of the Dome)
    Some of the songs that speak to me are: “Paper & Glass”, “In Better Hands”, Somewhere Between Heaven & Earth”, “I Gotta Believe in Something”, “Water On the Moon”, “As Long As You Love (Scarlet Wings)& “Better Than I’ve Ever Been”

  16. Avery Griffin said on July 14, 2010 at 7:03 pm ... #

    “Imagine”-John Lennon
    “Other Side”- David Grey
    “Hold on”- Sarah Mclaughin
    “Come Home”- One Republic
    “Mad World”- Adam Lambert, Gary Jules
    “Turpentine”- Brandi Carlile
    “Unmendable Heart”- Go to Youtube and search Andrew Siraco
    “Letters From The Sky”- Civil Twilight
    “Love is Stronger Than Death”- The The

  17. Sandi Diana said on July 15, 2010 at 7:22 pm ... #

    These are some of the ones that have helped me and came to mind right away. I will add another short listing as more come to me. I came here looking for some more to add to my list, and appreciate everyone taking the time to share the songs that have helped you heal.

    “Keep Me In Your Heart” – Warren Zevon
    “What a Wonderful World” – Louis Armstrong
    “Bridge Over Troubled Water” – Simon & Garfunkel
    “I Will Remember You” – Sarah McLachlan
    “I Can Only Imagine” – Mercy Me
    “Feeling Good” – Michael Buble (Nina Simone)

    “Christmas in Heaven” – Genuine Sun

  18. Joan said on December 9, 2010 at 9:40 am ... #

    Shine your light by robbie robertson
    follow you into the dark death cab for cutie
    someones watching over me hilary duff
    hurt christina aug

  19. zena said on December 16, 2010 at 6:21 pm ... #

    my fav songs without you-breaking benjamin, dear agony-breaking benjamin, waiting for the end-linkin park, numb-linkin, hurrican-thirty sec to mars, faith-a day to remember

  20. Melanie said on January 2, 2011 at 7:34 pm ... #

    1000 Oceans by Tori Amos

  21. madelyn said on March 10, 2011 at 8:31 pm ... #

    wake me up when september ends
    it has a good meaning billie wrote it when his dad dieb of cancer

  22. madelyn said on March 26, 2011 at 8:50 pm ... #

    Never Gonna B Alone by Nickelback

  23. bebi said on April 4, 2011 at 6:42 pm ... #

    I’ll be there by the Escape Club

  24. Carl Compton said on April 11, 2011 at 8:27 am ... #

    Monique Vieras – You Will Never Be Forgotten

    http://www.youtube.com/user/ComptonBrosStudio?feature=mhum#p/a/u/0/JvQRKwkaWCk

  25. Madison said on July 2, 2011 at 11:45 pm ... #

    I loved this article! Thank you so much!

  26. Grieving Guy said on August 18, 2011 at 2:41 pm ... #

    Regina Spektor – The Call
    Rob Thomas – Little Wonders
    PFR – Life Goes On

  27. Deb said on August 21, 2011 at 10:21 pm ... #

    Matthew West-Save a place for me

  28. Dan said on September 16, 2011 at 3:15 am ... #

    ozzy – see you on the other side
    lifehouse – broken & come back down
    Skid Row – I Remember You

    and when feeling low –
    The Summer Obsession – Disappear

  29. Anonymous3 said on September 24, 2011 at 10:10 am ... #

    Another couple of suggestions: Like You – Evanescence
    My Immortal – Evanescence

  30. Flavi said on October 6, 2011 at 12:09 am ... #

    For me it’s Hurt by Christina Aguilera. I lost my dad almost 9 years and and am still grieving. This song, I can’t explain it, it’s exactly how I feel.

  31. maddcap said on October 6, 2011 at 4:06 pm ... #

    for me it was;
    Reign over me by the who/pearl jam
    hurt by johnny cash
    more to life by switchfoot

    among others

  32. Ebalk said on October 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm ... #

    The song I’m going to play at my husbands memorial next week is called Your Long Journey, by Allison Krauss and Robert Plant. Listen to it, it’s beautiful.

  33. Lisa payne said on November 3, 2011 at 12:41 am ... #

    Lightning crashes by live reminds me of losing my mother and sister

  34. Lexi said on December 6, 2011 at 12:05 am ... #

    Somewhere Only We Know by Keane is a beautiful song that I listen to whenever I just want to sit back and let my emotions run wild.

  35. Brenna said on January 15, 2012 at 6:05 pm ... #

    I played Heaven by Andy Griggs at my husband’s service 7 months ago, it’s absolutely beautiful. Though to get through this, I Believe,
    by Diamond Rio says it all. I Still Love…. You by Trace Adkins is beautiful.

  36. Sarah said on January 27, 2012 at 10:19 pm ... #

    After my husband’s grandfather, my best friend (who I found out about on the 22nd anniversary of my dad’s death) and then my mentor all died in 2009, I found Home by Daughtry really comforting.

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