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To support ourselves, and our grieving loved ones, it is helpful to understand the physical, mental and emotional toll of grief. Naturally, the combination of responses to grief are unique to each individual, but below are several common responses to grief that can be seen in adults as well as children.
Physical Responses to Grief
- Back, neck, or general muscle pain
- Headaches
- Dry mouth
- Stomach pain, diarrhea, constipation
- Inability to eat, weight loss
- Fatigue
- Restlessness
- Chills, sweats
- Chest pain, difficulty breathing
- Nervousness
- Nightmares
- Clinging
- Crying
Mental and Emotional Responses to Grief
Grief takes a great toll mentally and emotionally. Below are several common reactions to loss beyond the physical, as well as some suggestions to help the persons in your life who may be struggling with grief.
- Confusion/Disorientation – Immediately after a loss, it may take a grieving person an hour to complete something that should take 15 minutes. Be patient, provide guidance if possible, and make sure to plan tasks accordingly.
- Forgetfulness - Grief can consume us mentally. You may notice your grieving loved one become forgetful about daily activities. You can help by discussing upcoming tasks with the person, and encouraging list making. For a child, rebuilding a daily routine will greatly help with this, as well as bring a much-needed level of security back to his or her life.
- Anxiety - Be supportive, and listen patiently. Try not to get frustrated.
- Agitation/frustration – Your loved one may become frustrated with others, especially when they feel others are complaining about seemingly frivolous things. Be understanding of where they are coming from, and help others around them understand (peers, teachers, etc.); especially during the holidays and anniversaries. Also help your friend/child understand that the frustration is misdirected by “taking it out” on others.
- Concentration problems - Even when doing activities they love, a grieving person may have a hard time concentrating, or being motivated and in-the-moment. Taking on challenging tasks in small increments at a time can help.
- Shock/emotional numbness - Often times, the first few months following a loss can be a blur for the grieving. They may simply be going through the motions of life – get up, get dressed, eat, breathe, sleep. The shock often lasts 3-6 months following the loss. Take your grieving friend/child where they are. If they want to talk, listen. If they don’t want to talk, don’t force it. But let them know you are there to listen when they are ready.
- Guilt/regret - Know that your grieving loved one may be experiencing guilt or regret associated with their loss. If they are willing to talk about it, listen and support them.
Note: If you are living with grief, and/or raising a grieving child, we highly recommend seeking some level of professional support to help with the complicated challenges of grief. If one-on-one professional counseling does not interest you, there are several peer-support networks nation-wide. Several such organizations are listed on the Hello Grief Resources page.
8 Comments:
I lost my mother 39 days ago. It seems surreal, like maybe she will be back someday. I just cannot bring myself to the realization that my mother is really gone! I am working everyday and I’m living my life but, my mother is gone! This grieving thing is so very difficult. I still count the days since she left. I’m floating through a fog. When it will clear up I have no idea.
I also lost my mom recently (5 weeks tomorrow). My mom and I were so close. We lived together in a house we renovated. I also can’t believe she is gone. She used to call us “two peas in a pod”! I have experienced many of the symptoms described in the article. This is like the worst day of my life that keeps getting repeated over and over again.
I lost my Grandma, who was essentially a second mother to me, and I can’t remember anything. I’ve locked my keys in my car 3 times this week. I feel like I can’t even do simple tasks right. I’m just thinking about too many things at once and it’s hard to deal with. I’m glad that forgetfulness is on this list because I thought I was going crazy.
I lost my mom 9-16-10 … and today is 11-16-11, and my dad passed on 8-21-08. My days are still horrendous, I pick up the phone forgetting they’re gone, I see things in the store, and still think they would like that. My memories are still painful, and the thought that they’ll never be back is dreadful. I still have health issues that are grieving related, I know everyone grieves different, I just never imagined it would last this long and be this hard! I was their caretaker for 6 years and the role reversal was difficult, so It’s like losing my children and my parents all wrapped up into one! Being kind to yourselves and making sure you get a great check-up is the most important thing to do when your grieving. You and your health are worth it! I know this will get better, but being an orphan takes allot of getting use to!
I lost my dad March 2010 and lost my mom April 2011 and it seems like years ago but then again it seems like yesterday. It’s without a doubt, the worst two days of my life. It seems that you can get a few steps ahead but then the grief and loss just overwhelms you and you’re back to the day after everything happened.
I don’t think you get over a loss, you just learn to cope day by day.
Yes…lost my dad 7 months ago. Very hard adjusting to normal life again. Seems just like yesterday and still missing him so.
My father was ill for a year then finally diagnosed with ALS just before Christmas 2011. He died less than a month later. I was only working part-time so I spent many hours helping out my parents this fall during Dad’s illness. Every muscle in my body is now aching now and I’m having a lot of problems concentrating for any length of time. After the funeral, I spent the first few days watching the first 4 seasons of Sons of Anarchy because anything more than that seemed way too difficult to deal with. Good to know that I’m not alone. Thanks for publishing this article.
I lost my dad May 2003 and then my husband Feb 2005 my best friend 10 days later and father in law April 2005. All to sudden illness. It was a terrible season of grief for me and my two children. We went through a lot of counseling so with that help and our strong faith in God we got through. My youngest son had to deal with suicide attempts for a couple of years but he is doing much better. He stil misses dad and the grandpas & so do I, we talk of them often. Gone but not forgotten.