Poll Result: My Loss Changed Me…

Below are results from the July/August 2010 Hello Grief Poll.

Please continue the discussion in the comments section below.

Question: I think my loss changed me as a person by…

447 Total Responses

  • 147 votes – helping me value relationships more than the average person.
  • 135 votes – ways I can’t describe.
  • 69 votes – making me more fearful.
  • 49 votes – make me more resilient.
  • 45 votes – changing my life and career goals.
  • 2 votes – it hasn’t really changed me.

View this and vote on this month’s Hello Grief poll at www.hellogrief.org.

Photo Credit.

8 Comments:

  1. Sofy said on September 2, 2010 at 2:17 pm ... #

    So, what are those ways that people couldn’t describe in terms of what was presented in the poll options? I’m curious to know about the potential effects of a loss.
    I, myself, became more tough, though my loss made me a rough-numb body and soul creature for a period of time. I don’t think any other accident will hurt me the same, again.

  2. Kiara said on September 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm ... #

    Was i one of the 2 who voted it hasnt really changed me

    It didnt because i was a baby and i didnt know what was going on!

  3. joyce hayden said on September 20, 2010 at 3:57 am ... #

    I felt that parents whom lost grown children…accidentaly got overlooked..I did the poll anyway..but it was difficult.

  4. Nancy Mosqueda said on October 22, 2010 at 5:56 pm ... #

    Ilost my son last year in a motercycle accident.He was 28 years old. It has been so hard for me we were so close. I feel like a part of me died too,my son came by my house everyday.Ifeel so lost with out him,i will never be the same person again .

  5. Patty Donovan said on October 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm ... #

    I lost my son, my only child when he was 19 years old.I don’t know for sure that my grief was worsened by the fact that it was a suicide- he was cyber-bullied in high for years;we changed high schools and he went on to college. I had hoped the worst was behind him.(He wa sa straight A student with soo much potential). All along…whispering to him daily to hang on; that college would change his life and open many doors.He killed himself at college.
    My life was forever changed that day. Prior to my son’s death- I was bubbly- talkative- super out going- friends with everyone.My prior job was to motivate people- worked as a children’s therapist- many children and young adults dying of Cancer; head injuries from accidents,etc….and I had to change jobs due to more poor concentration. I took a job in a very quiet office working with adults as it was very difficult for me to be around children, let alone motivate them and encourage them which I truly loved.I wanted to move- as everything in my home reminded me of my son.The real estate market is not the greatest so I decided to stay put. I was one of the lucky ones who got a letter from my son- telling me to go on with my life- to do the things I love- and that he was just in too much pain to go on.
    I push myself everyday to “keep going” because that is what my son would want me to do.It took me a while to get back to my creative outlets- painting, writing and exercise class. I had to make new friends who understood my pain. I was not capable of being very sociable- and lost most of my zip and energy. It is coming back slowly. I thank the grief therapist I went to see for over 18 months- she was amazing…and I made the conscious choice everyday to be around positive people that lifted me up.I read every book on grief that I could get my hands on- and I can not stress that enough- to find a book that speaks to you and gives you some comfort and peace to help you move forward.(I don’t even like to read. It helped to read about people going through a similar experience).
    I can now spend time with kids and they give me the joy they once did. I love my God children that are the same age my son would be- and am so glad they are a part of my life. I had to remove most of the pictures of my son out of my eye shot. It is less painful now. It has been three years. I will continue to try everyday to do something I enjoy…and not be to hard on myself when I feel sad when something reminds me of my son.

  6. Joyce Gallegos said on October 29, 2010 at 8:42 pm ... #

    To Patty,

    I can feel your pain in your writing about your son and thank you for sharing that with us all. I have learned over the years that a shared pain is a lessened pain. I know it will take several years to realize this. I lost my son from AIDS in 1993 at age 37. I feel losing a child is the ultimate death. And in your precious child who chose death over life is even more painful to endure. Please know that I will say a prayer of healing for you and know in time that through your profession that you will be able to touch people in such a special way with your courage and grace. I too read about everything I could on death and grieving, it helped a great deal along with support groups. The Compassionate Friends is a wonderful support group for parents.
    Thank you for sharing your intimate story with us all.

  7. Kati said on November 4, 2010 at 3:35 am ... #

    Patty, I also found your story, and your openness to share it, most tender and courageous. I appreciate you explaining the fatigue and loss of “zip”, as well as your need to be around people who understand. I too, feel both of these things (my dad passed on September 11th). This community here is so encouraging! thank you for bringing your story to others. i am so glad that, despite all the sadness, you can be committed to doing something you enjoy each day. kati

  8. Lou S said on April 18, 2012 at 2:34 pm ... #

    I lost my husband and my father 7 weeks apart from each other. Losing them has forced me to focus in the present moment bc the past is only memories of what was and the future is not anymore of what I thought it would be. So now I prioritize in ways I never did before. I take more trips, try new things and don’t ask for/need validation or waver between if I should do something or not. I rarely over think things anymore and have learned to say no. I am now comfortable doing things alone or on my own. I have become more of an observer now and listen better. I don’t wallow and don’t have much patience for those that do or with those who think I should be wallowing all the time. I have developed a very childlike way at looking at and experiencing life. It’s refreshing and lighter, but I still have a very heavy underlying feeling of what has happened. But i still go and try things and go places because I know one day it will click. And I don’t want to have spent my life wishing for things I wish I did or waiting like so many people do. Waiting for what?

    “Loss has changed me in every conceivable way.” is another way to put it.

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