Hello Grief

7 Comments:

1. Sofy said on September 2, 2010 at 2:17 pm ... #

   So, what are those ways that people couldn’t describe in terms of what was presented in the poll options? I’m curious to know about the potential effects of a loss.
   I, myself, became more tough, though my loss made me a rough-numb body and soul creature for a period of time. I don’t think any other accident will hurt me the same, again.

2. Kiara said on September 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm ... #

   Was i one of the 2 who voted it hasnt really changed me

   It didnt because i was a baby and i didnt know what was going on!

3. joyce hayden said on September 20, 2010 at 3:57 am ... #

   I felt that parents whom lost grown children…accidentaly got overlooked..I did the poll anyway..but it was difficult.

4. Nancy Mosqueda said on October 22, 2010 at 5:56 pm ... #

   Ilost my son last year in a motercycle accident.He was 28 years old. It has been so hard for me we were so close. I feel like a part of me died too,my son came by my house everyday.Ifeel so lost with out him,i will never be the same person again .

5. Patty Donovan said on October 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm ... #

   I lost my son, my only child when he was 19 years old.I don’t know for sure that my grief was worsened by the fact that it was a suicide- he was cyber-bullied in high for years;we changed high schools and he went on to college. I had hoped the worst was behind him.(He wa sa straight A student with soo much potential). All along…whispering to him daily to hang on; that college would change his life and open many doors.He killed himself at college.
   My life was forever changed that day. Prior to my son’s death- I was bubbly- talkative- super out going- friends with everyone.My prior job was to motivate people- worked as a children’s therapist- many children and young adults dying of Cancer; head injuries from accidents,etc….and I had to change jobs due to more poor concentration. I took a job in a very quiet office working with adults as it was very difficult for me to be around children, let alone motivate them and encourage them which I truly loved.I wanted to move- as everything in my home reminded me of my son.The real estate market is not the greatest so I decided to stay put. I was one of the lucky ones who got a letter from my son- telling me to go on with my life- to do the things I love- and that he was just in too much pain to go on.
   I push myself everyday to “keep going” because that is what my son would want me to do.It took me a while to get back to my creative outlets- painting, writing and exercise class. I had to make new friends who understood my pain. I was not capable of being very sociable- and lost most of my zip and energy. It is coming back slowly. I thank the grief therapist I went to see for over 18 months- she was amazing…and I made the conscious choice everyday to be around positive people that lifted me up.I read every book on grief that I could get my hands on- and I can not stress that enough- to find a book that speaks to you and gives you some comfort and peace to help you move forward.(I don’t even like to read. It helped to read about people going through a similar experience).
   I can now spend time with kids and they give me the joy they once did. I love my God children that are the same age my son would be- and am so glad they are a part of my life. I had to remove most of the pictures of my son out of my eye shot. It is less painful now. It has been three years. I will continue to try everyday to do something I enjoy…and not be to hard on myself when I feel sad when something reminds me of my son.

6. Joyce Gallegos said on October 29, 2010 at 8:42 pm ... #

   To Patty,

   I can feel your pain in your writing about your son and thank you for sharing that with us all. I have learned over the years that a shared pain is a lessened pain. I know it will take several years to realize this. I lost my son from AIDS in 1993 at age 37. I feel losing a child is the ultimate death. And in your precious child who chose death over life is even more painful to endure. Please know that I will say a prayer of healing for you and know in time that through your profession that you will be able to touch people in such a special way with your courage and grace. I too read about everything I could on death and grieving, it helped a great deal along with support groups. The Compassionate Friends is a wonderful support group for parents.
   Thank you for sharing your intimate story with us all.

7. Kati said on November 4, 2010 at 3:35 am ... #

   Patty, I also found your story, and your openness to share it, most tender and courageous. I appreciate you explaining the fatigue and loss of “zip”, as well as your need to be around people who understand. I too, feel both of these things (my dad passed on September 11th). This community here is so encouraging! thank you for bringing your story to others. i am so glad that, despite all the sadness, you can be committed to doing something you enjoy each day. kati