Seven Years Later

By guest writer, Samantha Halle

In the days and weeks following my Dad’s death, countless people told me “it will get easier.” Now, seven years later, I can say that yes, in some ways it has. My Dad’s death is no longer one of the first things I remind myself of when I wake up, nor is it the last thing I think about before I fall asleep; it no longer consumes me.

But, even though it has been 2,655 days, I still miss him.  I still have days and weeks when it’s just as painful as it was seven years ago, and I still have moments that make my head spin. There are several things, in particular, that almost always trigger one of these moments and force me to quite literally say hello to my grief. Here are the main five “little things” that get to me:

Less than two weeks after my Dad died, I answered the phone only to hear a telemarketer struggling to pronounce my last name as he asked for my Dad. Feeling as if I had been slapped, I quickly hung up. In later calls, my response to the stinging words was a curt, defiant “NO.” About five years ago, one man dared to respond to my “NO” with, “he’s expecting my call. I spoke to him less than a week ago.”  Most recently, my conversation with a persistent telemarketer went like this:

Telemarketer: “Is Mr. Hale there?”   

Me: “No.”

Telemarketer: “When will he be in?”

Me: “He won’t. Please take our name off your list.”

Telemarketer: “Is there a better time I can call back to reach him?”

Me: “Nope.”

Telemarketer: “Uh, ok. I’ll try back another time.”

Me: “Good luck.”

Though telemarketers don’t bother me as much as they initially did, they still get to me sometimes. They serve as just one more reminder that my Dad is gone.

Questions about Family
There are frequently questions when you meet someone new, and based on the majority of my experiences, these questions are typically asked by curious, or trying-to-be-polite, adults. Many adults I babysit for will ask what my parents do for a living, and I always hesitate to consider my answer. 

I typically respond by stating what my Mom does. Still, many adults will complete my answer with “…and your Dad?”

Several years ago I would neglect to mention that he had died and would simply say what he used to do. Now, if necessary, I will quickly add “my Dad died when I was 11.”

Of course, the instant I release these words into the air, I see the change on their face. They quickly try to smooth their stunned expression and mutter an “I’m sorry.” Then, in an almost ironic way, I console them, letting them know that it’s OK—I’m OK. 

Things that mean something more to you
There have been countless occasions when I’m watching a movie or TV show, or listening to a song or story with a friend, when something hits me. A line or situation sticks out, reminding me of my Dad in some way. Suddenly something’s different; there’s a pang of sadness, a feeling of nostalgia, or a flood of bittersweet sentiment.

Sometimes this moment is brief and I bounce back immediately. Other times, I feel the tears rushing to my eyes and am forced to actively remain composed.

There’s something incredibly bittersweet about accomplishments, knowing that my Dad’s not here to enjoy them with me.

My Dad was the proud, brag-about-your-kids type of guy. He was front and center at every play and recital, and cheering at the end of the pool during each and every swim meet. Now, if I win an award or have something major happen in my life, I have a moment of longing, wishing he could be here to see what I’ve done and know the person I’ve become. 

Hands down, one of the hardest things that has come with losing my Dad is the occasional realization of how much time has passed. Birthdays, holidays, and other milestones are all reminders.

There are days when I feel like it was just yesterday that he died, but other times, I feel as if it has been a lifetime and I can no longer imagine my life with him in it.

There are moments when I must consciously think about how long it has been since he died; it’s as if having him here was a past life of mine—a movie that I’ve watched countless times and memorized but never actually lived.  There are times when I realize that I’m slowly forgetting things I swore I never would and it scares me.  So, I make a concerted effort to replay poignant moments in my mind.

Many people who have not lost someone mistakenly believe that death is something you will “get over.” However, the truth is, I still hurt. Seven years later, it’s not a constant, overwhelming, consuming grief, but the little things, within which grief hides,  that hit me when I least expect it.


  1. Alisha said on February 22, 2010 at 6:11 pm ... #

    What a beautifully and clearly written piece. You make it easy to understand that there are things that will always bring our loss back to us, no matter how long it has been. We all have those things that “get us”….thanks for helping everyone to see that it’s normal to feel that way.

  2. Melissa said on February 23, 2010 at 10:17 am ... #

    What a wonderful article, a true tribute to your father. I lost my grandfather, who really served as my father, when I was 11, and I am now 40. It does get “easier”, but, the pain, and the memories of what I have lost, never fade completely. To have had this community then, would have been a life saver for me. Thank you for sharing this.

  3. Emily said on February 23, 2010 at 10:31 am ... #

    what a beautiful article, thank you so much for sharing. i believe your dad does know the person you have become and all that you have accomplished, even if he is not here.

  4. Nancy said on February 23, 2010 at 12:05 pm ... #

    Great article. I lost my husband 11 years ago. So much of what you said is what I feel, especially the part about him being in a past life. Sometimes I feel like I have my married life with him and then my second life is that of single parenting. Thanks for writing this.

  5. Bonnie said on February 23, 2010 at 1:02 pm ... #

    I’m going to share your article with my daughter. You expressed exactly the way it is for us. Thank you.

  6. Rachel said on February 23, 2010 at 2:18 pm ... #

    Well-written article, and exactly on the mark. We don’t always feel like telling everyone about our parent’s death, and some days the world just conspires you to force to grieve – whether its a tv show, song, or any other little thing that just gets to you or even someone being too inquisitive. Thank you for writing this.

  7. Matt said on February 23, 2010 at 4:52 pm ... #

    Terrific article – right on the mark. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so lucidly and openly. I am 28 years past the loss of my dad, and there are still things that get to me. The loss of a parent isn’t something you get over; it is something you get to live with. Your article does a beautiful job of helping others understand what it’s like.

  8. Laura said on February 23, 2010 at 9:32 pm ... #

    This is a great article…so simply said but hits the nail right on the head…I lost my dad in 2003 so I can relate to everything said in this article…Someone once said to me it doesn’t get easier its just different…

  9. Sarah said on February 23, 2010 at 11:39 pm ... #

    This is so true. My dad died, unexpectedly, when I was ten. I’m 33 now and it still hurts sometimes. It’s easier, I can think of him without crying. I’m very lucky and have an amazing step dad who raised me as if I was his own, but I still miss my real dad and my step dad understands that. Every milestone and the birth of my children there was always that thought in the back of my head that he would have been so proud. It doesn’t ever go away, it just becomes your new normal.

  10. Kim said on February 24, 2010 at 7:45 am ... #

    What an open and honest description of your experience. Your style of communicating is clean and direct. I think many people can understand your experience even if they had never experienced the death of a father. I suspect your dad would be so proud of you – and your writing. You have given voice to things that will help many others grow in understanding.

  11. myk said on February 24, 2010 at 11:41 am ... #

    Never was a more eloquent statement made (on the subject)than what you have posted here, Sam. I agree with Emily: “i believe your dad does know the person you have become and all that you have accomplished, even if he is not here.”. I send you many HUGS today! Thanks for being you! Sam for President!

  12. Earl said on February 24, 2010 at 1:30 pm ... #

    Sam, I still think of Jon often. He gave me a CD of some of his favorite jazz tunes that I cherish and enjoy listening to. My dad passed when I was a young man and although it has been 17 years and 8 days, I can attest to your experience of grief. I associate my dad with the wind in the trees when I am in need of his presence and it gives me comfort that he is there.
    I have a jazz CD I need to go listen to now.

  13. Les Bowman said on February 24, 2010 at 2:56 pm ... #

    Sam. your words bring tears to my eyes for I know how much you loved your Dad.I know he is very proud of your accomplishments and the very mature manner in which you have handled his untimely leave from us! God be with you, your Mom, and your siblings!! Love Ya Les

  14. Anonymous said on February 24, 2010 at 6:54 pm ... #

    This is an amazing article. You hit the hammer right on the head explaining how your grief journey never really ends.

  15. allison said on February 24, 2010 at 7:15 pm ... #

    what an awesome article you really hit home with this one I lost my dad 9 years ago when I was 21. It is the little things and the one timers, that will always get me

  16. Jennifer said on March 11, 2010 at 3:11 pm ... #

    After my husband died unexpectedly from sleep apnea, I read several books on grieving, and helping children cope with grief (our children were 10 and 4).
    The most beneficial comment that I got from those books, and still sticks out the most to me, is, “You never ‘get over it.’ You just learn to live with it.”
    Thanks for all the support Comfort Zone gives!

  17. Alayne said on March 19, 2010 at 9:22 pm ... #

    Thank you for writing this. I just lost my dad suddenly. Your words bring me a lot of comfort.

  18. Jayme said on March 26, 2010 at 6:56 am ... #

    Excellent Article, I felt the same way!
    My dad died in his sleep of a heart attack when I was 14 and my mother died of an anuerysm when I was 19. I was in such shock after my dad died that my gorgeous thick hair started to fall out. I had to “hide” my grief because my friends would not have been able to handle it.
    I still hate to this day when people say “you are so strong”.
    After my mother died – I could never sit still. I couldn’t focus and my mind raced – probably for 10 years.
    I thought, “I’ll become a beauty queen” “I’ll get straight A’s” and they will look down at me and be proud. So I would focus on those goals, and then after I reached those goals, I would miss my parents again and crash/hit the wall so to speak and be sad all over again.
    It sucked not having someone give me a college graduation dinner. Everything was so bittersweet.
    Being in my hometown (even though it was a large city) was a daily reminder of what I was missing – even as I got older and saw people I knew, with their mothers and their babies in strollers at the mall. It made me sad to think I would never have that.
    I finally got over my grief, when I moved away from my hometown, got married and had my own family.
    Grief is no longer my companion. I don’t tell people about my childhood trauma that lasted for over 10 years (it might still make me cry). Though I can still be sensitive to it.
    I celebrate life, and my beautiful family every day. I don’t want my childhood grief to extend to my children OR make them fearful that what happened to me could happen to them.

    The one thing I learned after my mother died. Is that you can never replace that relationship. But instead you develop friendships that fulfill different roles. A friend to trust your secrets to, a friend to laugh with, a friend to cry with, a friend you can gossip too etc.

    I found that when I was in my 20’s – I liked a lot of different guys – each one had a different piece of my father. But obviously having so many different boyfriends is not as safe or mentally healthy. And I would crash/hit the wall after each relationship ended, often staying in relationships out of fear of the being alone feeling.

    That is the scoop for now. I haven’t thought about grief in a while. My life is HAPPY. But I saw the article on the CNN website. I wish I would have had this website years ago. xox

  19. Anonymous said on March 28, 2010 at 1:14 pm ... #

    Thank you for writing this. So many of the things you said describe my experience too. Tomorrow it will be 10 years since my father died. You never get over it… just used to it.

  20. James Payton said on March 31, 2010 at 7:48 pm ... #

    My father died on April 2nd 1988 so this time of year is always somewhat difficult for me. I was inconsolable earlier, but now I’m alright. It happens sometimes.
    I’ve noticed that as I’ve drawn closer to the age when he died (he was 41, I am 34) I tend to think about him more & more, what he would have thought of me as a man, what I would have been like if he’d lived. All that jazz.
    I was never offered any form of professional support back in ’88, it would have been a great thing if the internet had been around then. So many of your experiences ring true to me, and I rather enjoy that familiarity, our common bond as it were.
    As many of you have commented, “you never get over it, you just get used to it” I think that must be hard for people who haven’t had a loss to understand. This article goes some way to helping people realise that the fallout from the death of a parent is a lifetime journey. It’s neither a good or bad thing, it’s just life.
    I’m an atheist, I have no belief in the supernatural. False comfort is no comfort to me. My father is dead, he isn’t somewhere better or worse, he no longer exists. I will never meet him again. Genetically however, part of me is him & that makes me smile, turn on my heel & wander off toward new adventure. Best wishes to all. James Payton.

  21. Anonymous said on April 4, 2010 at 11:56 am ... #

    I agree that this is a very well written article.I’m so sorry for your loss. One thing I had read about loss is that you heal a little bit with the tell of the story but like you I often find myself consoling the one I’m telling or they interupt and say they didn’t mean to make me cry, when that’s what I need to do while I tell the story. My twin sister has had ample opportunities to tell the story of how my Mother died, when she died how she reacted when she heard the news etc. etc. but I haven’t. Good for you for putting this out there. I don’t feel your pain only you do. Mine is similar and I’m older and my Mother died only a little more that 2 years ago. Heal.

  22. kayta tourtillott said on April 7, 2010 at 3:33 pm ... #

    this is really nice to hear and i can really relate to it even though it has only been a few months since my dad has died. thank you

  23. m said on April 8, 2010 at 2:20 pm ... #

    I lost my mum when I was 7, 18 years ago and I dont remember her ever being at home the only memory of her was when she was really ill in the hospice. but after all this time Im finding it arder and harder. I long for a mother, to hug or share my thoughts and feelings with, go shopping argue with etc etc.

    is this normal to feel like this 18 years after the event.


  24. melissa said on April 14, 2010 at 2:28 pm ... #

    thank you for your words!! My father died a year ago April 16 2009 and my mama just six months later. I too get overwhelmed and feel like an orphan. I know they went the way they wanted to so close together they were married for 61 years, but I miss them soooooo much that it literally and physically hurts me. May God continue to bless you and I know that your dad and mine are watching out for us. :)

  25. Holly said on April 19, 2010 at 6:27 pm ... #

    I was greatly struggling today as my father passed away 11 years ago on this date. I was also 11 at the time, and have never read anything that so closely matches the way I have felt about it… well, that is until this article.

    Thank you so much for sharing and helping me today.

  26. CM said on April 22, 2010 at 11:31 pm ... #

    It will be five years in May that I lost my dad to lung cancer. I didn’t want my dad to die. To this day I always say my dad left. I want him back so bad. I have never and never will be the same person I was. I still have my mom and pray she stays for a very long time. My mom just turned 82. I still cry and am crying now as I am writing this. I really do not want to live when something happens to my mom. I bought two plots in the same cemetery where my dad is. I feel that I came into the world to be with my parents and I will leave with them too. I worry constantly about if there really is a place after we die. If there is not, well I wish I was never born. It is totally unbearable to think I might not see my dad again if there is nothing after this life. Life is hard and it has never been fair.

  27. Amy said on April 23, 2010 at 3:52 pm ... #

    My mom passed away 3 years ago….exactly said in this article there are moments when it just hits me. I am sitting at work and decided to google grieving my mom (it just hit me at work at 3:30 that my mom isn’t here)and this was what I decided to click on when the search came up. This is exactly how I feel…..amazing article and thanks for writing it….I miss my mom so much and while her passing is not the first thing I think of when I wake up or last think when I go to bed, I miss her all the same…the phone calls, shopping trips, the laughing….she was my best friend.

  28. T said on May 3, 2010 at 1:40 am ... #

    Thank you for this article. I was 10 when my dad died – this month it will be 10 years since he died. I’m now 20 and feel I just cannot get over – which is probably true. I just learned to not thing about it so much. Everytime I’m in a good mood and think of him I’m happy, everytime I’m in a bad mood I cry a bucketload of tears. I still miss you dad.

  29. Barbara Clarke said on May 5, 2010 at 5:53 pm ... #

    Samantha – what a beautiful article – and how perfectly you expressed your feelings even to this day in the loss of your Dad. Even though my Daddy (your Great-Grandfather) has been gone for many years – I still think of him – sometimes suddenly when least expected, and miss him terribly. I feel the same way about your Great-Grandmother and her loss. I think we never quite get over our love and feeling for our mother and father, who were there at the beginning of our lives. I am sure you wish so often you could share something with him – as I do with my parents. We were fortunate to spend some time with your Dad – especially on our trips to Virginia and our time in Florida with your family and feel blessed by that time together. Samantha – reading what you have written is also a blessing to me. We are proud you are a part of our family – you are truly a gift – I believe your Dad knows that!
    Love you!
    Aunt Barbara & Uncle Aden

  30. Merry Sara said on May 11, 2010 at 9:01 pm ... #

    I am having one of those hard says and I just randomly came across this. You said exactly what I am feeling and have always struggled to explain to people how I could possibly still be sad about my dad’s death7 years ago as well. Some days I forget how long ago it was also, and sometimes I feel like he is just an imagination I had. I have been trying to fill that void he has left in my heart. I just wish I could see him smile light up the room again…

  31. Anonymous said on May 12, 2010 at 1:31 am ... #

    Today is my Dad’s birthday. I joined a new workplace a week ago. So, I don’t have a soul I can talk to about him. No one knows him. I needed some support and chanced upon this article. I can relate to you so much though my Dad’s been gone for above 2 years. Till date, I always say ‘My parents live in my hometown’. I cannot bring myself to acknowledge to strangers that my Dad is no more but maybe I will learn sometime. Take care, Sam and God Bless you!

  32. Virginia said on May 29, 2010 at 6:40 am ... #

    My Dad dies 9 years ago when I was 44 and he was 72. He was such a huge part of my life and the only one I trusted. I can’t seem to get past his death. He was the glue that held our family together and since his death I feel there is no real family anymore. I still cry all the time and everything reminds me of him. My Mom is getting older now and I am so worried about her getting sick that it consumes me. What would I do if I lost her too? I worry and worry until I am sick. Professional help is a joke. I just need someone that can relate with how I feel. Thanks if you can talk to me.

  33. Kelsey said on June 16, 2010 at 12:02 am ... #

    My grandma was my mother growing up because my real mom left when I was two. She was diognosed with cancer when I was in the 5th grade, I’m 17 now. She passed away that summer when I was forced to move in with my mom whom I did not have contact with. Since the day she passed away everything has been so blurry. I cry all the time and when ever even mentions cancer I can not listen, the thought of the whole thing makes me sick to my stomach.
    Thank you for writting this because it let’s me know that I’m not the only one out there still being swallowed by grief. I just want to know how I can live my life with out having to fake a smile and pretend I’m happy when really I am broken

  34. Anne Saffron said on July 24, 2010 at 3:10 am ... #

    I am in the exact same boat as you. My dad died when I was eleven and it is seven years later, eight in March. All of these things are the same for me. Except instead of Telemarketers we still get mail. My step father ended up dying too so reliving all of it hurts. I felt so bad for my poor mother to have to go through it twice.
    Our dads sound very similar. My dad showed me off all the time too. I deal with all these problems. A lot of adults have asked the same question and it’s always so awkward when I tell them and all the color drains from their face. Time is such a hard one. I sometimes have to think about what my dad looked like. It’s getting harder and harder to remember and that horrifies me. I recently was in court because my dad started a law suit and listening to all the witnesses and everything brought me to tears. I was a wreak after that.
    I agree, so many people have said “You will get over it” but I never will. So many things remind me of him. I get so angry when someone takes their parents for granted. I wish my dad was around to see all my graduations. Teach me to drive. Help me move into college. He won’t be there to give me away on my wedding day. He isn’t here to threaten any boys [even though they aren’t flocking at my door]. He just isn’t here. My mum had to raise me and my younger brother all by herself and it’s amazing that we haven’t turned out horrible.
    It’s so hard to talk to people about it since I have never met anyone who has dealt with a parents death. No one my age at least. No one understands the pain unless they have gone through it. No one wants to help me get out of my depressed moods when I fall into them.
    God is really the only one who has helped, and even then it’s sometimes hard to hear him speak to me.
    I don’t know, I think I need to find someone to talk too even after all these years. I never went to a therapist like my mother and brother did because I had to be the strong one.
    Oh I hate falling into these sad moods, they really don’t suit me well.

  35. Anonymous said on August 7, 2010 at 11:45 am ... #

    Thank you for your article. My dad passed away this January and I am getting married in a few months (October). This has been the hardest thing for me, knowing that my father isn’t going to walk me down the aisle, to the point I’ve even considered cancelling the entire wedding and eloping someplace with just my fiance and I. I can definitely appreciate what you wrote, although it hasn’t been years since my father passed, it brings to light all the bitter/sweet moments I’m soon going to face without my dad’s presence – my wedding, my first child’s birth, buying my first home, etc. It breaks my heart that he can’t be here for those special moments.

  36. Mary said on August 26, 2010 at 2:45 pm ... #

    Thanks for sharing your story. My dad died on March 13, 2010, and tomorrow (Aug. 27) will be 17 years since my mom died. Over time, I came to grips with my mom’s passing, though I still miss her very much. I also knew that I had my dad and that helped a lot.

    Now with both of them gone, there are days when it gets really tough to deal with. I feel like I’m in a fog. It’s almost stifling. But I say my prayers and try to keep the faith and know they are still with me, but only in a different way.

  37. Susie said on August 31, 2010 at 3:00 pm ... #

    I am 26 years old and just lost my dad. It’s been 5 weeks. And for me, I know that it will get easier as time goes by because in just the past 5 weeks it has gotten easier. However, I also know that there will be times that it will consume me, it will fill me, it will make me fall to the floor in uncontrollable sobs. And I’m ok with that. Because so long as I’m doing that, I’m still feeling. And I’m still remembering him.

    My dad comes to visit me in my dreams sometimes, and I hold onto that. Sometimes I can smell him, and I hold onto that. Sometimes I can hear his laughter, and I hold onto that.

    It does get easier, but it also gets harder sometimes. And that’s the ebb and flow about grieving. It’s not stages like some people were taught and believe. It’s a constant, everyday journey.

    What a beautiful, honest, and well written piece. Thank you for sharing.

  38. David said on September 8, 2010 at 10:07 pm ... #

    My Mom died on February 22nd 2010. I miss her so much. While it’s not as bad as the first few months, I definitely still cry at least a couple times a week.

    My Mom’s life revolved around her family. She was an amazing woman. She put up with so much of my crap when I went through school but it only made me love her that much more when I entered adulthood realizing the sacrifices she made for me.

    I still just can’t fully grasp the realization that she is gone and she is never coming back. That thought just makes it feel as if my heart is about to explode.

    I’ve never known what to believe in when it comes to God as I am agnostic. All I can say is, now that my Mom is gone, I hope more than ever that there is a God and Heaven. Because it hurts me even more to think that there’s not a heaven and I really won’t ever see my Mom again.

  39. Simon said on September 11, 2010 at 2:55 pm ... #

    I live in the UK and my mum died of cancer over six years ago. I recently split with my girlfriend of 11 years (something I’d wanted) and started a disastrous new relationship soon afterwards and suddenly my grief has come rushing back. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been crying – sometimes sobbing uncontrollably – almost every day.

    Six years seems like so long ago and I thought I’d grieved for her properly and I kept asking myself what the hell was wrong with me. I thought I was having a break down and that I was just being weird – until I read this (plus all the comments). I didn’t realize grief can hit you so long after the event. Thanks to all the posters who have reassured me it can still hit you years later.

    The fact is in the last four months I’ve gone through a major life-changing event and the one person I want to talk to about it is no longer here. Thanks also for pointing out that you never get over it, you just learn to live with it. Honestly didn’t realize that. I thought that because I no longer woke up with her on my mind, because time had passed, because I could talk about her without crying, that I’d gotten over it. I understand now that is impossible. Will now focus on just living with it. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

  40. hannah said on September 25, 2010 at 12:20 am ... #

    I can’t understand anything 5 years on. Cancer stole everything from me and still nobody understands why sometimes the simplest things like getting out of bed are difficult.

    Your story gives me a small hope that I am never alone.
    And that to me is a great gift


  41. Maria said on October 9, 2010 at 7:32 pm ... #

    My dad died when I was 10 as well and it was comforting to read about that someone else has been going through the same situations as I have, thank you for sharing


  42. anonymos said on October 11, 2010 at 4:46 pm ... #

    hiya, that story was lovely and very touching. I lost my dad when i was 2, i dnt have very many memories. I am now 16 and the realisation of how different my life is to my friends is just sinking in. Il never have the same father-daughter love that theyll have, on my wedding day it wont be my dad walking me down that isle and things like that are what upsets me most.

  43. Denise said on October 15, 2010 at 10:08 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing this. My dad died over 11 years ago and I can relate to pretty much everything that you wrote. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  44. willetta said on November 14, 2010 at 4:20 pm ... #

    very well written…The love of my life also the father of my 4 kids. He was murdered 2 yrs ago…it still seems like yesterday…i miss him so much..i have been single since….It’s not easy to move on…..

  45. C.J. said on November 15, 2010 at 7:12 am ... #

    It sucks, doesn’t it?
    I’m 24, and this February it will have been 10 years since my Dad died.
    Accomplishments are worst thing, in my opinion. I’m an actress, I moved to L.A., got cast in a movie etc etc and went straight to Westwood Memorial Park, sat at Marilyn Monroe’s grave and bawled my eyes out! It is not fair he can’t be here to see it all happen, even though I do believe he can see it from wherever he is.
    I’m glad there are so many people on here who understand – sometimes I feel I’m all alone in this.

  46. Kate said on November 18, 2010 at 11:56 pm ... #

    My dad has been gone over 11 years and on a daily basis I am fine. But sometimes out of the blue I get incredibly emotional. It’s the slightest thing that sets it off: a movie, a song, an image in my mind. I can’t explain it to anyone because they can’t relate or they don’t understand how I can still get so emotional. I wonder if it is normal to get upset so many years later, but as I get older it does get harder: harder to remember him and harder to picture him in my life now. As my siblings and I grow up I wish that he were here to see us and have a relationship with us as adults. I wish he were here to meet his grandchildren….

    It does get easier, but it never goes away. Thank you for writing this and letting me know that I’m not alone.

  47. Poonita said on November 25, 2010 at 7:41 pm ... #

    Thanks for shring this article, Samantha. My dad just passed away suddenly on 15 Nov 10 and i am still in a shock. He was 87 and took very good care of his health. He suddenly fell ill on 5 Nov 10 and was hospitalised and his condition was deteriorating the day he was admitted and the dr. did tell us to get prepared for the worse which we refused to listen and belived that he will recover soon. I spent the last few days in the hospital taking care of him. The day he passed away, i was not beside him but my sister was but she slept off. My sister and I regret so much for not being there at that moment. We miss him so much and after reading your article, i know that we are not alone.

  48. Elizabeth said on December 2, 2010 at 6:57 pm ... #

    This was so amazing for me to read. I constantly block all my feelings from my mothers passing 8 years ago and have yet to deal with it in an appropiate matter. I could barely read your story b/c I cried all the way through it. Your story is relatedable as are the comments. THank you all for making my day better.

  49. Amanda said on December 9, 2010 at 3:07 am ... #

    you are going through exactly what i am going through right now I just keep asking him for a sign and crying waiting for it. for me it has been 6 years ago my father died in october 2010.
    you have helped with the calm thanks for that tonight.

  50. Amanda said on December 9, 2010 at 3:07 am ... #

    sorry wrong year there sheesh obviously

  51. Sophie said on December 14, 2010 at 5:56 pm ... #

    Quite simply, thank you for making me realise that maybe I am, quite possibly, just normal in grieving for my dad xx

  52. Erica said on December 15, 2010 at 11:53 pm ... #

    my dad died when i was 7 i never really remember grieving for him, i would always pretend I was too young to really know, as a defence mechanisim I suppose and like the previous post to act like it did not really effect me, so no one felt sorry for me. I am the youngest of my 2 sisters an one brother, we were were not allowed to go to his funeral on the 04th December 1979, now my daughter is the same age that I was when he died and I find myself strapped with more grief with this than I do normally around the xmas time, seeing in my daugther the age and realisation of how young I actually was.
    I only discovered after my daugters dad left us with our little baby girl that our first xmas in 2003 that my dads birthday was xmas day, which made xmas even worse for me.
    I think this is nice I can post this add as a tribute to my Dads Joeseph’s life and wish I would have had more memories and a father figure through out all of my life.

  53. Anna said on December 17, 2010 at 4:11 am ... #

    Im so glad i found your article… you made me realise that Im not going off my head.
    I lost my beloved Dad 3 years and 5 months ago and I had been wonderin if something was wrong with me cos of all the tears and so many things reminding me. I had a counsellor and she said I was grieving slowly. Actually now I think its just normal. If you were close to someone, you cant adjust that quickly and you will always miss that loved one. You just have to try to live life to the full in spite of it.
    So thanks so much for sharing this and helping me and many other people. xx

  54. Olivia said on December 20, 2010 at 2:01 pm ... #

    Thank you for writing this. I use to wonder how long someone should grieve when losing a loved one and the answer I found never ends. There is always pain or sadness when memories or incidents like the ones you mentioned occur. Every single thing that you mentioned still happen to me. It’s been 3 years since the passing of my mother (my absolute BEST FRIEND)and I still have moments that put me on “pause”. I give attention to that moment and then try to move through it. I don’t even bring her up as much because I’m sure people get sick of hearing me talk about her but I miss her so much. Until I lost her, I never knew you could miss someone so much. Like Anna said, I know I’m normal now and because of what you’ve shared (and others) and I feel a lot better. Thank you all so much.

  55. colleen said on December 26, 2010 at 6:43 pm ... #

    I have been searching for years on and off for a site where I may be able to connect with others in this “club”. Christmas is incredibly hard for me. My father died of a heart attach while on an annual fishing trip with my brother. They were in a very remote area of Canada with no hospitals or phone service – he never had a chance. That was 6 years ago. I was 22. I found out that he died on the way to my college graduation ceremony. 6 years later, I find myself indecisive, anxious, sad, and robbed of my parent. I feel like I am stuck. Did anyone else have a parent die at that pinnacle in life – just stepping out on your own? It just feels like I totally lost my way when you died and for the life of me, I can’t find my way back! Suggestions welcome : )

  56. qifeng said on December 30, 2010 at 3:50 pm ... #

    I lost my dad 11 years ago. I feel more and more sadness.

  57. George said on January 8, 2011 at 2:09 pm ... #

    Colleen just try to remember that your father loves you and always wants the best for you in your own life as he always did before he passed away. Both of my parents have been gone now for almost a decade and the pain never goes away. I just try to manage the pain the best I can. I know that some day I will be with them again because of my religious beliefs and I also know that Christ wants all of us to live our own lives to the fullest avery day because he said so.

  58. Listener said on January 22, 2011 at 3:45 pm ... #

    Dear Samantha,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. Now I know I’m not the only one that is having a hard time dealing with the loss even after many years.

    On the day I got the bad news in school from a relative, I had a shell shock and everything changed. I think I used to have excellent memories of events in time-order with vivid details, but I really couldn’t remember much in my past 10 years after my father passed away. My memories and sense of time have been blurred.

    I know my psychological trauma would never heal. After so many years, I still have sweet dreams of us living happily together or nightmares of him being sick. I still deeply regretted that I didn’t spend more time with him before he passed away, because I couldn’t imagine that he would leave me so soon and at the same time I had to go to school and deal with the stupid college entrance exams. I did well for the exams and got admitted by my first-choice college, but I felt so lost and miserable in the first couple years. I transferred eventually.

    In most days, I have tried to focus on my daily life and not to think about the loss. But, the wounds never heal. Like you said, there are always these moments that reopen the wounds and cause an emotional breakdown, making tears run down like a river.

    I just comfort myself by wishing him in a much better place where there is no pain or grief but happiness.

  59. Leah said on February 10, 2011 at 9:05 pm ... #

    My dad died 7 years ago last month. i really miss him alot. i typed into google, “my dad died 7 years ago.” i read this to tears. i really did. this is beautiful. i never really cried or anything when he died. it changed me so much into a “tough” girl that i never really showed any emotion to anyone. i think i am making up for 7 years of grief right now.

  60. Karen said on February 14, 2011 at 12:40 am ... #

    I found your post this evening in the midst of real moments of grief and longing for my dad who died nearly five years ago. You are so right; we’ll never stop missing our dads, and we’ll never really “get over it.” We just find other ways to fill our lives and try to keep the fantastic memories alive. Last night, I had a dream about my dad, and he was smiling, laughing and enjoying a cocktail. I like to think this is what he’s doing now. I wish you peace amidst the struggles; I feel your pain. Hugs to you.

  61. Doug said on February 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm ... #

    My mother died suddenly when I was 5 years old. Now it is many years later and I am trying to understand what happened to me. After spending most of my life trying not to think about it I have for the past several years immersed myself in the process of grieving for her, but it seems like it is an onion, you go through one layer of grief, and then there is another.

  62. Casey said on February 24, 2011 at 8:22 pm ... #

    It’s funny, this is exactly my story.

    My dad died of lung cancer when I was 11 years old. Those words never lose their bitterness, no matter how many times I’ve had to write them down. It has been seven years now.

    Now I’m at college, it’s my first year being away from home on the anniversary of his death and it feels as if it just happened all over again. A few days ago, before the anniversary, I unexpectedly came across a picture of him and burst into tears. I thought that maybe after almost 7 years I would be better at this…I’m not. And I think I’m finally okay with the fact that I’m not okay. My life has never been normal since he died, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There is no such thing as normal once a parent dies. The whole inside my heart has not shrunken, I’ve simply gotten used to it being there.

    I miss you daddy.

  63. pearl said on March 1, 2011 at 1:45 am ... #

    Hi Sam,
    I want to say thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I too lost my mother 9 years ago & she was my best friend & we were very close..

    About 5mos ago, I was visiting my mom & crying & this man that sales plots at the cemetary came to me to comfort, but he made a comment that sticked with me & made me feel sad & worried. He said that how I was feeling was not normal, my grieffing shouldn’t last this long. He said I should get professional help. Ever since, for mos I’ve been thinking about his comments..

    After reading your story, made me feel safe knowing that I am normal, how I feel is ok, you really made me so happy today..thank you from the bottom of my heart..

  64. victoria said on March 11, 2011 at 11:51 pm ... #

    Im so glad i found this! I can relate to it completly. I lost My dad 7 yrs ago and although most days i dnt even think about it, there are those days that I just cry and remember. As much as I still talk to him now I just wished I could have done it while he was still with us. I just had a daughter which would have and is his first granddaughter and its been hard.

  65. Julie said on March 14, 2011 at 7:00 pm ... #

    My dad died 19 days & 23 hrs ago…He was 93! it makes me sick when someone says “Well he had a good life” Yes he most certainly did but that doesnt mean I Miss Him any less than someone who died younger, that my mums heart isnt breaking any less than someone elses, or that I miss him any less than someone who died at 51. The fact is MY DAD DIED & I Miss Him, yes he had problems yes he was in some pain but he was MY DAD. Almost 3 weeks on and i cant believe how fast the time has flown equally I can’t believe the pain is still here…………Does it ever go away??? When does life ever become “normal” again?? Does the pain ever go!

  66. Catherine said on March 20, 2011 at 10:29 am ... #

    I don’t think i’m eloquent enough to express my gratitude for your writing this piece. It completely sums up my feelings about my dads death coming up 5 years ago, in well, seven days. Perhaps in showing this article to my partner he can perhaps start on the journey to understanding the grief i feel.

    I still feel robbed of my father and cry for the pieces of my life i will never get to share with him and him with me. I was told yesterday that perhaps it is worse to have a father who is absent from your life than to have a father who died. I couldn’t disagree more and i would give anything for him to be absent from my life than gone forever.

    He may not have been a perfect man but he was the best dad i could ever have hoped for. Most days i’m fine i get up and on with my day maybe with a passing thought but then there are the days, the special days, that i can’t help but weep for his loss in my life.

    Thank you

  67. Pete said on March 26, 2011 at 9:45 pm ... #

    Sam, it was such a privilege to meet you this evening. My dad was away in WWII for the first year and a half of my life, and so as a very young child I grew up with my grandfather seeming like my dad — a wonderful, loving man, calm and unflappable, everyone’s favorite town doctor. He died of a heart attack on my fifth birthday, and while my parents and their siblings rushed to be with him those last few days, they felt my brother and I were too young to understand, so left us at home with someone else caring for us. I’m now 66, and it still brings tears to my eyes every time I think about him and about the fact I never got to say goodbye to him; I still have on my wall the miniature cuckoo clock that was his last birthday present to me. Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful and open and articulate tribute to your dad, and to the emotions that those of us who have lost a parent still continue to live with over a lifetime.

    My own dad died five years ago in his 80s, and I still miss him too — mainly in the daily things like no longer hearing the sound of his voice on the answering machine, and no longer having him there to cheer us on and be proud of us as he always was, probably often more than we deserved, but he WAS always there and cheering for us. The only consolation is that I do continue to feel his presence, his spirit, so actively and vividly alive in my life, so very often, and especially, it seems, at times when I’ve had to wrestle with an important decision. I hope you can still sense your dad’s presence and spirit in your own life, cheering you on and being a supportive presence in your own life’s decisions even if he is no longer there in person.

  68. Roisin said on March 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm ... #

    Thank you for you article and everyone for their comments. This is the first time I have heard so many stories with every single one experiencing exctly what I do…Its nice to feel undrestood.
    My Dad passed away 7 years ago, it was Spring time, everything was coming to life while he was fading away. Now every spring when the trees start to blossom I get this sense of grief that just wells up inside of me and at first I don’t even realize what it is and then it hits me like it was yesterday…I think we all need to remember the hurt and to cry to be able to lighten the load and move on..My Dad loved to listen to tenors, so out comes the Tenor CD’s and the handkerchiefs in the springtime…For anyone who is feeling overwhelmed just know that it will get easier…

  69. taja said on April 3, 2011 at 8:04 pm ... #

    Wow, that about sums up how i feel, i lost my dad 7 years ago, in 2004, all those things still hit me as well that you mentioned, just the little things sometimes that trigger memories

  70. ren said on April 18, 2011 at 6:22 pm ... #

    I feel the exact same way my father passed in 2005 when I was 15. I am 20 now and I still miss him so much I think about him everyday and how different my life was with him in it.

  71. A said on April 25, 2011 at 10:48 am ... #

    I can relate to your article as my dad passed away less than a year ago. It certainly is difficult. I’m not young (39) but it hurts plenty. I’m going to get married in a few months or so and hoping I will not cry when I think about him not being there to enjoy it. Thankfully my fiancee is very supportive and she helps makes things better during my occasional breakdowns…

  72. Katie said on April 26, 2011 at 5:21 pm ... #

    Reading this relates to how i feel so much. I am nearly 18 and my dad died quite suddenly on the 25th March 2008. even now i find things upset me so much and a part of me feels that this feeling will never go away. I have a boyfriend who i have been with nearly 3 years. i wish my dad could have met him. I wish he was here for my achievements in life and to be there for important occassions. i am an only child and there is nobody to talk to.I miss him very much and at times wish he was there… at times i forget and go to do or say something and then i realise he isn’t here. Sites like this can be very supporting and it helps to know it isn’t just me that feels the way i do .

  73. Charlotte said on April 27, 2011 at 2:14 am ... #

    It’s been four and a half years since I lost my Mum and sometimes I think the pain will never leave me. It hasn’t gotten any easier, that’s for sure. Because of the milestones such as the birth of my daughter, things that have been hard to deal with that my Mum would have been there for as my Mum, or just sharing life with her, I think her loss is felt so much more. My Dad died when I was 15 and when I graduated, I cried for him. I identify with everything you have said. I just wish there was some easy way to get over the loss of a praent. There isn’t, and there never will be, particularly for those of us who took our parents to be our left and right arms, our be all and end alls, our best friends, our shoulders, our complete entire worlds.

    I hope to God that my daughter never suffers losing me the way I have suffered losing my Mum.

    The wost thing is, in my life, I don’t have anyone who can share or appreciate how I feel. It makes me grateful to read this and the comments below it, to know I am not alone, even though every day I feel it. Thank you :)

  74. michelle said on May 4, 2011 at 6:19 pm ... #

    i lost my mother 5 years ago.just like so many she was my best freind.i was 5 months pregnant at the felt like i didant have time to greive.but i miss her so much and think of her all the time. such a shame she didant get to see my son.

  75. Eric said on May 6, 2011 at 5:34 pm ... #

    Today I went to the cemetery; it has been 26 years since my mother has passed away. I was 11 and I still can not go there without crying. The hurt is not in front of me everyday but when I reflect on it the pain makes it way to the surface and never seems to go away.

  76. Ana said on May 12, 2011 at 3:17 pm ... #

    This article was a solace to read. So much of it rings true. I also lost my dad 7 years ago, when I was 15. He was the closest person to me in my life. I miss him all the time still, especially as I get older and accomplish the things he wanted most for me. My college graduation is this month. When I was younger all I wanted was to make him proud, and now I can’t believe he’s not here– I feel like we’ve both been robbed. It Is heartbreaking to think that every milestone will be tinged with this wistfulness. I sometimes feel ashamed that I still miss him so much, as if I should have “gotten over it” years ago. It’s a relief to know that I’m not alone, that permanence is the nature of grief.

  77. Rod Clayborne said on May 16, 2011 at 1:58 am ... #

    I just lost my dad Feb.17th,2011.. I,m in total shock,disbeleif,numb.. My world has totally flipped upside down. I dont know how to function right now, life is unfair at times like this.This is the part of life I just know is coming but it still hurts to the core. Every minute of the day im crying,just knowing that he will never peer thru my door and greet me the way he did.. Not to mention our phone conversations.This article really hits home with me..I dont know how long its gonna take to accept it, right now its consuming my thoughts in everyway …..

  78. Eric said on May 18, 2011 at 9:49 pm ... #


    Talking about it is the right thing to do, being able to interact with people who share these feeling does make it easier. In time most thoughts will make you smile.

  79. Samantha said on May 18, 2011 at 11:18 pm ... #

    I read this, and can empathize completely. My dad died when I was 15, and I’m 18 now. I cried when I read this, because I relate so much. My dad and I were so close.. It’s just hard to believe sometimes that he’s actually gone. It feels so surreal, and like you said, the memories are unreal – As if they didn’t actually happen to you. It hurts knowing that I had a dad once, and he simply ceases to exist, while other people get to have two loving parents. The memories are intangible, and cannot provide enough comfort to make me “get over” not having him. Sometimes I get depressed wondering why the one loving, rational, positive influence in my life was taken and I’m left with an abusive mother and little physical potential for a successful future..
    I wish I could say or do something that would bring my dad back, but no matter how many times I cry and wish for it, it will never happen. I don’t want to have to live the rest of my life without him… But I guess I have to.

  80. Shawna said on May 19, 2011 at 10:11 pm ... #

    I lost my mother 3 years ago. I was almost 40 and she almost 70. Some days I think it is harder 3 years later so it makes me wonder how it will be in 3 more years. I liken losing your parent to losing an arm, or a leg. It is a permanent loss that affects you forever. But just like losing an arm or leg, we adjust and find a way to walk again….use the other arm instead….we may not be whole again but we find a way to get around it and go on. We find a way! Sometimes we think about that loss and other days it just seems normal.

  81. philip b said on May 20, 2011 at 11:10 pm ... #

    Im 29 nearly 30 sitting on my laptop reading this story and comments crying me eye’s out. I lost my dad when i was a 10, he was taking from me in an accident, an act of god, i remember been told! My mam didn’t talk much about him after he was gone, all the photo’s in the house where takin down, so as a young man I was left with a younger sister who didn’t understand what was going on and a mother who retreated into herself, It’s been 20 years since my dad died and im finding that now I am grieving more than I did when he died, I dont know why? maybe its because im getting closer to my father’s age when he pasted away, maybe because its getting harder and harder to remember what he looked like, sounded like smelt like. My eldest son is starting to ask question’s about him and I try my best to explain that he is in holy god’s pocket looking down on us, but I can feel the emotion bubbling up inside of me when he’s asking, I can see the little worry on his face and the realisation that I could die, I know it normal for children to question mortality but I don’t want him to feel or go through what I had to when I was 10. I find it hard to talk about it without my lip wobbling and by brain freezing and for this reason my wife finds it hard to understand why I get upset sometimes and go quite other times. I guess she’ll never will. Anything I’ve done in my life, finishing school, learning to drive, getting married, the birth of my children. There is away’s going to be something missing, an empty space in the room, a hand on my shoulder where my father should be, and this something I cant get past, know matter how hard I try. I love my family, and my wife is a fantastic mother but sometimes I feel jealous of her. If she need’s advice or has any worries about anything she talk’s to her mother or father. I on the other hand feel like im out on a ledge, I don’t have that! even if I didn’t want advice or guidance its the knowing that at the end of the phone he’d be there, but he’s not. I do take comfort in the fact that im not the only person out the that is struggling with the death of a father, I want to be the best father I can to my children. They say time heals all wounds, but I think some wounds cant be healed, its just something I have to live with and not let it take over.

  82. Kaitlin said on May 23, 2011 at 10:19 pm ... #

    I lost my dad when I was 13 and I am now 20 years old. It was somewhat of a relief to know that someone else goes through the same thing I do so long after our loss. My dad and I were very close; considering I am the youngest of 4 kids, I was, as cliche as this sounds, “daddy’s little girl.” My dad was just like yours; my older sister and I were always into sports growing up and if he wasn’t our coach he was one of the proudest parents on the sideline. I remember he used to always tell people that I was his “soccer star” when he told them about his kids.
    Now six and a half years later I’ve earned honors and awards in sports all throughout middle school, high school, and now college and everyday I am reminded that he has missed out on all of this. Even during my soccer games I get choked up because I wish with all of my heart that he could be on the sidelines. What now seems like a dream to me, I took for granted so long ago.
    The pain never really goes away, you just get used to it. No holiday, family party, soccer game, or graduation will ever be whole and complete again. Even sitting in your house, there’s an emptiness that lingers around that will never go away. One little thing you see or hear or smell can make your eyes well up with tears because they make the pain come back like you lost him yesterday. When your out having a good time and that song that he used to sing to you comes on(mine was “My Girl” by the Temptations) and no one knows that this song can bring back a million overwhelming emotions at once–nostalgia, sadness, happiness. The worst part is forgetting things about him that were so clear to me when I was 13 years old. I find myself replaying memories in my head before I go to bed to keep his memory clear in my head. The scariest thing is forgetting someone who you love so much and the one person in life that your friends around you still have the chance to make memories with.

  83. Elizabeth said on June 4, 2011 at 3:21 am ... #

    I just lost my Daddy March 15, 2011 we were very close and his deeath was very unexpected. He was only 53 and I’m 26. I had just talked to him the week before and he wasn’t sick or anything. I got the call from my Dad’s brothers wife and I will never forget her exact words to me. “youre dad is dead we just found him dead.” there was no emotion no I’m sorry no nothing I completely lost it. I feel so alone I feel like this huge piece of me is missing like I’ve had a hole punched right through my chest. I was so busy trying to figure things out after he passed that I don’t feel like I had the chance to grieve the way I needed to. Now I feel like it’s too late for it like I’m stupid or whiney if I cry now after 2 and a half months. I have a very hard time even looking at pictures of him it just tears me apart. I hate to cry in front of people even my husband and he just doesn’t seem to care sometimes. He never tries to comfort me or anything. He doesn’t seem to understand that I am very depressed and that this is hurting me so much more than anything I’ve ever felt in my life. I just want my Daddy back but I know he’s not coming back and crying won’t bring him back. I just don’t know how to deal with this. What do I do? I feel so lost, I still have my Mom but I’m so terrified that I’m going to lose her too. I call her everyday and I’ve told her a few times that I’m scared and she understands she always tries to help I just wish I could see her more, my husband is very controlling and never lets me go anywhere or do anything without him except when I go to work or down the street to the store and that makes all this so much harder because not only do I blame myself for not being there with my Dad so I couldve at least tried to save him but I blame my husband that I couldn’t be there that I couldn’t spend more time with him and now what if I lose my Mom it’s going to be my fault all over again for allowing him to have so much control but I just can’t deal with it all right now.

  84. Barbie Walker said on June 4, 2011 at 5:14 pm ... #

    I lost my dad about 3 1/2 years ago , he died at my granfathers funeral ( his dad ). I miss him so much and I have such a hard time on father’s day. My husband and I do not have any children and this holiday just kills me.
    I always looked up to my dad and miss him so much.
    He was such an easy going guy and it hurts when I see my mom by herself. When I see her , it’s hard not to see him. The pain gets a little easier but it still is a huge hole in my heart. You miss that person sooo much. Driving back from my grandfathers funeral in dad’s car was the worst.
    Having my dad there ( out of state) then gone in a second from a massive heart attack in the parking lot has weighed on my shoulders and I cannot get that vision out of my head , even after 3 yrs.

  85. Eric said on June 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm ... #


    I don’t know if anyone has said this to you, but you father’s death is not your fault! It is ok to cry,sometimes it is the only way to get relief. We all know that crying does not bring anyone back that is not the point, it can help ease your pain. Don’t let the fear of someones death control you it is normal to worry about those you love and worry more after losing someone, but we will a walk that path and there is nothing wrong with that. We can’t help you with your husband, but we all can support each other here. I found reading and commenting on this to be a huge comfort for me, I hope it does the same for you.

  86. Laura said on June 9, 2011 at 12:09 am ... #

    My dad died Sept.25,2010 of lung cancer. He was 65 and I was 35. I thought something had broken in me because I now constantly cry over small seemingly unrelated things.

  87. Cindy said on June 16, 2011 at 8:19 pm ... #

    I am so grateful I found this beautifully written piece about your own experiences with grief…
    I lost my mum almost 9 years ago, when I was 9. Now that I’m 18, there are a lot of things happening at the moment, where I often think, ‘she should be here to see this.’ As of late, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, and reading your article has made me feel so much better. Thank you for writing it.

  88. Diana said on June 18, 2011 at 11:04 pm ... #

    What a wonderful article. I lost my dad almost 10 years ago and since tomorrow is Father’s Day I am having a really hard time like I do every year. Everyone is making their plans with their fathers and here I sit looking at pictures and reading old birthday cards he gave me. I can’t say that after reading this I felt better because I was crying the entire time reading it. But I will say that I did relate to it and didn’t feel as alone as I do when I am going through my hard days (as I call them). I want to say thank you for your word. Often times it is hard to really express what your feeling and then publish them for everyone to read is something else. But thank you reading your article helped me.

  89. Allie said on June 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm ... #

    This article is so well-written. I can relate to your experience. I’m 19 and on May 19, 2011 my father passed away unexpectedly in his sleep due to extensive medical problems. He was 57, and we were very close. My father was a veteran and served our country for 22 years. He developed a lung infection when he worked in Kabul, Afghanistan in August 2005, when I had just turned 14. He was in a coma for a little over 3 months and when I saw him for the first time since he left that June, I was shocked. He was on life support, had a ventilator tube in his throat (a ventilator is a machine for people in critical condition who can’t breathe on their own) and weighed 92 pounds. Before he got sick, he was very healthy and had a healthy body weight. He had to relearn how to walk, talk without a tube in his throat, hold a pencil, and eat solid foods. He had many peaks in his health, but then began deteriorating again in June 2007. Since then, he had been hospitalized a few more times. It came to me as a complete shock when he passed away. I had spent the entire day with him after he was discharged from the hospital. When he got out, he had very limited mobility, meaning he was in a wheelchair until he completed his outpatient physical therapy. He was home from the hospital for 8 hours and passed away in his sleep. The one detail I will never forget is that I found him before anyone else did. I see things every single day that remind me of him. It helps to talk to family and friends about a traumatic event such as this. I still cry a few times a week. To anyone who has lost a parent as a teenager, are there any coping skills you use to make grieving easier?

  90. rachel peepers said on June 28, 2011 at 2:01 am ... #

    Fifty years ago, my dad died suddenly at work from a heart attack. I never grieved. Never got over it. After much therapy, I’m out of hope of ever feeling normal again. I worked for 30 years, had two sons, a forty year marriage; am now retired.
    My outward success in life was undeniable. But much of that time I lived in a sad, joyless private world while trying to camouflage my sadness; the interminable missing of my dad.

  91. Eric said on July 4, 2011 at 1:40 pm ... #


    Get counseling !!! It can make a world of difference in you life. You don’t have to go through this alone, use your support team.

  92. Kamy said on July 16, 2011 at 3:43 am ... #

    reading this changed my life, i feel like you are the most amazing person in the world and you deserve everything you have, i know that nothing could replace your father and you probably feel like you have a hole in your heart and i feel for you, i would like to get to know you a bit because you seem like the most amazing person in the world and i dont know i would just love to talk to a person like you

  93. Eileen said on August 13, 2011 at 7:22 pm ... #

    My Dad died of a heart attack 9 years ago when I was 44. We were so close. I miss him so much. Yes, it’s the little things will trigger memories and grief. Sometimes, it’s the changing of seasons, because it’s a reminder of how how much time has passed and how far I am from a time when he was here. Not long ago, my Mom and I went to her parents’ graves and she cried. She said she still misses them, and they died almost 50 years ago. It helped me to not rush my grief, to not push it away, to just let it take its time, and to let it visit now and then.

  94. Emma Jackson Wales UK said on August 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm ... #

    I lost my dad nearly 4 months ago. I lost him to lung cancer, which spread to his brain and liver. He lived 9 months from diagnosis. If only diagnosis was earlier he would have had longer. My dad was a very fit 68 yr old, still working! I will never get over watching my father suffer physically and mentally, be depressed, not talk about his illness, watch him cry in front of his cancer counsellor that dragged the words out of him weeks before his death “I know I’m going to die, it’s what I’m leaving behind…… “. That rips my heart over and over again. We all lose our parents but the time was not right for my dad. He didn’t deserve to die the way he did. I love my dad so much and wish I could just talk to him one more time. What Shawna said is how I see things :
    “I lost my mother 3 years ago. I was almost 40 and she almost 70. Some days I think it is harder 3 years later so it makes me wonder how it will be in 3 more years. I liken losing your parent to losing an arm, or a leg. It is a permanent loss that affects you forever. But just like losing an arm or leg, we adjust and find a way to walk again….use the other arm instead….we may not be whole again but we find a way to get around it and go on. We find a way! Sometimes we think about that loss and other days it just seems normal.”

    I know I have a long way to go, this is just the beginning. My mother just had a heart scare a month after dad. I can’t comprehend losing both parents. I feel like I’m going mad. I had to go back to work in the public domain and act normal and meet and greet and deal with the public and my work colleagues when I really just want to shut myself away. But my dad would not want me to be like that, he was a tough dude, and I shall honour him but being tough, but its tough! Thank you everyone for sharing your words, it has helped me. I don’t feel I have anyone to talk to. My husband is a saint, but he still has his parents. I have a counsellor and she is lovely but she can’t babysit me forever. My life must go on, I do have other things to live for. IVF here we come! ;o)

  95. Emily said on August 20, 2011 at 1:49 am ... #

    My dad died in a motorcycle accident when I was 9. It’ll have been 8 years this November. I have never read something that summed up what I have felt so clearly and eloquently. Thank you for this. It’s so true; there are periods where I almost forget that he’s gone. Others where I cry for hours, feeling the raw pain as I did 8 years ago.
    To Allie: My best advice is to take it one day at a time. Don’t try to be anything, it’s not your job to be strong for someone else. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t support and be there for your family; it means you have to take care of yourself too. When I lost my dad I thought I had to grow up right then and take care of my family. I thought I had to be strong. All I had to be was 9. All you have to be is yourself. One last thing: don’t be afraid to cry. I’m having one of my nostalgia moments now, listening to sad songs and reminiscing. I cannot tell you how much they have helped me with accepting my dad’s passing. I know it’s hard and that words won’t lessen your pain, but I am truly sorry for your loss.

  96. Meghan said on August 26, 2011 at 4:03 am ... #

    My dad also died when I was 11, 2 and a half years ago. Everything in this article is so eerily relatable – the telemarketers, the past-life. I can barely remember his mannerisms, or the sound of his voice. It’s nice to know there are people in a similar situation as me.

    I’m sorry for your loss.

  97. Phil said on August 27, 2011 at 1:51 am ... #

    Great article, thank you for sharing.

    You highlight one of the ongoing challenges of the grief process – Time. On the one hand it helps ease the intensity and the pain of the loss, on the other hand it makes you feel slightly more removed from your loved one.

    My mother died many years ago, and occasionally I still find it valuable to intensify my memories of her by looking at photographs, reading her letters and bringing many happy memories of her to mind.

    Best wishes to you.

  98. Wilna Gerber said on September 3, 2011 at 4:05 pm ... #

    I want to express my gratitude. My dad passed away very suddenly from a brain disorder. I had spoken to him on the phone the night before. The next he was gone. Its been 10 months to the day. And I’m still grieving as if it was yesterday. I have horrible nightmares where I remember his open grave. I find myself at times thinking “I should tell dad about this. He’ll love it” . Feeling like a fool, close to tears when reality hits me.
    I thought that this was very unlikely. That I’m not supposed to feel like this after so long. Your story has truly touched me. And I thank you for that.
    There is a saying, “there is a poem about loss edged into stone . It has 3 words. But the poet scratched it out. You cannot read loss. It can only be felt.” .

    People easily tell you some sort of advice which is useless. But reading and listening another stories. To understand you’re not the only one feeling this. . . I am truly grateful

  99. Gonzalo said on September 4, 2011 at 7:34 pm ... #

    My father passed away merely 14 days ago, and I think about him almost every single moment.
    I think I’m still on denial. I was very lucky in having a dad like mine, and I will miss him. I find comfort in thinking that it was not the other way around. Death of a child must be just much worse. As natural as it is, it hurts like hell. I try to call my siblings often because with them I feel some comfort. Be well, dad!

  100. sadbirthdaygirl said on September 5, 2011 at 2:00 am ... #

    It’s funny how this article was written years ago, but so many people still relate to it. Today is my birthday. My dad died almost ten years ago. I’m sitting here alone and sad, realizing its because I’m still missing him after all this time… My favorite part in the article is how it was like a different life… When I meet someone new, I feel frustrated because I can never truly make them know my dad. I can talk about him, show pictures and videos and tell stories, but sometimes I want to scream because I can hear his voice so clearly in my heart, but no one else can. It sort of turned my life into two parts, with dad and without him. I have to remember that I’m still sensitive at certain parts of the year. I have to remember that its ok to still be sad and I don’t have to be brave for anyone… Thank you for writing this article. It made me feel a little less lonely.

  101. Melissa said on September 7, 2011 at 2:28 am ... #

    Hi everyone, I too lost my father may/13/2010. And yesterday was his birthday, and I’ve had crying episodes! Every one keeps saying it’s gets better with time. I personally think it gets a little easier but, sometimes it feels like I can’t stop crying. I wish he would come to me in a vision or dreams and tell me he’s ok! Love you dad!

  102. Tania said on September 9, 2011 at 9:04 pm ... #

    My Dad died 9 years ago, Im now 42. Im crying like a little girl that misses her daddy so so much. He was everything to me, he was the centre of my world. He loved me so much, he was my comfort when life got to me at times. I miss you Pa, and I will always miss you xxxxxxx

  103. Erika said on September 9, 2011 at 10:44 pm ... #

    Great piece! I was 7 when my Dad committed suicide, and I am now 30. Every single major event in my life: the small Lutheran school graduation, high school’.collage 2 times, and my wedding last month. Every time I wish he was there! He was my best friend and I could not agree that even almost 22 years later, I still miss him! I admire your story and know how it feels when people say and your Dad? Fathers day cards in elementary school were the worst, I lost a lot of my confidence after he did, I went from outgoing to shy, but somehow i. My late 20s I became me again, I have a stepfather that I love as my Dad who gave me away at my wedding, and a great husband! Still though I miss my father Rick, thanks for sharing your story!

  104. Listener said on September 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm ... #

    My dad passed away 12 years ago, while I was 17. I have been so depressed since then. I read your article a couple years ago. Rereading it today, I still burst into tears. My dad was not the “brag-about-your-kids type of guy”, but I know he loved and cared about me. It’s so sad that he left before I could do anything for him. To live is to grief.

  105. VM said on September 14, 2011 at 9:32 pm ... #

    This is a wonderful story you shared with all of us. My grandfather died when I was 13 and my father when I was 23. I’m 35 and still miss them both greatly and the memories are something that will never go away. We certainly get over the grief and as time goes on things do get easier. That certainly doesn’t mean there will never be any sad days and that’s because those memories never go away. There will always be birthdays, holidays, and the anniversary of the day they died. On the flip side I hope you all have those times when you have a good laugh or a huge smile on your face when you think of something funny that happened or a great memory. I think that’s equally as important as when you have a day where you just need to cry a little.

  106. polonia said on September 16, 2011 at 4:42 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing your story.Today is 18 years since my dad passed away and i have to say it still is very painful.Sometimes i wonder what he would be doing right now if he was alive. It’s sad that now after all this years without him I can’t picture him. The only image of him in my head is from pictures or few memories. I was nine when he got sick and passed away. It feels like lifetime without him.I don’t like Christmas,birthdays etc. because its only a reminder of his absence in my life. I hope one day it gets better…

  107. Jason said on September 17, 2011 at 9:31 pm ... #

    My dad died when I was 19 and me mom a few months later. I turned 30 this year and it never really got better for me, I just learned to accept it as a part of my life. My son is 3 now and I wish my parents could see him. I am now dealing with the realization that I spent my entire 20s in mourning and I wish I went to college or did something productive. Now I stay at home with my son while his mom works and I love my life, but it isn;t what I dreamed of having before my parents passes away. Its not really me, I am being, I am doing what I think my father would have wanted to me to be. Its bittersweet situation. Its been lonely for me and this is one of the first times ive eer spoken about how ita affected me. Good Luck to all who loose a loved one. Life is never the same without those who make it worth while to live.

  108. Asia said on September 20, 2011 at 6:02 am ... #

    Wow… I really understand. My dad died 7 years ago when I was 11… I’m 17 now and I’m still having such a hard time. I just looked up..’ my dad died 7 years ago when I was 11′ and this came up. It’s nice not to be alone.

  109. Lauren said on September 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm ... #

    I want to thank you for this piece. I really appreciate that you done all this. I’m going through the same thing. I lost my dad when I was 15, nearly two years ago. I am struggling with life. I do feel like killing myself. But this has really helped me. Lots of love to you and look after yourself. <3

  110. Renee Maniscalco said on September 24, 2011 at 8:56 pm ... #

    I was looking for this and didn’t realize it. I googled “how long I would grieve after losing my father” eleven months and one day ago. This article made me laugh and cry. It Is the truth simply put, and now I understand there is no specific or even approximate time that I will feel “better” for lack of a better word (no pun intended). And I should ignore those folks who approximate that the first year is the hardest. I felt awful this first year, but in a strange way, I am scared for it to end because it’s almost like that magical hope and faith that you feel during this first year that you may see the lost loved one around a corner, or hear a bump in the night and hope it was your loved one just “checking in”, starts to fade. The truth sets in a little more, an so does the hurt after that first year of denial and disbelief, and hope that just maybe……. I’ll see him one more time, please just one more time.

  111. Melody said on September 25, 2011 at 10:13 pm ... #

    This is exactly how it feels. You don’t truly understand until you experience it.

  112. Paul said on September 27, 2011 at 12:47 pm ... #

    After reading your spot on article, it reminded me of a great movie I recently watched called “This Happy Breed” by Noel Coward. In it, Robert Newman who played the father Frank yells, “She didn’t pass on, pass over, or pass out! She died!” You can’t help but chuckle, but I found the quote to be very comforting. I took it as we shouldn’t sugar coat death. It is what it is.

    I just watched the season finale of “The Big C” (**spoilers ahead!!!**) with Laura Linney and at the end of the show, as she was finishing a marathon, the spirits of two people close to her who had died, Marlene her neighbor and Lee, a fellow cancer patient, appeared at the finish line. But also her husband who had just died of a heart attack! Of course she was in shock and the show ends there. Like you, Samantha, I was reminded of three of my very close friends who have died.

    Belle was my next door neighbor whom I had known for over 11 years. I would go over to her house every Saturday morning for coffee. We would, according to Belle, talk about this and that and that and this. She was in her 80’s and sometimes I would take her to the store to carry some heavy items for her. She had heart disease, but it was her kidneys that finally did her in. She was 86. You know, just the other day, the person living in her house was coming out her back gate as I was coming out of my house and I heard the back gate latch make that familiar noise whenever Belle came out and I immediately thought of her. Funny – the little things.

    Roy was my best friend from college. He and I did everything together and we just had this special bond where you are like old spirits who knew each other in a past life. He was so young, just 22 when he died of cancer. I was in the hospital with him and we would sit and talk for hours with no one interrupting us. This was back in 1992 so there were no cell phones, smartphones, Blackberries, or any of those annoying (like telemarketers) electronics that we all should put away for a while and just talk to each other, you know? Believe it or not, this was such a nice happy time for us as we would laugh and reminisce. I think of him almost every day going on 20 years. Yep. It really never goes away.

    Gary was my childhood best friend. We knew each other for 7 years from when I was 6 until I was 13. This was back in the 70’s. We were inseparable. Blood brothers. We built forts together and ate worms together and went sledding down the pipeline until our moms would ring the bells in the distance letting us know it was time for dinner. I was so lucky to grow up back then. Fleetwood Mac, CCR, Jefferson Starship. So lucky. We moved away when I was 13 and we promised to stay in touch, but distance is a relationship killer for sure. Six or seven years went by and I was travelling back to my old hometown and called Gary’s parents to tell them I would be stopping by as I could not get ahold of Gary himself. Well, his Mom said that he was killed in a car accident the month before. Wow. Talk about devastated. To this day, sometimes I really can’t believe that it happened.

    Definitely the little things that remind me of my friends the most. It hurts sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. But it hurts none the less. Death. It is what it is.

  113. Anon said on September 27, 2011 at 2:44 pm ... #

    My Dad died when i was 13 this is 4 years ago almost. He died of mutiple myeloma which is a cancer of the bone marrow. We realised when a secondary tumor compressed his spinal chord so he was beginning to become paralysed in his legs. It was almost a year after diagnosis and he everything seemed to be going well until he was taken into hospital with problems with his blood counts and died two weeks later on christmas day. Its safe to say that i no longer like christmas or even somewhat dislike it because of some of the memories it brings back. Alot changed after that i had to move to a different country to live with my mum who was living there and remain here now. So much of this article that resonates with me you cant really say it get easier because you just learn to deal with it better. Sometimes when i ask am asked about my dad i lie or just say its complicated because i don’t like the pity even though they mean well. It is true that I no longer feel like i am drowning in grief all the time, loss is not everything i think about. But the fact that he will never see me finish school, or university, or get married still makes me feel alone in the world and the occassions when a memory, or an object, or a place, or even just a word makes it all hit you again. I wish things had been different everyday, but you just have to get on with your life even if it tags along with you.

    Cronaim thu mo Athair

  114. Kyle said on September 28, 2011 at 2:56 pm ... #

    My dad raised me alone and passed five years ago when I was 26. He was 85 when I was 26 so it’s hard to relate to a lot of people with younger parents. Ive no family to talk with or remember him which I think would’ve helped a lot. I miss him and suffer through a un colorful life without him. The way I found this site was because I was writing messages to him on google. I miss him.

  115. AngloAustrian said on September 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm ... #

    Hello. My husband has cancer and his prognosis is not good. I have two children, 14 and 11. I am trying to prepare myself for what is to come. Do you have any advice for others who are as old as you were? Would you have felt better if he had written you a letter to open later, or done something that meant something to you. My husband has always said that he wants to walk our daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. It is clear now that that is never going to happen (she’s 11). Should he write her a letter to open on her wedding day? I am trying to think of ways he can ensure his continued presence in the children’s lives although he won’t be there. But, I want them to help, not hurt.
    I am sorry for your loss. I hope it does get easier. I am angry at what is to come.

  116. Jenna said on October 3, 2011 at 10:29 am ... #

    This article helped me to realize what I’m going through is normal. My father died December 21, 2007, when I was seventeen. I didn’t have a great relationship with my dad and now almost four years later I still feel angry because of the poor relationship yet find myself longing for his return. The tears still flow at random moments like when Looney Tunes comes on.
    I don’t know anyone else who has lost a parent and most of my friends tell me I should have dealt with the loss by now so it’s nice to know I’m not crazy.

  117. Tina said on October 4, 2011 at 4:01 am ... #

    My dad died 9/11/11 @ 3:30 pm and yes I do miss him very much. He died of lung cancer, only being diagnosed 3 weeks earlier. I am a full time retail manager, married, primary caregiver for my mother who is ill (almost lost her last holiday season), and was ready to take my father into my home for hospice. We did not get to that point, he was only in the hospice holding center for 2 days and he passed away. The tumor in his lung grew into his spine and paralyzed him from the waste down. This was why I originally took him to the hospital b/c just like “that” he could not stand up. After being in the hospital for 6 days, we got the bad news of the cancer. So, my family immediate began to pray very hard that my dad would not suffer through this evil disease, not feel the pain, and pass quickly. He had other issues from the cancer too, like a blood clot in his lung, gangrene in all of his toes, and an aneurysm in the aorta. He did not really look bad, beside the weight loss and the loss of muscle tone, in all, pretty alive. My dad was also mentally ill since I was 7 and I am 35 now. The last week of his life I witnessed what I feel was a grace from Jesus Christ. It as if my dad became a totally different person. He had suffered all his life with his mental illness (this made our relationship rough) but now he seemed to be relieved of it. He was laughing and happy and told me that he was okay with things, he told me not to cry b/c he was going home (yes,I mean to the Lord). His exact words were, “Celebrate, I am going home.” My dad never spoke that way and seemed to be a whole different person. He was not scared, but so peaceful. I didn’t say anything to my husband about this but, when he saw my dad he could see it too. The exact graces that we prayed for were given to him. I knew at that moment he did not have long, I felt that in my gut, it was going to happen soon. The Dr.’s could not even give me a time frame on life expectancy for him. The day he died I was there with my family b/c he took a turn for the worse. He was having trouble breathing and this was the first time he had been given pain meds (Morphine) to ease his breathing. He was still very alert and I talked to him, told him not to be scared and that I loved him. After we left about an hour later he passed. I am crying as I write this, yes, I miss him but I also see the beauty in his death. This is why I decided to reply, typically I don’t……but if I can give someone else comfort ….it’s worth it. I miss him more everyday, the mind cannot except but the heart excepts with great joy!!! He is free, in heaven, with Jesus Christ. He is young again, in a brand new perfect body, he has no worries, no fear, and unimaginable bliss. We can’t even imagine this kind of happiness on Earth, it’s so perfect. It will last forever and ever, Jesus conquered death, in turn we begin true life when we leave this Earth. I would never want to take that away from him, never, not even to be here again. It would be selfish, he has earned his reward. Yes, I too will miss him when I have my first child, and other accomplishments in my life, but I still have my father, he is in heaven. More important, I will always have my heavenly father who will never fail me ……..ever!!!!!!
    I hope that writing this was not a waste of time, but will truly help someone who is in deep mourning over a loved one. The more I see the beauty in death the better I feel. I pray that my tears will eventually subside, but I give glory to my lord Jesus……it is not my footprints in the sand but his.


    I also encourage anyone grieving to look up the Divine Chaplet of Mercy, sometimes referred to as the Jesus of Mercy Chaplet Prayer. It really will help heal you and other too. My dad died on the Lords day, Sunday, and not only that but he died at 3:30 pm in the hour of Jesus greatest mercy to sinners. Jesus died at 3pm on the cross and this prayer reflects on his suffering. Research this prayer, it has a lot of meaning ………..

  118. admin said on October 6, 2011 at 1:12 pm ... #


    We are so glad that you found HelloGrief and this article in a time when you were hurting so much. It was brave of you to share what you shared here, and we want to be a supportive community to you as you continue to move through your grief.

    Should you ever find yourself in a position where you may wish to harm yourself, or consider taking your life, we urge you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8225.)

    Grief is a difficult journey, and one that no one should have to walk alone. We hope that you continue to find support here, and continue to heal.

  119. pauline said on October 7, 2011 at 4:52 am ... #

    It has been a year I lost my dad, but I am really scared that the memories we shared together will slowly fade away through the years….I love him so much and since his death I never feel complete again in my life.

  120. Anonymous said on October 10, 2011 at 12:06 am ... #

    I enjoyed reading this article..all of it is true. I lost my father 4 years ago when I was 12. I’m 16 now and Still, to this day I miss him so much. I find myself crying a lot even though it’s been so long. I cried tonight actually. I miss his hugs and his laugh. It does get easier as time goes by but there are still those times where everything reminds you of him and you have to laugh to keep from crying. I loved him so much, I know a part of my heart died with him that day but, his memories will remain with me until I see him again.

  121. Richard said on October 10, 2011 at 2:59 pm ... #

    I have just been sent this link by someone who means the world to me – I’m glad she did.
    Emily – thank you.

    I’m 36 years old and lost my father 4 and a half years ago. Today, 10th October would have been his birthday.

    I’ve lost many people through my life, friends, family members – no different to the rest of the world, but one thing I’ve never been able to come to terms with was the loss of my dad.
    I wasn’t fortunate enough to know my dad growing up as child, and only really got to know him when I was around 18 years old. I’m angry for not having those childhood memories that all my friends have, and in a way I think it’s the reason I’m not that close to my mother?

    I enjoyed my dad’s company so much, and like every son he was the funniest dad in the world. He was the one person I spoke to as an adult if I had work, money or girl issues, and the only person who had an opinion I would listen to.

    My dad spent the last few years of his life living alone, and despite him having children from a previous marriage I was the only one that spoke to him, or bothered in any way.
    I called him without fail every single night regardless of what I was doing – even if I was on holiday on the other side of the world.
    The idea was that if he didn’t answer then I would rush round to check as he was elderly and had suffered from heart attacks previously.
    I tried to spend as much time with him, but the one thing I never asked was about his parents and life as a child or as a soldier during the war – something I regret on a daily basis.

    The night before my dad died he had been feeling a little queasy and had been taken into hospital as a precaution – the following morning I was travelling to France for a weekend of golf.
    I said I wasn’t going when I got to the hospital that evening – to which my dad was adamant I was and that he would still be there on Monday when I returned – I travelled as planned the following morning.
    The following night he died during the night.

    I’ve never been able to come to terms with the fact that I was another country when he passed away – although there was nothing I could have done, I feel I wasn’t there at the one time he needed me. It’s that thought that eats me up everyday, and something I find really hard to live with.

    I will never stop thinking about him everyday, but I’m glad I was as close to him as I was when it mattered.

    Dad – Happy Birthday.
    Miss you x

  122. Andee said on October 11, 2011 at 8:38 pm ... #

    Your story seems identical to mine and right now im having a hard night … you sum it up perfectly

  123. Jessica said on October 12, 2011 at 10:24 am ... #

    This was beautiful. My dad died when I was 11 years old also. and this really moved me. I am now 20 years old and I am still struggling with the loss. All the best for the future.

  124. Anonymous said on October 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm ... #

    Your story is beautiful. I’m so glad you decided to share it with other people and it’s great for us people who have been in your situation to see that we’re not the only ones and that it’s okay to still feel sad about our father’s death. I lost my father when I was 10 years old and it’s moved me to read your story. Tomorrow is my father’s anniversary of his death and I also find that all the little things remind me of him. Thank You again.

  125. shelly said on October 16, 2011 at 10:31 am ... #

    I lost my Nanna who raised me 19 years ago. She got sick with a brain tumor the end of 1990. I still refer to when she got sick or when she left, in 1992. I have not been able to move forward past my grief, to me it happened only yesterday. Compounding this is the cruel way in which my mother treated her and tried to keep us apart when Nanna was sick. Being jealous, she even tried to drive a wedge between us in death. My mother lived in the house after Nanna’s death, which they had built in 1944 and never allowed me to look ar or have any pictures or momentos of my Nanna (except ONE!) and Grandaddy, or even my own toys or dance programs or things we had done together. I was not allowed in the sheds or attic, which had all the papers and personal belongings of all my relatives dating back to the 1860’s. And I mean everything they ever did in their whole lives, right down to the preserved hair and the Packard car title from 1923 and the baby shoes. My mother died unexpectedly the end of August, leaving generations of hoarding and a monumental task. We had only 60 days before turning over my childhood home to the Reverse Mortgage company, which she had maxed out. I felt like a tape recorder pressed rewind, going really really fast thru everyone’s lives and everything they ever did in their lives. WWII, the Great Depression, war rations, trips they took, clothes and quilts they made, happy photos of all of us (minus my mother) celebrating holidays in the now empty house. Funeral books and strong boxes for every single person. Worst of all, notes and pictures of their great love for me, and how happy we all were. Suspended in time, right down to the Birthday cards and the skeleton keys, as if no one ever left. My Grandaddy’s (father) shed sealed up like a time capsule since his death in 1981. The bumper stickers, tools, writings in his little black book dating back to his time in the navy, everything just as he left it, 30 years later. My mother never even opened the doors to the shed, never went in the attic, which was stacked from the ceiling to the floor, seemingly was never interested. Yet she would not let me have access to it. I feel that I am grieving their losses all over again. I cried my heart out with new grief over each one, you could tell me my great grandmother died yesterday, not 1980 and I would believe you. I loved these people with every bit of my soul, and would never have any other relatives with whom I shared that close bond. Am I traumatized? Yes. Will I get over their losses anytime soon? Probably not. I have never heard of anyone faced with this exact situation.

  126. Widayana said on October 20, 2011 at 11:38 pm ... #

    I lost my dad about a year ago in 2010. Yeah, me too. When people talked about dads, I just talked about it as if my dad is alive too. The thing is I can’t bring myself to say that my dad has died. It is so hard for me to do so and plus I don’t want to hear that ‘I am sorry for your loss” thing from them. When I had to fill up my brother’s application for school for the first time after I lost my dad, I was stuck at the section on Family Details. I was pondering whether I should I write about my dad. When I realized I don’t have to write it, then I had to write my mom’s status as a widow. I don’t like forms.. I hate everything!!

    Everytime that I came across something that my dad, my mom and bro did together, I feel sad at it. It just bring to a realization that he is not around to do it again. I had forgotten how to laugh in front of people that are not family. I feel so different; I dont seem to work the way i used to. I just know that I am not myself.

    Your story of losing your dad in the early years depicts what I am going through now. At least I know that not just you, but almost everyone who has commented on this page are going through something alike.

  127. Phoenix05 said on October 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm ... #

    I just lost my dad late last month from a sudden heart attack. I think about him everyday since then, and miss him immensely. Some say it gets easier, and it has to an extent. The sudden loss has affected my work, to the point that I can barely do my job, while helplessly thinking about him. I felt that I was way more closer to him then I am to my own mother.

    The pain of loss that I felt was nothing like any other pain that I never felt this pain is much greater. I feel there is now a void in my life of which can’t never be filled by anyone else or anything.

    Short time after my dad’s passing I went to make a telephone call to my step mom, then my Dad’s voice came over on the answering machine. I hung up and cried. Psychologically I know it’s my dad’s voice but in reality I know that I wasn’t really able to really converse with it.

  128. Noelle said on October 24, 2011 at 12:57 am ... #

    Thanks for sharing this. I came across this article when I googled “i can’t get over my dad dying”…lame…i know haha. It’s been 6 years for me since my dad passed away, and I just can’t seem to move on. I think about him every day. I burst out in tears when I read the paragraph about “time”. That’s my biggest fear, as time keeps ticking, I feel like I’m forgetting things about him. It’s a strain to remember what his voice sounded like. I’m a wreck thinking about the day when I’ll have lived longer without my dad than with him, it’s scary. Anyways, despite the fact that your post has left me sitting here sobbing and blubbering over my keyboard, I appreciate the fact that you shared it, and that I now know I’m not the only one.

  129. Amanda said on October 24, 2011 at 4:48 pm ... #

    Tomorrow would be my dad’s birthday and on November 7, it will be the 20th anniversary of his death. Every year during this period of time, I find myself crying and depressed. I am glad I found this because it describes what I feel within myself. Thank you

  130. Monica said on October 25, 2011 at 3:42 am ... #

    My dad died on October 11, 2010 from a 20 year battle with Huntington’s Disease. He was 72 years old. He died at home enjoying a beautiful Autumn day while his caretaker was feeding him his favorite snack (jello) before my dad retired for the night. Five minutes after feeding my dad his snack, my mom came into the front room to see how he was doing. My dad smiled at her, took one deep breath then died. He went that fast. Usually, people with my dad’s disease die from pneumonia, infection, or choking. I almost lost my dad three times in 20 years. Twice from pneumonia and once from an infection with a high fever. Somehow, he always bounced back. I always thought my family would be rallying by his bedside to see him off to Heaven, but I guess God didn’t want my dad to see us all crying right before he took my dad. He wanted my dad to see my mom smiling and to remember his grown children and grandchildren smiling. I miss my dad something awful. We were best buddies. My dad was like a kid himself. My dad, my brother’s, and I played so many sports that I can’t even list them all. We went on lots of family vacations and things like that. He was the kind of dad everyone wanted. The day my dad died, I went over to his house where my mom was kneeling right by his side while my dad sat in his recliner, crying her eyes out. When I walked in and saw my dad dead, I just couldn’t believe it. Here was a man that was strong all of his life, and as the disease progressed, he got so weak that he had to be helped with everything on a daley basis. I sat with my dad, along with my mom and brother’s for four hours at the house. It was like our own little Wake before the Wake and Funeral that was to follow. To see my dad laying in a casket looking so handsome was too much for me to take. The entire Wake, I couldn’t leave the casket. I couldn’t talk to people at the Wake or anything. I just wanted to be by my dad’s side as much as I could. At the Funeral, I stood right there as the casket was being slowly closed. I just couldn’t believe that, that would be the very last time I would kiss my dad and see him in a physical presence. To this day, I am still crying. I just can’t understand why my dad had to inherit this disease while there are evil people in the world walking around without a care in the world. My dad’s brother and two sisters also have this disease and they are still alive. One brother in a nursing home and another sister in a nursing home. The other sister still lives at her house. I thank God that my dad didn’t die in a hospital or a nursing home, but at home exactly the way he wanted to die. He knew he was going to Heaven and he was waiting for God call which finally came. It kills me not to see him, visit him, or talk to him. A month after he died, I had a dream that my dad was standing there, back to his old self, having the biggest smile on his face. He held his arms open and I walked over to him and was crying very hard. He hugged me tightly and said, “Everything is going to be ok.” I woke up and he wasn’t there. That was my dad. Always reassuring everyone that things will be fine. Even in Heaven, he still reassures me. I love you and miss you dad.

  131. Max said on October 26, 2011 at 3:44 pm ... #

    My father died when i was a baby, and my mom suddenly died early this year, i have no siblings and my family members ignores me, thinking im a nuisance to them. Everyday I think of my mom, when i walk in supermarkets which she used to love to walk, i remembers her, when I watch a tv show that she loves to watch, i remembers her, even in my dreams i can still see her occasionally and “chat” with her…

    Atfirst everyone says “you will get over it, stay strong” bla bla bla…But I dont want to forget her. What really hurts me most was I had made so many promises to her (ie: get her a ride in my car which i do not own now, finding myself a girlfrend and introducing to her, seeing me in a graduation uniform…etc) and now, realising that i had to break those promises, and they will never be fulfilled no matter how hard i try, it really hurts me.

    What really amazes me was after her death, I “see” her in my dreams from time to time, first time I saw her was at my aunts house (i had never gone there for a long time, but my mom loves visiting her elder sister), i was sitting in the living room when suddenly she walks past me and sits down in front of me, and she asks how i am now, how was my career and such. and when i asked her “arent you….dead??”, she replied “no, i wasnt really dead. it was all an act to see how you would behave when i am gone. i was actually hiding all this time. I just wanted to test you.” ..and then i replied “lets go home, mom.” and hugged her. And I woke up.

    Since then I see her in my dreams from time to time…and most recently, i had a huge fight with my best friend. And I told him that i dont ever want to see him again. On that night i “saw” my friend and my mom…they were chatting and I walk by and joined the conversation…its as if my mom wanted me to apologize to my friend and be buddies again…(which i did apologize to him. and how we still hang out)

    I googled about dreaming of the dead phenomenon too…some says its the way they “talk to you”…some says its just your mind playing tricks on you…and some says its just coincidence…whatever it is, i rather believe my mom is still “alive” in an alternate dimension and still watching over me….

  132. Kelly Monson said on October 27, 2011 at 4:17 am ... #

    Thank you for sharing this story. I can’t sleep because my dad passed away unexpectedly. We found him today, but he passed Monday night they think. He was such a joy to be around, such a character, as well as a really strong, brave down to earth guy. I have two sisters, one older and one younger who I worry about. I just don’t want to see them as sad as they are. I am 27 and 5 months pregnant so I really have to try and be strong for my baby but I can’t stop breaking down. My pops was only 53 and just way too young to die. This is supposed to be a really fun time in my life but now has just really seemed to change. I’m not sure what to do or how to try and make myself feel better. This is so awful I can’explain. It just makes me feel better reading stuff like this and knowing I’m not alone.

  133. J said on October 27, 2011 at 2:45 pm ... #

    Thank you for sharing your memories of your father with all of us. My mom was just like your dad, so funny, kind, and always excited when I had any accomplishments or awards no matter how small or big.

    She died about 1.5 years ago, and I’m having a harder time now then when she just passed. She had a stage 4 brain tumor and suffered so much in her final month. It was heartbreaking to see such a funny, intelligent person lose her ability to smile, talk, and laugh. In the past year I’ve just tried to push down all of sad feelings, and pretend that everything is ok… I just feel sad all the time, but I don’t want my other family members to know because I don’t want them to be sad because of me.

    It’s just been such a terrible year, and I have developed these unusual fears that I never had before she passed. I had several panic attacks, and like you, I feel so sad when anything good happens to me because I can’t share those memories with her. The saddest part of it all, is when I realize that when I have kids in the future, they won’t be able to know my mom, as the loving grandmother I know she wanted to be.

    Thank you for letting me express my feelings with you all. It helps to know that other people are learning to deal with these life changing losses. Please take care all of you.

  134. Shepard said on October 28, 2011 at 12:32 pm ... #

    Thank you for this site. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for giving us a space in which to share our hearts. I think this is really helping me get in touch with my grief.

    I lost my father December 1, 2010. He was 89. He was older when I was born–42–and some say I was his favorite. I don’t know about that, but we had a special relationship. He was the nurturing parent in our family. Whenever my little sister and I wanted something, like to join the band, and my mother said no–she said “no” a lot–we would go ask Daddy and he would say, “Of course.” The majority of great things I did while growing up were because Daddy gave us permission.

    Daddy was very old school. He paid cash for everything. He was a very hard worker, and lived to provide for his family. If he gave you his word, it was as good as a signed contract that would hold up in a court of law. Although we grew up in a small town in Mississippi that was fierce with racial prejudice, he was colorblind to that type of thing. He gave everybody a chance no matter who they were, until there was a reason not to trust them. He was very generous, and often helped people in town without ever saying a word about it. He was a pillar in the community, and that place will not be the same ever without him. He had the reputation of being honest, fair, and someone with very high integrity.

    He refused to participate in gossip. If he heard a rumor about a person, and the person him/herself had not given him that information directly, he simply ignored what he heard.

    My father was the quintessential gentleman, had a great sense of humor and loved interacting with people. He believed that the customer was always right, and he lived his belief. He was very wise, and I would have done well to heed his advice more. I remember that anytime we were walking and he saw a penny, he always picked it up. He appreciated everything in life, even something as simple as that.

    Daddy had been going downhill for quite some time, so it wasn’t exactly a shock when he died but I wasn’t ready for the loss.

    He was my rock. He loved me unconditionally. It didn’t matter what I ever did wrong, or what trouble I got into, or what stupid decisions I ever made, he never treated me any differently–ever. He just accepted me and loved me exactly where I was. I told him that he was the example of Who God really is in my life.

    I think I am still looking for him in a man. I know there is no replacement for him, however, his best qualities are what attract me to certain men.

    I had no idea I would find this site. I decided to type into a browser window, “Why am I crying for my Daddy today?” and I saw this link. Wow. Thank you for creating a space where we can connect.

  135. Candice said on November 1, 2011 at 2:18 am ... #

    I lost my daddy 10 days ago and I don’t know what to do. The pain is so unbearable, I just can’t imagine the rest of my life without him. He had a leg amputation and was in hospital ‘getting better’, yeah right. All he wanted was for me to take him home. He missed his family so much (my mom, sister, me, our husbands and his grandchildren). I wish I knew that he was happy where is is now and that he’s not angry with me for not bringing him home from hospital. When I left Friday night he was fine. Early Saturday morning we got a call to say he wasn’t doing well. When we got there it was too late. I will never get over the fact that he died alone. I hope that he knows I was always with him and always will be. A part of me died that day. ‘I love you daddy and you will always be a part of me’

  136. Doug said on November 1, 2011 at 11:19 am ... #

    One day I found out that my best friend of 23 years has a rare cancer and was going to die. I couldnt beleive it. They day he passed away I was called over to his house to see him lying there in his bed. This was my first experience of death of a loved one and it kicked me to the floor. 5 months later I got that 3:00 A.M call that my baby sister of 35 years old had just dropped dead. This one changed my life. I have never been the same. When I heard that news I fell to the floor and when I stood up I left behind something of me. I left the care free thought that we would all be together. After spending more time with my parents tryingh to get through the major disaster in our lives I get a call that my Father passed away. My mind and heart was all over the place. I was consumed with everything that was happining. My like seemed taken away as I was consumed with this. Two month later I get a call that my mother passed away in her sleep. Not trying to loose my mond as I have a wife and three children I am forced to deal with another funeral. I have lost my family in a short period of time. If it wasnt for the family I build to keep me sane, I do not know what state of mind I would be in all the time. I think about them all and I mean all the time. I miss them more than anything. I am truely hurting. Time as you mentioned does help, it does. But the pain is just right around the corner. I worote this to you becasue you are definitly not alone. You are going to have to read this one more time and that is ” I am sooo so sorry” God Bless and someday we all we be together. It will be just an amazing day.

  137. Adrienne Edenfield said on November 2, 2011 at 5:59 pm ... #

    This Dec. 2nd will be 10 yrs. since my fathers passing from colon cancer. I constantly feel as if I’m not grieving right because I am to this day crying at the mention of him or I stay up crying at night because I remember something about him. His illness made things worse it was not pleasant and although short it went on too long. I am adopted and although he was not my biological father he was my father. I have recently found my biological parents and their families and its hard he’s not here to know them and I have the feeling because he’s not here that by getting to know them I am “doing something behind his back” alot of grief and guilt is being brought back up, I really wish it wasn’t this hard anymore.

  138. michael said on November 4, 2011 at 9:29 pm ... #

    thank you for sharing we lost grandma my mother in law a year and a half ago im looking to help my wife

  139. RCS said on November 7, 2011 at 1:28 pm ... #

    Thank you for this article. I lost my dad 8 years ago when I was 30. He was my best friend. And it seems like no one understands that some days are worse than others. Like today. I don’t wake up every morning thinking about him or go to sleep every night crying, like I used to. But, I miss him with all my heart. Recently I received a promotion at work and so wished I could share this news with him. He would have been so proud of me. I hate he will never know my daughters or see the woman I have become. Some days I never think of this… other days… it consumes me. It’s nice to know…I’m not alone.

  140. Danielle said on November 7, 2011 at 7:38 pm ... #

    This is a great article. Like so many others, I can relate to the pain of losing someone. My father passed away when I was 8 years old. My parents had divorced before that, but my sister and I always had a great relationship with him. Up until that August day in 2001, I had vaguely known what true loss felt like. When they told me, I went on with my day as norman. I did not get to say goodbye to my dad. In some way, I think that has always haunted me. That is why so many of the things you mentioned resinate with me. The time that was lost with the person. Some days I think to myself, “Has it really been ten years?” While other days it is clear. When People ask about family, I kind of get sentimental because my mother is remarried and my step-father is like a father figure but I feel odd answering a question like “What do your parents do?”

    My dad got to see neither my sister nor I walk across the stage at graduation or see my sister walk down the aisle at her wedding. All things I dreamed about. Recently I was watching ‘Long Island Medium’ and although I am somewhat of a skeptic, I am also somewhat open to the idea that maybe we could talk to relatives that are no longer with us. On one episode, she was doing a group reading and stopped in front of a little boy, about 8, who lost their father. Even though there were different circumstances, I felt a connection to him. I cried like a baby thinking about him and myself as an eight year old. I have never really gotten to the point where I could talk about him and not cry, not until recently. Many tv shows, movies and songs make me think about him. One song in particular, ‘Dance with my father’ by Luther Vandross, gets me each time. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone.

  141. Marissa said on November 11, 2011 at 9:24 pm ... #

    I can relate to what your going through in so many ways. I lost my dad six and half years ago on my 15th birthday. It was by far one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to go through. I was a daddy’s girl so I missed out on doing a lot of things with him that I would of did if he was still alive. I still struggle today with his death because we were so close. I wish he could of been here to see me graduate high school and now college. I also get constant reminders that he’s gone when I am watching tv or a movie. I hate when I’m out and see a father and daughter together knowing that I’ll never have that kind of bond with my dad. Thank you for sharing your story.

  142. Candice said on November 14, 2011 at 4:19 am ... #

    I’m scared that it’s never going to get easier. I lost my dad 23 days ago. I feel like I’m going crazy. It really does consume me. I wish I knew how to carry on and be happy again. My mom, my sister & her family, my husband and my 9yr old son need me. And I know they’re all feeling the same way. It’s just so hard for all of us. My heart is longing for my dad so much. I miss him terribly.

  143. Gail said on November 14, 2011 at 10:13 am ... #

    Ilost my Dad in 2003 and my Mom in 2005. There are good days and bad days in still wanting them here. Six years ago today was the last day i spent with my mom. i have had tears off and on. Iremember her words to me were it is better to go than to stay here and suffer. That there made me feel if my mom is that strong to say that then i need to be that strong also. It is so hard for us to let go of a loved one but none of want them to suffer and have no quality of life. Remember the happy things. Remember some of the funny dumb things that were said or done. It sure helps and talk about them it makes things easier than to try and forget. It does not matter how old we are when we loose our parent we still seem like that young kid. We are there children. My Mom did not want to pass aaway at her home because she did not think i could handle it afterwords.What bothered me so much was the thought of her being brought to the hospital to pass away. So i felt like i had to have my moms ok about her staying home. I promised her one it was her time i would be ok i did not want her to go to the hospital. she said then she would stay at home. I think it was the best thing for us both. Ilive in her home today it has comforted me. My mom worried about leaving me or how i was going to be than herself. Remember they give us stength.

  144. Anonymous said on November 14, 2011 at 3:35 pm ... #

    I empathise with the author and every one of you who wrote these comments. Its great to read these as I never talk about this with anybody!

    I lost my dad 8 years ago when I was 14 and even writing these words is hard. I have never ever faced the reality head on and even now, I completely block everything out. I will walk out of a room if there is an uncomfortable conversation which triggers memories. Or i will desperately change my train of thought when i start to think about him/what happened. If i don’t i know it will bring me to such a low and i will be in floods of tears. In essence, it is a horrible pain that i know will happen so i avoid it.

    I had to face it head on a few months ago when we met with some old friends wo talked about him (good memories, his death etc). We were in a restaurant and I had to leave to go to the bathroom after about 5 minutes as I could no longer hold the tears in. I spent around 5 minutes in floods of tears in those toilets and couldnt think of anything worse than sitting back down to hours of the conversation. My mum and sister were fine, reminiscing and able to listen and talk. This made me reaslise how far they have come compared to me.

    All these little things that the author mentioned i completely identify with..Love to all x

  145. Anonymous said on November 16, 2011 at 6:50 pm ... #

    This brought tears to my eyes. It is such a comfort to hear that someone else is having the same feelings that I am. My dad passed away from pancreatic cancer four years ago, but sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.

    Thank you.

  146. Anonymous said on November 16, 2011 at 10:30 pm ... #

    Your article was so beautifully written!

    My parents had such a strong bond, they loved so strongly. My father passed away of a heart attack 7 years ago at the age of 50. The day my father passed, my mother forgot how to live. She became a shadow of the person she once was, and ultimately died 5 years later as each organ began to fail. Even as I write this a flood of emotions come over me.

    I am the oldest of 6 children, and was thrusted into a caregiver role, involving taking over responsibilities of my young teenage brothers and all the woes that involves. I couldn’t be overwhelmed with sorrow, I was needed to be strong and pull the family together. They truly looked to me to determine if this was DO-ABLE. I became their “rock”.

    Years have passed, and for the most part we are stronger, and happy. I’m engaged to be married in three months– the happiest time of your life— or so I’ve been told. And yet,…. I find myself crying in the car, and shower, and behind sunglasses. I’ve dreamed of my wedding since I was a little girl, as all girls do. But two very important people are missing… and without them, the fairy tale ending isn’t the same. Every part of the planning process just reminds me of their absence. I feel very alone.

    Your article touched me.. Thank you.

  147. Anonymous said on November 17, 2011 at 6:18 pm ... #

    Well stated…thank you for sharing you pain and experience with us.

  148. Annon said on November 18, 2011 at 7:38 am ... #

    Your story is so true, my dad passed away from suicide 8 years ago and there’s not a day goes past were I don’t think of him It’s coming up to his anniversary and find myself crying over little things that wouldn’t usually bother me, It’s hard to talk to people about it as they don’t understand even though it has been this long it’s still hard to accept at times. holidays and family outings are the worst as my dad was always such a big family man. I can remember it like yesterday and sometimes am scared to forget. He will always be on my mind and miss him everyday.. X

  149. Amy Reed said on November 26, 2011 at 12:49 am ... #

    My dad died a little over 4 years ago when I was 16…I still hurt over the loss of my Father. People just don’t understand the impact of losing your father while you are growing up. Not to say it is any easier when you are older, but it definitely has a different and intense impact on your childhood. My grief has grown to be less of an all the time occurrence, but when it does hit me…it is like I am at the hospital all over again saying goodbye. It was nice to read this story and other peoples comments. It makes me feel like I am not alone in feeling the way I do…

  150. Candice said on November 29, 2011 at 7:01 am ... #

    I miss my dad so much now. It’s been 38 days. I cried so much last friday I thought I was going to stop breathing. I feel like I’m dying. This is so painful. I hope this get’s easier….. for mom, me , my sister, our husbands and kids…. We love you dad. xoxoxo
    RIP Maxamilian Devillefort Costas De Wet 1952-2011. You were really too young to die dad.

  151. David said on November 30, 2011 at 8:27 am ... #

    This Article is me . It has just gone 10 years since I lost my father. People who have not experienced loss of someone close to them don’t know what it is like . I thank all of you for your comments , it has given me comfort that I am not the only person who feels the way I feel

    I am only 21
    Thank you

  152. Erin said on November 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm ... #

    This article felt like i had written it myself. I lost my mum to cancer when I was ten nearly five years ago and its still really hard but its not something I’m always thinking about. But that also scares me because I feel like I’m forgetting her which I don’t want to do. And I also think that no one can say I understand even if they have lost someone as well, because we all lose people in different ways. This helped me know that other people feel the same way I?m feeling thankyou.

  153. Harley Ababon said on December 2, 2011 at 12:27 pm ... #

    I am Filipino. I grew up as an adopted son to a woman when I was left by my biological mother to her. My adopted mother is poor and so I have to try to make a living. At 16 I met this man who took me in, clothed me, fed me and sent me to school. He was a catholic priest and a military chaplain for the U.S. Airforce. I became a Nurse in 1994 and I promised my adopted Dad that I’d take care of him. I never got to move to the U.S. but I managed to get a Job in the U.K. where I now live with my family of 1 son 2 daughters. I visited my adopted father in 2004 with my then 2 children, and I nursed him to health in 2006 when he had a stroke. I love my Dad so much, just as all of us would think that our Dads are the best in the world. In 2005, I named my youngest daughter after him. He moved out of his house and entered into a graduated facility in Southern Pines N.C. Last June 2011 was the last time I spoke to Dad because he called me after being hospitalized for 6 months. I asked him if he would move in with me since I couldnt get to move to the U.S. and so we decided to try find a bigger house for all of us. This 28th of November 2011, I received a letter from a fiduciary that my Father had passed away last October 31st. He had Parkinsons, but succumb to Pneumonia secondary to Urinary tract infection. Its been a month and I had no idea about this. What anguished me are the questions of Why’s and Ifs. Why did I not go to him straight after he recovered from his last illness?. Did he have a hard time while living on his own? He always tells me he is alright when we talked on the phone and that he is well taken care of. I would have always wanted to take care of him more than I take care of the patients I have in the hospital. And here, now I missed that chance because I was too busy making a living. Even if I get answers to my questions, it will not bring back time. Right now, I am devastated and I do not know how or what to think. People around him during his last days didnt have an idea how to contact me. Wether Dad didnt get the chance to tell them or there were too many processes that they have to get thru to get to his contact details. What puzzles me is the fact that if Dad informed the facility that I do exist, why couldnt they have contacted me when he was unwell. But all these questions will remain with me un-answered and will haunt me for the rest of my life. I contacted the church where they officiated his funeral and the secretary to the monsignor told me that Dad passed away peacefully. The secretary of the estate lawyer told me the same. But no one can tell me how Dad was during his last days. I guess it wouldnt matter and they are all trying to appease my pain. I see all your stories, and I am afraid that the pain will never go away. I am afraid to get back to work, that each time I see an elderly person in my line of work, it will tear me apart inside. I never got the chance to demonstrate to my Dad how much I wanted to take care of him. I am reconciling my thoughts to myself, but it will never get resolved until Dad will tell me himself. At night I close my eyes so hard and I try to program myself so I see Dad in my dreams and we will have a conversation. During the day I stare up the heavens and hope I would see his face. I tried so hard to program my brain to create the illusion that he would be there standing and waving at me. But the truth is, he is gone and I will never physically see or hear his encouraging voice ever. I do not know if I will ever heal.

  154. chris said on December 5, 2011 at 4:53 am ... #

    Wow this article describes almost exactly how I feel. My dad died almost a year ago and I actually feel much worse than I did when it happened. I go from optimistic to extremely depressed multiple times a week and I just don’t know when it will end.
    The “little things” you wrote about that still stir up your grief are things that I struggle with daily and I really marvel at how accurately and eloquently you described them.
    I just hope I can find someone like you who knows these feelings and can relate with me without feeling awkward, afraid, or uncomfortable.
    Thank you for taking the time to write down your feelings in such a thoughtful and meaningful way. I hope the best for you and anyone else experiencing this “new life” that just feels wrong in every way.

  155. Eleanor said on December 5, 2011 at 6:16 pm ... #

    Having a bad night sleeping thinking about that one missing person I lost all them years ago, and I came across this, it really comforted me, reminded me that I’m not alone. I lost my mum at the age of 7 to a brain tumour, back in 1998. Now at 20 years old, I still struggle to cope with my loss, probably more then I ever did. Becoming a young woman and realising just how much of a huge part your mum plays in your life is the hardest part. My triggers are the song ‘the drugs dont work’ by the verve (regardless of where I am or what I’m doing, this song never fails to make me break down, I got the lyrics ‘the drugs don’t work they make you worse but I know I’ll see you face again tattooed on my to remind me that I will always miss her but hopefully be reunited with her one day), when I see my friends with their mums or they talk about them in a bad way ( you never know what you’ve got til it’s gone!), and the normal Xmas, birthdays etc. One huge one though is my old memory of walking through the market place in my hometown with my mum when I must have been maybe 5 or 6.. Everytime I walk in that Market place I remember every word she said to me like it was yesterday. Its indescribable to someone who hasn’t lost, your article was just so comforting. Thank you x x

  156. Pri said on December 9, 2011 at 8:43 pm ... #

    It was my bday a few hours ago and even though I should be happy I became consumed with grief something that that happens every now and then.

    My mother died suddenly almost 3yrs ago. I was 4m pregnant with her 1st grandchild. We were planning she would come help with the 1st few weeks if the baby but this was never to be. I got a call one day one day that she was in I.C.U and was advised to travvel home immediately(i had relocated to another country few years before).
    I got on a flight the next day as I had to sort out certain things with my midwife the day of the call……only I got there too late. Mum passed aw of a brain hemorrhage while I was on my flight home
    The days and months that followed have been the hardest of my life. I am the first born with two siblings and felt obligated to put a strong exterior even though I was crumbling inside or maybe because this is what I think mum would have expected of me.
    I also stayed strong for the baby growing inside me so as anyone can imagine I really never got to grieve for mum.

    I am now pregnant again with my second who is due a month after mums anniversary. Not a single day goes by when I don’t think ofher. She was an exceptional woman,mother and wife whose life evolved around family and what saddens me the most is that she worked very hard and when she was about to start taking it abit easy(her last born was in colllege),she was gone… 54.

    Besides that I lost my mother,best friend and confidant and its very hard to move on when there are constant reminders around like when her favourite song comes on the radio, when my son looks at the photo on the wall and says there is nana or when am deleting old msgs on my phone and I still can’t get myself to delete the last msg she sent me which was when I went for my scans with my first child and she simply said “am sooo happy….take care”

    One thing is for sure, that you never get over the loss of a loved one… just learn how to live with it and am still taking one day at a time.

  157. Heather said on December 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm ... #

    This is a wonderfully written article. I felt as though u were reading my mind. My father passed away 14 years ago and although I constantly think about him, it is the little things that remind me of him. Christmas time is especially hard since he passed away 10 days before Christmas. My first daughter was his little buddy and they spent every weekend together and at Christmas time (at least the 2 they had together) they enjoyed playing with all of the toys my daughter got. My dad’s face would just light up everytime he saw his granddaughter.

    A few months ago I had a dream that my dad actually came back. He wasn’t dead all this time but in hiding or witness protection or something similar. It was so hard to wake up and realize that he is gone. I had to relive his passing all over again. That was harder then the first time. I woke up all excited thinking my dad was back and he could see his granddaughters and see all that I have accomplished only to have it all crushed when reality hit.

    I don’t think I will over “get over” losing my dad. And I don’t know if it will ever get easier. I do know I hate hurting like this and missing him so much.

  158. AJ said on December 27, 2011 at 12:24 am ... #

    I felt tears rolling down as your read your piece. I had just turned ten when my father died. That was thirteen years ago. All these years I have kept telling myself that it will get better, I won’t dampen my pillow as much. That never really happens. Till today I feel the pain as cruelly. I don’t know when I will be able to live with the void.
    One day I saw a blind girl with her father at a park. I know it’s very crazy but I almost was jealous of what she had.
    I was just a little girl, why did life give me so much grief. Much more than I can handle.
    Nobody knows how much a cry. They think that I handled it well.

  159. Derekheart said on December 28, 2011 at 10:58 pm ... #

    Wow, this is exactly how I see my own teenager going through her grief after losing her dad 2.5 years ago. I know the triggers, the reactions, the behaviors to a T – and it hurts so much. Knowing that I cannot change it or make it better for her. Watching and feeling helpless as she swallows the pain, sadness and hopelessness again and again. Thank you for putting your words here to help all of us explain the pain…

  160. Candice said on January 3, 2012 at 8:26 am ... #

    It’s only been 10 weeks since my dad passed away. I still feel like I’m dying. Christmas and New years was so difficult for me and my sister. I don’t know what we’re going to do because we feel like we can’t deal with this. It is a pain so bad I don’t think it’s ever going to go away. We miss our dad so much.

  161. Tina said on January 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm ... #

    My dad passed away on the 10th of Dec. I feel like it just happen a few minutes ago. I lost my husband 9 years ago, our kids were in the age group of 15 yrs old down to 4 yrs old. Picture my kids and me right now, I thought losing my husband was very hard, losing my father is harder. Now im in my kids shoes hope for the best. the only thing it will make us stay strong is to get closer to our Heavenly Father. He will bless us with all our needs. i missed my husband and my father so much.

  162. Susy said on January 8, 2012 at 7:55 pm ... #

    My dad past away last month, I still can believe it and it still hurts…
    I cry every night becuase is when I realize that is true…
    Everything that you say I can feel it 2

  163. rasna said on January 10, 2012 at 10:59 pm ... #

    my dad died last nov 2011 but still he is in my heart, head and mind. I wish he was
    still here. I can’t remember his last words but we loved each
    other. I have talked to him many times without reply,
    some people believe in the afterlife. I’m crying now , writing here. I’m just having a sad night. He lives in my heart and head. I believe that’s the
    I’m not religious, I wish I could “see” him again but
    I can’t. He will always be with me in my mind and heart. It’s taken me ages to write this. Sorry for this , I’m just having a sad moment. Just had to tell you all, just a sad day today

  164. Lisa said on January 12, 2012 at 10:51 pm ... #

    Rasna, I also believe that your Dad lives on in your heart and your head. No one can ever take away the feeling of being loved by him. It is just a thought away. I will never forget how my husband made me feel, nor how he was with my children.

  165. Fiona said on January 14, 2012 at 4:21 pm ... #

    I know how you feel, my dad died unexpectedly when I was 9 six years ago the day after my birthday and even now certain things will make me burst into tears. My friends just tell me to get over and stop being such a baby but it’s not that easy. I’m leaving school in a few months and I really hate that he isn’t going to be there for me when I do. Thank you for writing this, I can really relate and it brings up feelings to those who have lost a parent and to those who haven’t as well.

  166. Blake said on January 25, 2012 at 5:19 am ... #

    I know you wrote this article out of pure emotion. I google searched “how to get over the death of a loved one even after its been years” and this article was at the top of the list. I lost my dad in oct. 2008. Iwe were pretty close and it is hard for others to understand how much I cared for him cause I’m not a very affectionate person. I was 26 when he passed. He died of a hospitals mistake and would still be here today if they would have listend to him. I had no clue he was going to die when he did. I turned down a chance to visit him the day he died and regret it still to this day. I can feel yourain when you say little things remind you of him. Othereople that have not lost someone close do not fully understand the pain and agony. It was two months after my dad passed away that my girlfriend and I found out she was pregnant. We had a little boy. He turned two in August last year . Sometimes when he makes different facial expressions I see my dad and it sometimes brings tears to my eyes cause it makes me miss my dad. I love my son to death and just wish my dad could have got to be a part of his life. I feel I will never get over the fact that he is gone. My other two siblings were always close to my mom and I was closer to my dad it seems and I don’t think they realize how bad it still hurts me that he is gone. I know they miss him too but I feel depressed on a regular basis and it seems to be taking a toll on me mentally. I never want to forget anything about my dad but I wish the pain would fade away some. I have been remembering a lot about my childhood lately and my dad for some reason and it has been making me very sad and that’s why I decided to search for any kind of answers or support that I could find. Thank you all for posting such personal stories. I can relate to most all of you and am glad we are not alone.

  167. annie said on January 27, 2012 at 9:42 pm ... #

    Thanks so much for the original posts and all the comments. I lost my dad five years ago and I think this has been the worst anniversary. He had a downward spiral at the end of his life–ethically, financially, health wise–and our relationship was strained when he died. I regret so much now, especially the eulogy I gave, which was too short and empty.
    I’m so shocked at how, five years later, I jumped back to how I felt when he died, so raw and filled with sorrow. However, after reading all these posts, I feel that these emotions are totally normal and healthy. Thank you all so much.

  168. Amanda said on January 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm ... #

    I stumbled across your site while looking for a poem or something to use as a memoriam for my Dad. This April it will be 20 years! Some days it seems like it was yesterday that he passed and others it seems like I have lived a lifetime without him. Every word you have put down, I have felt. He has been on my mind so much lately and I don’t know why. Usually there are days when he hasn’t even crossed my mind. It’s been so long…………… I still miss him terribly!
    I will keep you in my prayers!

  169. Leeface said on January 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm ... #

    I lost my dad jan 20th 2012. This has been the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I knew someday my parents would pass, but did not realize how strange it would feel. It feels as if that small lump or knot in your stomach will never go away. I dont know how to deal with it, I dont know how to handle it. He was 81 years old, so he lived a long life, but he suffered so much at the end, and there was nothing I could do about it. I had a wonderful 33 years with him and for that I am thankful, but it does not fill this hole I have inside. I try not to cry, I try not to think about it, but its like it just runs up and punches you right in the heart at that strangest moments. I miss you daddy and I will miss you forever….
    R.I.P. James Lee Richards 03/19/30- 01/20/12

  170. bill said on January 31, 2012 at 3:07 am ... #

    There was a wonderful life before my father died suddenly from a heart attack when I was 13 years old. And there’s been the life afterwards.

    I graduated from college. Had a great job. Made a great deal of money. Had a great family, a wife of 40 years and two wonderful sons.

    But in that time since his death I’ve hidden the pain and hurt almost till is was unbearable. Now I’m 66 years old. And time has healed nothing.

  171. Marie said on February 1, 2012 at 8:16 pm ... #

    Thx 4 everyone’s comments. I had a rough day today of agitation, sadness, and depression. My father died of pancreatic cancer a little over six months ago and his birthday was yesterday. Definitely rough but yesterday I did good but today I’m catching a backlash of grief. I don’t know what to say except that I know this is normal but it sucks so bad. I went to his grave and I’m like really? Really are you under there? I just don’t get it how the body dies and the spirit lives? This mystery got me all screwed up?!

  172. Laura said on February 2, 2012 at 10:26 am ... #

    I was fortunate to have had my dad until I was 30. I always knew because of his heart condition we were living on borrowed time but it hurts just the same. He died in 2008 and it still hurts. I was a daddy’s girl and that bond will make me miss him forever. I still have days where I burst into tears when I think about him being gone. I would do anything to pick up the phone and just talk to him. You are right it gets better but it never goes away.

  173. Lorraine Morrison-Wood said on February 6, 2012 at 8:21 pm ... #

    My dad died when I was nine-years old, he was diabetic and died during a kidney transplant. My mum is a big part of our family, and much-loved.
    I am now 48-years old, with a wonderful husband and four gorgeous healthy children, but started weeping tonight thinking about my dad; I just think something hasn’t been resolved somewhere, because I still feel so much sadness that he isn’t here anymore. Hubby tells me, kindly, that I have to let it go -(crying, as I say this), but I don’t know how to, something just doesn’t feel right . Always sad that dad and I never knew each other as adults – maybe the real loss is what might’ve been.
    Take care everybody
    Lorraine x

  174. Lorraine Morrison-Wood said on February 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm ... #

    My dad was Norman Laurence Morrison, great man who didn’t live long enough to fulfill his dreams. Wear the colours, daddy!
    Lorraine Morrison-Wood

  175. Lorraine Morrison-Wood said on February 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm ... #

    Bill, just read your post – time isn’t always the great healer, is it? However, we have much to be thankful for – we both have precious families, and our dads would’ve been proud of us; however much we miss them.
    Take care

  176. Lorraine Morrison-Wood said on February 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm ... #

    Dad was 32 when he left this mortal coil, bit young to die from diabetes isn’t it – wouldn’t happen these days.
    Still, too young to die – and leave me without the dad who gave me the questioning mind!
    Always in my head, daddy
    Lorraine x

  177. Helen said on February 9, 2012 at 10:13 am ... #

    thank you for writing this. even though this post is older, it expresses exactly what many feel. I lost my father when i was 25. not as young as you, but the pain is still there. it doesn’t consume me as you say, but the reminders do not help. I was going through some papers yesterday and found a copy of his obituary. It all came back. today, it feels as if it all happened just yesterday. Your post is a testament to those who love and care deeply – and helps those of us who lost, but never stopped loving. May the Lord grant you peace and may the memory of your father be forever eternal.

  178. SS said on February 11, 2012 at 7:34 pm ... #

    my father passed away when i was 12 years old on my birthday and this year is going to be 7 years since.I have been through everything you’ve written and most of it still continues. people say it gets easier with time but, i feel like it affects me more now that it did when it actually happened because now i fully understand and realize all the moments that i am missing and going to be missing with my dad and how our relationship would have been.the worst that gets to me is when i see other father daughter relationships….makes me realize/remember what i’m missing. I sometimes think i might have turned out different if this wouldn’t have still doesn’t seem real to me.

  179. Candice said on February 13, 2012 at 8:18 am ... #

    I really miss my daddy who passed away 16 weeks ago. It’s his birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY. RIP 13 Feb to 22 Oct. Feel like I’m going out of my mind.

  180. Meaghan said on February 15, 2012 at 10:38 pm ... #

    Hi, I am 12 years old. My dad died in a hit and run car acciendent 10 years ago as of tomorrow. Today, I have gotten texts and emails from former friends of my dad that loved him and want to express that to me. People I don’t even remember, because I was only two at the time. My older brother was 4 when everything happened. He remembers it more than me, and every single person that rememers my dad says that my brother is scarily similar to him. I really don’t know what to do for the 10 year anniversary of my father’s passing. I just miss him so much.

  181. verysad said on February 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm ... #

    8/31/11 my strong dad collapsed unexpectedly while i was in another room. i gave him cpr and it was no use. 73 years old, heart attack. i still have images popping into my head of his lifeless body and i feel like i am going crazy. nevermind he was my best friend and now i’m alone, friend wise. at least i had him for 35 years. i’m sad, angry, guilty, depressed. i’ve morphed into someone i don’t recognize.

  182. Ernest Mierbeth said on February 25, 2012 at 8:32 pm ... #

    I thank you for sharing your grief. My Mom passed in 2007 at the age of 68 and it is like it was yesterday. I long to hear her voice, working in the garden with her and watching Her enjoy her grandchildren. My Mom is my best friend in all the world. I too have become someone very different and so many changes in my life make living scary. Imagine, I am 47 and I am like a little child. I do what I can for others though life is not fair and wonder often what Gods plan is all about. Mom had breast cancer, brain tumor and finally anal cancer. Why the suffering, why do bad things happen to amazing people???Why why why???????

  183. J T said on February 28, 2012 at 1:53 am ... #

    23 years of grief, and if I hear my dad’s name my heart breaks and I get a lump in my throat and I start crying until I can’t cry anymore. Every time. He died of cancer when I was 14. I didn’t really know he was sick and dying, so, the day he went to the hospital, was the same day he passed and it was extremely traumatic. The wound is still as deep and as raw as it ever was, and like you said, every milestone is another day without your loved one. I don’t want to be a “Debbie downer”, I’m just trying to find some relief for myself. I’ve had suicides, and other tragic deaths in my family, and in a few months, I’ve been back to normal, and can celebrate their memory. But this death, hurts to the core of my soul. It has for so long. I miss him so much. J

  184. beth-ann said on March 1, 2012 at 12:26 pm ... #

    my dad died when i was 5 im 14 now and i still cry at school it hurts soo mutch because of all of my life hes missed

  185. Anonymous said on March 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm ... #

    I want so bad to forget its been 7 years now.

  186. Krishna said on March 4, 2012 at 1:22 pm ... #

    I recently lost my dad. It is great I stumbled on this site, because I know I have one more shoulder to cry on.

    I agree it just doesn’t go away with time. It is in keeping the memories fresh, that we find the meaning to our life.

    Today, God has made me a shareholder in the world of my grieving brothers and sisters.

  187. jenna said on March 4, 2012 at 6:28 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for your perfectly worded tribute to your dad. I can absolutely relate to every single thought you shared. Bittersweet accomplishments, memories popping out of every day things, people having no idea what it’s like until they’ve actually been there. I truly wish I knew someone who lost a parent they loved and cherished suddenly and soon other than on the Internet, but at the same time I’m thankful the internet exists to find people like you.

    For me, it’s been a little over 4 years. I’m just beginning adulthood and need my dad more than anything. He helped me so much with everything…you are right it doesn’t go away with time. You just get more used to the idea of him actually not being here. I’m still in shock of how long ago it was, yet how it also seems like yesterday. I still remember his voice, smell, everything perfectly… I seem to only know people who have had horrible experiences with their dad and have heard on multiple occasions “I wish he were dead”…if they don’t know about my dad. That always boggles my mind. It seems all the wonderful fathers have to suffer and die suddenly for no reason. I struggle with this every day

  188. Tasoula said on March 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience. I can definitely relate to your story.

    I lost my father on January 11, 2012 suddenly and he was only 64. I am devastated because was such a big part of me life. I miss him so much!

    I’d like to believe that he is in a better place and someday we will meet again.

  189. alan said on March 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm ... #

    my dad pasted away only last december, and i was ok at first but the recently month or so i have just crumbled.. dont want to talk, want to be alone my head is just mush .. he is there in my head every second and i find it very hard to cope, everything Jenna said makes total sense..

  190. alan said on March 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm ... #

    hi again
    I left a post last night in a rush and wanted to return and expand.. my dad was 82 when he died and it has hit me so hard 3 months later.. I feel i could have seen more of him at the end as I live in Ireland and him in the UK.. I feel i want to be there with my family.. yet i have a relationship here in Ireland.. the situation is affecting my relationship with my partner as she wants answers as to why i am being like this, yet i cant answer them as i have no answers.. i feel i just want to climb into a box and shut the world out.. i have been told grief affect us all differently but god it hurts

  191. Astrit said on March 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm ... #

    i lost my dad one week ago we were at a funeral and in our way getting home while i was driving he had a heart attack( he had operation 10 years ago) that day i was strong and tried to help my dad , i screamed at him saying you will get over this – we will get over this i just hope these were the words he heard from me driving to the hospital it passed a week and sometimes i say to myself why i couldn’t do something more to help him sometimes i feel really bad , when i think like that it hurts me a lot ! the days are passing and i try to remember everything we did. i have a lot of friends who lost their father but now i can understand them how they feel , now i can understand how they live , it’s really hard but it’s harder when i realise that with my father i lost i friend and that makes it harder. i tried to find ppl. that have lost their beloved and here i read some of the comments and it makes me think i’m not the only one!
    i’m really sorry for your loss and i liked a lot the article you wrote.

  192. Anonymous said on March 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm ... #

    I am 34 years old, my dad had early onset alzheimers and died at the early age of 42, i was 1 years old when he was taken into hospital and 4 years when he dies. Because of his illness and the early 80’s, he was placed in a mental hospital and as he couldn’t remember us, i believe my mum stopped taking us to visit him..I have no memories of my dad at all…and my older siblings don’t talk about their memories of him, which is was all brushed under the carpet as it was a coping mechanism for my mum (i presume). Im 34 years now and i still do not know a great deal about the man who is my dad.. I just have an idealised view that he was the greatest man on earth!! I have seen a handful of photos, yet i stil have this grief that has haunted me all my life… I get on with my life ( as we have too) im married with 2 kids and i still get a physical pain in my throat and an overwhelming feeling of sadness over the loss of my dad… I tend to control this quite well, although i can still sit on my own and cry like a baby over my loss…

  193. anon said on March 13, 2012 at 3:31 pm ... #

    This is a fab article, its so nice to know other people feel the same after 7+ years. My mum died 7yrs ago tomorrow at the age of 48 (i was 19), i’ve been feeling really low for the past few days and kept beating myself up inside because i feel after 7yrs you should be over it. But in some way it feels worse now. At the time i bottled it up and didnt want to talk to anyone about it. I also still find it hard to tell new people that my mum has died. This is the hardest thing i imagine i’m ever goig to go through but as you have said it is something you have to learn to deal with and can never get over it.

  194. Tallardy said on March 20, 2012 at 9:54 pm ... #

    Reading this made me feel less alone. My father commited suicide when I was 5 and everyday i still think about it. I’m now 13 and I cry every night about it. I have the things that remind me of him, and i always fall for guys who remind me of my father… I just want him back for at least 5 minutes to tell me he loves me and it was hard for him to do it, even though he did drugs and suffered depression… Every night i dream of him jumping off a bridge which alwways makes me cry in my sleep and i wake to wet pillows

  195. Waldon said on March 26, 2012 at 11:49 pm ... #

    I lost my father 20 years ago, im 31 now and I miss him like it was yesterday. He was a critical part of my life and losing him at 11 hurt me unbelievably bad. There is no “getting over it” like you said, ever, but you can learn to cope and to share your wonderful stories. I try to exemplify his kindness, intelligence, wittiness and charm in everything I do. To me, he is the greatest man I’ll ever know, to you, im sure your father was the same. Death is difficult, but please remember the Love.

  196. sharon said on March 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm ... #

    i lost my mom 15 months ago, seems so long ago yet seems as yesterday. she was my everything. now nothing is the same or never will be. i miss you mom terriable

  197. Alex/Amber said on March 31, 2012 at 2:43 am ... #

    My dad died November 25,2011 I can’t help
    But think what life would be like if he didn’t
    Die then people making jokes about my mom
    And dad and I tell them that my dad is dead
    Then they say I’m sorry I didn’t know I want
    My dad so bad my mom said if I didn’t say
    What I wanted to say 2 him later on it would
    Kill me on the inside and she was right.

  198. terrance tohnson said on April 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm ... #

    HI I LOST MY DAD WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD !! I MISS HIM SO MUCH !! 2day is his birthday and it really hit me 2day !! I was born in 1966 !! i lost my father b4 he could teach me how 2 b a man !! I had 2 learn how 2 do things by my self!! I got nothing right the first time out !! i got everything wrong !! i cant remember when my mom past !! it was like 10 years after my dad !! all I HAVE IS GOD !! 2 SHOW ME MY PATH !! i WILL b 46 YEAR AND IM NOT OVER IT YET !! GOD BLESS U , AND I PRAY THAT GOD FIGHT ALL YOUR BATTLES THANK U GOD 4 BEING WHO U SAID U ARE !! TERRANCE k JOHNSON north las vegas 89032

  199. Elzanne said on April 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm ... #

    Hey I know how you feel my dad died (years ago when I was 7 I’m !6 now and people always told me it will get easier but to be honest it just got worse! The smallest thing can set you into tears just the mention of my dad makes me depro! My dad always used to be at all my matches netball and swimming you name he was there! He always supported me and since he died my mom had only been hard on me she never acknowledged my performance! Miss him more and more every day!!

  200. John said on April 5, 2012 at 9:41 pm ... #

    My dad passed oct 20 2004 I am still not over it. My dad was not really part of my life till I was much older i came from a very abused back ground that my dad had not any thing to do with I could only see him when I was young a few times
    I found as I got older I was very much like my dad and found my dad was a very good man I tried to get closer to my dad in the last ten years of his life I wish I would have had more time with him he was such a good man then he died I felt so lost it’s so hard to explained your feelings how some time things you feel just make you start to cry I have found lots of help in a half sister that I really did not know that was my dad daughter she is so great it is so calming to talk to her.
    I think my problem is I never got to really grieve because my wife’s dad died two weeks after my dad then her mom right after that and she did it all it’s was like well there gone there gone
    Sorry to ramble on but I really have no one to talk to when I talk to my sister I know it still hurts her to talk and she want me to live closer I wish I could
    Thanks to any one that will read this

  201. Anonymous said on April 13, 2012 at 3:01 pm ... #

    My mum died of cancer when I was 6 and it has been around 9 years since I lost her and even though I don’t remember her as much as my older sisters I still find myself getting very upset when I hear a song by her favourite singer or people tell me stories about her. I find that when people ask me about my mum and i tell them that she is dead they just look at me and I have to pretend that I am fine about it when really I have to stop myself from crying. This article has helped me even though I cannot relate to everything you have said I now understand that I am not the only one still getting upset about the loss of someone even though years have passed.

  202. Tina said on April 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm ... #

    My dad died March 6 2012 in Mexico. The last thing I said to him was “Have fun see ya in a week” I never thought I would never see him again. I stood at the door with the dogs (I was watching theirs and have my own) and watched them him pull away all happy and waving. That image and the image of my mom standing at my door by herself in the middle of the night saying “Dad died” haunt me all hours of the day and night. Me and my dad did not always get along but in recent years it was really good. I miss him so much and don’t know when it will get easier if it does. I recently went to a wedding and had to leave cause I bawled when the bride danced with her Dad. It just reminded me that I will never get that dance with my Dad

  203. Jalen said on May 11, 2012 at 11:34 pm ... #

    I just stumbled upon this article and was happy I could relate. So many times it’s easy to feel trapped, almost like a drowning feeling, when you want to talk about it, but can’t. I always think people have better things to do than listen to me talk about my Dad, who died when I was just 3. Mostly you would expect that I don’t remember him, but that is very wrong. I remember being tucked in by him, and watching my all-time favorite movie, Jurassic Park with him. 14 years later, on the brink of my graduation, and I just wish he could give me a hug and tell me how proud he is. Anyway, thank you for this post. Someone is out there, and feels like me, so I know I’m not alone… Not that I would wish this upon anybody, but I’d rather not be alone in this.

  204. k. said on May 15, 2012 at 12:35 pm ... #

    My dad was 35 when he had a heart attack and died. I was 12. I’m 51 now and I too can say that he’s not the first and last thing I think of every day. It might be about every 2 weeks now. It doesn’t get “better” — it gets easier. But when it hurts, it hurts. I miss you dad.

  205. corina said on May 21, 2012 at 12:08 am ... #

    It is so nice to see how many people miss their parent’s I guess the one’s that don’t did not have a close relationship with them. My Mother died after a operation in the recovery room from a allergic reaction from a medicine she raised me and my sister since I was 2 years old by herself with no husband and no child support and I am 51 years old now she died 8 year’s ago and I lost my best friend! I was a mess for year’s after she died but also was a single Mom of two small children that I had to support Holiday’s are not the same or just a ordinary is not I look forward to sleeping at night just to maybe see her in my dream’s. Maybe one day hopefully her death will make sense to me when my day come’s and I will be able to Hold and Hug her and maybe then it will make some sense.

  206. Anonymous said on May 30, 2012 at 10:14 am ... #

    It is so nice to read someone who feels exatcly the same as me. my dad died when i was 18 and it has been nearly 3 years but the greif hits me every day and i think is something i am going to live with for the rest of my life

  207. Desiree said on June 2, 2012 at 11:39 pm ... #

    I am truly sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for writing this article. It has been almost seven years since I lost my dad. I am still not over it – I don’t think I ever will be, but now I am not consumed by it either. It still hurts but I try not to show it because I don’t want to bring others down and no one can make me feel better about it. This article helped me. Thank you.

  208. Paul said on June 4, 2012 at 11:29 pm ... #

    My dad was my best friend, and I didn’t realize he was so sick. I miss him. I keep looking for something, a sign or letter, just some kind of good-bye.

  209. Carmen said on June 12, 2012 at 5:04 am ... #

    I am sitting here at almost four thirty in the morning because I cannot sleep and have been crying …again…Life is not the same anymore.

    The beginning of the end for my husband was on January 1, 2007…He suffered a stroke and after two months in the hospital was sent to a nursing home which was supposed to help him with physical therapy to get back on his feet. Never once did I think he was not coming back home and I painted, replaced carpeting and placed linoleum where the wheelchair would be most used.

    Little did I know that the nursing home the hospital recommended used euthanasia as a way of getting rid of patients who took up too much of their staff time. I noticed him losing weight and having one infection after another. I could go on and on. After many months of struggling with them for his medical records I read where he was being given medication for epileptics to make him sleep and diuretics to dry him out. The nutrients given him where not enough to keep him alive and he kept losing weight. When I questioned this or anything for that matter, I was told, he’s old, he’s had a stroke, he’s a very sick man. At the time I assumed they were doing everything possible for him but did note a lack of care for his person.

    I cannot express all I tried to do so that he could come home. On Monday, August 13th, 2007 at 7:50 a.m I was called letting me know that he was unresponsive. They were aware that he was having problems from six in the morning yet did nothing to help and let him die. I know this is so because I asked for the Ambulance Call Record and it stated that he had livor mortis ( a blotching of the skin where the blood pools after it stops circulating) and this only occurs a half hour to an hour after death. Yet they say they called 911 right away…They were there in five minutes so the death had to have occurred no later than a half hour before..

    They waited at this nursing home til he was dead because I had refused to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate) form so they knew if they called me I would tell them to do everything possible and send him to the hospital. By waiting they got around the DNR refusal and got away with ridding themselves of a patient who needed two assistants to help him. They were deliberatedly short-staffed and he took up too much of their time.

    So, I have been mourning both his death and the treatment and the wondering if I could have done more. How ignorant I was to assume that just because there was a Nurse there or a doctor called at my insistence that they would care whether he lived or died. At least when they put down pets they are given an injection and not left to suffer for five months of hidden tortures.

    My life will never, ever be the same. He was killed and right under my own nose. I saw his life ebbing away and believed the little info I was given that it was the stroke and his age. Little did I know that they were “helping him along” with medications I knew nothing about.

    I feel guilty of being gullible and believing the doctor when in effect he told me that what was happening with my husband was because of the stroke. It was not..It was the lack of nutrition and the dehydration along with powerful medications for seizures he did not have that killed him, all administered or ordered by the doctor I trusted was helping him.

    I am now alone, mourning what once was. The husband I loved and lost was one of a kind and I am thankful for the thirty three years I had with him.

    He was a decorated WW 2 and Korean war vet. He was shotgunned in Korea and survived after many months in military hospitals..yet here in NYC he could not survive the treatment which was meant not to save but to make him die as quickly as possible. They should have called me in and shot me and saved me the misery I feel.

    So yes, I mourn..It will be five years this August. I wonder how many others this nursing home has helped along.

  210. pamela said on June 15, 2012 at 2:36 pm ... #

    hi, i found my dad lying dead on the floor on april the 11th 2007, he was a completly healthy 62 year old who had everything to live for, its 5 years since it happened and it has just got harder, its like ive got a video tape in my head and its on constant re-play when i walked in and found him, i cant accept it, i dont want to accept it, i miss him SO MUCH, i just want him to come home cause i need him. i think about him constantly all day, my mother who was divorced from my dad keeps telling me to “JUST ACCEPT AND GET ON WITH IT”, i feel so alone, my life will never ever be the same again, i dont know what to do, i hardly go out of the house anymore, nothing really interests me. Ive still got every piece of my dads clothing, underwear, socks, the lot, i will never get rid of it, i just want him to come back, my dad had a heart attack and i feel so so guilty as i wasnt there when he had it, so i could help him and he might still be here today, my dad said he could always rely on me and i was always there for him but when he needed me most, i wasnt there, i will never forgive myself, never, im so fed up with people saying he was probably dead before he hit the ground, you wouldnt of been able to help him”, HOW DO THEY KNOW?, THEY DONT, I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH DAD AND ONLY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU AND SIT AND CRY ALL THE TIME, I JUST WANT YOU TO COME HOME, LOVE, PAM, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  211. Carmen said on June 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm ... #

    Pamela, my condolences. The scene will never go away from your memory but you will have the love of your dad in your heart forever.

    Many blessings to you.


  212. Candice said on June 26, 2012 at 5:28 am ... #

    It’s been eight months since I lost my dad. My grief is becoming unbearable. I feel so sick all the time. What I would give just to hear his voice and laughter… or one of his silly jokes. Just to hug him and hold his hand. We all love & miss you so much dad :-(

  213. Shannon said on July 6, 2012 at 10:59 pm ... #

    I miss my dad so much, there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about him & how he was taken from us way too soon.

    He died last Oct 5th 2011 & I was told it gets easier,but I dont think it does. For me it feels worse I still wake up thinking it was just a nightmare, but it isnt the sad fact is he is gone & i am more than grieving I am still so angry about it.

  214. Marie said on August 9, 2012 at 8:43 am ... #

    It’s been two weeks since my dad passed away. He was my best friend, the only one who really undestood me. The only one I have ever truly loved. I feel lost without you dad. What am I gonna do without you? I miss you so much I feel my grief isn’t never going to go away. Life just seems so pointless now…..

  215. Sanneke said on August 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm ... #

    I am twenty my dad died of a heart attack ten days ago aged fifty eight. I am heartbroken to say the least. I just pray to god my mum sticks around a bit longer. She has smoked 35 years. ??????? I just for the life of me cannot understand why people bring bad health on themselves. It’s complete self destruction plus heart breaking for those around you who will be dealing with the terrible health of that person In later life.

  216. Sharon said on September 26, 2012 at 3:51 pm ... #

    My father has passed away last Tuesday,his funeral will be this coming Saturday but I will not be able to go back to see him one last time because I’m a poor student studying in England and I can’t afford a flight ticket! I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters and none of them offered me a ticket to go back to see my father; instead they wanted me to stay in England because they believe go back to see him is waste of money and time because he is dead! My heart is bleeding!!! I haven’t been sleep since last Tuesday and I’m extremely sad and depressed,I can’t stop crying. Father,sorry for not being able to come back to see you, I hope you are in a beautiful,peaceful place now You can rest now after struggling with illness for 15 years. I love you so much and you will be always be remembered. Rest in peace.

  217. Anonymous said on September 27, 2012 at 7:19 pm ... #

    Its not easy to get over it . I lost my father in 2006 at the age of 16. Being the youngest of the lot, I was very attached to him . With my sisters busy with their ow family lives and my mother busy with her work, it shows that they have moved on . However I haven’t. I tried so so so much to move on , but its like i’m giving up on hope every now and then. And I fall into depression as well. My family expects me to move on. Accept it. Face the world. Yes I accept he’s gone. But … I still can’t move on. I just don’t know what to do. We had to shift cities due to his passing away and the people in the new city weren’t too friendly. I got bullied alot because the accent I had . Because of the hometown I belonged to. I feel suicidal at times but then I tell myself , suicides a crime. And wouldn’t dad be hurt that you ended your life this way. Yesterday , my sister came to visit us and turns out she felt 2 lumps in her chest. And its de ja vu all over again. I feel like i’m giving up on life. But I shouldn’t . Because Papa wouldn’t have wanted that. So ,ending everything…Papa I love you. I’m sorry I never got to tell you this. I’m sorry for hurting you and I forgive you for hurting us too. I will make you proud Papa in this life or the next. I really wished God wouldve taken my life instead of yours. I love you :'(. You will always ALWAYS ALWAYS remain in my heart . In my memories. You maybe gone from this world , but you’re still alive in my heart. Rest in peace

  218. blossom said on October 21, 2012 at 2:36 am ... #

    I lost my dad seven years and eleven months ago to brain cancer.

    Much of the time, I still can’t believe he is gone. He was my rock. I haven’t found another.

    My grief has become manageable. It also grows and changes as I do. As I become more involved in the professional world, I keep wanting to call him and talk to him about my job.

    Then I remember.

    I want so badly to tell him all about my life – who I’ve become, and how I’ve overcome so many hardships. I know he would be so proud of me.

    No matter how independent she is, a girl really needs her father. The best thing I can do is to remember who he was, and how he loved me; and let the memory speak to my heart in the present.

  219. Candice said on October 22, 2012 at 4:59 am ... #

    It’s been exactly a year today that my dad passed away. I still can’t accept it. He had an operation and was on his way to full recovery and even going for rehabilitation… when all of a sudden he died. I blame the doctors & nurses for not caring for him properly. I miss him so much. It’s not getting any easier. I miss his laugh, his voice…. and I just want to give him a huge hug. I love you so much daddy !!! xoxoxo (Why did u leave us?)

  220. Ophelia said on October 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm ... #

    It is not my first time to visit this web page, i am browsing this web site dailly
    and take nice data from here everyday.

  221. debby said on October 24, 2012 at 8:58 am ... #

    have read all the comments here, my dad died when i was 11 years old, 45 years ago. when i am really down, i think he gave me my life, so i have to make the most of his gift to me, and make him proud.

  222. al said on November 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm ... #

    I found this page in search for some solace because it’s about that time again for the anniversary of my brother’s death. For me it’s been 8 years, and I think this year is tough because only now do I realize that this pain will live with me forever.

    Reading this page truly helped, knowing that what I am feeling is normal. The main “five things” really hit the nail on the head for me, because those 5 are exactly the same triggers for me.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  223. Anonymous said on December 7, 2012 at 11:33 pm ... #

    My father died when I was 11 of cancer and 40 years later I still sometimes dream about him being here for one precious day. I don’t think about him every day now but the pain and the love will not go away. There is nothing wrong or unhealthy with what you are feeling. Those of us who lose a loved one when we are young just live with the loss longer than those who are lucky enough to have their loved ones in their lives a little bit longer.

  224. me said on December 9, 2012 at 9:25 am ... #

    Thank you to everyone that have posted. I lost my dad 32 years ago, when I was 7. I miss him a lot and so long for a hug from him and to hear his voice. I still cry a lot. For so long I thought it was abnormal to mourn his death because its bben 32 years. Everyone else acts as if I should be completely over it. I was his only child, he and my mom had been separated for years at the time of his death and his family (mother and siblings) have since passed on. I feel alone and as if I have noone to talk to – Noone who can relate to how I feel. Reading your stories helps me because I now know that I am not alone. Your stories give me strength. And I thank you all for sharing.

  225. Alex said on December 10, 2012 at 12:06 am ... #

    I found this while I was in the middle of crying and trying to find out if I’m really the only one that seems to still feel not much different 6 years after my father died. We moved to this country from Argentina and its just been my parents and my brother forever. There is just no way to fill that hole. On top of it, this year is my first one out of a 10 year relationship and all the losses that go with that. I’m having a horrible time.. everyone wants you to be cheery and appreciate what you have… of course I appreciate my mom and my brother being here… but all the losses are still there… some fresh, some 6 years. Actually when it comes to Christmas, it will be the 7th year without him. 7. I can’t even process that… So long..? Really? 7?? I’ve never been the same person since… I’m not sure why this is so hard for me.. I know I’m not the only one thats lost a parent… so many people seem to be ok after a while.. but I just don’t seem to be like them… I dont know… Anyway, I’m rambling.. I’m sorry, it’s just a difficult night tonight…

  226. Hannah said on December 13, 2012 at 2:42 am ... #

    Thankyou for this article! It kinda expressed all that I feel and that’s such a comfort – to not feel alone. My dad died 4 years ago and sometimes i almost feel the pain is worst now! Then I feel silly and think I should pull myself together! It’s such a comfort to read your thoughts and identify so much with them.

  227. karin said on December 20, 2012 at 5:57 am ... #

    i lost both parents. my dad died of cancer 17 years ago and it was hard, but my mom was there. now, 6 months ago, my mom died of alzeimers. i cant get my mind around it. she was everything to me.such unconditional love.sure we had our differences, but when it was impt we were there for each other, im so tired of people telling me youlll get over it. you never get over it. i never got over my dad. it was just easier as time went on.i can now laugh at his humor, etc. but my mom—-she was so sharp, witty, etc. her apartment was sold and it feels like it never was.i have days where i cant stop crying over a small thing. to me its the small things that make us who we are. my son is getting married and my mom used to say how she always wanted to be a greatgrandmother. so im happy–very happy for my< son, but why did my mom have to leave now?i have bleeding ulcers from alk this. myabe in time it will be easier-i dont know-all i know is now my heart is broken into too many pieces. can all those pieces mend? i guess it does take time. i just wish i said —HEY MOM YOU DID GOOD. i think it, but i should have said it.

  228. lisa buckingham said on December 20, 2012 at 6:09 pm ... #

    That was very well dad will be gone a year Jan8.2013
    I cry every day over him.

  229. Rivka Moore said on December 29, 2012 at 2:50 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for this, I lost my dad when I was 7, it’s been 8 years since but I’ve never been able to explain how much it still hurts and how much little, ‘stupid’ things make me miss him. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not the only one out there.

  230. Emma said on February 19, 2013 at 6:44 pm ... #

    When i read this initial article, i felt like i had written it, it says everything i could ever want to say about the way i feel about my dad dying.

    My dad died 10 years ago on august the 24th, 1 week before my 16th birthday. there’s not a day goes by i don’t think about him. Today is a particularly bad day hence the search for comfort in others who have shared the same experiences.

    People always told me it would get easier, and although i agree in some respects, on a day like today, i feel like my heart has been ripped from my body and i cry inconsolably just like the day i found him lying there.

    Whenever one of his favourite songs comes on, the tears rush to my eyes and i can’t stop it, i have to walk out of shops or my office or run to the nearest toilet, still after 10 years. I can’t get my head around it and wonder if that will ever stop. Because of the way my dad died and the years leading up to his death, all the good memories are shrouded by bad. I desperately try to think happy thoughts but struggle, which makes things worse.

    This being said, before things went down hill, he was a clever, wise man who had the most infectious smile and laugh. He worked away, missed a few birthdays but that didn’t matter to me, the moment when he arrived back from business trips was priceless. With his huge grin and presents from his foreign travels in hand i was the happiest little girl alive. I was a daddy’s girl through and through and when he died, i lost my best friend. There were so many occasions when i asked him questions he said “i’ll tell you when you’re older”…and now i’ll never know the answers.

    I feel like i’ll struggle with his death forever because of the circumstances and despite years of counselling, still feel completely lost and to blame at times. but….you have to move on and you can’t let it consume you and most days i’m fine. Just wish the last words i said to him were kind, not nasty and angry. i will NEVER forgive myself, but at the time, it’s how i felt. he put me and my mum through hell but we never blamed him for that. he was haunted by his past and under extreme pressure at work, consumed by alcohol.

    Was just clearing out some old things from my mum’s and came across a hand written postcard from him from india when he worked out there;

    “Dear Em, A postcard for you. It’s very hot here, over 42 degrees, but there is a nice swimming pool to cool off in. I miss you lots, and hope you are being good for mum, Love Dad”

    Word’s can’t describe how much this hurts. it’s things like this that make me uncontrollably sad, wishing i could see him again etc etc..i never dream about him which upsets me, i think i’d find some comfort in that.

    The thought of walking down the aisle without him makes me feel sick and i often question whether I will actually be able to go through with it if that day ever comes.

    I miss his cuddles, his smile, his laugh, his amusement at blowing things up (he was a chemist), the presents he bought me (chemistry sets/telescopes/microscopes (bugs included)) and his general thirst for life until the alcohol took over. he was such a great man, someone who inspired me and someone who i looked up to. I could talk all day as i’m sure you all could..

    Reading all of your posts is extremely comforting because it makes you realise you’re not alone and there are other people going through the same things as you. Take care everyone x

  231. meggan said on February 20, 2013 at 12:53 am ... #

    I googled “my dad died” because I poured myself a vodka and for one reason or another I thought of my dad. I couldn’t believe yours was the first post that came up. you hit the nail on the head. another category I might have added was IT SUCKS. That’s the only way I can describe it to friends. you would never wish this pain and loneliness on anyone but at the same time you wish a friend would be able to understand
    my dad died on my fifteenth birthday almost 11 years ago. I saw all the cars and thought it was a surprise party. it was definitely a surprise. I’mad a lot and I’m sad a lot and sometimes I’m nothing. I’m impartial because I can’t imagine my life now with him in it. I talk to myself sometimes imagining him there. I talk about how he didn’t come to my wedding and how broken my sister is because of him. by the way I have a sister. she’s never been the same. we don’t talk about him much. I feel like when we do, its a competition about memories. “Well remember when we fell asleep and dad and I were face to face?”. ” yeah but remember when dad andI memorized all the words to bitter sweet symphony in an hour?”. I know she’s messed up from it but I feel like we are sad for different reasons but at the end of the day, we just miss him. Long story short, I found your post very real, honest and most of all helpful. I need to talk to someone but don’t know who. so thank you for reading and writing.

  232. francis martinez said on February 21, 2013 at 10:44 pm ... #

    It was so beautiful and nicly said. The same excact feeling. I always thought it will just go away the greiving. My dad died in 2005 whn i was 25 years old. I never realy new him cause he died in prison. But it still hurts till this day. My mom died a year later. It is right whnu say about hving just lil things that remind u of thm. It never goes away. Thanks for letting me know its ok to greive.

  233. FRANKIE BRIDGES said on February 23, 2013 at 1:17 pm ... #


  234. FRANKIE BRIDGES said on February 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm ... #


  235. LC said on February 26, 2013 at 11:57 am ... #

    This is it. This is exactly how it is. Out of all the posts or comments I have ever read, this is the only one that gets it.

    It’s been nine years for me since my dad died, and yeah, I still have a hard time with it. I still feel guilty for not visiting him more after he moved back to live near his sisters, even though he was only a six-hour-long Greyhound ride away. I didn’t call him enough, I didn’t do this, didn’t do that… and yet, with all this guilt, sometimes I do have to actively remind myself how long it’s been. I do still have triggers, I do still have some trouble sometimes talking about him or answering questions about my family when my dad comes up, etc. I know it’s a big thing to “get over,” and that sometimes you can’t really fully get over it. I miss him, and I guess the guilt helps to keep his memory fresher in my mind, but I do wish I could let the guilt go. I like to think that he knew I loved him with all my heart and never meant to leave him lonely, but I still wish I had shown him how much he meant to me more often.

  236. Dede said on February 27, 2013 at 2:12 am ... #

    I lost my mother when I was 19, she was the only thing my old sister and I had. It will be six years this June, and I still feel depressed and sad. I find it hard to keep moving forward. How do you cope?

  237. Chris Coons said on February 28, 2013 at 1:55 am ... #

    It has been a little over two years since my dad died and here I am on a grief website feeling bad for myself. I appreciate what you have said and yet it pains me to no end. I wish I could be stronger, I need to move on with my life but I am stuck in the idea that I am meant to live up to his standards of faith, dedication, and love.

  238. Shauntelle said on March 22, 2013 at 9:05 pm ... #

    This article was a true reflection of how I feel. I lost my only sibling, my sister 4 years ago and as I write this I felt like its been an hr since she’s been gone. It just helped to remind me me that grief occurs in stages and that it is ok to feel sad, cry sometimes and to miss her. It really helped to know that I am not alone and that it is ok to feel like this. Thanks for your words for they have encouraged me and have allowed me to focus on the great memories and not to be consumed by my loss.

  239. liz said on March 25, 2013 at 10:28 am ... #

    Im 24 and just lost my dad to MM cancer. It was very cruel to him and from the time he was diagnosed to being put on hospice he lasted lasted 3 months. Within those months he lost alarming weight, bwas unable to walk the majority of the time, tumors all over his back, and deep confusion. The week before my bf asked my dads permission to marry me. From that point our happy engagement became what can we dob to help dad. Long story shor we upped the wedding to a smallbbavkyard wedding and 6 days before he passed away. The day after the burial was suppos to be our wedding and seeing all the decorations, dress, and invitations fills me with rage. So for me this is new and I dont apologize for my emotions. But feel that as long as dads not in any pain I can handle it. Just keep thinking how ironic things turned out.

  240. William said on March 30, 2013 at 7:22 am ... #

    I lost my father when I was 10 years old I am now 21, 11 years later I am still struggling with him being gone. I agree time makes it better but it never heals. it is one of those things where you randomly realize that he isn’t there any more. Some days I wish I could talk to him and then I realize he has been dead 11 years and that he isn’t there. It hurts and there will always be moments like this but we just have to move forward and try and be happy with our lives and make the best of it. I wish there was just a magical word to make the pain go away but there isn’t but somedays I wish there was.

  241. Florence said on April 5, 2013 at 7:24 pm ... #

    Thanks for sharing this article. I sometimes feel embarrassed to admit that on some days, the grief I went through when my daddy passed away when I was 8 rushes back to the surface. Nearly 11 years on and a small part of me always thinks that I have to be okay now- that I have lived longer without him then when I was with him and that terrifies me. But the truth is (and reading this article helped me come to terms with this), its not embarassing to admit that sometimes living without a daddy or a loved one really is horrible and now I am not ashamed to let the people I trust around me know that I am struggling.

  242. Fouzia said on April 6, 2013 at 3:28 am ... #

    I cried after reading this.. Me n my dad, both librans- were very close.. I didn’t hav a mum all my life so naturally he was both parents… I lost my dad a month ago to pneumonia. He was not able to breathe on his own n slowly everything started failing. He was 70 but still healthy .. There are days when I think I’m
    Okay but then some days I wake up n there’s a feeling of loss like a big hole in my heart .. N I wonder how he is n where he is..he was a good man n everyone loved him.. He did so much for me n my sister n everyone else..I cannot put into words what I many things remind me of my father.. I can just pray for him..n hope one day I willsee him in heaven

  243. Fouzia said on April 6, 2013 at 6:29 am ... #

    Forgot to add that today, it was raining n I couldn’t stop thinking of him. I used to call my father everyday n saw him often as I bought A house near him n yet I feel I haven’t done enough. I miss u
    Dad.. I love u..

  244. Sandra said on April 9, 2013 at 11:40 pm ... #

    I am 41 years old. I loss my father less than 3 months ago at the age of 78. He called me Punkie.He was a very hard working energetic man until he had surgery to remove part of his intestines removed in 2011. We all figured he would be back to his normal self in a matter of weeks. Nope, he went down hill from there. Dementia started. He stopped walking. Eventually we had to do everything for him. We had to bathe, feed, disper him, and move him. He even spent a few months in a nutsing home until we decided to bring him home. Hospice and fily took care of him. Watching him suffer and dependent on someonevelse for everything was torture. The tube feeding was heartbreaking. In his last days he stopped talking. Prostate cancer was killing him but he was too weak for treatment. Morphine was keeping him comfortable. I was at his side rubbing his face and arms when he took his last breath that sunday morning. It pierces like a knife when I think about it which is often. I love him so much. I hate that he was in that condition the last 2 years of his life. He was my heart, my security blanket, my protector. I feel so empty without him. I look at his pictures all the time and cry over and over again. The pain is so piercing and fresh. I visit his grave every weekend when I go back to my hometown to church. I feel guilty listening to birds sing, feeling the warm spring breezes, etc without him. This has to be the most devastating feeling. My mom is 78. If she passes away, I think I will die of double heartache.

  245. Annie said on April 13, 2013 at 9:19 am ... #

    Sam, I don’t know if you’re still reading these posts a few years on from you article but I know that grief remains raw and you probably are. November 2012 was the 10th anniversary of my dad passing away in a traumatic accident and I wondered how the world, or at least his friends, did not stop. To me it was still monumental and personal – and eventually led me to travel from Australia to the Galapagos Islands [a shared ambition] to remember him. I so feel your pain when you achieve something – marriage, children, promotions are so bittersweet. My son looks exactly like him and all the old family friends see it. I love it and I am so very sad every time. For friends who never knew him, I feel that something is missing which explains me and who I am. Music is my trigger – I can still sob when I hear pieces he loved. But a father does make you who you are – and maybe one day your children, and this is something to rejoice in. I hope you make him proud.

  246. Tracy said on April 18, 2013 at 12:22 am ... #

    I too know this rawness of searing pain & grief…Sandra I read your comment tonight and have many tears..In fact there hasn’t been a day that I have not cried..13 months now, and lost my sweet precious dad Oct 2012. I call it RAW. He was my “Reason”, “My Anchor”, “My World” I am an only child and have no other family, or one of my own. I’m 47 and single. My heart, soul & spirit feels like it has exploded and struggle to find a reason to continue on…for bills and taxes, and grief as my shadow and constant companion- not too exciting.
    I know it is early in my grief, but my friends have either pulled away, changed the conversation, or just don’t get that grief does not take a vacation or takes a break. I have a lot of anger, as his death could have been prevented through some diligent, thorough Dr’s and the excessive wait times in Canada for cancer care. God help you if you are over 65- The medical system turns a blind eye. I don’t know what to do, how to cope or find a reason why anymore..I take everyday as it is, try to get out of bed and be minute at a time, one hour…and hope for the best. For everyone that has intense don’t walk alone, many walk with you, though in silence so not to burden you with our own tears…..Sending you all hugs, and I thank you for this site & sharing.

  247. Patricia said on April 19, 2013 at 4:58 pm ... #

    Thank you very much for your article.It helped me today.My husband died suddenly and most unexpectedly 7 years ago. Initially everything was very overwhelming, dealing with business, papers , sorting through effects, At the same time though I was occupied doing that.I had retired earlier in the year before his death.As you said some times get easier and some times are just as intense as they were.Spring time around st Patrick’s and his birthday (April)throw me. Change of season as it is. The journey.Thanks again love Patricia

  248. LesterPester said on April 20, 2013 at 2:40 pm ... #

    My Dad passed away on 03/23/2013. He was 74. He and my Mom would be celebrating their 54th wedding anniversary today. My heart still hurts. My Dad loved pets. He loved hearing about the antics of his grand-dogs and grand-cats. He named the animals that came through their yard. The squirrel was named “Rocket”, go figure. The frog was named “Fred”. I had to put down my senile kitty Jasper on Monday, and the one person I wanted to talk to was my Dad.
    The week before he passed away, my Dad was in the hospital for heart trouble. I spoke to him about his other grand-cat, Stuart, who had knocked over my glass of merlot wine. Stuart is completely white (and deaf). Stuart’s fur was a lovely shade of lavender for a few days after that. My Dad laughed so hard over that story.
    Not having my Dad here is so painful. I’m glad every phone call we ended the last week he was alive, we said “I love you”. We are not an affectionate family.

  249. Victoria said on April 22, 2013 at 5:25 pm ... #

    Thank you SO much for this beautiful article… You’ve got me crying 30 minutes before my class! It’s been hard for me to find things that I can identify with after I lost my dad, but this hit the nail exactly on the head. I could feel each emotion you described and relate to so many things you talked about. I lost my dad when I was 12, and now that it’s been over 6 years since his death, there are still so many things that trigger emotion inside me. From a song lyric, to a movie, or passing something outside, I can find his memory there. It’s still so hard, and you’re right, you never “get over it.” Ever. Though the grief lightens as you go on, their memory will forever be with you, making you laugh or cry or smile when you least expect it. It’s a bittersweet experience.

  250. Krystal James said on April 26, 2013 at 7:08 am ... #

    My Father died 3 weeks ago on 05/04/13 I miss my father so much that I want to die and follow him wherever he has gone. He was the most understanding,caring,patient man that walked the Earth and I find that no man can hold a candle to him, so I will never find a man worthy of my love.I am 50 years young, and find my Longevity is testament and proof of my fathers loving living life. I have never found the right man because my Father was a tough act to follow. I am doomed to mourn this “equal to Christ” and be forever alone. I dont think life is worth living anymore and dont know anyone can show me epiphones to keep on living. What else is there??Someone please explain.

  251. Fouzia said on April 27, 2013 at 5:43 am ... #

    Krystal James : I know exactly what u mean. ESP the part of not being able to find the right one. Like yours .. My father was my rock! He was always outgoing active and just always there for me .. He died on 4/3/13 at 70. Everyday Is another battle for me to get by. I sometimes wonder where he is and just cry myself to sleep. I miss my dad. My relatives always say we miss him too.. But he was my dad, n I was always close to him for all my 35 years. It makes me mad when people say we miss him too.. Obviously they don’t miss him as much as his daughter does..

  252. Madi Kane said on May 1, 2013 at 5:49 am ... #

    My Dad died 3 years ago 2 weeks before my 11th Birthday, I looked at this because i thought it might help…

    Thank You

  253. Stephanie said on May 12, 2013 at 12:50 am ... #

    Thank you for sharing this. As I am typing this I am crying because tommorow is Mothers Day and I lost my mom almost three years ago. This article helped because its so true some days are harder then others. Yesterday was fine for me but then as I started hearing all my friends telling me what they have planned for their mom I just broke down and cried because I miss her a lot. It has been a little easier but with a lot of help from my closest friends and family. Some days I feel like it was just yesterday and some days I feel like I’m scared I’m going to forget. So thank you from the bottom of my heart this has helped a lot and I needed it

  254. Cynthea said on May 16, 2013 at 11:39 pm ... #

    I feel you. My dad has left me for four years now. And still, it’s not okay.

  255. Jean said on May 17, 2013 at 1:54 am ... #

    My dad died in October 2012, he was my rock and my best friend. I think it is even more challenging when you are single. I would trade anything to have one more moment with him. Seems like the pain is worse with each day. Try to go forward but your heart keeps breaking.

  256. Mary Lynn said on May 24, 2013 at 7:12 pm ... #

    Interesting, not sure when this article was first shared…but, in 2013 people are still responding. I thank you for your article. Today 15 years after my Dad’s death and approximately 8 years after mom’s death we finally had their monument place on their grave site.
    I just hated to do it, funny it was easier to shop for the monument, put alot of thought into it. Brought back a lot of loving memories of my parents. Some days I cry just as much as the day they died. I loved them so much. I live out of state, quite a ways away. My sister and her husbad stopped by the cemetary and took a picture of the monument. I was so excited that I felt it was done? What did that mean? Gosh they died many years ago. But the Monument is a loving tribute to them.
    Well, the wording was not correct. Dang I think I am crying today as much or more as I did the days that they died. I’m sorry to go on. Truly, they are not even in that plot of ground.
    Love your family, friends, pets while you have them. Enjoy them, appreciate each and everyone of them for their diffences. Life is really too short. We only have one another for but a while. No regrets! Some day we will meet again. Until then, blessed memories! Blessings to you all in you time of need.

  257. Shuzna said on June 20, 2013 at 7:43 pm ... #

    I sat for an hour crying to day because I miss my father who died on 22nd December 2006 on friday at 11am of extreme heart failure. so I sat by my computer searching for somthing that may help me, and I stumbled ppon your article it is exactly what I feel but can not share with anyone. I thought I was the only one feeling that way. The article made me cry and I am really greatful that you shared this with every one. I feel comfort knowing that there are other people who are going through the same pain of loosing someone so dear.

    Thank you

  258. Anonymous said on June 24, 2013 at 8:27 am ... #

    Nice article, remind me of the pain and the grief I am going through now with the loss of my beloved mum who had been my best friend as well. I feel very empty without her. Every day I look forward to get back from work to talk to her, we just chat anything from world news to gossip to office issues. I miss her a lot.

  259. Tina said on June 24, 2013 at 2:02 pm ... #

    My sister died 9 years ago today. I feel very lifeless and would like to be far away from everyone, but here I am at work, trying not to be too negative. Emotions are impossible to understand. God created each of us differently and I pray I don’t offend anyone today. Thanks for your article.

  260. Anonymous said on June 24, 2013 at 3:53 pm ... #

    Thank you for writing this article, my father passed away when I was 10 and everyone said it would get easier which it did after time but there is still pain in my heart that I could never completely get rid of. The part about our fathers not being here to acknowledge what we’ve achieved brought tears to my eyes but I wiped them away because I know our fathers/loved ones who have died are still watching over us and are proud of what we have become

  261. Anonymous said on June 30, 2013 at 5:05 am ... #

    really very well shared!this explains exactly how i feel

  262. Anonymous said on July 15, 2013 at 4:05 am ... #

    Beautiful article, it really is. My dad died just 4 days ago. I can’t stand to do anything all I want to do is just hear his voice and be with him. nd he died of heart problems at random, and next year I will be graduating from Westpoint Military Academy and joining the Army as an officer just like he did. It’s always been my goal to be like my dad and probably the biggest accomplishment of his life is the biggest one of mine, Westpoint graduation. I do not know how I’m going to over come this. My beautiful wife Emily has been with me nonstop since it happened and it is a help to have her in my arms and comforting me but I’m still an emotional wreck. And actually right as I type this she is asleep with her arms around me and her head on my chest. She is such a beautiful woman I could stare into her beautiful blue eyes forever if it wouldn’t remind me of my dads blue eyes.

    My mom is handling pretty well, she’s staying with Emily and I right now just so she can be around others that were close to him like she was. I can only hope that there is a life after death, because all I want is for my dad to be watching my graduation and I hope he will be.

    Emily has knew my dad for years since we have been dating since my freshman year when I was 15 and I’m now 23. I remember when we first met in NJROTC, I was dumbfounded by her, to my luck she was seated right next to me and in about 3 weeks we were together. That year we were Mr. and Mrs. freshman, which wasn’t really that big of a deal to me but was to her. We got in so much trouble together in high school lol, I actually go in a lot of trouble once because some big football player thought it would be funny to “pat” her on the butt when he walked by. 10 minutes later I was on the way home and he was getting his nose and jaw xrayed because I hit him with everything I had and flat knocked him off his feet. Anyway I’m horribly off topic getting distracted by memories from high school but anyone that is reading should catch my drift. Well my gorgeous love is about to wake up and I want her to wake up to me smiling and not crying so I better get off of here.

    And yes it’s 3 am but I haven’t slept in days I would rather watch Emily sleep because she is even more beautiful when shes asleep and peaceful. But bye
    – and Samantha, I feel for you and I only hope you, I, and all of these other people get better and start to proudly remember our moms and dads rather than mourn them

  263. Anonymous said on July 19, 2013 at 1:57 pm ... #

    It’s been 4 months since my dad passed away. I saw my dad just a day before he died of a stroke. He seemed normal and was even happy to see his dog, Dora. Mortality is a hard thing to grasp until something tragic happens in your life. Ever since his passing, I hope that he trusted Jesus Christ as his savior.

    My pastor believes based on his in his early days, he had faith in Jesus. My best hope for me is that I may see him one day if he’s saved. If he is, then I know that he’s rooting for me at this very moment, and would not want me to live a defeated life.

    It’s also important to examine your own mortality and ask yourself if God has forgiven your sins. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, Google it up, or go to

    Some days I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give my 100%, but now I have respect for all who have lost loved ones. I’m 26, and I’m sure that my sins are forgiven by Jesus Christ. I hope you are too.

  264. Michelle said on July 19, 2013 at 2:19 pm ... #

    So sorry to hear of your ongoing grief. My mum passed 15yrs ago andI swear the grief and anguish never leaves me no matter what they say. Love to you.

  265. Jennie said on July 25, 2013 at 4:34 pm ... #

    It has been 11 years since I watched my dad, our strength, who held our family together, rot away from the inside out until he finally was gone forever. Cancer. The pain and grief and depression is still here. I was a 12 year old little girl. I never really learned how to be normal and grow up. My mom quickly remarried and didn’t like to talk to me unless she was setting rules or telling me how much more it hurt her than me and how I need to “get over it”. I hope you have a good support system and friends or family who you feel safe confiding in. My family broke apart when he died. Nothing has ever been the same. I get to where I feel like I’m doing good and I’m finally ok and then everything comes back and I’m stuck in hell for a few months again feeling guilty that I’m affecting my kids and wondering how I’m suppose to feel. If something is wrong with me. If my reality is somehow different and I don’t know anything anymore. I’m 23 now. I just recently decided to go to counseling again. I hope it helps because I’m falling apart and I have everything to live for. Your numbness and sleepless nights was how I felt….it was just misery, so I’m glad I am able to cry and feel pain again but god it hurts. My thoughts are scattered and I feel like everyone expects me to get over it and thinks I’m just crazy. Maybe I am. I don’t know anymore.

  266. Jennie said on July 25, 2013 at 4:51 pm ... #

    Forgot to thank you for writing this, and thanks to everyone else who opened up. Somehow knowing I’m not alone helps a lot. I posted my previous comment not thinking how it might affect everyone reading it and I hope it didn’t cause anyone hurt or anger and if it rubbed anyone the wrong way I truly apologize.

  267. gary lemmon said on August 22, 2013 at 9:05 am ... #

    i lost my dad at 48 yearsold with lung cancer and now we are in 2013 i still find it hard to be without him,i loved him to bits i can understand where others are coming from

  268. jodi said on August 23, 2013 at 6:45 am ... #

    Always helpwhen someone else can put your feelings into words.. its been 8yrs since I lost my dad.. most days I’m ok with it but some days it really hits me and I find it hard… thanks for sharing your story. X

  269. nicoletta said on August 23, 2013 at 4:20 pm ... #

    my dad died my freshman year of high school. i’m a senior in high school now and teachers talk about parents a lot and im always scared theyre going to call on me and ask me something about my dad. its always so awkward for me and them when i have to say he passed away. i wish everyone just knew already so i didnt have to waste time having people sympathize over me or go and talk to their friends that day saying “did you hear what happened with nicky in class today? i felt so bad!” but honestly everything you said was so true! about watching movies, conversations with new people, new milestones i reach..all of it is spot on. i’m very nervous about when i get married…who will walk me down the isle? why couldnt i have a father-daughter dance like all the other girls? it’s a lot to think about and process and honestly as you know, nobody understand unless it happens to them. thank you for writing this it’s such a relieving feeling to knowt hat i’m not alone<3 God bless!

  270. Beau said on October 7, 2013 at 1:03 am ... #

    I’ve been searching online for different articles and stories; some that were about my dad, and others on ways to still deal with his death or see how I should be feeling by now. Needless to say, it’s gotten very frustrating because most of the blogs are by psychologists that have never experienced the loss of someone so close, if anyone at all. Then, I came across this site and it actually made me feel better. Not because of the comment section, but because of the content that began the site. My father passed away 8 years ago, almost to the day, when I 15 years old, about to turn 16. He had developed cancer and was sick for a majority of my “active” years. Seeing your triggers makes me feel a little more accompanied in my on-going roller coaster-like emotions. It has gotten better over time, but it still affects today. I just wanted to thank you for posting this, and just know that it has helped at least one person in similar shoes. Thank you…

  271. Jeff said on October 11, 2013 at 1:04 pm ... #

    It’s six years since my dad passed.. today is his birthday and I still cry.. 48 years old and I weep like a newborn baby.. Thinking there was something wrong with me… a google search got me here.. I don’t want to say it’s nice to know others are feeling the same as me… I more mean it’s nice to know that maybe there isn’t anything wrong with missing a passed loved one.. If I cry.. I cry… so be it.. Stay strong everyone.. and let the memory of your loved one live on with you…

  272. Domi said on October 13, 2013 at 11:30 am ... #

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My mum died 2 years ago when I was 15 and I still cry about it but my brothers don’t and I thought there was something wrong with me. So much reminds me of her and I just burst into tears. Knowing shell never be at my wedding, or know my kids or be there to tell me that she’s proud of me kills me. i’m bawling right now and it means so much to me that other people know what I’m going through and can relate so thank you, thank you for this article.

  273. Peter Chee said on October 14, 2013 at 4:41 am ... #

    my God, seven years and still cannot get over it?
    My mother just passed away last month,now into fifth week, how am i going to carry on? Every day i woke up with something missing in my life, going into her room….etc..

  274. laura said on October 16, 2013 at 8:09 am ... #

    This lovely article made me cry… I lost my dad when I was 23 two years ago… He was 54… To Cancer. I still feel as much pain now. Everything you said is so true. So what happens now? When do these things not have such an affect?? When do we feel ‘ok’ with what has happened??

  275. KRD said on October 16, 2013 at 2:40 pm ... #

    My father died 5 years ago. He was 89 I was 52.I am moved and impressed by this piece. For a young woman of 18 it is very insightful and poignant. You so clearly describe some of the very things I feel. I thank you for letting me know I am not the only one who feels this way.

    You talked about telemarketers, let me tell you about my father’s cell phone. Days after his death I called the carrier (one of the big ones) and tried to cancel his phone. They said we owed $175 for ending the contract early. I reminded them he just died. The person seriously said “Death is not a valid reason for early termination of your contract.” A call back getting a different person and it was handled without a problem.

  276. Sondra said on October 16, 2013 at 7:46 pm ... #

    My dad died when I was in my late 20’s, my second husband died when i was 36/37. Both deaths caused me great pain and it took years and years for me to close the chapters. Now my Mother died in 2007 and my step-father died in 2009 and I still get so upset. I miss my mom so much and I even miss my stepfather. I just want to cry and cry. I never thought that I was one for regrets but I have them for both of them.
    I just need my Mom so much to guide me through some rough times ahead. What does one do when you feel so alone?

  277. chindi's girl said on October 21, 2013 at 10:53 pm ... #

    In two days, it will be 7 years since my father passed. In the 2,553 days since my dad died I have learned that grief never ends. You just learn to live with it. You learn to cope and not let it choke you everyday. But I’ve also learned that in that grief is a certain subdued joy. Joy that I got to be his daughter and that he created a bond strong enough to never fade…even 7 years after we last got to say “I love you”.

    Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I can’t believe how many I read all the way through and it helped me feel normal in some way. Be well everyone. X

  278. Chi said on October 22, 2013 at 1:00 pm ... #

    I understand that there is a lot of people who will say they can relate to your story. Their saying sometimes doesn’t dull the pain. Losing a parent will always be there.. Well at least that’s how i feel. If someone tells me they understand the pain.. i just scream inside while smiling on the outside.

  279. Rod said on November 1, 2013 at 8:18 pm ... #

    In 1987 my brother murdered our mother with a gunshot to the head while she slept. Then he did the same to himself.

    26 years later I still miss them both and cry often, especially when I’m praying to God and Jesus for their salvation.

    Will this ever stop?

    Thank you.

  280. jake said on November 4, 2013 at 7:45 pm ... #

    I feel the same way. My grandfather passed away about a year and a half ago. I honestly thought that things would get easier for me. I was wrong about that. I am still grieving the loss of that wonderful man. What makes it hard for me was that he was a veteran. those services are even more depressing, although the fallen soldiers deserve that honor. I still walk into my grandmas house and fell his presence still. I still cry when his funerak hymns are sung at church. I will always have a feeling of loss after his death. You will to. what u still find yourself going through is totally normal. A parent of grandparents passing into heaven is hard on family. Think of how much better the world is for him now. He is not suffering or dealing with stress at all. I apologize if u are not christian. That brings up the point that, u must continue doing things your dad enjoyed. He would be so proud of you. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know what it feels like. It is never a fun thing to go through.

  281. sarah burns said on November 5, 2013 at 6:42 am ... #

    My grandad died july 1997. Ive never gotten over him dying. He was a father figure to me because my dad was always working abroad. I always remember goin over to my nanas house an I would run passed her straight to my grandad. He was always makin or building somethin outside. Id phone him for help with homework or general questions, he knew everything. The day he died he was in hosp he had been in after havin a heart attack. I was callin in to see him after work but I dunno what happened but somehow ended up at home. My nan an aunty were waiting……..its been 16 years an I still miss him. My grandad was my hero ♡

  282. Kübra said on November 6, 2013 at 10:44 pm ... #

    Reading this brought tears to my eyes. My boyfriend’s father passed away when he was around the age of 12, just a little older than you. Every time I think of his father, I even get a pang of sadness because I have never met him and never will. He was also one of those enthusiastic family guys who loved his family to pieces. I personally classify him as one of the biggest nerds there are, actually, and he passed that on to his son. I try to bring up all of the great things that his father had done and how he inherited some of those traits whenever he is feeling blue about the loss. I’m not sure how well it actually works, but I would like to hope it helps a little. I’ll keep your story in mind next time something pops up. Thank you for sharing it and helping me understand a tiny bit better.

  283. Anonymous said on November 17, 2013 at 5:15 pm ... #

    My Dad died last year…just 8 weeks before my mum died. I still get up in the morning and cry for either one of them, or both. It’s difficult to cry for two people and sometimes I feel guilty if my focus is on one and not the other. Their passing has left a terrible hole in my life and it’s very difficult adjusting to the silence, the need to have a conversation when there’s nothing..just silence, as if time has stopped for what we had and I’ve moved on leaving them behind in time. I thank you for sharing your loss.

  284. Darby said on November 17, 2013 at 9:18 pm ... #

    I am only 9 but i know that he is watching you when you get a reward so dont think about that anymore

  285. melodie said on November 18, 2013 at 4:01 pm ... #

    Today is nine years since my dad died.

    I miss him so much. Today is so much harder than usual. Life is pretty good but I just want to cry. It makes me sad I can’t sit down and chat with him.

    Today is a hard day. Thank-you for writing this…

  286. M said on November 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm ... #

    Today is the 8th anniversary of my mom’s death. She does from a brain aneurysm when I was 20. I stumbled across your post on google looking for ways to deal with death anniversaries. You expressed very well how I feel today and have felt for 8 years. Neither have an answer on how to deal with it, but seeing, or at least reminding myself. That there others out there feeling how I feel made me feel better. It’s only 10am and I have a long day ahead of me, thanks for posting this, it helped me feel a little better today.

  287. mo said on December 8, 2013 at 6:46 pm ... #

    My dad died 20 years ago due to kidney failure. The process took months and coveredd Thanksgiving Christmas and New Year’s. My family never mentions the loss or ordeal we all went through. I never gave myself time or the right tomourn his death. I am trying to do so now instead of simply getting depressed. Suggestions on how to incorporate a memory of my Dad into the Christmas hoopla would be appreciated. Maybe it just happened to long ago to grieve now.

  288. LilMorrisson said on December 17, 2013 at 4:58 pm ... #

    I kind of know how you feel. It has been almost 4th years (was 14) that my Dad passed away, and my grandfather, almost a second father figure to me died in 2004. I feel that life won’t never be as good as it was again without them.

  289. Joey Lawson said on December 18, 2013 at 2:55 am ... #

    I lost my father about 5 months ago && everything you’ve experienced in this article has ALL happened to me. I mean to the (T). It scares me that it’s only been 5 months && I don’t want to be grieving the rest of my life. Not one day goes by that I’m not reminded of my father or that I don’t think about him. I’m hoping that I find a solution to help better ease this grieve.

  290. Nancy said on December 21, 2013 at 2:05 pm ... #

    It was 6 years this past March 7 since my dad died. He was my hero. I was 38 and he was 82 when he passed and I know I was lucky to have him so long. He was the man who was always helping everyone. Even after the Alzheimers started to take him from us he still tried to help people as much as he could. I miss him so much.

    I wasn’t there when he became ill and passed away about a week later. I lived on the other side of the country, and my then 5 year old son had just been diagnosed with cancer. Even though I know… No, I KNOW he would have wanted me to stay with my son at that time, I still feel like I let him down. He’d been there for me every time I needed him all my life and when he needed me, I wasn’t there.

    Much like Susie said in August 2010, he still visits me in my dreams. It’s not as frequent now, but it still happens. I cherish those dreams, but they still leave me feeling melancholy and sorry I had to wake so soon.

    I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. I try to honor his memory as much as I can by helping people the way he did and always doing the right thing even if it’s not the easy thing, but there are times when something… a smell… a photo… something cute my 16 month old son (his namesake) has done, will throw me back into the pits of grief. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I can’t say the grief gets easier… just less frequent.

  291. Jaqueline+Freidberg said on December 25, 2013 at 9:47 pm ... #

    It is our outlook in our life most often changes how we see things. Sometimes this alteration is good and sometimes bad but it is our viewpoint that exerts the most control the way we feel.

  292. Brian said on January 13, 2014 at 12:18 am ... #

    These posts have made me realize that I’m not alone as I still feel the unstable surges of emotion almost 4.5 years after losing my fiance then my father about two weeks later. It does get easier, but I personally have extremely tough times around the holidays. Just try to remember the good times, folks. The pain only subsides, but that means we love them.

  293. Johan said on January 30, 2014 at 5:35 pm ... #

    My dad passed away when I was 20 and I am now 36. It’s been so long, and I still miss him so much. It is like there is this big empty hole that is still as big now as it was the day he died. Normally, you do not think about it, but you also never feel completely ‘whole’ anymore. I am not sure you totally get used to that. What I wouldn’t give to talk again, if only for a short time.

  294. Niamh Lynch said on February 17, 2014 at 7:26 pm ... #

    I’m 14 my mom passed away just about 6 years ago,I grieve daily and I am crying after reading this because everyone thinks ‘oh yea her shes so over it’ when I’m not.Thanks for writing this Samantha, I don’t feel as alone. Even if you don’t see this thank you.

  295. Jennifer said on March 5, 2014 at 9:38 pm ... #

    Thank you for writing this article it really hit home for me and surprisingly is all the emotions I feel frequently. My father passed in October 2000 when I was 9 and my grandma 8 months before that. As the 13 (going on 14) years have gone by quickly it still seems as though it was yesterday. The flashbacks bring me right back to the days when I was young and he was sick. I related when you talked about how people ask what your father does. People ask that to me all the time even today and their faces are always in awe after I said he passed. Your right it never gets easier you only learn to live with it (or attempt to live with it). It’s never easy losing a parent no matter what age you are. Thank you again reminding me I’m never alone.

  296. Sandy said on April 8, 2014 at 6:10 pm ... #

    I am so glad you shared such a beautiful story. It is so true. I lost my dad 5 years ago and my mother 4 years ago the day after Christmas. I too find it so hard at times and many people are so unsympathetic. I had a boss that once saw me slightly emotional on my break and said what is wrong only to tell me to “get over it your mother is dead and not coming back”. It blew me away how so incredibly unfeeling society is becoming and how timelines are put on grief. I also had an experience when a date asked if I was close to my parents and I explained they had passed but were wonderful people. He then just said oh bummer. I thought oh my gracious just wait until someone you love passes away, It is like a gigantic hole in my heart and I miss each of them every single day. My dad was my best friend and they both added so much to my life. I know it gets better with time but there has been adequate time according to society but I know I will always miss the way they could make me laugh and give the best advice. Blessings to all of you who brave each day and remain strong. I share in your struggle and really have no family remaining. I am alone and it is very hard and very lonely. I depend on God daily to get through and I will pray for all of you. Many blessings and may you find joy in all of your precious memories. All of your stories have been like sunshine for my soul. Thank you for sharing.

  297. Sandy said on April 8, 2014 at 6:11 pm ... #

    I am so glad you shared such a beautiful story. It is so true. I lost my dad 5 years ago and my mother 4 years ago the day after Christmas. I too find it so hard at times and many people are so unsympathetic. I had a boss that once saw me slightly emotional on my break and said what is wrong only to tell me to “get over it your mother is dead and not coming back”. It blew me away how so incredibly unfeeling society is becoming and how timelines are put on grief. I also had an experience when a date asked if I was close to my parents and I explained they had passed but were wonderful people. He then just said oh bummer. I thought oh my gracious just wait until someone you love passes away. It is like a gigantic hole in my heart and I miss each of them every single day. My dad was my best friend and they both added so much to my life. I know it gets better with time but there has been adequate time according to society but I know I will always miss the way they could make me laugh and give the best advice. Blessings to all of you who brave each day and remain strong. I share in your struggle and really have no family remaining. I am alone and it is very hard and very lonely. I depend on God daily to get through and I will pray for all of you. Many blessings and may you find joy in all of your precious memories. All of your stories have been like sunshine for my soul. Thank you for sharing.

  298. camille said on April 19, 2014 at 3:13 am ... #

    It’s been almost 3yrs since I lost my dad and I have been depressed everyday since I lost him it hurts me deeply and I usually push the pain down deeper I have not fully excepted his death I’m worried that I am having serious problems with excepting his death I mean every thing is a trigger there are several stores I can not bring my self to go into and just a day ago I had to go to a hobby lobby store it was one of his frequent stores I found my self standing in front of some of there picture frames he always brought me beautiful picture frames from hobbylobby as I stood there looking at them I just got overwhelmed with Saddness and memories and people looked at me like I was crazy as I teared up but there is not one single moment or day that go’s by that I don’t th ink about him and miss him terribly I wake up missing him I go to bed missing him all I wanna do is stay in bed and just sleep I always have dreams about seeing him and being with him only in my dreams he never says a word he just looks at me and smiles and when I have dreams like that. That there so real and so vivid I wake up overwhelmed with uncontrollable. Tears the whole day I can’t stop my tears I feel so lost and lonely without him he was more than a dad and a father to me he was my best friend my dad was the only one in my life who truly loved me unconditionally he was the only one who was always there for me every single time I needed him no matter what time of day or night it was or how sick he was he was always there. My question is will I need help with dealing with helping with mygrieving

  299. Jon Fahy Carpentry said on April 24, 2014 at 2:04 pm ... #

    Doors, windows, and cabinetry have become specializations in themselves and have
    become distinct trades. Mark out one line equal to the width of your floor space.

    The selection of traditional mouldings run the gamut from elaborate to simple, to suit every d.

  300. Graham said on May 8, 2014 at 10:07 am ... #

    It’s been 21yrs since I lost my young brother. He was brutally murdered when a gang invaded his home in Cape Town. They took his life…. and then stole a video machine. He was only 23yrs old and had his whole life ahead of him. The loss devastated our family. It’s something you never really get over. To this day I still have emotional moments….I miss him like you won’t believe.

  301. Anonymous said on May 20, 2014 at 7:36 am ... #

    My father died of colon cancer just over two years ago. He battled cancer for almost four years, although it was quite sudden in the end. I felt in a haze during the immediate aftermath – through the funeral and burial – and it was only some weeks later, the grief I was expecting AT the funeral eventually hit me, and I’m only coming to facing up to the loss now. I agree with all the sentiments in this article, especially dates. Birthdays, Christmases – all those.

    My father loved singing – having sung in a choir as long as I could remember – and was always up singing songs at any form of gathering. His interest wasn’t just limited to choral or religious choral music. He’s always comment on music he’d hear on the radio or se eon the TV, so, now every time certain songs come on, they remind me of him. As do smells, sayings, bizarrely un-associated situations that just trigger a memory or feeling.

    And although I feel a lot more tender now than I did at the time of his death, I have no issues discussing with illness and death and life with people. It’s not as if I actively encourage it, but certainly don’t run away from discussing it and am quite happy to do so if asked.

  302. Jenny said on May 31, 2014 at 12:45 am ... #

    My Father died of Cancer 3 year ago he was 69 years. We battled cancer for over 3 years and although it was tough times we where able to enjoy good times as well, the cancer end up on his brain at the end, so it change his personality an it made it difficult-ed for him. I have realize that since he has pass I have not been the same, always going through ruff patches first feeling so much anger towards him, not been able to even visiting the cemetery even up-to today because of he pain that it produce me. I see my sisters and they have made their peace, I wish I could feel the same peace and no more pain. I just know that I love dearly and I just don’t want to let go.

  303. ryan greve said on June 2, 2014 at 12:42 am ... #

    It has been almost 6 years sence my dad died &I fell the same way that u fell the exact same way I would love to talk to u

  304. Courtney said on June 16, 2014 at 3:24 am ... #

    Today is fathers day and I couldn’t’ help but feel sad and angry, 14 years later. My dad passed when I was almost 10 and now I am 24. It was ok for a few years, it seemed as if I would be alright. As I begin to try and date, I graduated college, got my own place…I realize more and more that he will never be here to see any of it. I will never see him again. It is just incredibly frustrating. I thought I was done grieving but years later I find myself feeling that same lost, hopeless feeling. every word you wrote here looks exactly like something I wrote. You are not alone I feel comforted to know I am not alone in these feelings <3

  305. Anonymous said on June 23, 2014 at 9:04 pm ... #

    I feel like this story is my story. My dad died when I was 10 nearly 8 years ago. Everything you meantioned and all the little thngs is exactly how I am. Thank you for sharing you story so I know that it’s not just me still feeling it today after all this time.

  306. Anonymous said on June 30, 2014 at 4:35 am ... #

    15 years ago I lost my dad
    6/30/1999 still had a couple good anniversaries
    This one really??? The memories just flood my bipolar brain. Therefore I must have a drink for you dad . ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  307. Chris said on July 31, 2014 at 3:45 am ... #

    6 years ago tomorrow is the anniversary of my fathers death i was 9 and it has gotten to the point where i will go for long periods of time where i will forget what i am missing and so it doesn’t bother mean, and there are several reasons for that one, usually kids especially boys don’t real bound until there late childhood years and so i never really built that connection with him that would have haunted me for a life time. (don’t get me wrong when i was young i idolized my father like any other kid but it is not the same relationship that it would be now at the age of 15). Another reason as well as the main reason i rarely get overcome with emotions is because in all reality i have absolutely no respect or good feelings for my father because his means to an ends where his own and so he willingly left a family behind. And understand he probably was in a very dark place because i have been close to that place just because when you are lost and the person you so often looked to for wisdom is gone, taking the easier route just seems easier. But as i move away from that day that changed my life those horrible thoughts as well as the feelings of despair gradually disperse. and it really did change my life i would not be anything like i am today, both good and bad, for instance i will often act obnoxious and goofy, and in class i am the kid that brings the class down laughing which would not happened had that happened because before my dads passing i was a very big nerd which in all respects is not a bad thing but for me now it is certainly not something i would ever want to be again. my ties to my family outside of my immediate is very strong because my family went out of the way to become my support system. So the one thing that has always helped me through my pain and grief has been looking at all the things that would be different with my life it is hard but i guarenttee that if anyone who has suffered a loss like mine or any at all, at least one of the results from your situation will or has made your life different in some positive way

  308. Meredith said on August 4, 2014 at 2:31 am ... #

    Hi, my name is meredith and four years ago when I was 11 my dad died. Today it hit me again and I can’t stop crying. I am only 14 and I am so sorry because I know what you went through. My mom and sister are very supportive but I don’t like to talk about it because I just start crying. Two years ago, I was sitting with my friend at school, painting a picture on the anniversary of his death and I started to tear up. She asked what was wrong and then explained to me that she misses him too. My grade 5 teacher gave newspapers to everybody in my class when my dad was in it. I wasn’t at school that day, but when I came back, I didn’t really talk to anyone for a while. I would sit in my desk and in the middle of a lesson just get up and sit in the hall because I couldn’t stand everyone starting at me. I am so, so sad but I hope it will get better.

  309. Anonymous said on August 5, 2014 at 8:33 pm ... #

    My Dad died when I was 12 and I’m 19 now. I couldn’t express my feelings any better than you have here; it’s like you’ve written down all of the thoughts that pass through my head. Most of the time I’m fine, but sometimes I’m still consumed by that empty feeling inside and can’t talk to anyone about it. This article has just helped me realise that I’m not alone. Thank you.

  310. Peter Wilson said on August 19, 2014 at 7:06 pm ... #

    This is exactly the way I feel, though saying that my Dad only died a week and 4 days ago, Im just so sad of thought of his passing, I just still can’t believe it! I’m 23, he was 67 my parents divorced when i was 6, and I moved with mum brother and sister to England and I never saw him that much after that for a few years.. Probably 7 or so years after that. I heard from him on the odd occasion now and again but didnt see him many years later. the past 6 years though I had seen him every year nearly and this year I spent a month with him with my Fiancé so i can be happy in the fact he met her and we shared a month all together this year. But it just saddens me he’s gone. He Died of a heart attack and he was a very healthy person so it shocked everyone, His wife was down stairs at the time and didnt know until she came up to see why he was silent and there we go… I couldn’t believe it when my mum called me to tell the news.. I chucked my phone away from my ear trying not to believe it and just ran away from the room with my fiancé just trying to console me until i stopped to try and realise what i had just heard. This has been the toughest part of my life so far and its something which ill greive about like everyone does. His Funeral is in Canada and my brother and sister have gone to it. I, Myself just feel I can memoralize his passing with my fiancé going to a church near by and having a meal with her and enjoying one of my dads favourite deserts (Tirimasu) Canda is a expensive trip from the UK and I know my dad would respect my choice. Its just hard knowing he wouldnt be there to greet me at the airport holding his camera like always taking a picture on seeing us arrive (Which has only just hit me now). Sorry but i feel talking about it helps me. Its just very hard right now, I try not to show it to others, its just hard when i have my alone moments thinking that this has happened my father has died of a heart attack..

    I hope he’s up there watching over me, and even though i’m agnostic. I really hope i may even one day see him again and give him a huge hug.

  311. Candice said on August 27, 2014 at 3:35 am ... #

    I miss my dad so much. I think about him all the time. Today is going to be so hard because I can’t handle my birthday without him. Oh daddy if only you knew how much I miss you. I miss your laugh, your voice, hugging you and holding your hand. Is this ever going to get easier? I wish I could turn back time. I hope you’re okay and that you’re happy. I love and miss you so much (we all do) xoxoxo :)

  312. Miranda said on September 28, 2014 at 2:55 pm ... #

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have never lost a loved one and have no idea how it feels. My boyfriend of 3 years lost his Dad 10 years ago just 2 days ago and I had no idea how to react and to be frank I thought he handled it poorly. I didn’t think 10 years would be any different than the 8 and 9 year anniversaris we had already experienced together. Reading this has really opened my eyes and helped me understand so thank you so much.

  313. Deanna Rachel said on October 11, 2014 at 9:12 am ... #

    What a terrific, well written article, I lost my mom suddenly and feel the same way. Somedays I can cope with it and somedays I’m in pain. I don’t have any siblings and My mom was my best friend, sister and My guide. I missed her love and her smile and I know my life never gonna be the same but I know she can see me even though I can’t see her.I LOVE seeing her in My dreams. I really hope that we’ll be able to see our loved ones again someday and My Dad and I will have the gratest day on that day. :-) I LOVE you loads and missed you so bad dear mom. You’re my best friend and bestest mom on this world for me. *sends hugs and kisses to heaven*

  314. Melanie said on October 16, 2014 at 2:38 pm ... #

    Thank you. I found this at just the right moment.

  315. UNKNOWN said on November 1, 2014 at 3:58 am ... #

    I lost my dad 6 years ago, it was terrible. I was only 15 and he fell off the roof of my house, I am not OVER it. I hate holidays, I never want to get married & I now that i am 1 year from graduating with my bachelors I don’t want to walk without my dad being there. It seems like all over again,a I HATE SUCESS, its a bittersweet moment per say. I am a very successful person in school & will be applying to medical school in 2 years… but the feeling of doing everything without having him sucks.. I hate and cry at times when i forget how he looks, i mean i know how he looks, but im forgetting little details like his hands or how tall he was. it sucks, i have came to a conclusion that maybe now after 6 years I am depressed and i don’t know how to deal with this

  316. MJ said on November 8, 2014 at 7:01 am ... #


  317. Sophie said on November 21, 2014 at 7:14 pm ... #

    I lost my dad when I was 4 years old due to a car crash on the motorway when he was just 24 on the 3rd January 2001. A shit start to the new year. When he died, despite the fact I was young, I felt as though my world had just collapsed all around me. He left me, my mum and my younger brother behind and the pain doesn’t go away. Every night I think of him and some nights, I will cry myself to sleep because I miss him so much. Even if I am at my boyfriends house – he’ll fall asleep, I’ll think of my dad and cry, but I refuse to talk to my boyfriend about it. He doesn’t even know I do it. When people say how I remind them of my dad, I have to try and hold the tears back. My mum has brought me and my younger brothers up ever since he died on her own and has done a bloody great job if I do say so. She is my world and inspiration. She says she still thinks of him as he was her first love and still imagines what life would be like if he were still here despite the fact she is unhappily married to my asshole of a stepdad.

    I think what I’m trying to say is that the pain never goes away – I am now 18 years old and am still struggling with the grief but trying to get on with my life as I know that is what he would want. I still miss him terribly.

  318. Jim said on December 7, 2014 at 3:45 am ... #

    The story you just told really hits the mark, i’m still not used to my father’s passing, i recently lost him this year just after Chinese New Year and my graduation… And i’m 21 years old, i was all of a sudden, and because of that, i’m now carrying the burden of what he used to do, take care of the family…there are so many things i didn’t tell him yet, i wanted him to bring me to the casino, i wanted him to watch me get married, i wanted him to hold his grandchildeen, i juat wanna tell him of how much i appreciate and am so lucky that he was my father, my mom and my brother also missed him too, and i don’t even have a friend to consult to…

  319. Sean said on December 8, 2014 at 5:32 pm ... #

    I lost my mother to A.LS I watched the one person who loved me unconditional I m not a child talking about it makes want to jump out the window what to do Lord what to do ?

  320. Samuel said on December 15, 2014 at 7:15 pm ... #

    Hi Samantha,
    Thanks for the article. I read it in tears. Lost my mom 5 years ago and
    I can relate to the feeling of the it just happening yesterday. Take care.

  321. Darren said on December 30, 2014 at 10:30 pm ... #

    Your lucid story really hit home for me. I lost my Dad just over a year ago, he was 66, and he died of pneumonia, something I still tell myself could’ve been avoided somehow.

    Like you it’s the little things that affect me badly. Like you my Dad made it clear he was proud of my accomplishments in life, sadly they were mostly superficial things like nice cars etc. I still get quite upset just thinking that he’ll never see me getting married, or having a child. I cry, like now, just thinking of what his reaction would’ve been, or what he might’ve said about it. It eats at me that I’ll never be able to share things that a son should share with his Dad. I’d have liked for him to know before he passed that his family name would live on beyond me.

    I keep telling myself that he would’ve suffered if he had been able to pull through this time (he already had a poor quality of life thanks to COPD from a lifetime of smoking), but I can’t stop myself selfishly wishing he was still alive, just so I could cope. I would give everything I have for that.

    The little things really crush my soul. I’ll walk around a supermarket and spot something he used to really like to eat, or something he might’ve bought for me as a surprise, and it’s like I’m being crushed. Every time I walk to the supermarket at work I’ll remember conversations I would have with him (this is when I would always call him to get av update on his day).

    People say that it gets better with time, but I think time just makes it possible for you to forget for longer periods. As soon as something happens to remind me of him, it’s like it’s the week after it happened.

    My heart aches for all of you that have been through this as well, as I know how horrible it really is.

  322. Rhi Rhi said on January 15, 2015 at 5:29 pm ... #

    I agree as well. I never really knew my ,dad. He left when I was little and my whole life I dreamed of him coming home. He never did. I spoke to him on the phone once a year. I was turning in a few months so my wish was that he would come over to England when I turned double digits. He died a few months before my birthday. At the time I didn’t know how to react. But as the years go on it gets worse. No one ever gave me sympathy, no one cared. A year later the grandad I met twice died, along with a lot more family members along the years. I have become slightly immune to the deaths of family members, but whenever I see someone else being comforted during bereavement I go all depressed and it takes days to return to reality. Writting this is slightly putting me back into depression. I cant stop the tears.I never felt love or support when I needed it most at the age of 9, and 7 years later I am just damaged. Please support children when they are going through a family death. It can psycologically affect them!

  323. Eugene said on January 18, 2015 at 2:32 am ... #

    Things seem normal in the most part until that moment when there is that one thing the takes you back to the memories of your long lost loved ones. Most of the time for me it is a song that I may hear on the radio, tv or computer. A song that I may have heard while I was with my dad. Once that happens I feel real down and all sorts of thoughts over flood my mind. I get quiet and people start noticing the look on my face and realizing how distant I become. Then evenually it all goes away.

  324. Kimberly F said on January 19, 2015 at 8:22 pm ... #

    It has also been just over 7 years since my Dad passed. I no longer attend church on Father’s Day.
    It’s hard to know how I’m supposed to feel after many years, but I still puddle up if someone mentions Dad, and while the moment doesn’t last as long, it always happens.

  325. Marie Vertigan said on February 25, 2015 at 1:56 pm ... #

    My beloved Dad passed away five years ago and I still hurt from the loss. I think of him quite a few times a day and find a way to speak of him with others that seems to keep him alive for me. A good friend once told me that people told him that it will get better as time passes; he said to me don’t believe them as it gets worse.In a lot of ways that is true, I no longer just break down and cry a lot, I have tears on special occasions or when speaking about him to close family members. I kept some of his shirts and wear them to feel close to him at times. I guess once you loved someone so much you never have them out of your mind and because I am a physical part of him he is always with me.

  326. Ace said on February 26, 2015 at 5:09 pm ... #

    I lost my dad a year and a half ago,which was one month before my birthday. he was 50 and I was 23, I enjoyed reading your article because is can relate too it so much especially the little things or words that trigger strong memories of him……Thank you

  327. WB said on February 26, 2015 at 5:22 pm ... #

    I feel your grief and hurt in a very well written and heartfelt letter. I lost my Dad 30 years ago and my Mother 38 years ago. I am close to sixty now but I can tell you that there are times that I will have a dream about chatting with either parent and wake up with tears rolling down my cheek and I have to shake it off. Recently an old friend sent me some old movies from the early sixties that had both my parents in them and they looked so young and healthy and happy. I saw a couple of sequences with me standing beside my dad and I went back in time…wishing I could find that time machine to take me back if but for a few minutes. They made me cry too. So, grieving is a life long process, normal which you manage better as time goes on…but in my case, no, it never really goes away. You have to accept that is part of our humanity. I wish you well in life and know that if your Dad were with you today he would always be proud of you…and somewhere, “out there” he is proud of you. God bless you and keep you.

  328. madi said on March 1, 2015 at 10:16 pm ... #

    I’m only 16, but my dad passed away on January 9th, 2013. It all seemed like a dream, and for a while I refused to accept that it had actually happened. I have moments where I think i am doing better, but then I just hit another wall. I think of the future and I don’t want to live in it without my dad. He was the greatest person and my life will never be the same without him. Life sucks, and hopefully it will get better, and i will stop hitting walls.

  329. Aviva Kolotinsky said on March 6, 2015 at 5:03 pm ... #

    Wow what a powerful story. I lost my father in 1997 when I was 27 years old, yet I felt like I was twelve years old all over again.It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how long ago it has been these are our parents and life will never be the same as you once knew it when you lose a parent that you were so close to.

  330. Kim said on March 7, 2015 at 7:14 pm ... #

    My mom died 5 years ago this year, because it is a “milestone” year I am having an extremely emotional time dealing with it, crying at the drop of a hat. My mom was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was 17-she was 37. She had chronic progressive MS which meant by the time she was 50 she was in a wheelchair and lost the use of her hands. Her life ended at 67 with her lungs giving out having lived full-time in a chronic care floor at the hospital with a feeding tube and tracheotomy to suction her lungs out. At the time dealing with it even having her on life support twice you live in the moment. I believe I have been in a state of denial and shock for five years and only now I am dealing with the horror of her life as it was. Because I was a young adult when she was diagnosed I feel very much I lost my mom at that age. She was bedridden so I could not go shopping with her, talk on the phone (though I did visit often) and other things many girls get to do with their moms. I am going to see if there is grief counselling or help of that sort as I did not properly grieve her death and there is a tremendous amount of guilt. Thank you for letting me share my story even as I cry and write this is does help. God bless everyone in their grief.

  331. rob said on March 21, 2015 at 8:16 pm ... #

    Lost my dad 9 years ago and yer time does help but recently after i now have 2 prefect Lil boys I seem to be hurting more. How unfair life can be! He never got to meet his grandson n they gonna miss out on ever knowing him.

  332. mark said on March 23, 2015 at 4:28 am ... #

    when my dad was dying of cancer my dad said to me mark ill come back for you. beleave me i wish he would im so unhappy being here we lived togeather in the same house for 45 years
    he was everything to me friend dad i loved him and badly miss him
    im so unhappy all the time im 46 now lost my home just over a year ago renting a place at the moment hate being here want to go home , i couldent think straght when i lost dad , thay made me sell my home wish i could turn the clock back just fed up been on my own ive just lost my way cant find happieness where ever i am there so much more i want to talk about but i get board very quick not very good with pen to paper. i just want to get on with my life ive been through a lot and i mean a lot i was my dads full time carea and for you out there if you know what that means its 24 hours a day 7 days a week when the love of you life is dying in front of you it drains you. dad died in my arms at home . mark

  333. mark said on March 31, 2015 at 7:56 am ... #

    i so desperately want to move on but keep dreaming of dad im 46 years old nearly 47 my life is shattered cant get settled i can buy a house but have no enthusiasm where to look or what i want im a single man massively hurting and lonely dad was my world to me mum wont talk to me over 20years now dident like her boyfriend never will iv had no support from family at all JUST MY FRIENDS


  334. Mark G said on March 31, 2015 at 10:46 am ... #

    I am a 61 year old son of a wonderful man, a father and friend. He passed 3 years ago and i find myself crying everyday..

  335. Liza said on April 10, 2015 at 4:38 pm ... #

    Its small comfort to read all the stories. My father died when I was 16. I mourned him for years until I was around 50. I could not get over his death and thought about him every day. My siblings ‘moved on’ – even my mother did, although she never remarried. My mother died 3 weeks ago aged 92 and I’m numb. Part of me is angry as I feel I’ve been in mourning most of my life. I know anger is also part of grief but now, at 55 years, I need closure for the time I have left.

  336. jgvette66 said on April 12, 2015 at 4:05 am ... #

    Your words touched me so much and there is so many similarities with my Dad who truly was my best friend. This May 8th will have been 4 years since his unexpected passing at 64 years ol6d. I loved him so much.
    Take care, Jim

  337. Dave said on April 20, 2015 at 3:44 am ... #

    ….Yes…grief what a piece of life that makes us feel the very essence of humanity. My father passed 4 years ago and yes…I still feel the pangs. As I sat holding him at his hospital bedside watching him struggle for breath, I said all the intimate things he would never allow me to say. How I loved him…didn’t hate him…and that he was my hero. He was in so much pain I found myself saying a prayer for the angels to take him……even though I “wanted to keep him here”
    After the prayer, within minutes he died.

    My father was not the “best father” But he was sincerely in his heart being the best he could be and I loved him. Sadly it was not possible for him to surmount emotional issues he carried from childhood. As I tearfully watched him pass away there was a strange enlightenment that I had become the adult and he the child. It was the realization that he let life beat him down and lived all these years without really living. This lesson I have done my best to learn from him. Yes…I miss his bad humor….car stories…and just sitting watching a movie with him. I especially miss the one moment in life when he broke into tears and I truly saw him for who he was inside. And yes I still have moments when I tear up and cry missing him. What always remains is the struggle for acknowledgment and validation that never arrived in life and now that he’s gone will never come. To add to this my brother in-law, who was more like my big brother, was dying of cancer. It is very surreal to be at a funeral grave-site knowing the one standing beside you, will be in the grave beside your father within 30 days.

    Yes Mark… I can only imagine your pain. I’ve had a divorce from someone I truly loved…lost my house…lost my car…lost my job and all my savings. I crashed…HARD……I also managed to pick up the pieces only to be hit HARD again. Blew out a disc in my back and almost never walked again (8 months in rehab)….lost my career and ended up having to alter career age 41.
    I’ve been hit by lightning once…..managed to keep my right arm after a sheet of glass slashed it open (I did lose one artery though)…..survived a head on car crash…. And YES this is all true…somewhere I have an angel.
    We don’t get to pick how things turn out. Or do we?

    Mark…Life is about the fight….the Universe never gives us more than we can deal with. The fact that you were chosen to be in your dad’s life is a sign of strength. What would your father say to you at this moment and would he want you to feel this way. Honor him and carry his legacy on with pride.
    Every time I feel the grief I remind myself that it’s only “me” who is feeling it “not him” and that I’m just upset because I can’t have “what I want”….which is to have him back.
    I still catch myself doing, saying and having mannerisms from my dad (even if I don’t like some of them)
    You are a piece of your father…..he is always with you……….

    Define and start asking for what you want out of life…..It’s not easy….life and pain is a process.
    As a finishing note….I’ve struggled with the grief and depression…. picked up the pieces….now happily married…own a house/car and “again” gone back to school to shift careers at the age of 54.

    You can too.
    Your not alone….wishing you the best. (my heart goes out to you)

Leave a Comment

Your email is never shared.


By submitting a comment, you are agreeing to our Terms & Conditions.