Teens’ Talk about Parents Dating Again

You can add to the conversation by adding your answer as a comment. The below question was sent in from a 17 year old girl from Virginia.

Q: My Mom is dating again, and I’m worried that she’s trying to replace my Dad one. What can I do? – Anonymous, 17

The way i thought of it was that my mom dating was to make her happy and to get her mind off things. No one will ever replace your loved one in you heart. Your parent just has to have some fun time to get things off their minds..!! – Laura, 16

My mom recently started dating, and it’s really hard to adjust to. I never thought that my mom would meet someone else that she feels extremely passionate towards other than my Dad. I’m happy for my mom, because the man that she’s with is a widower, his wife died 1 year ago, and they’re very happy. I feel that marriage would be a bit extreme at this point, but all I can do is be happy for my mom, because if she’s happy, I’m happy. Make sure that you’re comfortable with the person that your Mom/Dad is dating, and if you feel a weird vibe off of them, tell your Mom/Dad. It may be awkward, but in the end it’s the best. – Julia

It can be really hard to talk to your Mom/Dad about dating after losing a parent. If you have siblings, they can help relate to what you are feeling about the current situation. If you don’t have siblings a good trustworthy friend can help you as well. Just know that your Mom/ Dad is not trying to replace your loved one. They know that no one will ever fill that void. – Joelle, 14

Talk to your Mom/Dad if you are feeling like they are trying to replace your loved one. Parents can be a great source of answers and confidence. – Timmy, 18

My mom remarried two and a half years ago and to say the least, I was not very happy. I could tell my mom was happy though and so for her sake I pretended to be okay. My mom’s husband is a nice guy, but he’s definitely not my dad. I would say it’s a hard adjustment for the whole family because everyone has to try to be comfortable with each other and figure out the kind of relationship you will all have. I’m not very close with my stepdad but I’ve been trying really hard to stay closer to my mom. It’s not an easy transition when a parent starts dating again and there is unfortunately no formula to make it that way. Each situation is different, but make sure not to keep your emotions bottled up. Having someone to talk to, whether it’s your parent, a sibling, or even just a friend, makes a difference. – Candace, 18

Your parents aren’t trying to replace your loved one. You have to understand the fact that they don’t want to spend the rest of their life alone, because before you know it, you’ll be grown up and having your own life to deal with. So, it’s not that their replacing them, and it doesn’t mean they’re over the loss, but nobody should have to spend their life alone. Talk to your parent about it, and they’ll tell you how they feel. Don’t ever be afraid to ask about it, they may not want to talk about it at the moment, but come back at a better time and discuss it together, don’t be scared to let them know how you feel. – Deanna, 13

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43 Comments:

  1. Bob said on March 26, 2014 at 7:42 pm ... #

    My mom died two years ago and now my dad is trying to date and I don’t want him to and if he gays married I will lose a lot of pro aligned like playing xbox whenever and I will have to share everything I have with her nees and nefu.

  2. RW&AW said on March 30, 2014 at 9:28 pm ... #

    this is how I feel when my mom started dating I felt alone and that I would not have anyone to talk to I would just keep everything bottled up and ready to pop then my mom started dating this one guy she was so happy I couldn’t tell what I felt then after six months of dating they wanted to live together but I didn’t want to go to a different school plus he had a Daughter she was nice & sweet but I didn’t want to leave so I talked to my mom and my older sister and they said that It would be a great thing but I kept thinking the were just making accuses but it turns out that everyone in the world does the same thing so now I am just trying to keep a positive attitude.

  3. RW said on March 30, 2014 at 9:34 pm ... #

    I feel like my dad doesn’t listen to me anymore like he is in a different dimension….stuck in love world always listening to his wife/girlfriend they got together 6 months ago as u have heard my sister say and just like she said I practically have another family but I love them I love my brother my sisters and my stepmom its just a little too soon but that’s how life is all we can do at this point is roll with the flow………hope it works out!

  4. Colby said on April 12, 2014 at 11:22 pm ... #

    My parents got divorced about 4 years ago and it is really herd on me. I am 13 and I don’t see my dad much so I really miss him. I feel like I need him more than ever now. My mom just started dating again and I feel like she is trying to replace him. It is really hard because I always fake a smile and sometimes I cry myself to sleep.

  5. Can u guess said on April 17, 2014 at 9:28 pm ... #

    My mom died when I was a 9 year old 3rd grader U hid all my sadness and I regret it now.My dad started dating a year ago and I’ve never not once liked the person who he dates. Now we lost a lot of money. He is never home and has started taking down all of my moms pictures. Some want to write if your in the same shoes it would help me a lot??????

  6. annonymous said on April 25, 2014 at 2:41 pm ... #

    My mum and dad split up about 5 years ago during that time he went to a diffrent country but I still had contact with him also my mum was dating this guy that my sisters and brother never really knew and at first he used to just come for dinner and know he has his own key and since then my my has been going to parties and clubs and leaving my sisters and my alone till 7 or even 8 in the morning she never really took us out for a family meal she spends all her time with him and were just at home.when my dad came back I was very happy to see someone who accually cares about me here. Me and my dad sister and I bonded very well and my mum let him until my mum and my dad had and argument and she said to him that I should not speak,see or talk to him again but the argument didn’t involve me.so now I want to talk to my mum about me moving in with my dad but I am scared she will do something she already pushed my whole family away what is she going to do now

  7. Anon said on May 5, 2014 at 6:23 pm ... #

    Passed 1 hour since i started reading these comments i feel like most of the people here i know the feeling so my heart goes out for all of you. About 4 months ago my mom said from nothing that she thinks to split up (20 years of marriage) i asked her if she is sure about this and did she thought this good she said yes and i agreed with her (my dad wasn’t nice to her nor to me so 2 months later (april 2014) we moved out to my grandparents house. 1 month everything was ok (but i was suspicious)and now 6th of may i entered her room in 11:45 PM and saw and heard her talking to a man deep inside i was about to explode but i kept cool and asked her nicely if she is seeing this guy she denied but i dont believe her i know this is biological thing to look for another mate and to reproduce but we talked so much about telling almost everything to each other and now she talking to a guy without even telling me later tonight at 12:20 i heard her text message sound and i am furious because she said she is gonna sleep and she texts now and by reading all these comments i am getting worried i really don’t know what to do just turned 18 and i feel the whole pressure of the world is on me i thought of suicide but that’s not why i am here for so i am at a dead end. Going to my dad’s house is not an option because he moved to a different country.

  8. no name 23 said on May 5, 2014 at 8:12 pm ... #

    My mom and dad never had a good relationship. When they got divorced it wasn’t the loss of my dad I felt but the loss of my mom.I am 17 what should I care that she dates its none of my business right? BUT… I can’t help it it bothers me. I want to be happy for her and supportive but I’m just not. I guess I don’t feel like her dating is coming from the right place. She is just experimenting her new life with out kids but just cause dad is gone..I mean we’re still here.

  9. Aurora said on May 6, 2014 at 1:10 am ... #

    Mom died when I was two, I’m 18 now. The other girls my dad dated were nice, but I knew it wouldn’t last. It wasn’t awkward around them. Now, he’s dating this girl. She has two kids. We don’t hang out anymore, and every time we talk it just turns into fighting. We’re working all the time and when I try to hang out he just invites his girlfriend. I don’t know what to do, am I just over reacting or am I onto something for feeling awkward around them? I don’t hate her. I just don’t know her. And he yells way too much when we talk about her.

  10. Jessica said on May 10, 2014 at 11:35 am ... #

    Dear whoever reads this,
    I need help with coping. My parents have been divorced for seven years now, and I am about to graduate from high school in a few weeks. My father lives across the country from me, and he has been dating a woman for a few months now, but it doesn’t bother me because he’s so far away and it’s almost like a fake relationship to me. I understand why he would date, seeing as how he’s so far away from us, of course he would be lonely and want love. But my mom on the other hand has started dating a man a few months ago, and it really bothers me. Maybe just because she lives with us that it bothers me, or maybe because this is her first boyfriend since my Dad, and I am used to the comfort of just her and me and my brother; I don’t know. He is a nice guy and all and he’s good and respectful to my mom. They don’t engage in any sexual activity, which is a relief for me. But I can’t help feeling so angry when he’s around or when she spends her days off of work to go visit him all day; when she used to just be with my brother and I. I know I’m being incredibly selfish, but my heart is just in so much pain and I don’t know how to numb it away. I just wish I didn’t have to think or deal with this whole “dating” issue so it would never bother me.
    Tomorrow is mother’s Day and I was all excited to make my mom some awesome lunch or dinner (which probably would’ve tasted bad anyway because I suck at cooking), but she told me yesterday that she was going over to her boyfriends house to spend it with his mom and maybe get my grandma to go too. It is such a nice sentiment, really, but I just cannot feel happy no matter how hard I try!
    I had told her I didn’t want to go, and she asked me, “You don’t want to spend Mother’s Day with your own MOTHER?” Of course I said “No. You’re spending it with MICHAEL,” because I was all mad by that point, but I feel so torn. I would LOVE to spend Mother’s Day with my mom, but I don’t want to ever have to be at HIS house with HIM. I feel like such a brat, but all these suppressed feelings after all these years towards the divorce are exploding out of my control. Please, I really want my parents to be truly happy and never cry any more, but I just can’t feel happy for them about this. I need help.

  11. Sarah said on May 25, 2014 at 11:08 pm ... #

    My moms been dating this guy for 6 years I don’t mind it we all get along and stuff I’m okay with my dad and her not being together but it just upsets me cause I know there adults so they “do it” but it makes me so angry I can’t even find the words, and I can’t say anything about it because there adults and that’s what they do and that’s there private BUISSNESS I get It but they act like I’m blind they will kick me out of the room in the middle of the day for “private time” cause I hangout with then everyday I mean the past 5-6 years I didn’t hang out with them everyday but I have the past year and they spend every second with each other and they act like I don’t know like they team up on me all the time I just feel like she thinks about his needs rather than hanging out with me I know I want her to be happy but when they kick me out to do that stuff or I’m always afraid or paranoid they “do it” and then like a half hour later I go and hang out with. Them it’s disrespectful I’ve even heard the bed creak like 10 times in a row two nights in a row I was SO MAD and I couldn’t do anything about it

  12. Anonymous said on June 15, 2014 at 6:20 pm ... #

    Heyy guys… It took me three whole years and my mom has only Ben on one date but guess what! I stopped my mom! But my dad almost there I can just move on from him but I won’t cuz I trust his selection I just hope he dosent y’know do “it” U CAN DO IT! I’m all with u just remember you have a special bond with your parent that can’t be broken

  13. Anonymous said on June 15, 2014 at 10:44 pm ... #

    Oh no my mom just said she was making out with a guy when she was talking to her friends… I hate her now! This feeling just came to me like OMG!

  14. Anonymous said on June 16, 2014 at 2:15 am ... #

    Kk well we talked bout it turns out that was when she was 15

  15. Emilia said on June 17, 2014 at 8:50 am ... #

    My mum has a boyfriend and they kiss a lot and it makes me nearves because for me its like she is replacing my dad + (i hate the sound of kissing).

  16. Zeshan said on June 20, 2014 at 10:23 pm ... #

    I’m 12 years old. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 5. I didn’t talk, laugh, kiss, hug, or as much smile at my mom for about 3 months until she finally let me see my dad. They made up a schedule of what days they would take me. My mom stayed in the same house and got a new boyfriend very very quickly. Within the first two months of being together he moved in. Even back then I understood way more than everyone thought I did and thought they were moving way to fast. In the 6 years that he lived here I never really liked him at all. He wanted to be my friend but I never had wanted to be his. About 3 months ago they broke up. About 2 months ago my mom started dating someone else. After half a month he would sleep here 4 days a week and stay most of the day. After only being together for 2 months he is now fully moved in. I hate him. He talks way to much which is really annoying because I’m more of a thinker. He is always saying he wants to my friend-I don’t want to be his. He always wants to do stuff with me and my mom tells me I should but I don’t want to. He has a son of his own living at his ex girlfriend’s house and I always ask him why he never does stuff with him but he just wants to be with me instead. This guy is ruining my life. Every night when I’m trying to go to sleep I’ll hear them talking, which is so annoying because we have an old house that sound travels well through and he is a really loud person so I can never sleep. Every single day I actually just cry thinking about how my life is and how it’s only going to get worse. I’m always sad at home because he’s always there. There are some nights I’ll just wonder what I actually bother living for. What’s the point of life if it’s just going to be me being sad all the time?

  17. Mia said on July 26, 2014 at 1:22 am ... #

    My m died in november of 2012 a couple of days before my 12th birthday im 13 now and ive been really depressed i always break down and cry really bad over her and how she isnt here anymore. My dad and mom havent been together since i was 2 but he still lived with us because she had heart failure and he didnt want to leave knowing she was sick so he sated and took care of all of us. My mom dated people all the time and i was okay with it .i was really close with her she was my other half but my dad me and him rarely got along at all and still dont .earlier this year he started dating and the day i met her before i went out to eat with them i had a mental break down. It may seem selfish but i dont like him dating because i feel like he totally forgot about my mom and it hurts lnwoing that and they broke up. And now hes with some other woma and he wants me and my brother to meet her kids next week and i honeslty dont want to because i feel she would replace my mom in my dads heart it makes my depression worse not because hes daiting just because it makes it seem more real that my mom died. Ive already been in therapy for months now since i was diagnosed with depression and its been really hard to get through it i feel like i took it the hardest. About my moms death than anyone i break down all the time and i dont feel lile good things could happen to me anymore and i went through this time where i would cut and try to kill myself but i realized my famoly doesnt need to go through another death . And i always see myself getting more mad at my dad for little things like i saw on his facebooks messages he got my moms death year wrong and that made me so mad All in all i want him to be happy but i dont feel lile i can accept that he could find love with someone that isnt my mom ..

  18. Kaylah said on October 5, 2014 at 6:16 am ... #

    My mum and Dad broke up 1 year ago. But they aren’t divorced yet. My dad lives on the other side of Australia and me and my 3 siblings live with my mum. My dad still cares for my mum & I think my mum still cares for my dad but I really want them back together, I just can’t bare the thought of my mum with another guy. I just want my dad to be that guy!! I feel like I’m overreacting because I cry so much over this because I just recently found my mum on a dating website talking to guys. I really wanna read them but I know it will just make me more upset.
    I see some of my friends with parents that are divorced then remarried with another man/woman & they are happy but I just cannot bare the thought of my mum or dad with anyone but eachother.
    I get really anxious and scared that mum will get with someone else but I don’t know why!
    I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with my dad, not anyone else!!
    Mum and I aren’t that close but I really want to talk to her about it but I dont want her to get angry or upset with me.

    I cry so much over this situation & I’m 15!!

    What do I do!!

  19. Bella said on October 8, 2014 at 8:50 pm ... #

    My mom is dating this guy named Rodney he is very rude and thinks he knows it all he doesn’t like me I can tell but of course he would never say that to my mom but I don’t want them to get serious. My mom knows that I don’t like him I have done everything to get rid of him I moved out and said I wouldn’t come back until they were broken up and she didn’t care!! What’s embarrassing is that they are always all over each other and I hate it cause my friends see and it’s embarrassing! Also my mom acts different in front of him she is rude and mean to me and when he’s over she doesn’t care what I have to say. (I don’t get jealous I promise I just want my old mom back the fun and cool mom she use to be a couple of months ago! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO….:(

  20. Cecilia b said on October 17, 2014 at 4:28 pm ... #

    My parents got divorced 7 years ago and they haven’t really dated, but when I went on holiday with my dad I came back and it turns out my mum had been seeing someone, we met him and he is nice. But they spend lots of time together, and I just want my mum back 🙁 I am 12 and we are moving house and everything, (not with the man, just in general) and I just want things to go back to always, my mum is mine and no one else can have her

  21. Aimee said on October 26, 2014 at 1:28 pm ... #

    Hey, my name is Aimee. Im 16 and have 2 siblings. My father has been gone for nearly 7 years. Feels like the other day! It was a car collision. My mom never dated until recently. She sat us down and told us we were important to her and she wanted to be open with us. Then we get the big shock ….she’s going to start dating her coworker. She told us she wanted us involved and comfortable. So we found ourselves sitting at Applebees with this person. Very awkward!! He’s very kind, though and respectful to all of us. I think he realizes we’re a packaged deal! They’ve been going out for 2 mos. When he comes to our house we all eat pizza, play games and watch movies. He’s never alone with mom except for private dates in public areas. It’s great that everything is open. We kinda feel like a family with him now. He also brought us someone…..his sweeeeeet dog Lady. She really helps tie us together. I feel very lucky..

  22. melove891 said on November 2, 2014 at 12:44 pm ... #

    my parents split up in 2011. my mom has had IT with 3/4 men already. Yuck! now she is dating. she didn’t tell me so i acted all moody for 3 days. she annoys me so much. yesterday they went to hotel and had IT. I’m so angry. I look through texts and I see her nickname for him SWEETNESS! Does she call me sweetness? No. she asked what was wrong and I told her. she just finished talking to him on the phone. we r Christian but I am angry with her for having IT before marriage. I cry in bed at night. its my birthday. she hasn’t told my bro and sis.

  23. jenn said on November 30, 2014 at 12:35 pm ... #

    My mother had also started dating a year after my father passed away. She has had 4 boyfriends since and none of them worked out. I don’t want her to replace my father. I don’t know what to do, I even tried talking to her but she ignored me and didn’t even listen. I don’t know how to cope with get getting new boyfriends all the time. ..

  24. Margy said on December 1, 2014 at 7:32 pm ... #

    My parents have been separated for about 6 years now. My dad has another wife and other children that I am totally fine with. On the other hand I could not imagine my mom with another guy. She is talking to this guy and I okce read her messages. It said that he couldn’t wait to eat her out and that he wanted to do lots of other things. I got so mad just at the thought that she was having s*x with him. I am not really happy with it. She never tells me the truth that she has had s*x with him. She says that they have on ly gone on a few dates. I don’t know what I should do. I am really mad and I feel very disgusted when she talks to him because she laughs and says things back. Ofcourse she doesn’t say it directly I’m front of us but I can here that he is saying something bad. I can’t tell anyone because my sister is 8 and my brother is 23 so he probably will tell her that I was looking through her phone. I have also found other things like pictures and nasty messages. I feel so bad about it and I can’t forget about it. What should I do?!?! Please help.

  25. Someone . said on December 2, 2014 at 12:26 pm ... #

    Actually, I’ve been thinking about these things a lot… too. I have never thought that there were actually more teens like me, out there. I’m always thinking that I was the ONLY person with these PROBLEMS. I did always watching horror movies because when I’m seeing such tragedy, my MISERY seems like nothing in comparison. I didn’t have anyone for me to lend my shoulders, to wipe my tears or even friends to talk to. When I’m reading everyone’s problems here, I only have one thought. THANK YOU for letting me know that I’m not the only one who’s stumbling in the dark alone. Warm regards, SOMEONE 🙂

  26. Juan 11 said on December 17, 2014 at 6:02 pm ... #

    Normally if you don’t like the person you’re mum/dad is dating you should try and get to know the person a little bit more if it continges tell you’re mum/dad. if you don’t want to talk to them tell a silbing or someone you trust.

  27. Audrey said on December 17, 2014 at 7:10 pm ... #

    I think I’ll start out with saying that I’m almost 28 years old and you’d be surprised how little support there is for someone who’s an adult when it comes to grief and learning how to handle one of your parents dating again. Yet, a lot of the feelings and the problems that I have are the same as the ones that are discussed here. My father died 10 years ago November 2 2014 and though I have grown up, married and am living my own life, my father and his passing still effects me.

    My mother started dating someone last year and recently she told me that they were to be married. I keep wondering about what this means for us. We were (and to be perfectly honest sill are) not the most functional of families. My father was a recovering alcoholic and not really the best at families, but a very good man. He worked very hard and couldn’t be with us a lot of the time but I think that through the fights and the hard times we still felt his love. When he passed away due to a subdural hematoma it was a huge shock to my brother, mother, and me. In the ten years since then there were, needless to say, many hardships.

    This new person in my mother’s life has seemed to come into our family with the force of a runaway freight train. He has moved into what was our family home and made his own improvements to the place. A lot of the pictures of my father have come down including the wedding pictures (which I now have). I suppose these things didn’t really shock me; though I wish that if my mother took the pictures down, it would have been because she wanted them down, NOT because he said she should.

    My mother’s fiance has given my little brother (he’s 21) a job and emotional support when my brother’s been without it for so long. It’s nice to see someone sticking up for him and being a mediator between my mother and my brother, which I can tell you from personal experience, is NOT the easiest job.

    He has taken an interest in my carrier as an actress and comes to my performances with my mother.

    This is where things get a little fuzzy for me. He says he wants a relationship with me that goes beyond me just being his wife’s daughter. No, nothing weird or anything, but I just don’t know how I feel about it because I really don’t feel that it’s necessary. He’s got my mother, my family home, my brother, my mother’s family, her friends, heck he’s even got my father’s family thinking he’s the cat’s meow. Why does he want me too? I’m my father’s daughter. Not his. And he can’t redo my house or give me a job to win me over. He literally has nothing that I want.

    I’m also getting some mixed messages with this topic too. When he says he wants my friendship but if he has a problem with me he goes to my mother and doesn’t talk to me about it. In fact he really doesn’t talk to me at all outside of when we’re both in my mother’s home. I’m not complaining about the distance, in fact I prefer it, but when someone says they want to be your friend and don’t do the things that back it up, it kinda looks weird. Especially when it comes from someone who is in a close position to you. This is not someone that you meet on facebook or when working on a play and you become friends and then not talk to them for a few months and things are still pretty much OK. This needs some work…which he’s not doing. I’ll admit that I’m not doing it either, but I’ll say this again: distance from him is OK with me.

    As you can probably guess from reading the other passages by now (thanks to those by the way who have read my post this far) that this man has money to “throw around”. He takes my mother on trips and cruses. Things that my father could never do. He’s also not an alcoholic, so my mother doesn’t have to deal with that stress again. And with everyone talking about how wonderful he is, it makes me wonder that this new man in my mother’s life is an all around better person than my father ever was or could be. And because of this will she love this new man more?

    I think this is what stings and worries me the most.

    Does my mother wish she had met this man first and not my father? If she does fall more deeply in love with this new man than she was with my father how is that…possible? And what position does that put me and my brother in?

    Is it wrong for me to feel so damn pressured to be nice and to give hugs to this guy when I REALLY DON’T WANT TO? I understand he’s a really good guy but I sometimes find it really hard to look him in the eye and be around him.

    Anyway, if there’s anyone out there that can lend a hand with this please leave a post. I’ll be watching.

  28. Anonymous said on December 27, 2014 at 8:37 pm ... #

    my mom said she is still married to my dad but on facebook it said that they were separated I texted her she didn’t text me back and she is always gone for like 5 hours comes home and makes an excuse like I broke down ran out of gas that kind

  29. Kylie -14 said on January 11, 2015 at 9:45 pm ... #

    My mom and dad split 7 years ago and was with a guy that wasn’t the nicest. I have a full younger brother and a new half sister who is less than a year old. The guy and her split and she now has a bf that is closer to my age than hers. He is 24 and she is 35. She works a lot and is almost never home anymore. She always has him over or drags me out on their ‘not dates’. She seems really happy with him, but when I bring up the subject of spending more time together or how it really angers/ hurts me when I see them together she calls me a brat and selfish. A lot lately she has been telling me that I care more about myself than anybody else when I’m the one helping my grandparents and waking up at dawn to help with the farm. I’m really lost and would like some kind of advice, and I’m at a lost of why it hurts me to see them get all coupley.

  30. leanne said on January 20, 2015 at 6:00 pm ... #

    My dad died 6 years ago and since me and my sister had done nothing but make sure mum was o.k. We took her shopping she seen friends from work on a Thursday night she had few nights at bingo every week. Now she has started dating, and this guy is at our family home all the time myself and sister feel left out. Just now everything revolves around him. She does not understand how we feel, we feel awkward walking in and he is there. I haven’t seen her since Christmas day and I miss her.even talking with her on the phone we feel she isn’t there for us any more.

  31. Lauryn said on February 7, 2015 at 1:10 am ... #

    My mom and dad never married but broke up when I wa about three. I was 5 when my mom got married. My dad met his girlfriend when I was 7 and I didn’t like her at first but after probably less than a year I loved her so much. I love my stepdad but he and I aren’t close. My stepmom (technically she’s not but it’s easier to say that) was like a friend and a mom rolled into one. She’s around ten years younger than my dad and has a kid of her own. Our family was really close. My sister was born right before I turned ten. We were all good for a couple years but then my stepmom started doing drugs. She’s addicted now and I don’t know what she’s doing. I haven’t seen her since Christmas (almost 2 months) and her son went to live with his dad a couple states away. I have to pretend to be strong for my almost 4 year old sister. It’s hard. But now I think my dad has a girlfriend. I just came to my dad’s house and she was here and I thought maybe she was but then she went home and my dad texted her and it seemed pretty boyfriendy/girlfriendy to me. I don’t know what to do because she seems nice but I was really hoping that after my stepmom gets more help we could all be a family again. I know it’s very unlikely but I just… I don’t know. But I cry every time I think about it (like I’m crying right now).

  32. Anonymous said on February 24, 2015 at 11:11 pm ... #

    My dad died of brain cancer the day before my 12th birthday. The pain never goes away. It just subsides in places and surfaces stronger in other places. My three siblings and I all had to help my mom take care of my father. He was 6 foot 1 and my hero. It was hard to see my big strong daddy so wek and helpless. He was one if the most caring, compassionate, intelligent, and charismatic people you would ever meet. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about him. I’m a junior in high school now, so I am faced with many challenges that remind me that my dad is gone. It has been five years since his death now and my mom started dating a man a few months go. He has been married twice and has had children with each wife which really bothers me. I’m not judging, but I am already uncomfortable with the situation. Every since my dad died, it has been just me and my mom and my little sister at home. My oldest brother was already in college and my other brother began college about 2 years after my dad’s passing. So, besides summers, it’s always been the girls. I was very close with my dad and my mom always tells me I am a carbon copy of him. The first time she told me she was going on a date, my heart shattered. I couldn’t contain my emotions. I wasn’t expecting it and it hurt so bad. I just want my mom to think of my dad in that way. I don’t want anymore changes. I tried to explain to my mom why I was hurting so much, but she made me feel like I was a bad guy. I’ve thought about it and try not to be selfish and I try to be happy for her, but every time she goes on a date, I cope by hiding my emotions by becoming isolated and closing off, well that’s after I get a little teary eyed. I’ve actually gotten better, now I don’t just start bawling and having a panic attack. She doesn’t understand that since I close off that it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m not happy for her. It’s my way of coping. I try to explain this to her but she makes me feel guilty and turns it on me and makes me feel selfish. I am just so sad and in so much pain and she keeps pushing me too far. I feel like she wants me to help her get ready for every date and jump for joy because she’s going on a date. I can’t do that. I feel like she’s replacing my dad. I’m already forgetting parts of him and now she’s bringing this strange man into our lives. I need help. I’m hurting and don’t know what to do.

  33. Raeanne said on February 26, 2015 at 11:08 pm ... #

    Life has not been the same since my mother learned about dating sights. She was my idol and best friend for as long as I could remember, but in an instant things went spiraling down. She and my father had lived together since my arrival, but slowly fell out of love. They went happily along for me and found ways to keep smiles upon each others face. Recently, my mother has found a second man I believe. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for her, but this one man has caused chaos and ruined so much. First of all my mother and father live in the same home…They never agreeded on dating others…so basically my mother was cheating…Second, this man would come over multiple times on a weekly basis. Thing is he entered a home that he had no right in..Several arguments ended in my mother’s words how she owns the home and it’s her personal business. Shitty, but I thought when a home is split by members…it belongs to everyone. Many arguments occurred and our bond weakened. I learned to move on and live life..Then recently I came home from school one day to find my mother and this man sitting on her bed. Yes, they were just having a conversation, but I broke. I took it in and ran out the door… Thinking my would be concerned and chase after, but they still chatted in the same place..the same place I would sleep,watch tv,etc. I had seen him here before getting ice from the fridge, but I never told the family. My biggest mistake. Anyways, I was mad as can be when I walked back inside. I let loose and yelled at her. I repeat, I yelled at my own mother. Yes, I used explicit language,but I believe I had every right. She was clearly blinded by “love.” She had no clue what she was doing to me…to her own family… After saying those words I went to my restroom to wipe tears…this man then become so angry because he’s a hot head (Words of others) and cused me out. Seeing a man twice my size block my exit scared the hell out of me. My mother placed her self behind him life nothing was even going down. I was really scared for my life, but at the same moment filled with rage. After he yelled some more he stomped out. Instead of my mother asking him to leave or anything she let me have it. I had been bribed never to tell anyone of all this dating, but I finally made the choice to cry for help. I called my grandparents and in seconds they appeared. What broke my heart so bad was that my own mother denied everything to them. My grandparents believed me though. They took my word. My own mother couldn’t chose my side. After that I literally died inside. It’s the pain you just cannot forget. The family stopped talking and things got weird. One day my mom cried to everyone on how sorry she was and apologized to me and vowed this would not happen again. I just couldn’t live…that man had no right talking to me as he did…I did not cuss at him or even put a word towards him, but yet he told me off..I wanted revenge, but I knew that is never the right choice. Weeks later my mom got a call from him. We were back at square one…my mother said he was placed in the hospital due to a illness..I know it was so wrong, but I truly wished death upon the man. He broke everything I ever loved. Weeks passed and I had not heard of him. One night my mother had a call…some feeling in my gut spoke to me..I put her on the spot knowing it was him. She claimed it was his’ good bye call and how he apologized for hurting me. Well, I told my aunt. She is the mom I never had…thing is we puzzled it all…the man never apologized to me and he knew my dad lived her all along…he sometimes would park his car and watch us…I have never felt so depressed in my life.As of today she warned me she would talk to them. I had eased dropped on the call. I heard he is heading home the second time and how he had sent my mom pictures…this is just killing me..Why can’t my mother see she is doing wrong? She is always talking to men on her Facebook, texting and answering calls , constantly lying to her own family and sometimes (like a couple days ago) leaving me alone at home and coming home hours later… I tried to explain how I feel and what’s goingon, but she has no care. She only keeps her eyes locked on the screen and pretty much tells me how it’s not my business and I’m not in charge. I know this is crazy, but god, I am giving up here..I can’t find happiness anywhere. I mean…I can’t tell anyone and she won’t ever get the point…my lif is falling beneath my feet..this man does not even love her. He has a contract he makes women follow. Including my mom he is dating 12 women. Only one lady knows about the others…she claims he is going to marry her..secondly this dude is seeing another lady that works at the same area my mother does. All I know is I am a mess..

  34. natalie said on March 3, 2015 at 4:15 am ... #

    My parents divorced 5 years ago and everything becam blur
    i didnt care much when my dad was getting married because he treated me and my mum badly .. my mum met a guy and she was really keen about her.. they keep on texting and everytime i have sonething to say she just dont care and keep on texting. My mom used to be the awesomeat mother i have. But then everything changed.. she introduced this fool to me and straight away he slet with her and again and again i mean i hear them … at night its so disturbing and it makes me angry and when i all awake they just give me this fucking weird vibes i keep on asking god to kill him i knoe mmoms happy but its just unfair

  35. Megan said on March 14, 2015 at 2:26 am ... #

    It’s been two and a half years since my dad died of colon cancer. A couple of months ago my mom started to on-line date. At first it was just for companionship apparently, which I thought, How much harm could that be? Well 4 months later she has herself a boyfriend, and I don’t like it. He’s a nice guy, loves her and all but my mom is still on the fence about it, which is good I guess, she’s taking it slow. But he gave her a bloody promise ring the other weekend and I hate it! Now she’s walking around with a ring on a finger that had her wedding rings on it and my dads ring for all these years. My sisters are all moved out of the house, so it has just been my mom and I since my dad’s passing, and she’s become my best friend. We’re super close, but since this boyfriend of hers (who lives in the states, we’re in BC) she spends every evening talking to him for hours. I’ll come home from work or just being out and she gets up off her chair and smiles and walks upstairs, and I won’t see her for awhile. I just don’t feel close to her any more. He’s come up for weekends to stay with us, which again I hate. I don’t like having another man in the house that isn’t my dad. It’s weird, I feel so uncomfortable seeing them sit on the couch and coming down for breakfast before work and seeing them hug and kiss, ughh good morning to me! And we’re a very goofy, sarcastic family. My mom and I joke around and poke fun at each other and practically call each other little shits(all out of fun of course) but this guy just doesn’t get that side. He’s not sarcastic, he doesn’t get our humour and its hard. He thinks that its rude and he doesn’t know that we’re having fun. He’s just so different from my dad, therefore I immediately don’t like him. What if they do get married, is he going to be at every family dinner now? Yes. Do I want him at my wedding? In my family photos in the future? I would rather photo shop my dad’s head in there. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like some people at church are judging and I hate that too. I’m embarrassed. But.. my mom is happy so I feel guilty! Grrr it flippin sucks 🙁

  36. Sage said on March 21, 2015 at 10:50 am ... #

    My dad died of leukemia over one year ago. My family has a deadly cancer gene on my dads side. We’ve had so many people die. My dad was eight when his dad died of a brain tumor, he has lost 4 sibling and 5 nieces and nephews all to cancer. His mom was depressed so he had to live with his friends and his brothers who hasn’t died yet they died later. My dad was very happy with my mom and she was the light of her life. He wasnt the most cuddly type, it’s kinda hard to show so much love when you’ve lost so many family members. They were happy and had a miscarriage of twins but soon after had a son in 2000 ( my brother) they didn’t know about the cancer gene yet he had a 50/50 chance getting the cancer gene, it’s basically like flipping a coin and hoping to not land on the cancer gene. In 2002 they found out about the cancer gene and my brother was very lucky and didn’t have it. Later my mom found a pregenetic diagnoses where they take the embryos and take the cancer gene out. It’s hard to explain. But she had a surprise and had triplets( I’m one of them) two boys and a girl. I’m the girl. When I was about five they devorved for 1 year but then got back together. In 2013 my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 aml luekemia and the cancer gene just makes it more deadly. The doctors told him he would live for 3 weeks but he fought so hard he made it through 8 months. February 18, 2014 when I was 11 years old ( I’m 12) he passed away. It was so hard for me:( my mom literally went on a date one month after and I was furious. About three months after he died she met a very very sweet guy who was divorced and has five kids. They’ve been dating since. I always feel like she loves him way more than my dad. She acts way more affectionate for him. It is very hard for me I of course want my mom to be happy I just don’t want someone replacing my dad. I have talked to my mom about five times but she doesn’t seem to care. Like some of you who have said she acts way different around her boyfriend and doesn’t pay attention to us. She stays up past midnight with her boyfriend pretty much making out the whole time ( I’ve spied on her) I haven’t seen her cry for like 8 months and she never talks about dad. I feel like she just hates him and doesn’t want to remember him. She sleeps in from staying up past midnight. We have to make our breakfast get ready for school every day. And sometimes even have to walk to school in the cold. Remember that I’m only twelve. I think she has been lying to us. She has been saying she’s getting married in the summer and planning the date and everything. On the phone in a whisper when she thinks we are downstairs. SHE HASNT TOLD US ANYTHING ABOUT MARRAIGE. This makes me soooo mad. I am an elite level gymnast and work out from 12 to 6:45 my mom told me that she hopes I don’t goat 12 anymore so she cancer her boyfriend more. She doesn’t wvencare for me. That’s what I feel like. That really hurt my feeling when she said that. Does she care about me? She should care about my happiness, gymnastics is my happiness and takes my mind off of my family sorrow. I’ve even late to gym cause she ingnored me while texting her boyfriend. This is very hard for me and my 3 brothers and we don’t know what to do. I just feel like she loves him and hates us

  37. Rissa said on March 29, 2015 at 6:35 pm ... #

    My mom has five kids, there’s my older brother, me, my little sister and two little little brothers. The first three of us are closer in age 17, 20, 22. My dad isn’t the best dad and it saddens me about that. Anyways, being the eldest daughter, I get concerned when my mom started pointlessly dating. She was good about bringing men into the house, but during Spring Break while I was home she brought a man into the house, something she I had always promised me. I just can’t deal. It’s just so rough. She’s behaving like a teenager.

  38. Loz said on April 5, 2015 at 10:19 am ... #

    I am so surprised that I am not the only one in this situation. In a way I’m glad that there are others (not that I wish this on any others) feeling the same way I do.
    My parents separated when I was super young – I don’t actually know how old I was or the reasons for the divorce as they have never spoken about it to me.
    My father has been in a relationship with my “stepmum” (they are getting married in August of this year) for just under 19 years (I am also 19). This relationship does not bother me in the slightest and I am very happy for them both.

    When I was 4 my mum married again. A man I called “dad”, probably due to my young age, and they had my brother together. It didn’t last and were divorced about 5 years later.
    Again, my brother and I do not know the particular circumstances and I can say I don’t want to, it is none of my concern.

    Very quickly my mum then began a relationship with another man – one I did not like! She became a very nasty woman during this period and had an awful spiteful sense of humor.

    This, again, did not last!

    Over 10 years passed and there were no relationships (at least that my brother and I were aware of).

    Last year she began ANOTHER relationship with another man. I had mixed feelings about it, we were introduced to him very quickly. My mum was never off her phone, texting him like a love sick teenager, which caused numerous arguments between us. That AGAIN DID NOT LAST.

    Now, there is another man. I am asked to leave my house once a month so she can have him over, and have the house to herself. I hate this, and cannot imagine anyone I know asking their children to stay somewhere else so they can have their boyfriend over.

    It seems a similar story between us all, being told “just friends”, “nothing serious” etc, and the same happens here.

    I don’t know what feelings I have about this, but what I do know, is every time she leaves saying “I probably won’t be back tonight…” or “I’m going to the cinema so I won’t be back until late”, I end up sobbing. It seems ridiculous that (especially as a 19 year old) would be reduced to tears over something as silly as her announcing she is going for coffee, but I genuinely feel the need to cry, and I don’t know why.

    Reading these comments has made me reassured that I am not the only one out there with these resentful feelings towards a new relationship.

  39. dion said on April 11, 2015 at 5:27 am ... #

    My mum and dad have recently just got divorced and I do not want her to start dating again but I want to be happy. But the reason I don’t want to start dating again is because I don’t want a stranger trying to suck up to me when I don’t want to be friends with this person let alone them living in my house.

  40. dion said on April 11, 2015 at 5:27 am ... #

    I meant want her to be happy

  41. Kenzi said on April 19, 2015 at 10:21 pm ... #

    My mom just told me that she is seeing someone. And I don’t know if he is nice of not. They have been on 1 or 2 dates but I am worried. Don’t ever thing you parent with replace your mom or dad never!!!!

  42. Mike - 29 said on May 30, 2015 at 10:02 pm ... #

    My father passed away about 5 years ago. He and my mother had a great relationship and together they were the best parents my 3 brothers and I could ever ask for. Since my father has passed, my mom has never mentioned or shown any desire to date. She is an old fashioned catholic woman, and although she has never specifically told us she won’t date again, it is my belief that she doesn’t believe it is right. I have read a lot of comments on here from younger teens who appear to be unhappy that their widowed parent is dating. Well, my perspective is a bit different. Seeing my mother, who I love more than anyone in the world, spend the majority of her time alone, really makes me sad. She comes home from work to an empty house. Companionship is very important and I wish my mother would start dating for her own sake. I understand it may be tough for a child who lost a parent to see their remaining parent start dating, but this does not mean they are trying to replace their previous spouse. It is simply natural for someone to want companionship, affection and love. Even though my 3 brothers and I do our best to spend time with our mother, we have families of our own and it’s not always easy to make as much time as we’d like. So to those of you who are upset about your parent dating again, while I understand how this may upset you, the most important thing is that your mom/dad is happy, and if dating makes them happy you should support them. I am going to sit down with my mom and try to convince her to start dating, assuming deep down she wants to. Our parents deserve to be happy, I want my mother to be happy and not spend the rest of her life alone.

    Mike, 29 – NY

  43. Brileigh said on June 14, 2015 at 2:02 pm ... #

    my mom meet another man an we were close an when she goes to talking to the man she tells me to get away and now she leaves me when she says she will never leave me but the next day she leaves at night maybe 1-2 am in the morning to go see him an stay like 5 hours when i wake up she is up talking to him i tried so many things to make her stay but she still leaves i don’t know what to do i love her but i don’t know if she still love me she is away’s kicking me out of the room when she is talking to him or when i go outside she goes outside an talk to him an i have to leave i think she is trying to make the man part of my life but i never want to see him never want hear him his taking my mom when i most need her she is not her no more i don’t know who she now its crazy she is trying to take my dad away from me but its not going to happen

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