Hello Grief

Do you ever wonder why you feel so exhausted and depleted so much of the time?  There is an excellent reason for that.  The work of grief is a constant drain to the system.  It is taxing on many levels and many layers – conscious and unconscious, physical as well as emotional.

It is as if you are running a marathon.  However, when you begin a marathon you have  had some training, preparation, and conditioning.  You also believe that at least after 26.2 grueling miles you will cross a finish line and be done. Unfortunately with grief, there is typically no preliminary body conditioning to help sustain you, or to help with endurance.  There is also no magical final destination point when you realize it will be completed.

Grief is a process you are preforming all hours of the day – regardless of the activity – when you wash the dishes, drive your car, while you sleep, while you eat breakfast, or even when you take a walk.

The body has to accommodate to this incredible assault to the system.

It has to find “files” to incorporate such huge, life-changing information and ultimately, adapt to new roles, a new identity, a new view of the world.

According to Therese Rando, PhD, author of How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Has Died, “Grief is no less strenuous a task than digging a ditch or any other physical labor.”

It is no wonder that the bereaved find themselves sighing a good bit, often feeling sleep-deprived, feeling as if the most menial tasks take grand efforts, have difficulties performing at work, and are overwhelmed with seemingly trivial daily rituals. 

Pay attention to the body.  It will guide you during this entire journey if you let it.  Be patient with yourself.  Treat yourself as if you are in an ICU.  Don’t be surprised when you cannot do normal tasks that were once easy to complete.  Remember that this is temporary….

Remember too that the body is taking on an impressive job of protecting you.  Honor and respect that whatever information your body gives you is vital.  Take it slow.  Rest, change up your routine, take time for “mindful living” to recharge.

Ask for help.

Be good to yourself.